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Gifts to bring to a first session - advice needed - 4/1/2007 8:07:33 PM

willingservant0

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

i met a Mistress here on CM and W/we've hit it off pretty well; it feels so natural to serve Her and call Her Mistress. W/we’ll be having our first actual session in the middle of this week, but one thing bothers me: what do i bring as a gift? i didn’t bring anything the first time when W/we met just for drinks, and i don’t want to make the same mistake twice. i don't want to show up empty handed, but at the same time i haven't served a Domme before.

Should i bring flowers, a small piece of jewelry, something more extreme like a paddle, or some other gift entirely? So if i may be so bold as to ask for help, i would be grateful for ideas or experiences A/anyone would like to share.

edit - Her main pleasures are spanking and teasing/denial, followed closely by bondage and cbt.

< Message edited by willingservant0 -- 4/1/2007 8:12:10 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Gifts to bring to a first session - advice needed - 4/1/2007 8:14:36 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: willingservant0

i met a Mistress here on CM and W/we've hit it off pretty well; it feels so natural to serve Her and call Her Mistress. W/we’ll be having our first actual session in the middle of this week, but one thing bothers me: what do i bring as a gift? i didn’t bring anything the first time when W/we met just for drinks, and i don’t want to make the same mistake twice. i don't want to show up empty handed, but at the same time i haven't served a Domme before.

Should i bring flowers, a small piece of jewelry, something more extreme like a paddle, or some other gift entirely? So if i may be so bold as to ask for help, i would be grateful for ideas or experiences A/anyone would like to share.

edit - Her main pleasures are spanking and teasing/denial, followed closely by bondage and cbt.

Hard to judge without knowing more (are you moving into a romantic area with her, or are just going to be bdsm buddies? etc) but I strongly recommend subs not buying kinky gifts for femdoms on "first date" type scenarios because it comes across as "here's a toy to use ON ME!"

You can never go wrong with flowers or something that shows you have been listening to her about her interests and hobbies.

Akasha

_____________________________

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(in reply to willingservant0)

Post #: 2

RE: Gifts to bring to a first session - advice needed - 4/1/2007 8:18:39 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

A gift certificate to a nice restaurant, shop, theater or a book store might be something she could use that is thoughtful but not so specific that you have to know her really well. Flowers are always a sweet touch. The best gifts are those that show the other person was paying attention. It does not have to be extravagant, just a nice thought. I agree that I would not give a kink type gift this early on.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 3

RE: Gifts to bring to a first session - advice needed - 4/1/2007 8:51:16 PM

Mustardseed

Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline

Hmm. I don't suppose that she has anything in her profile, interests checklist or online journal that would give you a hint? Does she mention a favorite coffee drink that you could bring her? Is there something that she's mentioned recently as having lost or been stollen from her that you can casually afford to replace?

If not, I vote for flowers. I've rarely met anyone who didn't like flowers, and I can't say that I hung around the ones who didn't like them for very long.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 4

RE: Gifts to bring to a first session - advice needed - 4/1/2007 9:29:52 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear willingservant0, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In my mind's eyes I see, a first meeting and a lad would bring me a gift would be just 'showing up' as promised. With so many no-shows, that in of itself is a gift.

I would not buy jewelery. That seems desperate to me. I am a Domina that won't be amused by jewelery, as it is a 'bait' or an expensive item to which a flurry of profanity and ugly behavior if the gift of jewelery was given, accepted and there is a rejection in your service future. It puts a lady on edge as to perhaps delay the response and out of the fury or rejection and or physical harm and or humiliation.

I would buy something no more than $5.00. Perhaps a little plant that she can enjoy or a few stemmed flowers however, I wouldn't advise roses on the first date/meeting. There is a 'code' in giving roses and if you do not know this code--you might be sending the wrong message.

A box of candy could be risky. It might be that the lady might be allergic to candy and or chocolate, nuts and such.

I wouldn't bring a toy to offer. They are expensive. Again, with the potential for rejection; she has a free toy and you might be upset not going any farther.

Paying for the lunch or dinner is very nice. Most gentlemen do pay for the meal. It is hoped that ladies who do accept a meal, will follow the etiquette of never exceeding the gentleman's meal choice. With asking what the gentlemen is going to have, a lady can have the same or a lesser priced meal. To a gentleman--it means the lady is aware and not extending beyond his budget.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to willingservant0)

Post #: 5

RE: Gifts to bring to a first session - advice needed - 4/1/2007 9:39:37 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

I got the impression that they have already had the first meeting - that this is the first play session ... and that the Dominant in question was disappointed at the lack of something at the first meeting.

I would stick to a small arrangement of wildflowers or carnations (depending on which she likes better), or, as someone else said, a gift card to a local coffee shop or bookstore that you know she likes.

_____________________________

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Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 6

RE: Gifts to bring to a first session - advice needed - 4/1/2007 9:52:05 PM

Tenire

Posts: 46
Joined: 4/2/2006
Status: offline

chocolate covered strawberries are always quite nice...

I always make them for the birthdays of the ladies in my life, submissives, and daughters, alike.. However, there's just something ABOUT chocolate for a lady. Also, something made by one's own hand holds a measure of respect in itself, for the recipient.

Never a complaint yet.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 7

RE: Gifts to bring to a first session - advice needed - 4/1/2007 9:56:59 PM

Tenire

Posts: 46
Joined: 4/2/2006
Status: offline

LadyHugs... I always kinda wondered about that from the Domina side, if it would be the 'thing' for a Domina to just get what she wanted from the menu without regard for the sub/slave. I'm given to ordering for the lady, myself, but then I tend tog ravitate toward submissives that desire that kind of treatment.. The fact that most of the time I go to Indian restaurants, and many folks don't know what to order there is also a factor.

(in reply to Tenire)

Post #: 8

RE: Gifts to bring to a first session - advice needed - 4/1/2007 10:03:04 PM

BabyNyla

Posts: 578
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

In my mind's eyes I see, a first meeting and a lad would bring me a gift would be just 'showing up' as promised. With so many no-shows, that in of itself is a gift.

This gave me a good giggle because it's so so true. I have always loved to get flowers ... they make my day. I would be put off to receive a kinky toy (mainly because I am very picky and know what I want and like). I have friends who olove small gift certificates (like starbucks - for one friend in particular). Just a thought.

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(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 9

RE: Gifts to bring to a first session - advice needed - 4/1/2007 10:07:35 PM

MsCece2u

Posts: 85
Joined: 9/10/2005
From: DC
Status: offline

I would have to agree with what has been said already. If she has mentioned a particular book, cd or dvd that she has been wanting that shows that you were paying attention to what she was saying. Those types of gifts have always meant more to me. I agree the kinky toy thing is definitely a no no as is jewelery. Gift cards to a particular store that she may like to shop at are always a good idea. As long as it shows that you have paid attention to things she said during conversation then whatever you bring will be a hit.

_____________________________

Ms Cece
Tis better to let people think that you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

(in reply to Tenire)

Post #: 10

RE: Gifts to bring to a first session - advice needed - 4/1/2007 10:10:36 PM

SweetDommes

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Joined: 10/5/2004
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Honestly, if he is going to a session with her (which I take to mean that they are already planning to play) then I don't see why a small, inexpensive flogger or paddle would be a no-no. To a first meeting, yes - but this isn't a first meeting ... it's a first session.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to MsCece2u)

Post #: 11

RE: Gifts to bring to a first session - advice needed - 4/1/2007 10:19:32 PM

Tenire

Posts: 46
Joined: 4/2/2006
Status: offline

I love being a Crafter.... I can easily make toys that are fairly nice and not too expensive, and have no qualms with giving them away, since I can make another just as easily....

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 12

RE: Gifts to bring to a first session - advice needed - 4/1/2007 10:21:23 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
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Same here lol

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to Tenire)

Post #: 13

RE: Gifts to bring to a first session - advice needed - 4/2/2007 5:34:12 AM

Sylverdawn

Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

How about a book of I O U's that she can cash in with you at any time.. take the time to make them up on the computer with alot of graphics.. Like I I O U One Movie Date or I O U a appointment with your favorite Manicurist, I O U one bubble bath and soft warm robe.. I O U one day at the ZOO.. its something that shows you have been paying attention to her interests and costs you nothing this time.. but shows you want to look to the future and taking care of her punch holes through the end and tie it with a piece of leather cording, or ribbon in her favorite color.

< Message edited by Sylverdawn -- 4/2/2007 5:36:08 AM >

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 14

RE: Gifts to bring to a first session - advice needed - 4/2/2007 5:53:53 AM

Nikolette

Posts: 488
Joined: 10/2/2004
Status: offline

I might go to a florist and pick and choose flowers and create my own bouquet. Its a little MORE than just flowers- it shows thoughtful consideration and effort being applied. All things that I want to see in any sub/slave candidate. I might top it off by buying a simple, but useful gift. One can't usually go wrong with elegant stationary (if the receiver doesn't write letters, it might encourage them, which brings joy to others and encourages good manners- well in my opinion since I was brought up to write thank you letters and such I use plenty of stationary). Another standard safe gift is a set of candle holders that are attractive, but refined since one should probably stay away from "loud" designs until one knows the receivers taste better. This could be coupled with a gift card to a candle store so she can choose her own scent.

... and another approach might be to give her something (with the flowers as a safety net she'll get something she PROBABLY will enjoy) that YOU like. Because you want to share more of yourself with her, of course. But choose something you like that you think she will at least have a chance to like.

Honestly, I'd probably spend more than the $5 dollars that has been suggested since you are on intimate enough terms to be having a scene/session with her. But I'd keep the cost definitely under 30 or so.

_____________________________

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." ---Mahatma Gandhi

(in reply to willingservant0)

Post #: 15

RE: Gifts to bring to a first session - advice needed - 4/2/2007 6:05:02 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Flowers are always good. Flowers with thorns, even better *laughs*.

On a serious note, if it is for the first real session, yes, a small flogger or paddle (depending on Her preference) is perfectly acceptable. I don't know about anybody else, but anytime I start with a new submissive, I always get a craving for new toys. Knowing Her favorite color can be an added bonus in this area. Make sure you chose carefully, showing you put the time and attention that She deserves into the gift.

(in reply to Sylverdawn)

Post #: 16

RE: Gifts to bring to a first session - advice needed - 4/2/2007 6:11:04 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

If this is your first play session and you are calling her "mistress" I'm curious as to why you'd need to ask virtual strangers for advice about a gift.

If she was disappointed in not getting a gift the first meeting she should place the disappointment where it belong; she can find that person by looking in a mirror.

If she wants something in particular then she can also find the person responsible for making that clear by looking in a mirror.

_____________________________

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And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to willingservant0)

Post #: 17

RE: Gifts to bring to a first session - advice needed - 4/2/2007 6:17:54 AM

VikingHouse

Posts: 57
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline

I have sharp or dull axes that she might find of use you fail to impress her wth some Gorean dances and presetations. Wire cash only to BR549

(in reply to willingservant0)

Post #: 18

RE: Gifts to bring to a first session - advice needed - 4/2/2007 6:18:29 AM

BeatMeDaily

Posts: 99
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Show up as promised and pick up the bill for drinks, dinner and
leave a nice tip.
Since you don't actually know Her well:
Flowers; what if she has allergies, most people do
Candy; is She dieabetic or on a strict diet
bdsm toys; too forward and pushy
money/gift cards; is this a Pro ?

i'll still go with cleaning up, dressing up, showing up and picking up tab.

_____________________________

It takes all kinds of critters to make Uncle Ben's fritters.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 19

RE: Gifts to bring to a first session - advice needed - 4/2/2007 6:25:26 AM

MasterFeenix

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/25/2005
Status: offline

I, for one, would definitely appreciate something that shows me that the sub has been paying attention to my interests. There are plenty of inexpensive things that I love. (i.e. books and music). I've never met a lady who didn't like flowers. Personally, I would be turned off by an expensive gift on a first session, for a variety of reasons. As far as toys are concerned, they are usually expensive, and as others have said, I would take this as slightly demanding, telling me what to use on them. The only exception is if, perhaps, it is something the Domme hasn't tried yet, or that you know she wants. Again, even in this case, I wouldn't go too expensive.

(in reply to Nikolette)

Post #: 20

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