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RE: subs who don't know their place - 4/28/2007 6:15:59 PM   
kitbaloo


Posts: 59
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline


Bar... Alligator






A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a bitch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."
The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"
The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

(in reply to kitbaloo)
Profile   Post #: 601
RE: subs who don't know their place - 4/28/2007 7:46:25 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		rotflmao!!

tonight's useless fact - there's absolutely nothing on tv tonight!


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to kitbaloo)
Profile   Post #: 602
RE: subs who don't know their place - 4/28/2007 8:14:01 PM   
Sekhemet


Posts: 127
Joined: 7/10/2004
From: Canada
Status: offline 		  OH YEAH!?!?! - I saw yours and thought of a few jokes I have here which are similar and yet very different; so I'm playing too dang it!!!!  And some of us like a little attitude in the toys.  Makes the adventure far more ... adventurous and amusing!!!
 
3 “Fruity guys”
Three ecologists are exploring the deep jungles of the Amazon searching for new plant life when they are they are captured by a tribe of cannibals. They are taken back to the village to be tried by the chief.   The chief stares at the white men and is about to give the usual 'let's boil them alive' orders, when he gets an idea.

"I shall let each of you go," he says, "if you can go out into the jungle and within one hour, come back with 10 identical pieces of fruit." The men are overjoyed when they hear this so off they run into the jungle to gather fruit.

Half an hour later one of them comes back with 10 peaches and proudly brings them to the chief. The chief looks at the fruit and tells him that he will let him go if he can shove all 10 pieces of fruit up his rear end without changing his facial expression.

He notices all the serious faces of the tribesmen so he starts to shove one up there, but with the peach halfway in he lets out an agonizing shriek of pain. The chief promptly gives the order to kill him.

10 minutes later the second guy comes back and sees his friend lying dead in the dirt. The tribesmen grab him and tell him to open his hands for the chief. In his hands he holds 10 identical berries. When the chief gives the same orders he is visibly relieved and quickly begins to shove the fruit up his rear end. 1...2...3...4…5...6...7...8...9..... and suddenly the guy busts out laughing! Not amused, the chief once again gives the order to kill the guy.

Now the two dead guys are up in heaven discussing what had just happened. "You only had one more berry to shove and you were home free! Why did you start laughing?"

"I couldn't help it. I lost it when I saw Fred joyfully bounding down the path with 10 pineapples!"
XxoxX

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http://www.sinpages.com
Where fetish and desire are explored

(in reply to kitbaloo)
Profile   Post #: 603
RE: subs who don't know their place - 4/28/2007 8:16:37 PM   
Sekhemet


Posts: 127
Joined: 7/10/2004
From: Canada
Status: offline 		3 Nuns & St. Peter

3 nuns were in a bus in Italy when it rolled over and they died, so the three of them get to the pearly gates and St. Peter smiling informs them that they lived such exemplary lives that they have earned the right to choose anyone they’d like to live as for the next six months.
Without hesitating the first nun steps forward and proclaims that she’s always dreamed of being Sophia Loren and *poof* she vanishes …
The second nun steps forward and says she has always thought it would be fun to be Madonna and *poof* she vanishes.
The third nun stands before St. Peter lost for a moment and then tells him “Imma wanting to be Saharini Pipilini”
And St. Peter looks lost and confused, and can’t think who this might be, so he steps over to the large book and checks it and still can’t find this person.  So he returns to the nun and lets her know, he has no idea who this is, and she moves her robes and pulls out a news paper article and hands it to him.
Peter puts on his glasses, and reads it and starts chuckling … “this says … the SAHARA PIPELINE was laid by 500, 000 men in six months, not Saharini Pipilini … “
XxoxX

_____________________________

http://www.sinpages.com
Where fetish and desire are explored

(in reply to Sekhemet)
Profile   Post #: 604
RE: subs who don't know their place - 4/28/2007 8:23:51 PM   
Sekhemet


Posts: 127
Joined: 7/10/2004
From: Canada
Status: offline 		US/Russian “Dog Fight”
At the height of the arms race, the Americans and Russians realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.; One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and which ever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms. The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rotweiller in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves.; They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk.; They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen.; Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal; It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog; When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled over towards the Russian dog. The Russian dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American dachshund. But, when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all, of the Russian dog. The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Dobermans and Rottweiler’s in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing," the American replied; "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund!
XxoxX

_____________________________

http://www.sinpages.com
Where fetish and desire are explored

(in reply to Sekhemet)
Profile   Post #: 605
RE: subs who don't know their place - 4/28/2007 9:02:50 PM   
kitbaloo


Posts: 59
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline



Silly Puns







How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path

How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it

What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall?
"Dam!"

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck

What's the difference between roast beef and peasoup?
Anyone can roast beef

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him



Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers

Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The location of the dirt bag

Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down?
Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn."
A bad skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK!

What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Jack

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it!

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way, unique up on it!

What do you call skydiving lawyers?
Skeet

What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop, clop clop?
An Amish drive-by shooting

How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer

(in reply to Sekhemet)
Profile   Post #: 606
RE: subs who don't know their place - 4/28/2007 9:23:41 PM   
kitbaloo


Posts: 59
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline 		Five Impossible Questions Women Ask


1. "What are you thinking?
Right answer: "I'm sorry if I've been quiet, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you.
Wrong answer: "If I wanted you to know, I'd be talking instead of thinking."
2. "Do you love me?"
Right answer: "Yes." or "Yes, dear."
Wrong answer: "I suppose so." or "Would it make you feel better if I said yes?"
3. "Do I look fat?"
Right answer: "No, of course not." (After saying, quickly leave the room.)
Wrong answer: "Compared to what?" or "I've seen fatter."
4. "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
Right answer: "No, you are much prettier."
Wrong answer: "Not prettier, just prettier in a different way." or "Yes, but I bet you have a better personality."
5. "What would you do if I died?"
Right answer: "I would be extremely upset. And, no I wouldn't remarry."
Wrong answer: Anything else.

(in reply to kitbaloo)
Profile   Post #: 607
RE: subs who don't know their place - 4/28/2007 9:26:39 PM   
kitbaloo


Posts: 59
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline 		Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick and the trainee eleves weren't making toys as fast as the regulars, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa out even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found the three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had drunk everything. In frustration, he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten it. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa went to the door, cussing all the way. When he opened the door, there stood an angel with a tree. "Where would you like to put the tree?" the angel asked.
And that, my friend is how the angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree.

(in reply to kitbaloo)
Profile   Post #: 608
RE: subs who don't know their place - 4/28/2007 9:27:39 PM   
kitbaloo


Posts: 59
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline 		Why does one drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
Why is delivery by boat called a cargo and one by land called a shipment?
Why are there no seat belts on school buses?
When it comes time to pay a restaurant bill, why do we ask for a check?

(in reply to kitbaloo)
Profile   Post #: 609
RE: subs who don't know their place - 4/29/2007 5:54:17 AM   
kitbaloo


Posts: 59
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline 		Girl Power!






A little boy is playing with his new football and a little girl asks if she can play. He tells her, "No. These are for boys."
The little girl runs into the house and tells her mother. The next day the girl sticks her tongue out at the boy and waves her new football in his face. The little boy angrily points to his boy's bike and says, "Oh yeah? Well, only boys can get these!"
But the next day, the little girl has the same bike. The little boy gets furious, pulls down his pants, points to his unit, and says, "Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!"
The next day he walks by and the little girl promptly pulls up her dress, points to her bits, and proclaims, "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of those as I want."

< Message edited by kitbaloo -- 4/29/2007 5:57:02 AM >

(in reply to kitbaloo)
Profile   Post #: 610
RE: subs who don't know their place - 4/29/2007 6:01:27 AM   
kitbaloo


Posts: 59
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline 		A group of students had a biology lab. As a part of this lab they were supposed to scrape some bacteria off their teeth with a toothpick and then examine it under the microscope.
But this one girl had some problems identifying her bacteria and asked the professor what they were.
"Those are sperm cells."

[Mod Note:  image removed]

< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 4/30/2007 11:21:53 AM >

_____________________________

A society will be judged on the basis of how it treats its weakest members; and among the most vulnerable are surely the unborn and the dying.

~ Pope John Paul II ~


(in reply to kitbaloo)
Profile   Post #: 611
RE: subs who don't know their place - 4/30/2007 10:10:15 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i'm bored and had nothing to do ...so spank me

NOT you, whippingherfeet ...need to learn manners first.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to kitbaloo)
Profile   Post #: 612
RE: subs who don't know their place - 4/30/2007 11:19:24 AM   
jayded34


Posts: 293
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

i'm bored and had nothing to do ...so spank me

NOT you, whippingherfeet ...need to learn manners first.


amen~

_____________________________

You don't love a woman because she's beautiful,
She is beautiful because you love her.
~ by Anonymous ~

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
While loving someone deeply gives you courage.
~ by Lao Tzu ~

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 613
RE: subs who don't know their place - 4/30/2007 11:35:22 AM   
HarleyKitty69


Posts: 4906
Joined: 10/22/2006
Status: offline 		OMG  .... girls you got to keep this jokes coming
My belly hurts now from laughing sooo hard...
OHH and BTW.. I got in trouble with Mod11 for posting in large letters and postinf a joke with ictures in it ..
can ya all believe that ???
*shakes head*

_____________________________

I am who I am
A Sammy to no end

Sarcasm, just another service I provide


.....I am who I am .......

Sammie Service Slave with a Hippie ScooterTrash Attitude

(in reply to jayded34)
Profile   Post #: 614
RE: subs who don't know their place - 4/30/2007 12:51:36 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		you're such a troublemaker, Harley ...it finally took a Mod to tell you that *razz*

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to HarleyKitty69)
Profile   Post #: 615
RE: subs who don't know their place - 4/30/2007 12:56:04 PM   
HarleyKitty69


Posts: 4906
Joined: 10/22/2006
Status: offline 		yeah yeah yeha
I had a really good teacher in you
*sticks tongue out*

and now the pupil has become the teacher.......*laughts*

_____________________________

I am who I am
A Sammy to no end

Sarcasm, just another service I provide


.....I am who I am .......

Sammie Service Slave with a Hippie ScooterTrash Attitude

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 616
RE: subs who don't know their place - 4/30/2007 12:57:43 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		you didn't definitely learn that from me, Harley  *smacks her ass with the paddle*

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to HarleyKitty69)
Profile   Post #: 617
RE: subs who don't know their place - 4/30/2007 1:03:20 PM   
HarleyKitty69


Posts: 4906
Joined: 10/22/2006
Status: offline 		wooohooooooo getting smacked in 2 threads ....
*sticks tongue out*

I did certainly too learn that from you


_____________________________

I am who I am
A Sammy to no end

Sarcasm, just another service I provide


.....I am who I am .......

Sammie Service Slave with a Hippie ScooterTrash Attitude

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 618
RE: subs who don't know their place - 4/30/2007 1:06:00 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		HA!! i'm an angel around here!!

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to HarleyKitty69)
Profile   Post #: 619
RE: subs who don't know their place - 4/30/2007 1:07:20 PM   
ModeratorEleven


Posts: 2007
Joined: 8/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HarleyKitty69

OHH and BTW.. I got in trouble with Mod11 for posting in large letters and postinf a joke with ictures in it ..
can ya all believe that ???
*shakes head*

Indeed.  There isn't a day that goes by where I don't shake my head due to the users who cannot even follow the simplest of rules.

XI

_____________________________

This mod goes to eleven.

(in reply to HarleyKitty69)
Profile   Post #: 620
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