Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

will I ever trust a man again


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> will I ever trust a man again Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
will I ever trust a man again - 4/24/2005 8:22:55 PM   
darkprincess21


Posts: 15
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: Aberdeen, Wa
Status: offline 		Life is hard for me, at 21 I've already seen more than most people three times my age. at age eight my mother shot herself in the chest and barely survived and at age fifteen my father passed away and I was left to survive on my own. I've survived alot. I'm now living a semi-normal life. I left my ex-boyfriend in january, he wasnt worth the pain, he caused me to cry on almost a daily basis. I dont know why I'm posting all of this, I guess I'm just hoping that maybe somewhere out here there is someone who understands me. I dont trust men, I'm into bdsm but there is such a huge difference between this lifestyle and abuse. I dont want to be hurt again and I'm not sure whether just leaving this lifestyle alone would help with that(I somehow doubt it). I just miss having someone there to have fun with, someone I can talk to and who really wants to hang out with me. I'm so tired of talking on the internet but all the men who want to meet me dont seem to be willing to do things on my terms, Anyways......I guess posting this sort of thing on the internet isnt the smartest thing but I just need to have ppl understand. Much love to all of you, katy




Attachment (1)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: will I ever trust a man again - 4/24/2005 11:46:04 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		Hey Katy,
You've been dealt a terrible hand in life...
You should in my opinion be seeking counseling and continuing school, giving yourself the tools you need to survive and perhaps prosper.

You are not in a good place, and I don't see how you will be able to trust yourself or anyone enough to have a good relationship where you can be a good submissive and not be open to a mountain or pain.
I hope you have health insurance and can get counseling. Wish you lots of luck, M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to darkprincess21)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: will I ever trust a man again - 4/24/2005 11:49:33 PM   
MzBerlin


Posts: 378
Joined: 7/3/2004
Status: offline 		katy-
I think that blktallfullfig gave you the best advice that anyone could. I endorse her recommendations. Feel free to come to the forums and learn and grow. We are a pretty supportive bunch, and I want you to feel welcome here.
B

_____________________________

new pictures!! www.ropexpert.com
also- you can catch me on www.ksexradio.com every tuesday. I co-host Baadmasters' Dungeon!!

(in reply to darkprincess21)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: will I ever trust a man again - 4/25/2005 12:55:17 AM   
darkprincess21


Posts: 15
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: Aberdeen, Wa
Status: offline 		I dont like counselors because they dont know anything about what I've been through. I have a job now and am working really hard to change things in my life. I'm just not dating until I meet someone who can meet me on my level or something. The thing is that I'm still here and I'm still surviving and striving to make my life better. I just need someone who respects that fact and maybe has some appreciation for the fact that I'm tougher than most people. Anyways, thats my peice for now. Much love. Katy

(in reply to darkprincess21)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: will I ever trust a man again - 4/25/2005 5:27:13 AM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		I know what you mean about the counselors, I tend to get frustrated with them after about a week or so. What I have found that works very well is specific group sessions. There are thousands of support groups for people that have gone through experiences similar to yours. The first time you go you don't have to say anything (I went for almost six months before I even told them my real name). They accept you for who you are and are supportive.
I don't know if there is anything like that in your area, but it may be worth looking into and trying. It really helped my self-confidence (although I still struggle, it did help) and I think that it is helpful to have people that really do know what you are going through that are available to talk.

(in reply to darkprincess21)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: will I ever trust a man again - 4/25/2005 12:02:48 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24
I know what you mean about the counselors, I tend to get frustrated with them after about a week or so. What I have found that works very well is specific group sessions.

I don't understand how this can be... You two make it sound as if every counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist is alike in terms of upbringing/experience, knowledge and approach to counseling.
I believe that she has had to deal with too much, and has learned how to carry on despite all of it. I think she's fairly young, and not having had a lot of normal exposure, she should talk more to a professional who can help with that while understanding how to work through pain/disappointments she's encountered in life.

I have no doubt you are a survivor Darkprincess, but surviving is not the same as living well, and if you open yourself up to healing, than it won't be so hard to trust in the future. It is also not realistic for you to want Dominant men (whom you can't submit to because you have a strong and defensive spirit as a survivor of these horrors), to learn to meet and deal with you "on your level" is not a reasonable or healthy expectation in my view. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 4/25/2005 11:43:37 PM >

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: will I ever trust a man again - 4/25/2005 1:09:00 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

I don't understand how this can be... You two make it sound as if every counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist is alike in terms of upbringing/experience, knowledge and approach to counseling.



Well, I know I got frustrated with therapy because it wasn't what I needed. The people I saw had come to the conclution that talking therapy would "fix" me, when in fact I needed to fix the chemicals in my brain. Because my neurotransmitters were still all insane, sitting in a therapists office- any therapist- just made me angry, worried, upset, and sad.

So....I can see how one could get turned off to all therapsist, regarldess of approach.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: will I ever trust a man again - 4/25/2005 1:25:34 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Well, I know I got frustrated with therapy because it wasn't what I needed. The people I saw had come to the conclution that talking therapy would "fix" me, when in fact I needed to fix the chemicals in my brain. Because my neurotransmitters were still all insane, sitting in a therapists office- any therapist- just made me angry, worried, upset, and sad.


This has been my experience as well (although I only suffer from "severe depression and GAD"). The problem that I ran into was the therapists at my school (there are only 3) all approached me in the same way. Basically "let's talk about every traumatic event that has ever happened to you." This is stuff I don't share with anyone, especially not someone I have only known for less then 5 minutes. They also believe in using "talking cure" exclusively. I was on specific drugs for a while that worked wonders, I was able to function normally and was happy. Then I got kicked off medicaid and can't afford it unless I could buy it through the school, and they refuse to write a perscription for it because I "don't need it and it wouldn't help anyway"
They basically ignore the fact that it did work and feel that they can "cure" me by talking about very personal things.
My group sessions are more like circles where we can just talk about anything, we don't discuss our past, we discuss the present and future. It's not as good as the drug therapy, but it is better then nothing.

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: will I ever trust a man again - 4/25/2005 3:39:36 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		By the time I was 21 I had lost my brother to a freak ccident. Three best friends along the way. Grandparents.
Basically I had already been to about 150 funerals. I will be 38 next month and it is well over 300 now.
I presume you are saying your boyfriend was abusive?
Why worry about finding a man at 21? I set goals for myself at 12 that I would not even consider marriage until I was 30. Well seated in my career and ready for that sort of a committment. Can you not go out and have fun with females? If so, you just never know who you may run into. He could end up being a friend and be worth the time and effort to pursue it further.
If you want to learn about the lifestyle go to munches. From there you get invited to parties. You don't have to have a relationship to have friends or have fun. All you have to do is open up your horizons enough to allow other's in.
Only share yourself with those you feel comfortable. If you don't then do not.
Don't be in such a rush either. Try to figure out where you would like to be in ten year's then set out to achieve that.
At 21 you have your whole life ahead of you. Don't rush it...just have fun.


(in reply to darkprincess21)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: will I ever trust a man again - 4/25/2005 5:31:58 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
greetings fellow dark

It hurts like f**k doesn't it? And it feels unending, unchanging. People want to change you, instead of nurturing whats inside.

So counciling isnt for you. Something to consider though is that there are 'kink-aware' councilors and therapists... you need only look them up. A group may be able to advise. You will find them very understanding and they LISTEN, not expect the earth. Give it a try?

One thing I would advise is do not 'look' for anything or anyone. Do not 'search'... just continue building up trust of yourself first. Learn about yourself. Submit to your fears. Recognise them, and then learn about them. Trawl the net is you must, read books. Discover what makes yourself tick, because until you surrender to your pain and your needs, you cannot surrender fully to another. You should desire yourself. Love yourself. See how worthy you are. Even if your 'kink' is humiliation, you must still understand your own worth to not have it anymore.(Does that make sense?)

Once you are at peace with yourself - then you will trust again. It takes time. You need patience. Make yourself a person to be proud of. Study... learn... you are 21 ... I am 35 and I am still learning....!

It doesn't matter how tough you are, how hard. Learn to soften. You have the ability to learn... so use it. Release yourself from the protection you have placed around you so you can be open and naked to what you can be - not just what you are.

Your potential is there. It glows like the beginning of a fire that smoulders waiting for something to catch alight and burn furiously. Even a fire needs to be open to roar!

Do not just survive - open yourself to live.

Peace and Love



_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to darkprincess21)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: will I ever trust a man again - 4/25/2005 5:49:32 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic
The people I saw had come to the conclution that talking therapy would "fix" me, when in fact I needed to fix the chemicals in my brain. Because my neurotransmitters were still all insane, sitting in a therapists office- any therapist- just made me angry, worried, upset, and sad.

So how did you get this fixed? With a psychiatrist prescribed regimen or alternatives? I'm also a strong believer that a good support system keeps many of us from needing drugs most days.
One of the primary reasons I thought she might benefit from counseling was that most of her problems have come from abnormal relationships around her, and she may have a skewed sense of what things are supposed to be like from never having seen/felt them before... M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 4/25/2005 7:27:36 PM >

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: will I ever trust a man again - 4/25/2005 6:41:08 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		I know you didn't ask me, but the drugs that helped me were not prescribed by a psychiatrist, they were prescribed by my OB/GYN. In fact, when I at last went to the people that were "supposed" to help me they ended up doing more harm then good.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: will I ever trust a man again - 4/25/2005 8:26:24 PM   
darkprincess21


Posts: 15
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: Aberdeen, Wa
Status: offline 		WOW, I cannot believe how much support I am seeing in just letting out a little bit of what has happened to me. Before I sort of thought that people would think I was just whining or being self-pitious or something stupid like that. You are all really awesome!!!! anyways, I really appreciate hearing about other peoples experiences and views on things. Thank you all so much. Much love, Katy

Attachment (1)

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: will I ever trust a man again - 4/25/2005 10:53:45 PM   
MsMacComb


Posts: 808
Joined: 3/30/2005
From: My Mothers womb.
Status: offline 		darkprincess21,
In many cases for some people "talk therapy" is useful. Not so much that the councilor actually does anything for you but the person often figures things out for themself. Over time by hearing their problems and possible solutions coming out of their own mouth, they are able to fix, decide or resolve issues on their own. Oddly enough hearing it out loud is sometimes not the same as "hearing" it inside their head, so to speak.
I'm not suggesting that you could or would benefit from this. Just trying to point out that the fact they dont understand and probably never will is not the main issue. If on an off chance it did help, even if its you fixing yourself, it was worth it. The point is to try to have as much of a happy productive and useful life as possible. How you achieve that is somewhat irrelevant. Anyway, good luck and I'm sure there are many people here who would be willing to help if they could, even just to listen (myself included).

_____________________________

Not looking for anyone for anything, any time.

(in reply to darkprincess21)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: will I ever trust a man again - 4/26/2005 12:06:57 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

So how did you get this fixed? With a psychiatrist prescribed regimen or alternatives? I'm also a strong believer that a good support system keeps many of us from needing drugs most days.


I am on several drugs, perscribed by a psychiatrist. I can -gaurentee- you that without them I would not be where I am. In my partner, I have the best situation I have ever been in. However, my family is still insane. Before I found the combination of drugs that works, I couldn't even begin to deal with them. Even talking on the phone to my mom sent me into this huge spiral o self-destructive behaviors. Now that I am stable, I am able to realize that she -isn't- my problem and that most of what she says about me isn't true.

I don't like being on medication. That I will be on them for as long as I can forsee was one of hte hardest things in my life to accept. However, I've seen what happens when I get off them. Aside from the immediate crash when one comes off, I fall back -immediatly- into the same problems. Even if I come off drugs and dirrectly into continued therapy.

I believe that for some people, it is simply a matter of brain chemistry. I am not ok without drugs, medically. I am a pretty cool person without them, but I am, unashamedly, crazy. I don't like being crazy. I like being a functioning adult. Based on trial and error, I know that the best way to make this happen is by staying on the medication I've found to work for me.


And I totally agree that the OP would be helped (probably) by therpay. I was simply presenting one reson people might not dig it.


_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: will I ever trust a man again - 4/26/2005 12:42:54 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
So how did you get this fixed? With a psychiatrist prescribed regimen or alternatives? I'm also a strong believer that a good support system keeps many of us from needing drugs most days.

I am on several drugs, perscribed by a psychiatrist. I can -gaurentee- you that without them I would not be where I am. In my partner, I have the best situation I have ever been in. However, my family is still insane. Before I found the combination of drugs that works, I couldn't even begin to deal with them. Even talking on the phone to my mom sent me into this huge spiral o self-destructive behaviors. Now that I am stable, I am able to realize that she -isn't- my problem and that most of what she says about me isn't true.

Thanks for your reply... I'm touched by your candor.
Some days I could identify with you on family issues, lol.. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: will I ever trust a man again - 4/26/2005 6:47:08 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		"I don't trust men"

What a coincidence. I don't trust women. We'll have to have a beer and see what else we have in common sometime but I guess that would have to envolve some trust.

Any yahoo, Whatever life has thrown you just realize that you made it this far. I see no reason to give up now. For whatever reason you made this post and put yourself out in the open. That's a sign that you are showing the want to continue to move on. I'd focus less on relationships and more on self recolection. As you've probably told yourself in the back of your head "Only you can save yourself". No Dom, Friend, Man, Women, Dommina, Demon, Angel, or God can do it for you. But the smurfs can cheer you up.

Don't let your past make you who are but rather guide your decissions to not make the same mistake.


_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to darkprincess21)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: will I ever trust a man again - 4/26/2005 11:05:06 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		You will find that everyone here has some bad things that have happened in their lives.
Its not fair , and its not equal.
There is a saying "That which does not kill you will make YOU stronger"
You have made it this far, You have a long life ahead of you and yes there will be some crappy times. But pleas accept the fact that there will be some VERY good ones as well.

And just because one male is a scum bucket does not put ALL of us in the same pile.
(hug)

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to darkprincess21)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: will I ever trust a man again - 4/26/2005 11:44:59 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		The soul would have no rainbow had the eye no tear.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to Kinkypupper)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: will I ever trust a man again - 4/27/2005 2:04:06 AM   
rubytuesday


Posts: 180
Joined: 10/22/2004
Status: offline 		Awwww Mistress Hathor - that is by far the most profound thing I have heard in awhile and so true - thank you for making me smile

Ruby

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> will I ever trust a man again Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078