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RE: Clarification - 4/10/2007 5:58:31 PM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		I did not read the entire thread earlier, this man is not a Dominant male, this man sounds
like a cheeky asshole.
I would not accept this behavior in a non D/s lifestyle, and certainly not under those
circumstances.
He is one of the many males that hides behind the D/s lifestyle, and uses it as an excuse
to mistreat women and act like an ass.

(in reply to MDJour)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Man Handled.... - 4/10/2007 6:05:08 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Either way, I believe there was a misreading of signs on both sides.  Granted he should have known better than to continue to paw a woman after she has said no, Domme or sub. However, he might have thought you were giving him some sort of implicit permission to try something by going somewhere in private. I would have done more than bitchslap him if I said no and he didnt stop. And the fact that he didnt get the hint and continued his boorish behavior afterwards just speaks poorly of his charcter.  Better you found out now than later had you decided to try and build something with him. Just make sure should you and he be at the saem event another time, you do not allow yourself to be alone with him. I dont think Id trust him to get the clue any time soon.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Man Handled.... - 4/10/2007 6:21:41 PM   
lorddividian


Posts: 9
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		Best of luck to you and yours, and know that your fellow Dominants here will (or should rather) have your back :)



(in reply to MDJour)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Man Handled.... - 4/10/2007 10:19:01 PM   
Slavetrainer2007


Posts: 231
Joined: 12/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MDJour

KinkMasterDave and Lorddividian, you both have valid points about the use of the word NO. And in play it is essential that this be covered. I just didn't expect to have to define the boundaries of good taste in such a public setting.

SirDominic and MsCfromMelbourne, you both have good points about the underlying powerplay. Those who know me in the local community, know that this is not my style.

I have certainly reaped the benefit of so many thoughtful and insightful comments here over the past few days.

Kindest regards, Mistress V.


In my earlier post regarding "no" I should clarify something.  From the male perspective no dont always mean no.  it can and does mean other things also. But it depends on the situation. The part i should of added( and i was sidetracked in a conversation elsewhere as i remember wanting to add it later )  to this is:  I think some males get hung up on that fact and forget that when dealing with someone new to them or they have spent only a little time with that no typically means just plain no.

I have been in various relationships  with dommes before. It didnt work out.  To much of a power struggle( we couldnt decide who was going to tie who up). Ive seen a few D/D couples but as far as i know most dont last. Though being even in a friendly playful  relationship  with  a domme was always .... interesting lol.

_____________________________

Life is given, Everything else is earned.

(in reply to MDJour)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Man Handled.... - 4/10/2007 11:06:28 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MDJour

I have enjoyed friendships with many many Male Doms over the years. And in my personal life I have more male friends than I do female. But why would a male Dom who wants to date Me, think it's OK to man handle Me? And commit other breaches of protocal? What is up with that?? Opinions welcome.
Kindest regards, Mistress V.


I'm coming to realize some have to try to be dominant.  Or that it might be less than 100% natural.

Your "Male Dom" friend may very well have simply been a natural dominant.  The way he acted towards you was as natural as breathing.  He probably wouldn't be very interested in you if you asked him to restrain this aspect of his nature.

I'm naturally dominant.  Physically strong and consciously aware; my friends have said that I "speak in commands", yet, since I base most of a common reasoning, even other dominants find it diffcult to refuse me on most points.  Around other dominants, I'm typically quiet- avoidant, as to not break their comfort with an opposing outside force, unwilling to allow them any imposition upon myself.
I've -tried- things with Mistress friends before (who, I must add, are such a novelty to me) and it's never worked.   Not even remotely.  Part of who I am is being one who guides and controls those around him.

This said, I feel as though I can empathize with what may've been one in his shoes- perhaps, he was naturally dominant, and just being himself.

(in reply to MDJour)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Man Handled.... - 4/11/2007 7:38:05 AM   
LadyTantalize


Posts: 242
Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

I think you already know this guy, it just shocked you because you didn’t see it sooner.

 
So true, Troll....and sadly he was a total gentlemen in private, from what I understand.   It was when the crowd of her friends gathered and she was in the spotlight so to speak that his ego flared and the neanderthal behavior started.

quote:


There are a lot of D’s with delicate egos, they may be huge egos but can be crushed with a powder puff. 


Ohhh, Troll, you hit the proverbial nail on the head!!
 
quote:


 This guy cannot get enough conquest to fill the hole of inadequacy he feels deep inside. He most likely has a large collection of subs and is always on the hunt for more. 

 
He already is!

Troll, you do tell it like is it and are a gem!!

_____________________________

Truly, Lady T.

Lady Tatiana Tantalize
Atlanta's Sadistic Southern Belle, Crossdressing Consultant, Punk-Rock Party Girl and Wicked SugarPuss
http://www.ladytantalize.net

"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages."
-Tennessee William

(in reply to FukinTroll)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Man Handled.... - 4/11/2007 7:41:10 AM   
LadyTantalize


Posts: 242
Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Did you go out on a date and inform him of protocols he had to follow? Did he agree to these protocols? Or did you somehow assume that a dom would agree to act like a sub on this occasion.

He treated you like he would a woman on a vanilla date, there seemed to be chemistry, at least on his part, so he made a move hoping you would also find it hot and invite him in for some bed action.

And if you expect men to follow your protocols, it helps to tell them what they are ahead of time and ask them if they consent. If not, don't go. But don't expect a dom to act subly.


Acting like a gentlemen and treating a women with respect, whether in private or public, are hardly expecting submissive behavior.   I'm  unaware of the vanilla dates that you've encountered but no man, vanilla or kinky, should paw, push a woman against a wall and block her departure nor smack her ass in the middle of a room full of people.   I would be sickened if a man treated me as such on a *vanilla date*.... I have standards as should other women.  

_____________________________

Truly, Lady T.

Lady Tatiana Tantalize
Atlanta's Sadistic Southern Belle, Crossdressing Consultant, Punk-Rock Party Girl and Wicked SugarPuss
http://www.ladytantalize.net

"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages."
-Tennessee William

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Man Handled.... - 4/11/2007 7:44:22 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord
This said, I feel as though I can empathize with what may've been one in his shoes- perhaps, he was naturally dominant, and just being himself.

I'mn ot sure how "naturally dominant" equals "completely violating the agreement you made including physically imposing yourself on me."

Perhaps unethical dominant.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Man Handled.... - 4/11/2007 7:51:56 AM   
LadyTantalize


Posts: 242
Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

Seems to me that you both had expectations of eachother and niether of you wanted to give in to the other. If you were having an intimate relationship with this guy, what makes you think he should change his ways just because the two of you were going to an event together? You seem to think that just because you wanted to change the dynamic around on him he should've just gone along with it. Guess you were wrong.



Alas, you are wrong!   The dynamic changed for V. when HE changed it by acting like a neanderthal in public.   Mistress V. clearly outlined the dynamic prior to the event by clarifying that their time at the con would be spent solely as *friends* so that he could focus on the submissive which he decided to bring at the last minute.  Mistress V. graciously opted to take a back seat and let him concentrate on the submissive - yet he sought her out the first night and when she did not give into his pleas for attention and was unable to handle the volume of friends and respect that she draws from the community as he was getting none -- he went *caveman*.

Not to mention -- bedroom dynamics are one thing but for a man to blatantly put the *bedroom in the streets* so to speak without prior negotiation and approval, be the woman a slave, submissive or Dominant, is nothing but rude and boorish.


_____________________________

Truly, Lady T.

Lady Tatiana Tantalize
Atlanta's Sadistic Southern Belle, Crossdressing Consultant, Punk-Rock Party Girl and Wicked SugarPuss
http://www.ladytantalize.net

"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages."
-Tennessee William

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Man Handled.... - 4/11/2007 8:00:48 AM   
LadyTantalize


Posts: 242
Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyIce

I am not a switch, and I would not date a male Dom.
If I was with a male Dom, I would not be at all surprised at those actions.
Why are you?


One does not have to be a switch to have a relationship with a fellow Dominant!!   Not all Male Dominants are so fueled with feelings of inferiority that their egos are out of control thus culminating in the need to top a top, so to speak.  While they are a rare few, there are Male Doms who are fully capable of handling a relationship with a fellow Dominant - on a level playing field - granted, it takes a man secure in his manhood and confident in is dominance -- rare and hard to find, I realize.

_____________________________

Truly, Lady T.

Lady Tatiana Tantalize
Atlanta's Sadistic Southern Belle, Crossdressing Consultant, Punk-Rock Party Girl and Wicked SugarPuss
http://www.ladytantalize.net

"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages."
-Tennessee William

(in reply to LadyIce)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Man Handled.... - 4/11/2007 8:34:17 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord
Your "Male Dom" friend may very well have simply been a natural dominant. The way he acted towards you was as natural as breathing.


Completely disagree with you on this point. This guy acted like no natural dominant I know. Natural dominants have no need to force themselves on others to "prove" their dominance. And they certainly do not embrarass others in public just because they didn't get their way. This guy acted more like a spoiled brat than anything else. I see no dominance in his actions.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Man Handled.... - 4/11/2007 9:10:07 AM   
MDJour


Posts: 40
Joined: 8/8/2005
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord
Your "Male Dom" friend may very well have simply been a natural dominant. The way he acted towards you was as natural as breathing.


Completely disagree with you on this point. This guy acted like no natural dominant I know. Natural dominants have no need to force themselves on others to "prove" their dominance. And they certainly do not embrarass others in public just because they didn't get their way. This guy acted more like a spoiled brat than anything else. I see no dominance in his actions.

Namaste, Sir Dominic



Keyord here: Brat. My prior encounters with him, were for the most part good. He was always polite, calm and on an even keel. I was horrified by his actions on the night in question. It was the deal breaker. And since he had informed, a day and a half before the event that he would be joined by his new sub, I said fine but that I would like to meet her, but we would only appear as friends in this setting. I had no designs on leading him around on a leash. With my other male Dom friends, we treat each other as equals and benefit as such from that relationship. None of my other Dom friends has ever snatched me by the hair, or slapped my ass in public. This reminds me of a phrase we coined several years ago, that perhaps has relavence here: "Don't try to "Dom" your freinds"
Regards, Mistress V.

(in reply to SirDominic)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Man Handled.... - 4/11/2007 9:29:47 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MDJour
None of my other Dom friends has ever snatched me by the hair, or slapped my ass in public. This reminds me of a phrase we coined several years ago, that perhaps has relavence here: "Don't try to "Dom" your freinds"
Regards, Mistress V.


No relevance... I don't see this man's actions as domming you... maybe because you do is where the issue is... If anyone, male, female, vanilla, kinky or otherwise EVER grabbed me by the hair & attempted to physically force themselves on me wouldn't have had the chance to later slap my ass in public in a humilating manner... at best they would have been walking with a limp out of the place after I defended myself & reported their actions to the host &/or DM's.

Behavior such as was described is completely intolerable in most every social circle I can think of, especially one that views itself to be classy, civalized & consentual.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to MDJour)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Man Handled.... - 4/11/2007 9:30:43 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		He wasn't acting naturally dominant he was acting like a natural ASS. I am dominant and I do not go around smacking men on the ass just because I think that I can. What he did was rude and uncalled for, to me that is not how a dominant acts.

The problem with "dominants" like him is they sometimes pick on the wrong person and end up eating dirt or running with their tails between their legs. They also end up loosening respect and gaining a reputation for being an asshole.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Man Handled.... - 4/11/2007 10:17:16 AM   
LadyTantalize


Posts: 242
Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord
Your "Male Dom" friend may very well have simply been a natural dominant. The way he acted towards you was as natural as breathing.


Completely disagree with you on this point. This guy acted like no natural dominant I know. Natural dominants have no need to force themselves on others to "prove" their dominance. And they certainly do not embrarass others in public just because they didn't get their way. This guy acted more like a spoiled brat than anything else. I see no dominance in his actions.

Namaste, Sir Dominic


I am SO grateful to hear this response from a Male Dominant.    You are so correct in your assessment!!   Basically, the man's ego was wounded and his so-called dominance was threatened by her charisma, popularity and *natural dominance* that needed so assertion nor show.

_____________________________

Truly, Lady T.

Lady Tatiana Tantalize
Atlanta's Sadistic Southern Belle, Crossdressing Consultant, Punk-Rock Party Girl and Wicked SugarPuss
http://www.ladytantalize.net

"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages."
-Tennessee William

(in reply to SirDominic)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: ManHandled.... - 4/11/2007 10:17:49 AM   
MDJour


Posts: 40
Joined: 8/8/2005
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I would first dress him down privately and if he admitted the mistake I would simply request he appologize.  I feel that if he can set his ego aside before me as well as having the humanity to appologize, he should be given a second chance.  HOWEVER, if he got all pissy with me I would ban his ass instantly and permanently PERIOD.

edited to ad:  I have the UTMOST respect for female dominants and in NO way consider them to be submissives in waiting or any of that kind of bullshit. 


An apology from him is in order, although seriously doubt that will happen. He seems to have a deep sense of self-rightousness......

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: ManHandled.... - 4/11/2007 10:23:13 AM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		He acted like that because he's a man.  Men act like that all the time.  Has nothing to do with anything else.  

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to MDJour)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: ManHandled.... - 4/11/2007 10:31:20 AM   
MDJour


Posts: 40
Joined: 8/8/2005
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

He acted like that because he's a man.  Men act like that all the time.  Has nothing to do with anything else.  


I have higher expectations from men who enter my life. Otherwise they are gone, in 60 seconds. As is he.
Mistress V.

(in reply to Devilslilsister)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: ManHandled.... - 4/11/2007 10:46:30 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		I hope you learned a valuable lesson from this...

Don't ponder protocol, domliness or anything else. If an ass is an ass then you call them to the carpet on it right then & there because this ass was allowed to get away with his actions & because he didn't face the music right then & there you are now faced with a he said she said battle of wills that will do nothing but surround you & he & anyone who stands with either of you in a dark cloud of drama.

Best to let it go & avoid him... the one thing that really defeats an ass like this is to treat him as he doesn't matter in your world. That the interaction that took place was so inconsequential & so trivial that you honestly don't have a recollection of any part of it... so in other words & without words you are saying, your sexual prowess was pathetic & I don't even recall the kiss.



_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to MDJour)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: ManHandled.... - 4/11/2007 12:26:37 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		MDJour,
 
I am glad to hear you have and maintain your standards.
His title has nothing to do with his behavior, only his own
inflated ego.  You had already made the boundaries clear.
 
Be well,
 
Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: MDJour
I have higher expectations from men who enter my life.
Otherwise they are gone, in 60 seconds. As is he.
Mistress V.


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to MDJour)
Profile   Post #: 60
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