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Figurehead Domme - 4/12/2007 10:10:52 PM   
Laura


Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		Not so much a question as an observation looking for feedback. I've been on CM for a few years, talked to lots of guys, met a couple.

I began talking to a new guy and until a few days ago I was thinking things were going along well enough for a beginning. But, now I am just tired of the whole thing as I feel I am just a figurehead to him.

He keeps telling me how he will serve me and tries to tell me what I think and feel. At first he seemed to be listening to me but now I realize he was only listening as long as I agreed (or came close to agreeing) with him. I am a figurehead for his fantasies of being owned.

In our conversations he plunges ahead like an over excited dog on a leash. He doesn't see how I am there still holding the leash having my arm pulled out of it's socket. I am kind of angry and yet... this is just so typical of all my other encounters with male subs. I just didn't see it at first.

Has any one ever found a real male sub? Not a professional relationship, something personal where he actually knows you and responds to you and does not try to lead you to serve him.


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RE: Figurehead Domme - 4/12/2007 10:19:07 PM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		Laura, the dog on a leash is great analogy ...so you are dealing with a puppy ... treat him like one and pull him into line.  Consider stepping up rather than stepping down.

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


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(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Figurehead Domme - 4/12/2007 10:24:01 PM   
Laura


Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		My first impulse is to let go of the leash and just let him run into the next tree. He is a Taurus, notoriously stubborn and bull headed. I doubt he even knows my sign, I can't remember him ever asking. 

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Bait & Switch - Adult column

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Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Figurehead Domme - 4/12/2007 10:24:22 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

Has any one ever found a real male sub? Not a professional relationship, something personal where he actually knows you and responds to you and does not try to lead you to serve him.



Yes! They do exist!

Okay, honestly, even the most perfect submissive tries to get what he wants on occasion. We're both only human after all. One trick is a quick hard jerk on the leash (literally or figuratively) to remind him of his place.

** edited to say I wrote while the other replies were posting. You would think letting them run into a tree would work, but they just can't seem to get the connection. lol

< Message edited by Misstoyou -- 4/12/2007 10:26:30 PM >

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a.k.a. "mean Lady"


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RE: Figurehead Domme - 4/12/2007 10:44:55 PM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		lol a Taurus eeek save ya self!  Growing up with a father, older sister and older brother who were all Taurus star sign I sympathise ;)
 
I think a lot of people, okay lets be fair, male subs, do run off into fantasy land when faced with the reality here is a real life person who might just be the one who could possibly fullfill all their wants and needs; not realising that in the process they become annoyingly one eyed about it.  Not to mention it screams "do me! do me nooooooowwwwww!" but like all over eager puppies they need to realise they can't be running with the big dogs if they're still peeing like a puppy ...
 
I'd call him on it. 



_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


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Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Figurehead Domme - 4/12/2007 10:52:04 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

Not so much a question as an observation looking for feedback. I've been on CM for a few years, talked to lots of guys, met a couple.

I began talking to a new guy and until a few days ago I was thinking things were going along well enough for a beginning. But, now I am just tired of the whole thing as I feel I am just a figurehead to him.

He keeps telling me how he will serve me and tries to tell me what I think and feel. At first he seemed to be listening to me but now I realize he was only listening as long as I agreed (or came close to agreeing) with him. I am a figurehead for his fantasies of being owned.

In our conversations he plunges ahead like an over excited dog on a leash. He doesn't see how I am there still holding the leash having my arm pulled out of it's socket. I am kind of angry and yet... this is just so typical of all my other encounters with male subs. I just didn't see it at first.

Has any one ever found a real male sub? Not a professional relationship, something personal where he actually knows you and responds to you and does not try to lead you to serve him.



Laura, this is the primary reason I don't have a collared submissive.
It can be disheartening to keep running into men like this, and the majority of the men
that I have talked to online have been exactly like this.
The way that I get around this, is I do not get into relationships with potential submissives
that are not willing to take the TIME to get to know me as a person and a friend PRIOR to any
BDSM activities.
I have found this normally weeds out about 90% of the Do Me's, the Fly By's and the men only
looking for "fun" and to "play/serve".

I am serious, most will weed themselves out, so many have what I call "submissive hunger" they are
like crazed animals and they are so desperate to serve you, they don't have time to get to know you!

My current "potential" and I have been chatting about 2 months now, one of the reasons I am beginning to
adore him is because he LISTENS to me and he makes me LAUGH.  He seems to care about me, my health,
my life and my freaking issues.  THAT is the way to get close to me.  He "remembers" things about what I
tell him I am dealing with, and he then asks how they turn out.   We seldom discuss  BDSM activities. 
He will be my friend before he becomes my submissive.  I will not have it any other way.

It helps that you are the Dominant because you CAN control how fast things go and how the relationship
will turn out.
People normally are only going to treat you the way you ALLOW them to treat you.
Good luck and keep us posted.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/12/2007 11:07:31 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


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"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Figurehead Domme - 4/13/2007 12:50:37 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		Part of the problem with a lot of submissive males is that they have learned about submission through media fantasy of what being a submissive means. There aren't a lot of help groups that they know of, although many such organizations do exist. Places like Janus are great for introducing people to the scene, and there are more than enough beyond that that I just could spend hours trying to include those that do such a thing. Unfortunately, the general submissive comes to the scene either through an introduction of mass media, seeing little fantasy snippets from mainstream television and movies (like seeing Angelina Jolie dominate the guy in Mr and Mrs Smith, which for a person seeing a fantasy domme for the first time, this can fill the image of exactly what he believes a dominant should be like because that's what sparked the first fantasy). Another input comes through much of the bdsm pornography that is out there that caters specifically to fantasies that each product deals with. Whether it be movies, books, magazines or newspapers, this can often give the wrong impression.

A story I often tell is of the first bdsm novel I wrote while I was serving a professional dominant as her live-in slave. It was quite known that I was her personal slave (although I think back on those days and realize I probably should have been a lot more private, but I was so proud of being her slave, so I was somewhat stupid, although she didn't ever disapprove), and clients of hers managed to read my novel, and then came to do sessions with her, asking if she did (insert name of the novel) sessions, thinking that because her slave wrote the book, it must be about a real world kind of thing she did. Yes, she would get really pissed at this, and I never heard the end of it because the book was about a psychological state of domination, and it was definitely beyond something someone could achieve in a one or two hours session.

What this means is that you are competing against images and fantasies that have been integrated in these submissives even before you came along. What is important is to make it VERY clear that what is going to happen in YOUR relationship is what you intend to have happen, and that it is NOT going to be the fantasy drivel that the person was reading or watching. I can see this just in what you're discussing because I've seen this so many times in the past. He sees you as a conduit to achieve what is already preformed in his mind. You are the world of forms that Plato envisions for the designer of worlds. No one can live up to the world of forms, and thus, everything becomes just a bit of a let-down in this type of world. I highly advise taking the talk to approach because I know exactly where it would head if you do not.

But I do agree with Jasmyn. What you should do in this circumstance, unless the problems have become too insurmountable, is step up rather than step down. You might have a diamond in the rough, but you have to determine that that is what you actually have first. Having spoken to many of my dominant friends over the years, the one main regret they have is dismissing someone earlier in their search because they didn't give the opportunity to explore if that person just needed a bit of coaxing to be what they wanted.


_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Figurehead Domme - 4/13/2007 12:52:35 AM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura



Has any one ever found a real male sub? Not a professional relationship, something personal where he actually knows you and responds to you and does not try to lead you to serve him.



Yes, my partner. 

Figurehead?  Do you mean like a fantasy figure not a real person?

Have you met in real life and checked him out over a date?  Is he pushy and a really bad listener in real life?  Until you meet face to face, you are mostly his projected fantasy, arent you?  What else could you be?

After meeting in real life he still might not be your cup of tea, but I like proactive, enthusiastic and imaginative submissives.  I find the Yes-Ma'am- No-Ma'am- Nothing-Else-to-Say Ma'am submissives pretty boring really.




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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Figurehead Domme - 4/13/2007 1:59:17 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

My first impulse is to let go of the leash and just let him run into the next tree. He is a Taurus, notoriously stubborn and bull headed. I doubt he even knows my sign, I can't remember him ever asking. 


FYI, most men don't CARE about astrology, and many people in general don't even believe in it.  I wouldn't base anyone's behavior or their lack of caring on that sole factor.

However, it does sound like you've let him take advantage of your attention.  You need to make the choice whether he's actually serious or just using you for his masturbation.  Hard call, really.


_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Figurehead Domme - 4/13/2007 5:44:39 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

Has any one ever found a real male sub?
Yes, my partner

If you want to pursue it I'd yank that leash and see how quickly he falls into line.  If he doesn't, then let the leash go and look for a better trained dog.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Figurehead Domme - 4/13/2007 5:48:25 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline


quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura
<snip>He is a Taurus, notoriously stubborn and bull headed. I doubt he even knows my sign, I can't remember him ever asking. 


quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandoraFYI, most men don't CARE about astrology, and many people in general don't even believe in it.  I wouldn't base anyone's behavior or their lack of caring on that sole factor.

However, it does sound like you've let him take advantage of your attention.  You need to make the choice whether he's actually serious or just using you for his masturbation.  Hard call, really.


I am one of those that don't place any belief in astrology... I find the entertainment factor to be worthy of a look-see from time to time but I don't use it in making life decisions.

My reason for replying to these messages was for one, my current submissive of just over 3 yrs is a Taurus so their are Taurus s-types out there. In fact, I've interacted with at least 3 others. Could it be because I'm Capricorn...

Secondly, as MisPandora has said, it seems as though he is using your attention to serve his purpose & yours is at best secondary. You may see yourself as holding the leash but only because he has allowed you to do so. There is a difference between holding a leash & actually effectively controlling what is at the end of it. Watch a Dog Whisperer episode & you'll see that lesson learned on every show.

But you are not dealing with an animal. You are dealing with a man. Unless you have adapted the perception that he is an inferior beast he is just as mentally adept & capable of coercion as you are.



_____________________________

MstrssPassion


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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Figurehead Domme - 4/13/2007 5:49:14 AM   
Unrepentant1


Posts: 283
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

Not so much a question as an observation looking for feedback. I've been on CM for a few years, talked to lots of guys, met a couple.

I began talking to a new guy and until a few days ago I was thinking things were going along well enough for a beginning. But, now I am just tired of the whole thing as I feel I am just a figurehead to him.

He keeps telling me how he will serve me and tries to tell me what I think and feel. At first he seemed to be listening to me but now I realize he was only listening as long as I agreed (or came close to agreeing) with him. I am a figurehead for his fantasies of being owned.

In our conversations he plunges ahead like an over excited dog on a leash. He doesn't see how I am there still holding the leash having my arm pulled out of it's socket. I am kind of angry and yet... this is just so typical of all my other encounters with male subs. I just didn't see it at first.

Has any one ever found a real male sub? Not a professional relationship, something personal where he actually knows you and responds to you and does not try to lead you to serve him.



Laura, this is the primary reason I don't have a collared submissive.
It can be disheartening to keep running into men like this, and the majority of the men
that I have talked to online have been exactly like this.
The way that I get around this, is I do not get into relationships with potential submissives
that are not willing to take the TIME to get to know me as a person and a friend PRIOR to any
BDSM activities.
I have found this normally weeds out about 90% of the Do Me's, the Fly By's and the men only
looking for "fun" and to "play/serve".

I am serious, most will weed themselves out, so many have what I call "submissive hunger" they are
like crazed animals and they are so desperate to serve you, they don't have time to get to know you!

My current "potential" and I have been chatting about 2 months now, one of the reasons I am beginning to
adore him is because he LISTENS to me and he makes me LAUGH.  He seems to care about me, my health,
my life and my freaking issues.  THAT is the way to get close to me.  He "remembers" things about what I
tell him I am dealing with, and he then asks how they turn out.   We seldom discuss  BDSM activities. 
He will be my friend before he becomes my submissive.  I will not have it any other way.

It helps that you are the Dominant because you CAN control how fast things go and how the relationship
will turn out.
People normally are only going to treat you the way you ALLOW them to treat you.
Good luck and keep us posted.


I agree completely with this, there are so many dreamers and idiots about wasting time, it makes it so frustrating for those genuinely submissive and seeking a relationship.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Figurehead Domme - 4/13/2007 5:53:32 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

quote:

Has any one ever found a real male sub?
Yes, my partner

If you want to pursue it I'd yank that leash and see how quickly he falls into line.  If he doesn't, then let the leash go and look for a better trained dog.


ahhh... but what does this say about the trainer? What kind of trainer are you if you can only interact with one that is already trained?

The point is... we as dominants & trainers have to assess whether an individual is trainable or if they are a lost cause.

Not everyone is trainable per se... some are only capable of being that often referred to term of "bedroom submissive". If this is not what you seek & you seek someone who will take to being trained to respond to your authority on a 24 hr basis & not only during those intimate times then don't attempt to force the bedroom submissive to be what they are not wired to be.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Figurehead Domme - 4/13/2007 7:13:33 AM   
VeryMercurial


Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		Many online are living in fantasy land and do seek a mythical Dominant.
Thus the increasing proliferation of the professional Dominants.
The professional Dominants deliver the fantasy and dreams, for a tribute.
Most of the clueless submissves don't realize we are real women, with real
lives and real problems.
Many desire the professional Dominant in latex and leather, swinging a whip in
6 inch heels, but don't want to pay for those services.

(in reply to Unrepentant1)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Figurehead Domme - 4/13/2007 7:19:23 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		It is quite possible to find someone who follows instead of leading. In fact, I've never had a submissive, male or female, who tried to lead.

I'm not sure why. Maybe my personality doesn't attract those people. Maybe it's the program I developed and follow to weed our and work with potentials -- but that seems unlikely because even when I was starting I didn't pair up with people trying to control me and not the other way around.

So I'm thinking it may be unconscious signals you are sending out that is attracting these types of bottoms. I 'm not sure what you can do about it because I'm not sure how you would step back and observe yourself enough to figure out what it is.

I'm not saying you have to live with these bottoms. I'm suggesting that you might need to go more slowly than you all ready do and be a bit more cautious before accepting a new wouldbe submissive. Even if you go slow now, it might not hurt to go even slower.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Figurehead Domme - 4/13/2007 8:58:54 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline 		Curiously, this thread implies that men are dogs, albeit for not the usual reason.

For the record, I more consider myself a cat.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 4/13/2007 8:59:45 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Figurehead Domme - 4/13/2007 1:04:01 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura
Not so much a question as an observation looking for feedback. I've been on CM for a few years, talked to lots of guys, met a couple.

I began talking to a new guy and until a few days ago I was thinking things were going along well enough for a beginning. But, now I am just tired of the whole thing as I feel I am just a figurehead to him.




Perhaps this is something you've allowed to happen.  As others have said, this may be the time to "pull in the reins".  Have you let him know what you expect from him?  I suggest you try setting some boundaries and see if he respects them.  If he begins to talk about his fantasies or what he wants, change the subject on him.  If he returns to the his fantasies again, tell him you don't want to talk about them right now and that you want to talk about what you'd changed the subject to.  Then see how he responds.  If he actually is looking for a dominant woman to serve and respect, he'll respond to this and respect the boundaries that you set for him.
 
 
quote:


He keeps telling me how he will serve me and tries to tell me what I think and feel. At first he seemed to be listening to me but now I realize he was only listening as long as I agreed (or came close to agreeing) with him. I am a figurehead for his fantasies of being owned.



You might want to quiz him on some things to find out just how much he did listen to what you've said.  Does he remember when your birthday is or other important facts about you that you've shared?  If he didn't, then use that fact to make your point and discuss where he's at.  From there, it may be time to reiterate your expectations and what you're willing to negotiate on.  Some women here are of the belief that it's either "my way or the highway", while others are more flexible.  Where do you stand?  What areas are you flexible on and in what areas of a relationship are you willing to negotiate?  If you don't know, you may in fact be sending mixed messages to this man whether you realize it or not.


quote:


In our conversations he plunges ahead like an over excited dog on a leash. He doesn't see how I am there still holding the leash having my arm pulled out of it's socket. I am kind of angry and yet... this is just so typical of all my other encounters with male subs. I just didn't see it at first.



With the ratio of male subs to dommes, this isn't totally unusual.  I'd expect that he's just excited that you've shown an interest in him.  Are you perhaps angry at yourself for not reeling him in sooner or for having allowed him to run off on a tangent for so long without realizing it? 
 
We're all human and have our fantasies, desires, needs and wants.  I'm sure this guy has his too, just as you do.  If they match yours fine.  If they don't, then you need to let him know where they don't coincide with yours and discuss it.  As a dominant, I'd hope that wouldn't be difficult for you. 
 
Very few people are a perfect match in their interests, both lifestyle and vanilla.  In my opinion, it's foolish to toss someone aside because they're not an exact match with all of yours, but are 95% of what you are looking for.  Unless there's a major dealbreaker for one of you, I personally don't see it as being a problem.  People change with time as do their interests and desires.  As a dominant and presumably a mentor as well, I'd hope you could help him to see what he'd otherwise be missing by not compromising on some of his desires.


quote:


Has any one ever found a real male sub? Not a professional relationship, something personal where he actually knows you and responds to you and does not try to lead you to serve him.



Face it, some of this is human nature.  No man (or woman) is 100% submissive.  It's all a matter of degree.  There are going to be times when you'll need to either learn to compromise with him or else pull him back into line according to the expectations that you've set with him and to which presumably both of you have agreed.  As others have said, turning the focus to your vanilla interests should help a great deal toward allowing him to get to know you as a woman and dissipating the fantasy world he might be going to in his mind.
 
 - pixel

Edited for readability & spelling 


< Message edited by pixelslave -- 4/13/2007 1:12:09 PM >

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Figurehead Domme - 4/13/2007 1:43:46 PM   
TigressFL


Posts: 239
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline 		I changed my approach with males that start out or jump into this situation a while ago and it has helped with this type of situation. I do not discuss BDSM with them period! I do not need to know their limit list or desires for play beyond what I read in their profile until much, much later AFTER I get to know them as a person! If they ask me a BDSM related question or attempt to steer the conversation in that direction, I tell them, I am not going to discuss BDSM with until I have gotten to know you as a person. If they keep it up, I will not talk to them at all. They can only talk to you about it or treat you that way if you allow it in my opinion.


Good Luck!!!

Tigress


(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Figurehead Domme - 4/13/2007 1:47:59 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

I began talking to a new guy and until a few days ago I was thinking things were going along well enough for a beginning. But, now I am just tired of the whole thing as I feel I am just a figurehead to him.

He keeps telling me how he will serve me and tries to tell me what I think and feel. At first he seemed to be listening to me but now I realize he was only listening as long as I agreed (or came close to agreeing) with him. I am a figurehead for his fantasies of being owned.

In our conversations he plunges ahead like an over excited dog on a leash. He doesn't see how I am there still holding the leash having my arm pulled out of it's socket. I am kind of angry and yet... this is just so typical of all my other encounters with male subs. I just didn't see it at first.



I think you have put it very nicely, Laura.  And yes, it is hard to see at first, because things seem to be on the same page.  I always seem to find the boys who are eager and happy to submit as long as it is something they wanted anyway and you are, in a reverse concept, fitting into his program, rather than him adjusting to yours.  How submissive is that? 
I am not talking major things, as one should be in agreement in those areas.  But when there is a constant struggle happening over all things, because the boy assumes that you must feel the way he views it, it becomes tiring.     
It now becomes a power struggle rather than a power exchange.
Astrology aside, it is more important for Me to feel confident that the boy has a true commitment to obedience and not just obedience in the things that are comfortable.  It is up to both to ensure that this obedience is on the same page.  That the Domina is not going to ask the slave to do something that is morally repugnant or will cause psychological or emotional damage.  (That is, as the Domina, I will not take that puppy out into dangerous traffic.)  So if the type of haircut or weekly menu or brand of cigarettes is causing emotional and psychological damange, then it is probably not somebody I am interested in for the long run.  I call these "life limits" rather than BDSM limits.  It is amazing how many life limits exist.  It is hard for Me to take someone's sworn fealty seriously when I have to argue every single point of day to day preferences.  
I will yank 'em back, but if My arm keeps being pulled, in spite of My reasonable efforts to train said puppy to realize that I am the Mistress and the Alpha, I will let go of that leash as it must become obvious that if I don't move in the direction the puppy wants, I will lose My arm.  I prefer to lose the puppy.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Figurehead Domme - 4/13/2007 2:06:42 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TigressFL

I changed my approach with males that start out or jump into this situation a while ago and it has helped with this type of situation. I do not discuss BDSM with them period! I do not need to know their limit list or desires for play beyond what I read in their profile until much, much later AFTER I get to know them as a person! If they ask me a BDSM related question or attempt to steer the conversation in that direction, I tell them, I am not going to discuss BDSM with until I have gotten to know you as a person. If they keep it up, I will not talk to them at all. They can only talk to you about it or treat you that way if you allow it in my opinion.


Good Luck!!!

Tigress




Generally speaking, I agree with you on this.  Being on a site like CM, compatibility in terms of BDSM can usually be assumed from reading a properly completed profile.  Unfortunately, I realize that isn't always the situation that some find themselves in when contacted by a potential partner.  Getting to know each other as human beings is far more important and is where I think two people really need to start.
 
 - pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to TigressFL)
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