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Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife to ge... - 4/17/2007 5:39:35 AM   
robwilling


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline 		After 28 years of being together, my 48 yo wife has lost a lot of libido and willingly subs to me for my photo and video fetish but I want her to do more.  Have got her massaged by two guys I met on the Net and she thought it was legit.  Want her to go further.
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RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife t... - 4/17/2007 5:44:58 AM   
ExtremeOwnerIL


Posts: 197
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: robwilling

After 28 years of being together, my 48 yo wife has lost a lot of libido and willingly subs to me for my photo and video fetish but I want her to do more.  Have got her massaged by two guys I met on the Net and she thought it was legit.  Want her to go further.


I'm assuming you've expressed in a non-judgemental, open-minded positive way to her about your interests and your willingness to seek a good compromise in fulfilling each other's desires and needs?

If not, that's your first step.

If so, what did she and you agree and disagree on?

Regards,
EO

(in reply to robwilling)
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RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife t... - 4/17/2007 5:52:34 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I would buy her two precious things.  A plane ticket and a clue and trust me, with those she will go far, very far.

(in reply to ExtremeOwnerIL)
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RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife t... - 4/17/2007 6:06:47 AM   
TigerNINTails


Posts: 178
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline 		LOL Michael... Dude, that's bad...  In a kinda, blunt, in your face, not really so bad sorta bad kinda way...

quote:

ORIGINAL: robwilling

After 28 years of being together, my 48 yo wife has lost a lot of libido and willingly subs to me for my photo and video fetish but I want her to do more.  Have got her massaged by two guys I met on the Net and she thought it was legit.  Want her to go further.


First off... Communicate openly, plainly and honestly. With your wife that is.

Second off... "She thought it was legit"... WTF does that mean? Was it legit, or wasn't it?

Thirdly... What are you personally doing to stoke the fire? If you're not doing anything to stoke those flames, what is it that you're bringing to the table motivate her libido, as you put it? If you're not ramping her up, there's not much reason for her to go further. There's no anticipation, excitement, desire there for her to WANT to go further. And in that case, it doesn't matter what you want.

But I'm sure she'd go very far, even without a plane ticket or a clue, if you gave her the proper tools/reasoning/motivation if she's really subbing for you...

You've been together 28 years and you haven't figured this out yet? Like I said... Pay attention to the first, second and third statements above.

Just my take on it, with the very limited amount of information you've given here.

Peace.


_____________________________

Consistent Discipline Renders Punishment Unnecessary

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife t... - 4/17/2007 6:10:38 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		I too am curious about what you mean by legit.  But libido is one thing...experimenting with things she may be uncomfortable with is quite the other.  So are you saying she really has a low libido or that she is unsure if she wants to experiment with "going farther"?  If it's libido I would first rule out anything physical and then work on anything that may be emotional or psychological.  If it is a play aspect, there must be communication and trust.  Do you have that?  Do you listen to her and take her opinions and thoughts into consideration when discussing these scenarios? 

I think a bit more info is needed...

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to TigerNINTails)
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RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife t... - 4/17/2007 6:14:46 AM   
waterdance


Posts: 43
Joined: 9/10/2005
Status: offline 		i am a submissive and would like to add my 02 cents if i may... i am in my fifties and it is a fact that our bodies go through many hormonal changes and the libido does wane.  i must agree with the other two Gentleman and Lady who have emphasized communication.  That to me is the key to not only this lifestyle but in everyday life.  Talk with your wife and be open to what she says.  You'll be amazed what kind of information you can get.  Good luck.

< Message edited by waterdance -- 4/17/2007 6:17:21 AM >

_____________________________

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RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife t... - 4/17/2007 10:10:21 AM   
whipingherfeet


Posts: 202
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		GIVE HER 15 LASHES ON THE SOLES OF HER FEET .AFTER THAT SHE WILL DO ANY THING YOU WANT

(in reply to robwilling)
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RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife t... - 4/17/2007 10:20:00 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		what a few have repeated - communication.  i wonder if you ever sat down and actually communicated to her what you wanted or did you just suddenly thought she likes what you like without question?  have you ever considered she's going through menopause or has a hormonal imbalance? sounds like to me you're being very insensitive towards her feelings too.

like everyone else - what do you mean by legit? did you hire male escorts or what?


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(in reply to whipingherfeet)
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RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife t... - 4/17/2007 10:39:06 AM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		With all due respect to Michael, I must disagree with him, a smidge.

Women's sexuality does not just 'randomly' go away (trust me I am an expert on this!), there is either somethinig physical (and don't blame hormones), or as I would suspect, something emotional going on.

Even with an absent sexual response, a woman who is deeply commited to you as a submissive and partner will probably serve you well, dispite her own lack of reciprocal pleasure.

Perhaps you should try to inspire her more fully, not just sicking a couple of strangers on her that you found off the net?

Engage the woman and you will own the woman... dilly dally around the outside and many things will fall away.

_____________________________

We must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom...... The Simpsons

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(in reply to robwilling)
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RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife t... - 4/17/2007 2:09:04 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		You need to first sit down with her and CLEARLY discuss what the two of you want, what are interested in, and what you "currently" will not do.

from there you can BOTH go far

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to robwilling)
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RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife t... - 4/17/2007 3:37:46 PM   
sillygirl09


Posts: 446
Joined: 1/31/2007
From: New Jersey
Status: offline 		Very well put Puella!

(in reply to puella)
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RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife t... - 4/17/2007 4:39:54 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		At 48 with menopause or perimenopause libido changes are all too common. If she hasn't yet hit menopause there are very few suggestions except to add soy to the diet if she can. The hormonal fluctuations are so severe that it is unlikely she will be put on HRT yet. If she is done fully menstruating then HRT will restore libido. Also if her vaginal tissues are thinning and drying, sex will become painful. If everytime you try it she's in pain then she will shut down physically. Estrogen cream and lube for this.

As far as lying to her about having other men touch her? That is totally wrong. Talk to her about what you would like her to do and respect her wishes. Maybe she'll consider some of your fantasies if you consider some of hers.

(in reply to sillygirl09)
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RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife t... - 4/17/2007 5:02:44 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella
Even with an absent sexual response, a woman who is deeply commited to you as a submissive and partner will probably serve you well, dispite her own lack of reciprocal pleasure.



I will echo my agreement with this statement.  My alandra has a very low sex drive.. always has.. and I suspect always will.  It is very rare that she is ever self-motivated for sex.  She is much more motivated to cuddle to me.

However, she is an eager participate in our sexual fun.  She appreciates that I have a rather greedy sex drive... so she is more than ready for the daily use she gets when I am around.  I think she likes it cause afterwards she gets the cuddle time.. but not to much cuddle cause then I wanna fuck again lol.

mmmmm maybe thats why she is so excited when kyra is home... kyra's sex drive matches my own.. but after sex.. kyra would prefer no cuddling.. something about too hot.. she doesn't do hot very well... so in comes alandra for cuddle time.

mmmmmmmmmmmmm and she cuddles me till wanna fuck again mmmmmmmmmmm seems I am caught in pleasure cycle  *G*


mmmmmmm oh I digress from the point... I suggest the OP... get in touch with her mind and heart.... the body is sure to follow. 

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to puella)
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RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife t... - 4/17/2007 5:13:26 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		So far, the concensus seems to be communication. Are you as obtuse with your wife as you have been here? That might be your problem. Your wife, sir, is not a mind reader, and neither are the persons frequenting these fora. Hie thee to a dictionary, and come back with a complete sentence.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to robwilling)
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RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife t... - 4/17/2007 5:20:59 PM   
outlier


Posts: 1111
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		I will also agree with something Puella said:

quote:

Engage the woman and you will own the woman... dilly dally around the outside and many things will fall away.


Which she might want to consider as a sig line.

The only thing I would add is the  word "Fully" in front of it.  Intellectually,
emotionally, psychologically, physically, let her know by your actions that she
is the center of your attention when you are engaged; and that her well being
is a priority even when you are not.  

Outlier


_____________________________

Avatar from xkcd.com

"A happy sex life may take years to achieve, but it’s worth it in the long run.
Worth the time, the thought - or rather, the thoughtfulness - and, often,
the waiting." Pete Seeger

(in reply to robwilling)
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RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife t... - 4/17/2007 6:33:38 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I would buy her two precious things.  A plane ticket and a clue and trust me, with those she will go far, very far.


This seems a little out of context..?

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife t... - 4/17/2007 6:43:14 PM   
TigerNINTails


Posts: 178
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

Engage the woman and you will own the woman... dilly dally around the outside and many things will fall away.


Abso-frickin-lutely!!

'nuff said.


_____________________________

Consistent Discipline Renders Punishment Unnecessary

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
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RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife t... - 4/17/2007 6:51:08 PM   
MissDiscipline


Posts: 117
Joined: 10/1/2006
From: Domme Beach Calif
Status: offline 		Lead by example- let those men massage you . Show her how a sub does- That'll teach her- yeah!!-  Hey good luck - I know when  I hit peri or any type of pause- I am gonna beat more ass than the law allows-

(in reply to TigerNINTails)
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RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife t... - 4/17/2007 7:02:04 PM   
Invictus754


Posts: 521
Joined: 12/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: robwilling
After 28 years of being together, my 48 yo wife has lost a lot of libido and willingly subs to me for my photo and video fetish but I want her to do more.  Have got her massaged by two guys I met on the Net and she thought it was legit.  Want her to go further. 


A couple of things:
Define: I want her to do more.  "Do" more K9s?  Have sex with the Pope?  What exactly is the act you want more of?
 
Define: it & legit.  'She thought it was legit' could mean that she thought the $200 you paid for two youngs studs to rub her down that you found online was a good price for an hour of massage.
 
Lastly - have you ASKED her what would turn her on?  Maybe she wants a three way with a clown and an Appaloosa.  Or maybe she just wants you wearing a clown nose. 

If so - make it happen, stud.
 

< Message edited by Invictus754 -- 4/17/2007 7:04:00 PM >

_____________________________

You never know your limits, until you push them
If slavery is a gift, the Africans were pretty fucking generous in the 1700 and 1800s, weren't they?

(in reply to robwilling)
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RE: Any tips for a frustrated husband with subby wife t... - 4/17/2007 7:58:28 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

With all due respect to Michael, I must disagree with him, a smidge.

Women's sexuality does not just 'randomly' go away (trust me I am an expert on this!), there is either somethinig physical (and don't blame hormones), or as I would suspect, something emotional going on.

Even with an absent sexual response, a woman who is deeply commited to you as a submissive and partner will probably serve you well, dispite her own lack of reciprocal pleasure.

Perhaps you should try to inspire her more fully, not just sicking a couple of strangers on her that you found off the net?

Engage the woman and you will own the woman... dilly dally around the outside and many things will fall away.
....Tempting

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 20
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