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RE: no sex or affection - 3/28/2007 8:51:50 PM   
hawkwolf7


Posts: 85
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

What if it started out with affection and one partner suddenly decided they wanted to change to no affection? Would you end it or go with it?


I'd end it... the play no longer meets my needs.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: no sex or affection - 3/28/2007 8:57:58 PM   
BeatMeDaily


Posts: 99
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		doesn't have to include sex, that is sometimes not possible after a really hard scene.
And S&m isn't about sex for me anyways.
But affection has to be there at some point in the process.

(in reply to hawkwolf7)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: no sex or affection - 3/28/2007 9:06:38 PM   
zindyslave


Posts: 601
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline 		I wouldn't mind scening without sex but I have the need to be held afterwards even tho Master usually concludes it with sex unless it is a punishment. But also Master doesn't share me or at least not right now.

_____________________________

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Only when you see the invisible can you do the impossible.

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: no sex or affection - 3/29/2007 2:53:04 AM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

definatbadgirl
What if it started out with affection and one partner suddenly decided they wanted to change to no affection? Would you end it or go with it?


Well the way I'm thinking if this is just sceneing on a pretty regular basis and not a Relationship. I'd stop- why bother if you want the affection -after all if this person decided they didnt want to add affection anymore- they probably never did in the first place- they just wanted a no strings scene partner but the affection got ya there

_____________________________

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Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: no sex or affection - 3/29/2007 5:56:44 AM   
StellaByStarlite


Posts: 790
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline 		Hello. =)

I've never scened without sex, I don't think. But it's not required. Actually, being stripped down, chained, and beaten without one single sexual act sounds hot.

Um, affection... Well, my "scene" partner is also my husband. He shows so much affection towards me already, outside the bedroom. We've played pretty rough before without any emotional aftercare or cuddling, and it didn't bother me. If our play was conducted like that on a regular basis, though.... it would get pretty old. Not so much disturbing, just boring. My owner is just naturally sensual and cuddly... that, combined with harshness or a cold demeanor sends me flying through the roof ( or on my knees)

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: no sex or affection - 3/29/2007 5:59:18 AM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline 		Sure, as long as i didn't have to pay for it 

(in reply to StellaByStarlite)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: no sex or affection - 3/29/2007 6:12:03 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous


quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I'm the same way. Sex I can go without, but affection is a big part of sessions for me. Affection includes more than just hugging and kissing. Licking, sucking, breast play, and massage are all different forms of affection. One would think being tied up and ignored would be rather boring.

For some it might be, but for others its not about the physical touching of others. For some its about ONLY getting that fix of pain. Being touched or coddled after ruins the experience.

me, me! i never get "after care" or caressed during play [well sometimes a soft rub after a hard wack] but thats about it. after, i want to be left alone to revel in the feeling it produces.


Thats all cool.
But.
Does he/she stay with you after?  Are you in the same place?  Same room and building?
Everyone seems to take the word affection and see it as loving cuddles and curling up in the arms of a loved one.  It isn't just that.  It's keep an eye (even if it's just a corner of it) on you afterwards to make sure you don't collaspe, its being there to make sure your hydrated and still talking coherantly.

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: no sex or affection - 3/29/2007 6:31:00 AM   
sunfleur


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/13/2005
Status: offline
I get this, but what about the Dominant's aftercare? What if THEY need to be touched?

Master Fire

[/quote]

Master Fire... i agree with this entirely.    in all forms i like to give back as good as i get.  and believe that Dom/mes need after care as much as sub/slaves do.

as for the original question.. i have to know and like the person i'm going to scene with.  i dont need sex afterwards, although it's a gigantic perk lol.  i tend to get sexually arroused while flogged for example and need the touching caressing etc to along with it.    simply being flogged and no other form of attention is boring and brings me to sub drop after a while.
the point to me is MUTUAL pleasure.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: no sex or affection - 3/29/2007 7:10:32 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

What if it started out with affection and one partner suddenly decided they wanted to change to no affection? Would you end it or go with it?


I'd end it...that is a hard limit for me.  As someone else noted, affection does not have to be all about the cuddles or the touching but can relate to speaking to one another and/or to being in the same room and keeping an eye on them and/or being in close proximity.  The partner that I have spent an hour working on to help bring them to the level they wish to get to who would walk away with a "see-ya" and who didn't care whether I was in the same room or near her after a scene isn't one for me to play with, either casually or in a serious relationship.  I would consider them as having turned into one who feels the "wet blanket" of affection on their "fire"...I get it but it isn't for me.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: no sex or affection - 3/29/2007 7:10:40 AM   
apettiger


Posts: 131
Joined: 1/15/2007
Status: offline 		my last Master was kind to me at times, but for the most part there was no affection and when there was sex, it was brutal and painful. since i am not a pain slut and feel i must have some kind of affection in my relationship, after 2 years, i broke it off with Him. i, like many of you here, can do without the sex, but the affection, to me, shows my humanity to the One topping me. if They cannot even care enough to pet, or hold me once in a while, after a session, it makes me feel dehumanized and i have had enough of that in my life.
i need a hug!

_____________________________

378-828-272

(in reply to MissSCD)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: no sex or affection - 3/29/2007 7:16:52 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous


quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I'm the same way. Sex I can go without, but affection is a big part of sessions for me. Affection includes more than just hugging and kissing. Licking, sucking, breast play, and massage are all different forms of affection. One would think being tied up and ignored would be rather boring.

For some it might be, but for others its not about the physical touching of others. For some its about ONLY getting that fix of pain. Being touched or coddled after ruins the experience.

me, me! i never get "after care" or caressed during play [well sometimes a soft rub after a hard wack] but thats about it. after, i want to be left alone to revel in the feeling it produces.


Thats all cool.
But.
Does he/she stay with you after? Are you in the same place? Same room and building?
Everyone seems to take the word affection and see it as loving cuddles and curling up in the arms of a loved one. It isn't just that. It's keep an eye (even if it's just a corner of it) on you afterwards to make sure you don't collaspe, its being there to make sure your hydrated and still talking coherantly.

you caught me

_____________________________


"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"


(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: no sex or affection - 3/29/2007 7:32:55 AM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		I can live with out sex very easily. But I need affection. Until recently I was a single submissive and I had a list of regular play partners. Very rarely was there any sexual contact at all let alone out and out sexual intercourse. But there was always affection. Whether it be soft caresses, tender words,  holding me all night long, or sitting on the couch the next day watching TV with him holding me. There was always some sort of affection.

Now that I am owned and in a poly relationship there is still no sexual contact between me and my Sir. And becuase there are three of of needing his attention I am finding it hard to adjust to not getting the level of affection I am use to.

aurora

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: no sex or affection - 3/29/2007 7:34:06 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Thats all cool.
But.
Does he/she stay with you after?  Are you in the same place?  Same room and building?
Everyone seems to take the word affection and see it as loving cuddles and curling up in the arms of a loved one.  It isn't just that.  It's keep an eye (even if it's just a corner of it) on you afterwards to make sure you don't collaspe, its being there to make sure your hydrated and still talking coherantly.

With me, we are still usually in the same place. They dont' touch, or talk to me though.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: no sex or affection - 3/29/2007 8:56:29 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I'm talking about a partner that doesn't want to either give or receive affection. Wouldn't most consider that pointless?

For you and I yes, for others with different agendas, kinks  and needs not necessarily.
I know many a girl who wants to go to the dungeon, get a spanking, thank the Dom and go home.
For sensation players it's not always about affection.
Me the grounding thing that keeps me able to have the calm inside me during the storm of extreme sensations is to be able to touch the skin of the Dom I'm scening with.
LOL if my hands are bound over my head you can bet I'm searching for a way to have my head, face or feet touch them intermittently to re-ground my calm inside.
Skin to skin contact is HUGE in a scene to me.
I don't need sexual stimulation in a scene. I've done many a scene where my twat was never touched & I don't get off or wet from pain itself.
What I have found is if indeed I orgasm in a scene I can take way heavier levels of pain before I become anxious.
So while sex in a scene helps me go farther more comfortably it's not a requirement for me, just a preference.
suzanne

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: no sex or affection - 3/29/2007 9:01:41 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: apettiger

my last Master was kind to me at times, but for the most part there was no affection and when there was sex, it was brutal and painful. since i am not a pain slut and feel i must have some kind of affection in my relationship, after 2 years, i broke it off with Him. i, like many of you here, can do without the sex, but the affection, to me, shows my humanity to the One topping me. if They cannot even care enough to pet, or hold me once in a while, after a session, it makes me feel dehumanized and i have had enough of that in my life.
i need a hug!



>>>>>>>>>>HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG<<<<<<<<<

(in reply to apettiger)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: no sex or affection - 3/29/2007 9:03:41 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

How many of you would scene with someone on a regular basis where both sex and affection were hard limits?


Since I don't scene casually unless it would be at a party with an old friend, the answer is no.

Sex isn't necessary but I have to feel some deep friendship at least to want to own someone. I won't even train someone I don't feel some connection to and a strong sense that he/she and I will both learn something during that four month period.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: no sex or affection - 3/29/2007 9:31:48 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		I've found it interesting just how many of us want and require a personal connection, affection, and emotional investment in this.  That for many of us it is about more than just kinky play, but apparently a part of an expression of a relationship.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: no sex or affection - 3/29/2007 9:39:30 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

I've found it interesting just how many of us want and require a personal connection, affection, and emotional investment in this.  That for many of us it is about more than just kinky play, but apparently a part of an expression of a relationship.

You know it's funny but when I was married, it was the same way when he and I played. Beat me to a pulp and then leave me the fuck alone. It had nothing to do with there not being an emotional attatchment, and everything to do with emotions AFTER a scene. He was too wound up on the 'let me hurt your trip' and I was too far gone on the ' man that feels good trip'

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: no sex or affection - 3/29/2007 9:44:56 AM   
mp072004


Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		Not sure what "affection" means here. I'm often not remotely romantically interested in people I play with, and so I don't demonstrate romantic affection, like kissing, sexual touching, or intimate language. Cuddling can be nice, but I'm happy to do scenes without it.

I generally need to be pleasantly inclined toward people to play with them. This means that I need to find people attractive as playmates, and I need to regard them as not crazy. I often like playmates in a friendly way, too. This does not mean that I need romantic fondness or emotional investment--indeed, often I don't want it, even in an ongoing relationship.

I very rarely have penetrative sex with men who I top or dominate--indeed, you might say that sex is a limit for me. As for women, it depends on what you call "sex," but I have enjoyed playing with women without removing their underwear. I do prefer to have access to the genitals of female bottoms, however, because I like genitorture.

It tends to work better if people with whom I play share these ideas--if I want no sex and no romance, and my playmate wants sex and romance, we both need to be very clear about what we're doing, and we may determine that we shouldn't play together.

Monica

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: no sex or affection - 3/29/2007 10:48:36 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I very rarely have penetrative sex with men who I top or dominate--indeed, you might say that sex is a limit for me. As for women, it depends on what you call "sex,"

Sorry to pry, but if you don't have sex with your play partners does that mean you're not into penatrative sex period, you prefer vanilla sex, or you switch and are topped in your sexual realtions?
suzanne

(in reply to mp072004)
Profile   Post #: 60
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