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Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 4:19:26 PM

littlesarbonn

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From: Stockton, California
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After my one great relationship ended, I sort of drifted for a couple of years trying to figure out what to do next. I ran into a few women with whom I thought I might be able to become a decent enough submissive with, but things just generally didn't work out. So, I decided at one point (about a decade ago), I would devote myself to bettering myself so that when the right person came along, I would have something worthy of her desires and needs when that time came.

So, I went back to school. Picked up a different BA. Then picked up an MA. Then continued on to the Ph.D. Well, figuring that my research could use a different direction, I went back to school and find myself finishing up another MA in a different, albeit someone related field.
I learned massage therapy. I picked up a few different languages. I learned tea ceremony rituals. I, due to a conversation with someone here way back then on an interpretation of feminism, I started studying feminist literature just to figure out what I was getting wrong. Whenever I found a lack, I tried to fill it with some knowledge or skill that was needed. I used to write mainly mystery/suspense novels, so I tried my hand at humor as a genre, and recently I finished my "epic" retelling of the American epic as told through the adventures of one of the survivors of the Trojan War.
So what's this all about? No, this isn't some kind of advertisement, but a long-winded way to ask a question: When do you stop trying to better yourself? By the same token, when does bettering yourself to make yourself a better person for someone else stop being for that reason and end up being a personal satisfaction goal for oneself? And for those who do set off on a journey to better oneself, what continues to motivate you, and is there really a purpose behind doing it, or are we all just Platonic cogs in the wheel pushing forth some self-satisfaction process that really caters only to a continuous process that doesn't get us anywhere but back to the beginning where we ask Socratic questions of ourselves?
I'm curious at any responses. My stuffed animals are really concerned about me. I think they think I'm somewhat nuts.

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RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 4:31:43 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
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just another thought to add.... When do you become so qualified that you become overqualified and don't get the job.

I look at you brief post... and say.. great for you .. thinking that the right woman would think all this of you is rather great.

But then... how many Dominant Females out there are going to um be secure enough with all your um qualifications.

Did you price yourself out of the market just by being a better you?

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 2

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 4:32:50 PM

myobedience

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Sarbonn,
I better myself for me. When I see something I lack, say like a virtue ~ perhaps patience, I work on it. Joyfulness was hard for about 2 years, I made a choice. I change me for me, not for anyone else. If I were changing me, bettering me for someone specific, or a specific gender label, such as Dom, I am doing myself a disservice.
I want to see my soul, mind and heart reflected in the mirror as I look at myself, not someone I dont recognize. I never want to get so lost in codependency again that I cannot retain my own sense of worth.
In becoming who I am, bettering myself, someone sees the person I am and what I am becoming and extends a hand ....I accept it as I look at him and find what I need in him or can give to him of me. We are then 2 interdependent people, our own selves, yet woven together by core values, virtues, morals, philosophies, personalities, goals, needs, etc .....

Do it for you, not a Domme. I truly believe when you do it for you, then she will find you.

< Message edited by myobedience -- 4/9/2007 4:33:29 PM >

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A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

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Post #: 3

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 4:33:52 PM

thetammyjo

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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I would assess why I'm pushing myself to be better.

Better for whom? An unknown person who may or may not come into myself? Myself? Someone I admire from afar?

I think doing anything for unknown and unfelt feedback will feel confusing and frustrating and crazy after a while. So I think you are feeling normal actually given what you've said your motivations are.

Not that I'm a big fan of nor know much about them, but I know that some folks follow the guardian or protector model of Ds where someone who is submissive can have a sort of mentor or guide who will provide them with feedback and guidance. Don't know if you've ever looked into that sort of relationship.

Sorry I can't be more helpful. Hopefully I was supportive, as much as can be online.

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RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 4:48:28 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
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From: another planet
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So what's this all about?
Good question - i'd send that right back at ya!!
No, this isn't some kind of advertisement,
You sure?
When do you stop trying to better yourself?
You don't. As long as you are bettering yourself for you.
By the same token, when does bettering yourself to make yourself a better person for someone else stop being for that reason and end up being a personal satisfaction goal for oneself?
I think bettering yourself always has to be to some degree for yourself.
And for those who do set off on a journey to better oneself, what continues to motivate you, and is there really a purpose behind doing it, or are we all just Platonic cogs in the wheel pushing forth some self-satisfaction process that really caters only to a continuous process that doesn't get us anywhere but back to the beginning where we ask Socratic questions?
Motivation is to achieve the goals i set myself. Purpose being to enable me to achieve my goals.Continous process - yes deffo, to achieve my goals - ooo i see a pattern.
So, I decided at one point (about a decade ago), I would devote myself to bettering myself so that when the right person came along, I would have something worthy of her desires and needs when that time came.
So you didn't feel good enough at that point for anyone? My take here would be you did these things to feel better about yourself. I'm not sure i know anyone who wants / needs someone to have an MA or BA or PHd.

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Post #: 5

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 5:09:09 PM

Griswold

Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

After my one great relationship ended, I sort of drifted for a couple of years trying to figure out what to do next. I ran into a few women with whom I thought I might be able to become a decent enough submissive with, but things just generally didn't work out. So, I decided at one point (about a decade ago), I would devote myself to bettering myself so that when the right person came along, I would have something worthy of her desires and needs when that time came.

So, I went back to school. Picked up a different BA. Then picked up an MA. Then continued on to the Ph.D. Well, figuring that my research could use a different direction, I went back to school and find myself finishing up another MA in a different, albeit someone related field.
I learned massage therapy. I picked up a few different languages. I learned tea ceremony rituals. I, due to a conversation with someone here way back then on an interpretation of feminism, I started studying feminist literature just to figure out what I was getting wrong. Whenever I found a lack, I tried to fill it with some knowledge or skill that was needed. I used to write mainly mystery/suspense novels, so I tried my hand at humor as a genre, and recently I finished my "epic" retelling of the American epic as told through the adventures of one of the survivors of the Trojan War.

So what's this all about? No, this isn't some kind of advertisement, but a long-winded way to ask a question: When do you stop trying to better yourself? (#1...Paragraphs....they're a good thing...really. ) In answer.... "Never".

By the same token, when does bettering yourself to make yourself a better person for someone else stop being for that reason and end up being a personal satisfaction goal for oneself? That was run on...however...look for the separator (see above red)...."for someone else"....that's the key.

Lil'....fuck those pricks...the only time they work for you is when you allow them...and you're allowing them.

And for those who do set off on a journey to better oneself, what continues to motivate you, and is there really a purpose behind doing it, or are we all just Platonic cogs in the wheel pushing forth some self-satisfaction process that really caters only to a continuous process that doesn't get us anywhere but back to the beginning where we ask Socratic questions of ourselves?

GAWD...you have an over - motivated desire to turn a phrase!!!!

What continues to motivate ME is...the desire to achieve more. (You achieve more {largely} when you sit down to a keyboard).

(Don't get a fat head).

I'm curious at any responses. My stuffed animals are really concerned about me. I think they think I'm somewhat nuts.

I think you're somewhat nuts...as well as desirous of a response...regardless...you have mine.

< Message edited by Griswold -- 4/9/2007 5:13:10 PM >

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 6

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 5:14:11 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
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I tend to agree with KOM except I think that by narrowing the field your more apt to find that ~ONE~ you know, that one who is taylored to fit rather then off the rack. Ok, I'm a dreamer... but you've made damn good use of your down time! .......... Hugs and Congrats!

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Post #: 7

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 5:26:35 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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I miss that thing under the box....Bring it back or you will pay.

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RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 5:34:42 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

When do you stop trying to better yourself?

Never

quote:

By the same token, when does bettering yourself to make yourself a better person for someone else stop being for that reason and end up being a personal satisfaction goal for oneself?

In my case, it was always about me... and perhaps also the future.

quote:

And for those who do set off on a journey to better oneself, what continues to motivate you?

Probably the same thing that used to motivate me to race the wind when I was a kid... because I could, just to see if I could.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 5:46:41 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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I think everything you have done for self -improvement is absolutely awesome, but my only question is why you felt that you had to take it to such extremes? I mean, if it was me you were trying to better yourself for, you had me at "massage therapy" :)

I don't really know how to answer your questions about when and why and who....the answers to those that are right for YOU can only be answered by you.

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Post #: 10

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 5:55:29 PM

kiyari

Posts: 631
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Kudos to you young sir!

Perhaps you have stepped outside the stream in your meanderings, but must have gained some measure of pleasure and contentment there?

I suspect that KoM is off the mark, as I doubt that any suitable Other[f] would be threatened by your accomplishments. [This perhaps a male/female difference in perspective, I grant.]

~K

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 11

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 5:55:55 PM

CrazyC

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Joined: 9/28/2006
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There is a druid saying that i live by, "To always be learning and that learning never ends, because the world is always evolving." The question for you is are you ever complete enough to quit improving? :-)

When the right Domme comes around, she isn't going to want you because you are highly educated or know certain liturature. She is going to want you for your great personality and outlook in life.

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Post #: 12

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 6:01:01 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I miss that thing under the box....Bring it back or you will pay.

How? ...........

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The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

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Post #: 13

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 6:20:56 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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You know I gotta say I've never done anything to "better myself."

There are things I want to "become better at" there are ways in which I want to look better, there are things I believe will make me happier, lead to better situations in the future, lead to greater self satisfaction- but honestly I've never done anything and in the hopes that I will become a better person/better me because of it.

So I don't know that I can really answer your question.

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Post #: 14

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 6:40:12 PM

FukinTroll

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

just another thought to add.... When do you become so qualified that you become overqualified and don't get the job.

I applied to be the devil but the boss said I was overqualified. They said they wanted someone to run hell so people wouldn't want to go.

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RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 6:40:20 PM

ownedgirlie

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Quite honestly, I think you should be looking at pursuing your interests, and learning/improving upon skills that you find fascinating. This is your life to live at the moment. Enjoy being you!! When the time comes that you come together with the right person for you, it is likely she will love all the parts of you that are true to you. Anything beyond that, she'll have you persue anyway.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 16

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 6:47:54 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

I applied to be the devil but the boss said I was overqualified. They said they wanted someone to run hell so people wouldn't want to go.

Well... considering you wanted to retro fit hell in pinks and whites with a dash of plaid... who could stay in a place like that?

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 17

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 6:48:04 PM

domiguy

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Much like LA, I have never done a single thing to better myself... But in the same breath, I must admit, I have done everything in my power to lessen those around me.

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RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 6:54:56 PM

marieToo

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I would definately better myself for a particular person who wanted to see "betterment" in a particular area.

<At the rate you are going, it looks like you are obsessing with something deep down>

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RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 6:56:43 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiyari

I suspect that KoM is off the mark, as I doubt that any suitable Other[f] would be threatened by your accomplishments. [This perhaps a male/female difference in perspective, I grant.]

well of course a Suitable Female wouldn't be threatened by his accomplishments... she wouldn't be suitable if she was now would she?

The problem is.. finding that suitable female.... and the better he is as a person...well the fewer suitable partners for him. Since his increased "Value" requires a person of Suitable "Value".

It seems like a catch 22 in some ways..... However, I still vote for working a being a better person... and let that suitable partner come when they come.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 20

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