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RE: SSC - 3/31/2007 11:15:58 AM

SirDominic

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Joined: 11/22/2006
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LA "But this is a false assumption. It could and often does simply mean that a person knows what to say and when to say it to gain a sense of trust. "

True, LA, but besides the point. If someone has the intention of misleading a person by manipulating their words so that that that person trusts them, they will say and do anything, lie, distort, anything to try and catch their prey. Whether SSC is used in the discussion or not is not going to change that.

Besides, SSC is just a starting point. It's not like someone pops up and says "SSC" and the newbie falls immediately under their spell. There is still the need for discussion, learning about each other, all the safety issues we talk about. SSC is just a starting point both people have a familiar interpretation of; you go from there.

jauntyone "New comers need education. Not words that give a false sense of security. "

Agreed, and in a perfect world this is what should happen. We see everyday newbies asking questions that shows they are eager to get into this lifestyle and won't/don't take the time to educate themselves the way they should. Given that there are a lot of people like that, like I said to LA, SSC is a good starting point because of its almost universal meaning. I don't believe it is a false sense of security, it is a very real sense of security; again, as a starting point to negatiating a possible relationship.

darkinshadows "If I heard someone telling a newcomer they were SSC... I would tell the newcomer to run to the hills."

dark, most of the rest of your statement I have already answsered above. This particular sentence completely throws me. Anyone who claims their version of the lifestyle is SSC is automatically to be considered unethical and/or untrustworthy?

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: SSC - 3/31/2007 12:07:41 PM

jauntyone

Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
Status: offline

quote:

Agreed, and in a perfect world this is what should happen. We see everyday newbies asking questions that shows they are eager to get into this lifestyle and won't/don't take the time to educate themselves the way they should. Given that there are a lot of people like that, like I said to LA, SSC is a good starting point because of its almost universal meaning. I don't believe it is a false sense of security, it is a very real sense of security; again, as a starting point to negatiating a possible relationship.

Greetings Master Dominic

In most cases I would agree, but I have not seen that SSC has ever been used as a good starting point. It has NO UNIVERSAL meaning. People apply what meaning they wish to it. Also, I have seen experienced, I repeat, EXPERIENCED people tell new comers that they have nothing to fear as long as they follow SSC. What kind of advice is that?

I wish you well

melissa

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RE: SSC - 3/31/2007 2:32:17 PM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
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quote:

dark, most of the rest of your statement I have already answsered above. This particular sentence completely throws me. Anyone who claims their version of the lifestyle is SSC is automatically to be considered unethical and/or untrustworthy?

In my experience, those that say they are SSC have no idea what they are doing simple because they use it as a 'catchall'.

Safe, sane and consensual are all relatively subjective terms. OK... so consensual mostly is what it says on the can but the other two are completely down to the individual involved. So someone coming up to me and saying - hey, wanna play - I am completely SSC - I would just look at and go ... huh? Because, really - what is that going to mean to me? Now come up to me, and hold a good and enlightening conversation on your likes, dislikes, practises and show me examples of your works - Even tell me you have never done something before....and I may be more interested. Saying one is 'SSC' or a follower of 'SSC' is nothing more than an empty comment because what I deem as safe and sane may mean nothing to you.

So yes, if someone came up to another at a group and made that statement, hoping it will make them look ubercool and give them a chance of scening with said person, I would advise against it. Talk, communicate - but do not use some phrase that a high percentage of the BDSM population do not have the first clue of where it originates as a throw away comment to make you seem compatable with another.

quote:

SSC is just a starting point. It's not like someone pops up and says "SSC" and the newbie falls immediately under their spell. There is still the need for discussion, learning about each other, all the safety issues we talk about. SSC is just a starting point both people have a familiar interpretation of; you go from there.

That is exactly what happens. Newbie is blinded by the bright light that is SSC - you only have to read these boards or attend a local munch and speak to people to know that. SSC would be good if it was used as a starting point. But it rarely is. And even when it has been used - it often ends up completely false a statement as the two people talk and realise that for one, knife play is insane - but the other finds it completely natural. It is more often a statement that ends up as completely misleading. If you knew the original context in which it was used - many, many fewer people would use it.

Peace

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RE: SSC - 3/31/2007 4:22:29 PM

Aneirin

Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
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Greetings to you first dark,glad to see you back here.I agree with your words,SSC to me is open to interpretation,like anything,it depends on the person and their understanding.Now,getting to know someone well prior to any ideas of play to me is a prerequisite.I have to trust,as someone is to trust me,I want to be comfortable with them,and I want them to be comfortable with me,if they or I are not,then no go.I would not insult someone with play without trust and some degree of understanding.I want someone with whom I might play with to be comfortable and enjoy,perhaps learn from the experience.I see that as my role,in helping someone explore their needs in safety,they have to know me,and I them.

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Post #: 64