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RE: A Difference of Expectations - 3/31/2007 12:16:55 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		I have to say that if someone said *no sex* I'd be  thinking along the same lines as you.

If I gave someone a bj, I'd consider that I'd had *sex* of some kind........and what's more, so would M.

Hey, at least now you know that if someone says that , you need to say,
*And "no sex"means...?*.......lol

agirl

(in reply to velvetears)
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RE: A Difference of Expectations - 3/31/2007 12:21:12 PM   
missturbation


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Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Looks to me that you both just had different ideas as what constitutes sex. Sex to me personally is penetration. A blow job  is a sexual act but not sex.
Lack of communication i guess is the key here. He's not a jerk in my opinion, he wants what he wants and you by the same argument good on you for sticking to your wants and needs.
 

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RE: A Difference of Expectations - 3/31/2007 1:44:51 PM   
velvetears


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Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		wildfleursss, agirl and missturbation - i agree, lack of communication is the key here. The definition of sex is different to everyone.  my real issue is with how he handled it.  He could have still made his point and not been rude about it.  Especially when most of his advice is about wanna be doms and how subs should avoid them and about communication being key - he would have been the first to tell a sub that any dom who treated a sub in such a way is not taking responsibility as a dominant. 



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RE: A Difference of Expectations - 3/31/2007 1:58:57 PM   
missturbation


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Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		I agree he didn't handle it very well at all. Typical one rule for one and one rule for another brigade. Be glad you found out when you did.

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What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: A Difference of Expectations - 3/31/2007 2:28:20 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Yes. Well, perhaps he was blinded by his own publicity.

You don't have to actually DO it, to say it.

One reason I never give advice is because I'd probably not take my own, at least half of the time..lol

Regards, agirl





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RE: A Difference of Expectations - 3/31/2007 3:27:50 PM   
kiyari


Posts: 631
Status: offline 		I suppose the definition of 'sex' differs depending on the context. "Sex" for me always meant "what can get you preggers". These days, with all the fears of deadly health consequences, it now encompasses what is better described as "any bodily fluid exchange". [Note: this would include open mouth kissing.]

If this is where that Dom was coming from, then he was being hypocritical or short-sighted.

This Dom may have 1) presumed that the recipient [Himself] was at no risk by receiving bjs from persons of unknown sexual health, and 2) taken offense at your 'reluctance' to provide same (implication being you not TRUSTING that he keeps HIMSELF 'clean' as far as His own sexual health).

Men aint into 'closure' in general

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RE: A Difference of Expectations - 3/31/2007 3:34:55 PM   
velvetears


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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiyari

This Dom may have 1) presumed that the recipient [Himself] was at no risk by receiving bjs from persons of unknown sexual health, and 2) taken offense at your 'reluctance' to provide same (implication being you not TRUSTING that he keeps HIMSELF 'clean' as far as His own sexual health).

Men aint into 'closure' in general


i think this is a general misconception many have that bj's are safe for all around.  A woman can carry the herpes simplex virus I or II in her mouth and pass it to a man.  They say aides cannot be passed by oral sex to the one performing the act, but i don't buy that - what if you have an open sore in your mouth?  Men think foolishly they are safe from STD's if they stay on the recieving end of bjs.

It wasn't that i questioned his safety, it was more a question of it being a very intimate act, one which i don't care to share with people who consider me a "casual play partner"   

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RE: A Difference of Expectations - 3/31/2007 3:45:39 PM   
kiyari


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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

It wasn't that i questioned his safety, it was more a question of it being a very intimate act, one which i don't care to share with people who consider me a "casual play partner"   


Still, he may have interpreted it as you demonstrating lack of TRUST and taken offense.


Or he could just be a jerk.

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RE: A Difference of Expectations - 3/31/2007 4:02:10 PM   
meatcleaver


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Status: offline 		Doesn't everyone like to have their cake and eat it too? lol. If there are enough subs willing to make his day, he isn't going to change, why should he? My guess is, if there weren't enough subs willing to give him head for nothing in return, he'd change his tune, until then one has to admire his skill at finding gullable subs.

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RE: A Difference of Expectations - 3/31/2007 4:12:09 PM   
velvetears


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quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

Doesn't everyone like to have their cake and eat it too? lol. If there are enough subs willing to make his day, he isn't going to change, why should he? My guess is, if there weren't enough subs willing to give him head for nothing in return, he'd change his tune, until then one has to admire his skill at finding gullable subs.


i don't think everyone thinks this way - at least i hope not - it's like wanting to get something for nothing - kind of a lazy attitude, not very domly at all. 

i never wanted to imply he treated his subs poorly, he does take care of them, and they seem very happy and devoted, from what i can see (limited).  i was just curious to see if this attitude was pervasive to male doms in general and what other peoples experiences have been regarding this.    

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RE: A Difference of Expectations - 3/31/2007 4:50:58 PM   
Griswold


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Status: offline 		Eeek

< Message edited by Griswold -- 3/31/2007 5:31:04 PM >

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RE: A Difference of Expectations - 3/31/2007 4:51:33 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		i'm going to be an ass here and DEFINE that blow jobs, are sex.

Oral sex see that SEX at the end of ORAL.  Like...

Anal sex....i dunno, could be me.. but when an action ends in the world SEX - i just naturally assume its not been mis labeled.  I could, and anyone else who wants to - can take it up with who ever came up with "oral sex" and ask them to redefine it. 

Until then - oral sex does not mean slobbing on a door knob....


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RE: A Difference of Expectations - 3/31/2007 5:12:10 PM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

i'm going to be an ass here and DEFINE that blow jobs, are sex.

Oral sex see that SEX at the end of ORAL.  Like...

Anal sex....i dunno, could be me.. but when an action ends in the world SEX - i just naturally assume its not been mis labeled.  I could, and anyone else who wants to - can take it up with who ever came up with "oral sex" and ask them to redefine it. 

Until then - oral sex does not mean slobbing on a door knob....




that is kinda of like... ASSHOLE..... there is got to be an ASS  and some where their is a HOLE.....

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Knight of Mists

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RE: A Difference of Expectations - 3/31/2007 5:19:39 PM   
justmi


Posts: 24
Joined: 8/27/2006
Status: offline 		I think it is a matter of communicating and definitions. Devilslilsister says absolutely a blow job is sex, however I know many Dominants that consider it "cock worship" and has nothing to do with sex, but a function that a submissive should be good at to be of service. If you feel that it is an intimate act, and the Dominant in question is not going to claim you or collar you then you should by all means with hold the service until you can share it with someone that you share that type of intimacy with. There are many acts of service I with hold from "play". Because they are an intimate act for me. Someday I will share them all with someone that will honor them as part of the gift of my submission. I

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RE: A Difference of Expectations - 3/31/2007 5:27:11 PM   
velvetears


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Status: offline 		slobbing on a doorknob LOL.. what a visual. 

i guess some just consider it as part of service and think nothing about performing it in gratitude for the doms attentions... it's just not me

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RE: A Difference of Expectations - 3/31/2007 5:34:23 PM   
KnightofMists


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Status: offline 		What strikes me the most from the OP.. was not the differences in definition of sex.  Or even that he would want blowjobs but not give intercourse.... 

what strikes me is the manner that he handled the situation.  I can't help but wonder if he just looking for play toys.. and you showed yourself as a toy he can't use.  I have to wonder.. if he's glowing respect is not but a tool for him to use to find his toys. 

As someone said earlier... well known people can still be jerks.  I would add that what he is respected for might have nothing to do with his ability to have good relationships with others.  What you seem to indicate his much related to the play and scening.  Good at Play and good at relationships don't go hand in hand.  Great when they do... but not a requirement. 

I often find that respect is given for X... but people make assumptions that Y & Z should apply too... often it just doesn't.

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Knight of Mists

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RE: A Difference of Expectations - 3/31/2007 5:38:34 PM   
domiguy


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Status: offline 		There is a difference between "sex and a nice hummer".....If someone asked did I have sex with so and so...I would say, "Nah.. she blew me."....So obviously somewhere along the line I differentiated beween the two. 

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RE: A Difference of Expectations - 3/31/2007 5:55:56 PM   
velvetears


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
I would add that what he is respected for might have nothing to do with his ability to have good relationships with others.  What you seem to indicate his much related to the play and scening.  Good at Play and good at relationships don't go hand in hand. 


Interesting point and probably right on the mark. From what i understand he has several subs he "owns" many other play partners but in his writing he always talks about finding the "right one" - it struck me as rather sad that someone who has so many at his fingertips is still searching and yearning to find his "special one" 

i am sure you are right - i was a toy he couldn't use so i was disposed of, and i am sure this attitude shows through with others, which is why he's still single.

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RE: A Difference of Expectations - 3/31/2007 5:57:45 PM   
velvetears


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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

There is a difference between "sex and a nice hummer".....If someone asked did I have sex with so and so...I would say, "Nah.. she blew me."....So obviously somewhere along the line I differentiated beween the two. 


Thats what i am hoping to understand - is this a gender difference in definitions about sex?  i bet if you asked the woman who blew you if she had sex, she would probably say yes. 

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RE: A Difference of Expectations - 3/31/2007 6:19:19 PM   
domiguy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

There is a difference between "sex and a nice hummer".....If someone asked did I have sex with so and so...I would say, "Nah.. she blew me."....So obviously somewhere along the line I differentiated beween the two. 


Thats what i am hoping to understand - is this a gender difference in definitions about sex?  i bet if you asked the woman who blew you if she had sex, she would probably say yes. 


Initially she might feel that way....Until I introduced her ass or cunt  to an angry Domidong....Then she would clearly be able to articulate the difference.

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