Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Aggressive Vs. Passive


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Aggressive Vs. Passive Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/26/2007 4:54:54 PM   
CreoleCook


Posts: 321
Joined: 10/9/2005
Status: offline 		Okay ladies, gentlemen, and other forms of life that visit these boards, its time for a hot topic... I'll ask this in two different versions, one for the Tops/Dominant types, and one for the submissive/slave types.... basically the same question, just different word usage.

From a Dominant perspective:   As a Dominant, do you prefer your partners to be passive in nature or aggressive?  I am not asking just in the sense of intimacy, but in all aspects of their lives... If you answer both, please explain...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

From a submissive perspective: As one who is submissive in nature, do you find yourself more attracted to Dominant partners who are controlling, and very aggressive in nature, or do you prefer the more passive (aggressive) type which will help you figure out yourself, as well as each other, giving more choices, etc?  again, I am not speaking of JUST intimacies, but all aspects of their lives.  If you answer "both," please explain...

_____________________________

"If I owned Texas, and Hell, I would rent out Texas, and live in Hell." ~Gen. John Sheridan, 1855

"I was thinking of the immortal words of socrates, who said, 'I drank what?'" ~Chris Knight, Real Genius
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/26/2007 5:02:42 PM   
sillygirl09


Posts: 446
Joined: 1/31/2007
From: New Jersey
Status: offline 		My most successful D/s relationships have been with men who were aggressive and dominant in all aspects of their life.  I think it's because I have such a strong personality, someone who is not agressive is not a good match for my strength.

(in reply to CreoleCook)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/26/2007 5:13:21 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I dislike aggression in anyone.

I do like confidence and assertiveness in the appropriate situations.

I only find passitvity attractive when there is an immediate need for it -- otherwise I want my slaves to be self-motivated and active, assertive when it is appropriate. Aggressiveness will be met with a frown and probably no relationship because I consider it potentially damaging to the entire family.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to CreoleCook)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/26/2007 5:24:28 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		It doesn’t need to be either extreme; there is a nice middle ground of assertiveness that works well for both dominant and submissive. 

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to CreoleCook)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/26/2007 5:32:18 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreoleCook
From a submissive perspective: As one who is submissive in nature, do you find yourself more attracted to Dominant partners who are controlling, and very aggressive in nature, or do you prefer the more passive (aggressive) type which will help you figure out yourself, as well as each other, giving more choices, etc?  again, I am not speaking of JUST intimacies, but all aspects of their lives.  If you answer "both," please explain...


I definitely prefer aggressive in all aspects.  In fact, if I'm given choices I quickly lose interest.  I like the cockiness that often goes along with the aggression.  It's a big turn on for me.  The aggressive types fit more into the "bad boy" image which appeal to me.  Aggressive does not equal rudeness or being presumptous though.  There has to be a certain level of respect for me.

(in reply to CreoleCook)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/26/2007 5:35:58 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreoleCook

Okay ladies, gentlemen, and other forms of life that visit these boards, its time for a hot topic... I'll ask this in two different versions, one for the Tops/Dominant types, and one for the submissive/slave types.... basically the same question, just different word usage.

From a Dominant perspective:   As a Dominant, do you prefer your partners to be passive in nature or aggressive?  I am not asking just in the sense of intimacy, but in all aspects of their lives... If you answer both, please explain...


I like confidence in a submissive.  I find it attractive.  I dislike cockiness in a submissive and I dislike aggression.  I also dislike a passive nature...I find deference and thoughtful obedience much more charming.  Thoughtful obedience...submission thought through and given to me because she wants to or submission still given but her disagreement with an aspect of it stated afterwards in a clear and intelligent and respectful manner.


(in reply to CreoleCook)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/26/2007 5:42:52 PM   
WiseCracknSadist


Posts: 163
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline 		I prefer a sub who knows how to be aggressive but knows how to maintain her her station in the relationship. There's a way that a submissive can talk to a Dom that is very provocative and yet aggressive. I love a sub who knows how to use her words to please me and get what she wants. Takes a certain amount of intellect, confidence, and understanding to pull it off.

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/26/2007 5:45:45 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreoleCook

From a submissive perspective: As one who is submissive in nature, do you find yourself more attracted to Dominant partners who are controlling, and very aggressive in nature, or do you prefer the more passive (aggressive) type which will help you figure out yourself, as well as each other, giving more choices, etc?  again, I am not speaking of JUST intimacies, but all aspects of their lives.  If you answer "both," please explain...


In terms of sex with a man and SM, I love and crave highly aggressive interaction, not just on his part but on mine as well.  It all depends on my mood as to whether I want aggressive or passive sexual interactions with a woman.  Outside of physical intimacy I prefer a very balanced approach in my intimate relationships.  I like a person who knows when to be aggressive and when to be a little more passive.  In the relationship that I am in, it is his choice and I accept whichever way he wishes to interact with me.

With friendships, I don't really like either end of the spectrum.  A friend who is too aggressive or too passive will turn me off and I will not be interested in interacting with them.  Someone who is too passive will annoy the hell out of me and I will just avoid them.  Someone who is too aggressive will find themselves in a constant battle of wills with me.  I do not allow people to control me other than my Lord.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to CreoleCook)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/26/2007 6:22:19 PM   
VeryMercurial


Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		I dislike aggession in a submissive, it is often an area that they must work on.
I understand having to be aggressive in the outside world, but I have no need for
a very aggressive submissive to serve me.

(in reply to CreoleCook)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/26/2007 6:22:48 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreoleCook

Okay ladies, gentlemen, and other forms of life that visit these boards, its time for a hot topic... I'll ask this in two different versions, one for the Tops/Dominant types, and one for the submissive/slave types.... basically the same question, just different word usage.

From a Dominant perspective:   As a Dominant, do you prefer your partners to be passive in nature or aggressive?  I am not asking just in the sense of intimacy, but in all aspects of their lives... If you answer both, please explain...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

From a submissive perspective: As one who is submissive in nature, do you find yourself more attracted to Dominant partners who are controlling, and very aggressive in nature, or do you prefer the more passive (aggressive) type which will help you \
figure out yourself, as well as each other, giving more choices, etc?  again, I am not speaking of JUST intimacies, but all aspects of their lives.  If you answer "both," please explain...


Overall I prefer someone agressive since I tend to be assertive, strongly verging on agressive in terms of my personality.

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to CreoleCook)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/26/2007 6:34:22 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		i am attracted to and more submissive with a man who takes control of the situation and me, all of the time, not just during sexual activities.  i need to be with a man who commands respect by his very nature and demeanor.  He doesn't need to be pushy or aggressive.  His easy and natural self-confidence is all that's needed for me to feel confident in his ability to control me and use me properly and that's what makes me melt in his hands. 
 
On the other hand, as a submissive, i have never been passive, just very compliant.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to CreoleCook)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/26/2007 6:37:20 PM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		wow...it's interesting reading the replies from the strong and assertive type submissives saying that because of their nature they prefer a very strong Dominant. i'm a very passive type, and have always been attracted to very assertive, even aggressive, controlling, what vanillas would label "abusive" Dominants. i think i'm so attracted to that type because it's the complete opposite of everything i am...they are strong where i am weak. my perfect complement. :)

(in reply to Wildfleurs)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/26/2007 6:40:39 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		He is commanding and the way he manages me requires that I figure myself out. It's not an either or for me. 

And while he feels there is time and place for passive submission, there is also time and place for active submission.  I would not call that aggressive, though.

(in reply to CreoleCook)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/26/2007 6:52:28 PM   
MistressSandra2U


Posts: 33
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline 		When I was very young in school and when I was still new to working I found it insulting when someone would try to top me. When I was 19 I went to work for a media production company. My dominant personality kept me going but sometimes I'd get into arguments or I wouldn't allow myself to see points of view apart from my own.

As I gained experience in my life I realized how valuable what others say can be. Not only in making it through life but in knowing people paying attention makes all the difference. Allowing others to voice opinions and how they'd do or accomplish things means being quiet and listening beyond my own thoughts. It means not interrupting and sometimes it means trying not to influence for a while.

It was hard to learn that and then apply it. I don't think it makes me less dominant. I'm just careful and I listen and consider what I'm hearing more often than when I was a kid. It's maturity. I partner with who I find stimulating and skilled. I partner with people that can follow my language and diagonal thinking. Both aggressive and submissive types have been able to see eye to eye with me.

Balance is beautiful and works wonders.

(in reply to CreoleCook)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/26/2007 6:55:14 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If aggressive means assertive and dominant-personality, then aggressive.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to CreoleCook)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/26/2007 7:13:56 PM   
subinside


Posts: 233
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Toronto, ON
Status: offline 		i always thought i needed someone really assertive in His dominance.. and then i met Him, and was happily proven wrong.  It's funny, when we first started exploring together, His quiet (passive) demeanor had me questioning whether or not He was Dominant enough for me. LOL, He is.. totally, but not in the way i thought i needed.  His demeanor allows me all the rope i need to hang myself, and yet it isn't He who hangs me.. it's myself more than anything.  All He need to do is know the right time to point out my actions to me and the self beating begins.  He doesn't need to be overly controlling like others felt they had to.. He doesn't need to micro-manage and pick at every little thing, just by being who He is, i am in His control... and being His, has allowed me to be me without worry or fear.

< Message edited by subinside -- 3/26/2007 7:31:19 PM >

_____________________________

~si

You want me to call You what?... i'll take it under advisement.

000-150-313

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/26/2007 7:36:01 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreoleCook
From a Dominant perspective:   As a Dominant, do you prefer your partners to be passive in nature or aggressive?  I am not asking just in the sense of intimacy, but in all aspects of their lives... If you answer both, please explain...

Different problems/situation require different tactics.

Using one stick to approach every problem won't be an effective way to solve those problems.  You should have a whole box of sticks to be at your command.

But I generally prefer active since it usually goes along with taking personal accountability.

quote:

From a submissive perspective: As one who is submissive in nature, do you find yourself more attracted to Dominant partners who are controlling, and very aggressive in nature, or do you prefer the more passive (aggressive) type which will help you figure out yourself, as well as each other, giving more choices, etc?  again, I am not speaking of JUST intimacies, but all aspects of their lives.  If you answer "both," please explain...

See above.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to CreoleCook)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/26/2007 7:38:34 PM   
Smileyking1


Posts: 43
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I dislike aggression in anyone.

I do like confidence and assertiveness in the appropriate situations.

I only find passitvity attractive when there is an immediate need for it -- otherwise I want my slaves to be self-motivated and active, assertive when it is appropriate. Aggressiveness will be met with a frown and probably no relationship because I consider it potentially damaging to the entire family.


I agree, true dominance comes from confidence and fortitude, not agression.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/28/2007 2:09:43 PM   
blmtrsne


Posts: 201
Joined: 6/29/2004
Status: offline 		I want to be served, not attacked. So, my slave needs to know my habbits to be able to forsee whan I need something. He can never be aggressive (and is not). I can loose my temper, but thats only normal.

_____________________________

-- Owner of slrn733561 --

(in reply to Smileyking1)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/28/2007 2:35:18 PM   
jauntyone


Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
Status: offline 		Greetings
 
Master is very aggressive. And generally, I respond better to those who are more aggressive in nature than not.
 
I wish you well
 
melissa

(in reply to CreoleCook)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Aggressive Vs. Passive Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094