quote:

ORIGINAL: Spike1777

I am taking it very slow and easy with this partner. Almost to the point where I feel neglected. I love and respect this person, like the one person who fills my heart with joy. Being with her is like being in a dream and the one time in my life where i was dreaming of marriage. I invited her to the DomConLA, but she said that she will be out of town. I am in love........

spike

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spike1777

Actually I am in relationships with several FemDommes. But the main one is a lady that I love so very much. We met at the local fetish night here in Hollywood. Actually I had only been in LA for a couple of weeks. She and her Domme friends were playing with a middle aged mascoist, quite heavily I might add. I was watching the action with a fellow subie and really enjoying the scene. A couple of weeks later my subie friend introduced us. We hit it off. Unfortunately my ex Mistress who just came back from a business trip saw me collared and us together. She was remarkably upset, although at the time: i thought i was innocent. in realsluty i was a worm. but that was the end of our relationship of some six months. actually it was almost all on-line and I only met her in person a couple of times. A couple of days later all hell broke loose; broke my foot, my car breaks down repeatedly, cat dies, etc.... So I do not see my new friend again.

Then one night I am surfing ALT profiles and am redirected to a profile of a couple of lesbian subs. I read the profile and am very impressed by the owner. So I do some research and follow him to this site and pay my respects. a couple of days later I meet my friend again, online. She invites and I serve (domestically) at a photoshoot for my friend and her Mistress friends. Incidentally I made my favorite chicken cacciatore and all of the Mistress gave me so many compliments that I had to blush. I had a fabulous time. But afterwards she is aloof online. So I was unsure of myself as a submissive but as a slave I should be joyed

little spike

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

If this is the relationship you are talking about in your current posts, the Mistress that you said you are "in love" with, you have to be very careful. You are going to get hurt if you are reading too much into things. If you served her once, and now she is aloof online, and further she is the one that declined your invite to DomCom and you are simply waiting to serve her again -- you may be seeing a relationship that really is not there.

When you say "as a slave I should be joyed" are you saying that because you acted as "slave" that evening, that you believe you are still her slave? When you serve a woman one time, that does not mean you are automatically her slave indefinitely. There is no existing relationship unless she specifically told you and you agreed.

You may be thinking about her 24/7 right now and she might not even know who you are; be very careful to not get so overly eager that you create relationships that don't exist.

Slow down!

Akasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spike1777

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

If this is the relationship you are talking about in your current posts, the Mistress that you said you are "in love" with, you have to be very careful. You are going to get hurt if you are reading too much into things. If you served her once, and now she is aloof online, and further she is the one that declined your invite to DomCom and you are simply waiting to serve her again -- you may be seeing a relationship that really is not there.

When you say "as a slave I should be joyed" are you saying that because you acted as "slave" that evening, that you believe you are still her slave? When you serve a woman one time, that does not mean you are automatically her slave indefinitely. There is no existing relationship unless she specifically told you and you agreed.

You may be thinking about her 24/7 right now and she might not even know who you are; be very careful to not get so overly eager that you create relationships that don't exist.

Slow down!

Akasha

You are so very right. And this is the point where my puzzlement overrides my reason. What i feel and what i can expect are not even close. I feel that I can not see the truth in this matter. On the one hand I only want to play with her and to be friends. But on the other hand i am in love and my emotions cloud my reasonning.

but i am also in other relationships with other Dommes. I have a Domme friend, the first person i met in LA, as a roommate / couch potatoe. The head Mistress of the local FemDomme group allows me to attend her at functions. I am friends with another Domme from our FemDomme group. We have monthly play parties and munches every couple of weeks. plus there is a standing invite for members of the group to attend a weekly play party at the dungeon of one of the group's more prominant members. i have been a member of her online group for months now. And i have started on-line negoations with a Domme in San Diego. Not to mention a small relationship with a renouned sex expert who has starrted the ball rolling for me to get some sex therapy. I have started to contact my first sex therapist, but this should take some time. Not to mention being involved with some dozen online groups of the FemDomme nature. There is the monthly play party / munch and DomConLA coming up in a couple of weeks. so things are hardly dull. as I said i am starting to explore the BDSM culture here in SoCal...

I wanted to continue to do photoshoots, but the first Domme that i approached stated that it would not sell because of my low threshold of pain. I loved being in front of the camera. We did a fun spanking scene with my Domme friend, her girlfirend and my naked butt turning bright shades of red. I was naked except for the collar, anklets, and of course cuffs. The forth Domme came in later to find me still laying naked in bed with a red butt. she loved the view and snapped a pic from above. But unfortunately my Domme friend hurt her hand during the scene. A broken blood vessel in her hand. Also unfortunate in that the pictures did not turn out. Too dark and too fast of motion.

but communication with her is slow. she has said that she is a very busy lady. so i have fallen into the waiting game. and next week the cast comes off of my foot, so i will be mobile again. so maybe we will meet again at the local fetish night where we were first introduced.


spike

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spike1777

You are right this thread about submission. Not about puzzlement, infatuation nor making fetish movies.

But your points are well taken. This is a Dominant Female / submissive male relationship. Where she is the superior. Perhaps I need to understand relationships. She is aloof and extremely busy, plus she has been travelling. But is she aloof because this or because we are simply at the start of a relationship. Or just friends as I originally thought. I served her and she collared me and we both had a good time. But, once again, understanding relationships is the key. A key which I do not have.

This is the first time that I have actually been in a Female Dominant / male submissive loving relationship. I do not have a full understanding of this type of relationship. Plus I certainly do not have any experience.

I was thinking that we could be friends and that this was the start of a long term D/s relationship. I was certainly excited at the thought of doing videos and photos with her. I figured to start slow and handle everything with kid gloves. She said we could be friends and friendship is what I wanted. My question: how do I understand the D/s relationship.

But to bring this back towards the topic of the thread - submisssion. The day that I was having such a wonderful time serving her and her Mistress friends. Submitting to their needs and wants was most enjoyable. This was the first definition of submission; to preform for the benefit of the Domme. My chicken cacciatore was loved by everybody and my services were well coached by the group of Dommes. She called it being in the Lion's Den, really quite exciting. I loved submitting to her will, being controlled. This type of submission is truly bliss for me.

another question here:
When I was on my knees and held my fur lined lockable collar above my head asking if would collar me, did I submit to her will and become her slave. During the entire time all of the Mistresses were calling me slave. But there is a question of ownership. Did I become her property? Did my submission cost me my freedom? Did we cease being friends and she could relax.

little spike

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spike1777

I am much relieved to say the least. Submitting to her is fun. We are friends and that is all. I guess that I can write her to say hello. I try to limit my emails to only one in the inbox. My ex pro-Domme friend used to complain about my filling her inbox up all of the time. Besides she said in her journal that she was taking her slave to the OWK. Not the place for me. These players hit hard and as I found out in the online OWK group it is common place to use a ratan to draw blood from the slave.

Although it is fun to sit and fantasize about my friend it is not on the topic of this thread. I mainly need to understand understand submission. Although an understanding of power exchange and how it relates to submission would also be cool.

Submission is fun. Being controlled by another person and performing for their behalf instead for one's self. The purpose of pleasing becomes paramount. Being sexually attracted to superior/dominant women is one thing but the need to submit to another's will is another.

I have a question about relationships. Before I listed my current relationships with Dominant women. I am trying to develop friendships with people in the SoCal BDSM culture. Begin to network and of course submit. But the one even remotely sexual is with the head Mistress of the local FemDomme group that I belong to and she is in a loving long term relationship. Although my couch potatoe Domme is pretty hot looking and during my last month of being nearly bed riden a real blessing. Being on crutches is not the way to travel. But I am single and looking for sexual relations with a Domme. Why shouldn't I persue friendly relationships until I find a Domme to love and submit to. My new pro-Domme friend in SD has accepted my application for servitude. She has sent a list of rules and conditions, and of course we move on from here.

My question: How might I understand relationships better? Friendships are one thing but I need a loving Female Dominant / male submissive relationship for sexual reasons. Sometimes I wish I was back with my ex fiance in Sicily. Thanks to my ex pro-Domme friend having her become the aggressor we had great sex and a long term relationship. Too bad I had to retire and return to the states.

Blessed BDSM
little spike

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

You're an adult.

You're looking for another adult to be in a particular type of relationship with.

Figure out exactly what you want, be yourself, be social and available, use your good sense and judgement and do it.

It's exactly the same as vanilla people do it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

I am service and control oriented, trying to become more obedience focused.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spike1777

Service oriented is cool... This fits with my first definition of submission: performing for the benefit of the Domme/Master rather than performing for one's own benefit.

What kind of servitude do you enjoy the most?

quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic
I also consider myself service/control oriented (though not in the same way as Emerald. Our relationships are structured much differently)

That said "what kind I enjoy most" isn't really the point. The fact that I'm providing the service is enough. The kind of service is incedental.

Sure, I enjoy giving a massage more than doing laundry and oral sex more than cleaning the cat box, but they're all elements of service in my book, and as such, I derive pleasure in being able to do them for my partner.