RE: Adhering to hard limits

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Adhering to hard limits

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Adhering to hard limits

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Adhering to hard limits - 4/11/2007 9:06:25 PM

fairerthanshe

Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ckmidmodom

A dom myself and arrogance is nothing more than an attempt to hid the fact that you are probably out of shape, physically unclean and only have been able to lure a few fat bitches who aren't sure who they are into your web.

Tis obvious you know not of whom you speak...who is this Loki Loki of whom you speak? All i said was that halibut was good enough for Loki. Are you seducing me, Master Loki? Loki, Loki, where shall i go, what shall i do? Here's lookin at you, Loki...

_____________________________

The Nuclear Bomb of Awesome, rockin' the MoFo Hawk, still a bad-ass with a bouncy attitude, and spreading joy as a predator in Hello Kitty panties

Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to ckmidmodom)

Post #: 21

RE: Adhering to hard limits - 4/11/2007 9:30:20 PM

minnetar

Posts: 1272
Joined: 4/11/2007
Status: offline

Master Loki this girl had some hard limits pushed. In some cases this girl could handle in other cases this girl learned she could not and still has much to learn in knowing others.

minnetar

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 22

RE: Adhering to hard limits - 4/11/2007 9:37:38 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

*hi-snuggles the troll*

nah. we had those things called limits way back when we first got together. i think they swandove out the window with that stuff some people call sanity. :P

really, though...i had things i thought i would never do that i'm now doing or getting ready to do, and i realized that being pleasing meant a lot more to me than holding on to my ideas of what i could or couldn't take. after all, i took his collar because i trusted him to make those decisions, and i no longer have a desire to hold things back. and so far, we've gotten into some pretty heavy stuff that i thought would break me (rape play, to name one), and it's really had an effect for the better...it's hard, but it's something that's brought us closer together and also made me, my sexuality, and my submission a lot more...whole.

i think that the experience of being collared to him has brought enough change into both of our lives that it's hard to define limits. something we may not be ready to do now, we might be jumping at the bit to try five years from now. mainly, though, it's the fact that i found limits limiting in ways that i -didn't- want them to be - after awhile, they got to be stifling. i like this way much better. :) doesn't mean that bad stuff doesn't still happen, or that some things aren't still emotionally heavy and sometimes hard to deal with, and yes, damage does happen from time to time, but i prefer it this way, personally.

annabelle.

< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 4/11/2007 9:39:39 PM >

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to minnetar)

Post #: 23

RE: Adhering to hard limits - 4/11/2007 9:47:04 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I hate these sort of threads. I believe limits should be expected and that many who push limits should be pushed off a cliff. That said, I fucking LOVE pushing limits.

Pushing however isn't the best word for it. I don't push limits I seduce them, I don't undermine them, I respect them. Its a lot like anal sex, its ALWAYS hot to talk about shoving a big cock in without lube but the reality isn't always quite as hot. However, talking about it, teasing it, showing respect AND patience often yields rewards and offers an amazing bonding experience. The trick is to not expect anything, something at times I find hard but that is where patience comes in.

(in reply to hisannabelle)

Post #: 24

RE: Adhering to hard limits - 4/11/2007 9:47:18 PM

tulipgoose

Posts: 112
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline

Well, if it is in fact truly a hard limit it shall always stay as such. Sometimes we merely label things improperly.

I for one strive to only label something a hard limit if I have no intention or desire to do a certain thing, for reasons beyond discomfort but a mixture of such as well as fear, and true dislike and disagreement of a subject. Sometimes it is because I truly believe something is wrong, others because I know it is wrong for me alone.

However, until I research and ponder all these things it is not a hard limit. Without knowing the difference between a hard limit and a meer preference against something we cannot always ensure our safety which is hard enough to ensure already.

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 25

RE: Adhering to hard limits - 4/11/2007 11:00:58 PM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

While there are some things that are hard limits that will always be hard limits, I'm pretty easy to push on other things. If I haven't tried them, I'm generally willing to try at least once. Fire play is fun. Knife play is cool. Most things are fine if they are done right and safely. Will I every be okay with someone playing with UMs? No. With animals? No way. Snuff? Not my thing. There are a few more that would be on my hard limit list, but most other things I'm willing to experiment with.

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 26

RE: Adhering to hard limits - 4/11/2007 11:38:18 PM

damia

Posts: 190
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

The thing is...hard limits aren't -supposed- to be tested. If they were, they wouldn't be hard limits.

I adhere to my hard limits:
-flame play (I am afraid of fire...it will put me into a panic attack)
-forced smoking (I don't mind other people smoking, but I will -not- smoke myself...I started getting asthma attacks when I smoked before)
-foot worship (someone else's feet, ok; but if you touch my feet, I will probably knock the living daylights out of you)
-straight jackets (I have done my time in a psych ward, in a straight jacket...you put me in one, I'm going to break down)
-kneeling or standing for extended time (I have bad knees, and this will cause major pain and problems)
-cutting me (Because of my past in self-injury, I will not allow any cuts to be made on my body, because it may cause me to return to SI...I'll cut others, though, without problem)

As you can see, my hard limits are such because they would have a major negative effect on my physical, mental, and/or emotional well-being. They are NOT something to be pushed or tested

Others are social restrictions, such as scat (nothing keeps me from doing that except the gross factor), prostitution (I work in childcare...I would no longer be able to work childcare if I had that on my record...if I weren't working a job that it mattered, I -might- consider it) and sex or genital contact with anyone except My Lord (expressly forbidden without His permission). Some call these soft limits, but I've been taught that that just confuses the line. So they're restrictions, not limits.

I will never allow anything that is a hard limit. They are deal-breakers, and will always remain so. If someone tells me something is a hard limit, I have them explain why, and then we'll talk about whether it really is a hard limit (for example, I know a male who has forced homosexuality and cock worship as hard limits, because he's come so close to being abused by other males several times in the past. At the same time, he stated flame play as a hard limit, but when I discussed it with him, he said that 'maybe a little flame wouldn't be too bad...or maybe if it's not touching my skin...' so we agreed that was a social restriction, not a hard limit.

I have suffered when a hard limit was tested before. My Lord is newer to the lifestyle than I am. I had told him flame play was a hard limit for me, and told him it was not something to be tested. He didn't fully understand this, so at the beginning of the relationship, He would light his lighter and stick it right up near me...I would freak out, and back off, and he thought it funny. Well, once during a scene, He lit up his lighter, heated up a chain, and showed it to me. I begged Him not to put it on me, that it was a lot hotter than He thought, but He put it on my chest anyway. I screamed in pain and fear and safeword'd before going into a panic attack. He took it off as soon as I screamed, but it was too late for that. He spent the next half an hour, hour..something like that...calming me down out of the panic attack, because I was so freaked out. I still have the scar from the chain links...four little dots on my chest...and a scar on my mind from the fear and hurt that He pushed that limit. He has never put a flame near me again, and has never even asked about pushing any of the limits I have set forth. He learned a lesson, and I was reminded why flame play is and always will be a hard limit.

[Mod note: TOS violation removed]

< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 4/12/2007 8:43:20 AM >

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 27

RE: Adhering to hard limits - 4/12/2007 12:17:19 AM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings damia,

i think your post was awesome, and it definitely made me think.

do you ever have a desire to overcome things that, say, cause anxiety attacks, though? for example, knife play has caused me to have really bad flashback episodes (due to post traumatic stress disorder), but it's something that i would eventually like to be able to do, and i want to work past the negative effects it has on me now so that i can. have you ever, or do you think you will ever, want to be able to do some of the things that are on your limits list due to negative effects that can in a lot of cases be worked through?

this is just out of curiosity, if you don't mind my asking, because it surprised me some of the similarities we have (chronic pain, so standing/kneeling for long periods of time being a problem, panic attacks, etc.). anyway, thanks for your post.

annabelle.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to damia)

Post #: 28

RE: Adhering to hard limits - 4/12/2007 1:41:44 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Pushing however isn't the best word for it.

You know, this is a very good point. I don't think I have ever felt "pushed." Pushed implies a struggle, over something I didn't want to do. Instead I'll say he removed the fear. Big difference.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 29

RE: Adhering to hard limits - 4/12/2007 2:58:07 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

my hard limits are just that, they are firm, but i don't list my limits in terms of specific activities but rather in terms of consequences. There are many activities i thought i would hate but i tried them anyway and now love them. There are activities i thought i would love but ended up hating. But my limits are those things where death (mine or anyone else) could be a result, anything where a prison term could be the result, anything where permanent physical or emotional damage is the likely result.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to damia)

Post #: 30

RE: Adhering to hard limits - 4/12/2007 4:17:12 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

How many have been pushed into a hard limit and were glad they did?

My hard limits are few. They are Hard because they are to never be pushed under any circumstance.
Everything else fair game things like
knife-fire-breath-needle etc play were Never listed as hard because I knew
it was just the unknown I feared. I wanted to experience them at least once to know for sure That I am glad of because I enjoyed all

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 31

RE: Adhering to hard limits - 4/12/2007 4:29:27 AM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

I have hard and soft limits. Sir knows the difference. I also have my limits with Sir, and my limits with others. Things Sir can do others had better hope they don't ever even THINK of trying.

The only hard limit I ever had pushed was by a sub, and that was scat play. Met a sub who was a toilet slave and he pushed and pushed and pushed. End result is that eh, ok it's gross and doesn't turn me on but I'm not completely against it anymore. Which doesn't mean that I want to do it with a bunch of people or even that I want to do it period, but said sub has been my slave for a number of years now, and he brought me to understand his fetish and be much more tolerant of it.

I stick to my hard limits pretty firmly, with the understanding that I have two sets of them - hard limits with Sir (barely any) and hard limits with others (much longer list).

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 32

RE: Adhering to hard limits - 4/12/2007 4:32:48 AM

DisirUrdsFylgja

Posts: 63
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ckmidmodom

A dom myself and arrogance is nothing more than an attempt to hid the fact that you are probably out of shape, physically unclean and only have been able to lure a few fat bitches who aren't sure who they are into your web.

Ckmidmodom,
I am telling your mom
You shall have in your penis a Foley
For impugning the Troll most Holy

The troll is most handsome
He owns all the subs
Who he rents out for a kings ransom
And from pics we know he packs more than a stub

Calling Troll unclean
Is simply just mean
And some of his bitches
Are also skilled witches

On you we cast a curse
For you bub
On your dick shall nurse
A 600 pound Nigerian male sub

Until you have repented
Or prove thou was demented
You are cast into the perdition
Of the above spell wrought condition

_____________________________

No pattern to behold, give me back the Gods of old
Explode with color; drench my soul,descend upon the rainbow.

(in reply to ckmidmodom)

Post #: 33

RE: Adhering to hard limits - 4/12/2007 5:10:45 AM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I hate these sort of threads. I believe limits should be expected and that many who push limits should be pushed off a cliff. That said, I fucking LOVE pushing limits.

What I hate about these threads, is that people don't make it clear whether they're referring to the personal limits, or to the agreed-upon limits of the relationship.

If someone has a personal hard limit on caning, that limit can be worked up to, and eventually crossed. As someone once said, "today's hard limit is tomorrow's fetish".

However, if they've made it a condition of the relationship that they not be physically damaged, it would not be reasonable to push them into BME...

quote:

Its a lot like anal sex, its ALWAYS hot to talk about shoving a big cock in without lube but the reality isn't always quite as hot.

Define "hot"? I've always found the reality of it to be a lot better than the talking.

That may be just my sadistic side, though.

edited: why do I always end quotes with quite lately?

< Message edited by Aswad -- 4/12/2007 5:23:58 AM >

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 34

RE: Adhering to hard limits - 4/12/2007 5:21:26 AM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle

do you ever have a desire to overcome things that, say, cause anxiety attacks, though? for example, knife play has caused me to have really bad flashback episodes (due to post traumatic stress disorder), but it's something that i would eventually like to be able to do, and i want to work past the negative effects it has on me now so that i can. have you ever, or do you think you will ever, want to be able to do some of the things that are on your limits list due to negative effects that can in a lot of cases be worked through?

A lot more people try to do this than are competent to do so, which is an unneccessary risk, and IMO as someone with a lot of experience from both ends of the shrink's desk, clearly violates "safe" and "sane". I expect it sometimes violates "consensual" as well, as I've seen people that are pushy enough about this that I would not trust them to adhere to agreed-upon limits.

If you're going to try to use BDSM to treat psychiatrical problems, the sensible thing to do is to make sure you're qualified. Not just as a Dom, but as a therapist. This doesn't have to mean completing an education, but at the very least, you should be very familiar with whatever conditions you try to treat, as well as being extensively familiar with those treatment methodologies that are preferred for that condition. Usually, this will mean to learn Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (am I the only one who finds the acronym funny?) and quite possibly also Dialectical Behavioural Therapy. And to stay away from those that are controversial (e.g. applied behavioural analysis) or outdated (e.g. Freudian).

I have the skills to deal with certain disorders, including panic anxiety, but I am quite skeptical of people attempting this kind of thing without a similarly extensive background.

(in reply to hisannabelle)

Post #: 35

RE: Adhering to hard limits - 4/12/2007 6:28:21 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

I don't think I actually have a hard limit. If it's something that I've never tried then how would I know if I would like it or not. I think it's perfectly ok to touch upon things and test the waters...if it all goes well then there's every reason to go a little further. If it doesn't sit well then it's also perfectly ok to back off. Things don't have to be set in stone for me. If they were, I'd become very bored very fast knowing that I'd be taken only so far.

< Message edited by Aileen68 -- 4/12/2007 6:32:44 AM >

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 36

RE: Adhering to hard limits - 4/12/2007 6:44:39 AM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline

I've been seduced past most limits, and I enjoy the person it has allowed me to become.

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 37

RE: Adhering to hard limits - 4/12/2007 7:27:12 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

My Hard limits are just that HARD. Master would never push me past them. For me anal sex was a soft limit and since it was soft he pushed and i gave it up. Master and i have most of the same hard limits. UM's, scat, blood. fire.knife needle play, breath play, watersports (and i am not talking watersking) blood, cutting.

One thing that i really want to try is wax play have not done that yet.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 38

RE: Adhering to hard limits - 4/12/2007 7:34:57 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

upon entering this relationship with Master, this slave agreed to respect and adhere to HIS hard limits---curry & brussel sprouts being the top two. this slave is happy to report that she has adhered, and not pushed His limits.

this slave did not and does not limit Him, softly or hardly, so there is nothing for Him to "push".

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 39

RE: Adhering to hard limits - 4/12/2007 7:39:57 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

we (Daddy and i) do because they are something we have desire and/or interest in trying. personally, i don't find watersports or face slapping sexually appealing to me knowing that it might to others. i'm glad the person i'm currently dating respects my hard limits and won't push me into trying them either.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Adhering to hard limits

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078