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Too hard and too fast - 3/24/2007 4:23:45 PM

saseblubutrfly

Posts: 39
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline

I've been chatting with a Dom I've met on here. We've talked on the phone a lot. He's pushing really hard and really fast to collar me. He plans on making a visit to see me in April. He wants to collar me then. He also wants me to pack up and move with him in June or July, if all goes well. I'm very hesitant about leaving my family. I'm also very very very hesitant about letting him collar me at this point.

To me he's pushing too hard and too fast.

Post #: 1

RE: Too hard and too fast - 3/24/2007 4:47:33 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Damn right he's pushing too hard - alarm bells ARE ringing wayyyy too loudly here!

Focus.

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 2

RE: Too hard and too fast - 3/24/2007 4:49:01 PM

SumterDom

Posts: 60
Joined: 1/29/2006
Status: offline

sase,
Personally, I think it's good that you see red flags rising.
An old saying I almost always go by is "When in doubt, don't".
Whats the hurry? Could he be wanting to ensnare you before you wise up, find somebody else, or chat with others about your concerns about the situation (hmm...)?

Of course you have to go with your gut, but slavery is a very serious step, at least it is to me, and not something to be taken lightly.

I always say that subs need to find out all they can before accepting ones collar. Making assuptions here, but do you know if he's into scat, kay nine, underage, or any other linmits you personally might have? Always best to find these things out before final collar is acceptaed.

I'm sure others will speak up shortly and give other viewpoints.

SumterDom

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 3

RE: Too hard and too fast - 3/24/2007 4:53:19 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

Way too Fast.... I was surprised to see he hasnt made you change your profile yet too! sigh.......

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to SumterDom)

Post #: 4

RE: Too hard and too fast - 3/24/2007 4:59:41 PM

saseblubutrfly

Posts: 39
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline

He told me to deactivate it as he would deactivate his. I deactivated mine. He deactivated his for a day and then was right back. When I found out I reactivated mine. At this point my theory is what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 5

RE: Too hard and too fast - 3/24/2007 5:08:07 PM

rook42

Posts: 110
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline

Or what's good for the gander is good for the goose :)

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 6

RE: Too hard and too fast - 3/24/2007 5:20:21 PM

jauntyone

Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
Status: offline

greetings

One thing I have always relied upon were my own instincts and alarm bells. If YOU think this is going to far too fast; then it is. Trust your own instincts on this.

I wish you well

melissa

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 7

RE: Too hard and too fast - 3/24/2007 5:40:29 PM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

What the old saying "Too think old self be true".
And if that doesn't work tell him hell NO, with a big stick and run like hell in the opposite direction. (Know any nice hot, BIG Policie officerss with even bigger guns?<eg>

quote:

ORIGINAL: saseblubutrfly

I've been chatting with a Dom I've met on here. We've talked on the phone a lot. He's pushing really hard and really fast to collar me. He plans on making a visit to see me in April. He wants to collar me then. He also wants me to pack up and move with him in June or July, if all goes well. I'm very hesitant about leaving my family. I'm also very very very hesitant about letting him collar me at this point.

To me he's pushing too hard and too fast.

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 8

RE: Too hard and too fast - 3/24/2007 6:19:52 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear saseblubutrfly, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In my mind's eyes; a gentleman does not push a woman, regardless if slave, submissive and or Dominant.

If you feel that it is 'gut wrong' it is 99% wrong.

Impatience is a very big red flag for me. If a person, regardless if Dominant or submissive is impatient, they will be 'difficult' in all parts of the relationship. I would not place impatience to far away from those who cannot handle rejection. I do worry if anybody is in a hurry to leave one location and hop into another. What, who, where and how are they escaping from? I would also not buy into the phrases of 'You're not submissive/slave if you do/don't do this or that.'

As many Dominants out there that are kind, good and very patient; those in a hurry are welcome to pass by and hurry into some quick choice instead of a well negotiated and well planned relationship. This works for Dominants when submissives/slaves try to rush the Dominant into a situation and or collaring them.

Any choice a person makes, shouldn't be rushed. It is like shopping--take the time and do your research. Impulse buying just makes you purse poor and just a temporary rush of satisfaction and pleasure but, never a long term love.

I would be extremely worried if there was any command, demand and or expectation to remove you and iscolate you from friends, family and connections. Nobody should expect you to divorce yourself from blood relatives, bonded friendships and or the area you choose to stay.

I distrust anybody who yanks you into hard fast choices and especially one that divorces you from family, friends and community ties.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

< Message edited by LadyHugs -- 3/24/2007 6:24:13 PM >

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 9

RE: Too hard and too fast - 3/24/2007 6:49:40 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

He told me to deactivate it as he would deactivate his. I deactivated mine.

You deactivated your profile for a dom you've not yet met? That doesn't make any sense.

He sounds desperate. Do you want to be with someone who is that desperate for a relationship?

< Message edited by KatyLied -- 3/24/2007 6:50:21 PM >

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 10

RE: Too hard and too fast - 3/24/2007 7:12:51 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: saseblubutrfly

To me he's pushing too hard and too fast.

TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!!!!!!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 11

RE: Too hard and too fast - 3/24/2007 7:17:35 PM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

He sounds pretty desperate to be pushing so hard so fast. I'd be wondering what he's hiding such as total lack of experience and or knowledge of any of this except for fantasy maybe? Maybe something worse? Trust your instincts. Probably time to move on and find someone compatible with you.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 12

RE: Too hard and too fast - 3/24/2007 8:30:01 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

If you wouldn't be engaged or marry a man this fast, don't get collared this fast. If he's not willing to wait for you to be ready, then he's doing it for other reasons than YOU.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 13

RE: Too hard and too fast - 3/24/2007 9:19:57 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I find it sad that you are hesitant about this and not just realizing that this is totally ridiculous and shut him down and out immediately.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 14

RE: Too hard and too fast - 3/24/2007 9:41:47 PM

Sweetdarkluv

Posts: 27
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline

Beware the quick collar! It could be a noose!

I've seen a few subs go for it and regret it as quickly as it was fastened. You should really get to know a man very well before you call him your master. Such a man should be patient and wise enough to lead, not push you into his service. Especially someone whom you haven't actually met. Talk is cheap. Experience is valuable. There are somethings that take time accepting a collar should be one of them.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

RE: Too hard and too fast - 3/24/2007 10:46:12 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: saseblubutrfly

I've been chatting with a Dom I've met on here. We've talked on the phone a lot. He's pushing really hard and really fast to collar me. He plans on making a visit to see me in April. He wants to collar me then. He also wants me to pack up and move with him in June or July, if all goes well. I'm very hesitant about leaving my family. I'm also very very very hesitant about letting him collar me at this point.

To me he's pushing too hard and too fast.

Saseblu...you already know the answer to your question..you said it at the bottom of your opening post..You also know deep within you that there are many red flags in this situation.I read a very interesting journal blog a moment ago..it goes something along the lines of although I am submissive and a bbw does not mean I am naive, gullible or vulnerable...strong words to live by..you might want to take them into consideration..I wish you well...Tempting

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 16

RE: Too hard and too fast - 3/24/2007 11:37:03 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Red flags!, Red flags! Go with your intstincts and tell him he is moving wayyy to fast. Need to get to know someone before moving in and collaring things take place.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 17

RE: Too hard and too fast - 3/25/2007 2:51:46 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

To me he's pushing too hard and too fast.

Yes

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 18

RE: Too hard and too fast - 3/25/2007 3:08:37 AM

WilliamWizer

Posts: 223
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: saseblubutrfly

He told me to deactivate it as he would deactivate his. I deactivated mine. He deactivated his for a day and then was right back. When I found out I reactivated mine. At this point my theory is what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

Why he reactivated his profile after asking you to deactivate yours?
For me that's a red flag. he deactivated the profile so you see he has deactivated it and then reactivated it. why?
and yes... it's too fast. he want's to collar you at the first time you meet. and you leaving all your past life in only a couple months after that. what will be next? handle him all your money because a slave has no properties?

_____________________________

There's only two rules for a sub:
- she can do anything her Master didn't forbid her.
- she only needs to do what her Master told her to do.

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 19

RE: Too hard and too fast - 3/25/2007 3:09:08 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

Have you told this person about your concerns regarding how fast he wants things to progress? Did you ask him why he had reactivated his profile after deactivating it for a day? It sounds like maybe there is a lack of clear communication between the two of you. Let him know that you wish to spend the first visit talking and getting to know him rather that jumping straight to a collar.

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 20

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