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RE: Figurehead Domme - 5/6/2007 12:40:53 AM

NightVIne

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/5/2007
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[/quote] I always seem to find the boys who are eager and happy to submit as long as it is something they wanted anyway and you are, in a reverse concept, fitting into his program, rather than him adjusting to yours. How submissive is that? It now becomes a power struggle rather than a power exchange.[/quote]

And that's especially true if they are more experienced than you! I'm going through that now. I have to make sure he doesn't become the top from the bottom as he's the expert.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

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Post #: 41

RE: Figurehead Domme - 5/6/2007 1:01:41 AM

leatherorlace

Posts: 215
Joined: 2/21/2005
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This is an affliction that affects so many submissives, male, females and others... I literally have decades of esperience and expertise with every implement, instruments, tool and etc of My chosen lifestyle. I have the knowledge and honed instincts to manage those that wish to enter My small realm, but, I've grown out of the patience that, I once possessed and no longer cater to every lil' whim that some of those offering to serve.
Most have no real idea of what devoted and dedicated service entails, most could care less as long as their baser needs are catered to, but, I've had a harder attitude towards the weekend players that beg Me to allow them to allow them entry into My presence. Knowing that, I'd endup having to clean and treat My implements Myself because they have a dinner date two hours after their scheduled visit doesn't cause Me to be gleeful that they've made sometime to visit.
The married or partnered ones can be real arses because of their very limited time and their inability to go home with any apparent stripes, strop marks, welts, weals, bruises, etc. I'm not lonely, I'm not without appreciative admirers and I certainly manage to cater to My lusty libido with those at hand, but, I do enjoy different intellects and personalities, and their bod's do cause Me some ,,, never mind, I'll end up snivelin' about the durttled headed ones if I don't hush. lol
Reasonable expectations is a concept that most have trouble realizing, especially if forty-eleventeen wannabees, poseurs and scrotum breathed airheads have convienced them that they're "precious, amazing beautiful, blah, blah, and blah.
Gentry

quote:

ORIGINAL: NightVIne

I always seem to find the boys who are eager and happy to submit as long as it is something they wanted anyway and you are, in a reverse concept, fitting into his program, rather than him adjusting to yours. How submissive is that? It now becomes a power struggle rather than a power exchange.

And that's especially true if they are more experienced than you! I'm going through that now. I have to make sure he doesn't become the top from the bottom as he's the expert.

(in reply to NightVIne)

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Post #: 42

RE: Figurehead Domme - 5/6/2007 7:59:55 AM

Unrepentant1

Posts: 283
Joined: 8/25/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDolly

quote:

ORIGINAL: Unrepentant1

The mental aspect is far more important to me, I guess a lot of subs are not really submissive, they just want sexual gratification. To me it all begins in the mind, and a Domme must win that before any form of submission can happen.

It is equally as important for you to trust and respect the Woman you choose to submit to as it is for her to trust and respect you. I believe most dominant women seeking a D/s relationship would appreciate your mindset, Unrepentant1.

Thank you, thats very reassuring to hear.

(in reply to MistressDolly)

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Post #: 43

RE: Figurehead Domme - 5/6/2007 7:02:06 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
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Even on the Professional side its hard to find a submissive that has a realistic
idea of what a Domme/Mistress is.

I have found submissives that are "true" to their word in both personal and professional relationships.

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http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to Laura)

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Post #: 44

RE: Figurehead Domme - 5/7/2007 4:40:30 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jasmyn

Laura, the dog on a leash is great analogy ...so you are dealing with a puppy ... treat him like one and pull him into line. Consider stepping up rather than stepping down.

This sounds like good advice and in most life situations I would agree but this is classic selfish male behavior. It can, and often does, turn into passive aggressive crap. Although I agree that as an experienced Domina I should “train” him to please me, however it is HE that should be stepping it up a notch, doing back flips and kissing my ass to prove that he is even worth my time. Its as simple as that.

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Post #: 45

RE: Figurehead Domme - 5/18/2007 10:02:49 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

I think trust comes from respect. If someone does not respect you you won't ever really trust them. I think both things are important but they don't come instantly. You have to get to know someone awhile to have anything sincere.

Someone wrote about training him. But, I don't see a male sub as a toddler in need of potty training. If submission is what he wants he should know what that means and what that is. We can work on learning fetishes and skills such as spanking. But, submission itself is not something I am going to train a man for. It is either there or it is not. If he wants a Domme, any Domme, he can pay someone. I could use the money but it's just not something I can see myself doing. I want a personal connection, a relationship and I want to be the one smiling while he grimaces - not the other way around.

Laura, I think you hit the nail on the head.
I don't believe in training, I never really understood it.
Most of the men that approach me use "training" as a ticket to free kink.
I tell them if you can understand English and follow instructions you are now trained.
Everything else I will explain as we go along.
There is a HUGE disconnect around here, especially between what most of the women want
and what most of the men want.
I used to think it was mainly between Dominant women and submissive males.
But, I see it is as prevalent between Dominant men and submissive women.
We are indeed from different planets most of the time.
**Yeah, I brought the thread BACK, it is a good one**

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To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Laura)

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Post #: 46

RE: Figurehead Domme - 5/18/2007 10:26:27 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

Not so much a question as an observation looking for feedback. I've been on CM for a few years, talked to lots of guys, met a couple.

I began talking to a new guy and until a few days ago I was thinking things were going along well enough for a beginning. But, now I am just tired of the whole thing as I feel I am just a figurehead to him.

He keeps telling me how he will serve me and tries to tell me what I think and feel. At first he seemed to be listening to me but now I realize he was only listening as long as I agreed (or came close to agreeing) with him. I am a figurehead for his fantasies of being owned.

In our conversations he plunges ahead like an over excited dog on a leash. He doesn't see how I am there still holding the leash having my arm pulled out of it's socket. I am kind of angry and yet... this is just so typical of all my other encounters with male subs. I just didn't see it at first.

Has any one ever found a real male sub? Not a professional relationship, something personal where he actually knows you and responds to you and does not try to lead you to serve him.

After reading the OP now 5 times, I just need to say BRAVO!!!
I think I need to save this and just send it to all the potential submissive "suitors"
that come calling.
After a while, chit like this is so damn yesterday.

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Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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Post #: 47

RE: Figurehead Domme - 5/18/2007 10:31:50 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JustAslave2007

i believe that the majority of male subs online have a much greater interest in expieriencing their sexual fantasies than in actual service to a Domina. This is fine as long as they are honest and tell the Dommeand She knows their motivations. This type of "sub" will likely engage the service a pro-Domme.
i believe for any relationship to work one must not take without giving nor give without taking.
It is not impossible to find a slave who is more concerned with pleasing a Domina than he is with pleasing himself.
However , i believe, they are rare very and finding one may take a good deal of time and effort.

just my thoughts

How did I miss this one? You are right most of the men that approach me are looking to experience THEIR
sexual fantasies, fetishes, and kinks. I have to laugh, they only want to serve me, IF my defintion of kink is
THEIR definition of kink.
So who is really serving whom here?

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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Post #: 48

RE: Figurehead Domme - 5/18/2007 10:32:31 PM

JpnsTigerrrlily

Posts: 161
Joined: 8/13/2006
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I find that many people are looking for someone...sometimes anyone to simply fulfill their fantasies. It's not so much looking for a Dom/Domme or a submissive or slave but they're simply projecting their masturbation fantasies onto another. The other person doesn't even really have to be there mentally or emotionally...they're simply spouting what is going on in their fantasies. Kind of like those first e-mails that go...Mistress I want to lick your feet and for you to spank me when I'm bad and you can keep me locked up while you fuck other men and blah blah blah. Thanks buddy, but no thanks. :P

(in reply to MzMia)

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Post #: 49

RE: Figurehead Domme - 5/18/2007 10:35:07 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
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Welcome and thanks for posting TigerLilly!
I hope to see you post more often!

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Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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Post #: 50