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so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/17/2007 6:35:19 AM

phoenixinchains

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From: i live here
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i've never had the chance to go a club or such, so i wonder; what happens when you get that many alpha-types together. i've seen it in just an every-day setting, and one of two things will happens. there will be an instant respect of this is mine, that is your's and the two are quickly befriended /or/ a silver-back-gorillia vibe fills the air and the two will be in a power play for eternity. just wondering- Phoenix

Post #: 1

RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/17/2007 6:57:41 AM

sweetnurseBBW

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From: North Carolina
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Most know each other from the community and most clubs have rules about behavior. Most behave themselves or are asked to leave. There are rules about approaching anothers sub or slave. So that is understood. There are those without manners and values. This isn't just a Dom thing, subs and slaves sometimes have not learned manners. Most things are handled by those involved.

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RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/17/2007 7:05:54 AM

MsKatHouston

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From: Houston, TX
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It's not like there is a group of us doms and some poor sub is thrown in the middle for all of us to fight over. It's more social than that. As with any social gathering, there will be those who like each other and those who don't. However, as sweetnurse stated, there are usually rules of conduct and most people act accordingly. With most established groups I have been involved with, it is very respectful and people talk and deal with one another with courtesy and respect. The problems I have seen have been mostly with those who are new and come in and start some type of trouble from a position of rudeness or ignorance.

I don't see a lot of competition between the dominants in the groups I am involved with. People either talk and are friendly and possibly trade tips and learn from one another or they simply politely leave one another alone if there is no personal friendship.

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~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

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RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/17/2007 7:10:53 AM

mp072004

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I don't know about clubs--I don't go to "fetish nights." But at private parties, and at munches, classes, and similar gatherings, dominants tend to be civil to one another, at least, and often pleasant and friendly. Of the many dominant-identified men and women I know, I think a very few are unpleasant and downright bad, I find a few others perfectly decent people but not people I like very well (a matter of taste), many are nice acquaintances, and I count some as friends. This pattern holds true for most *people,* not just dominants, not just kinky people, with whom I am acquainted.

Things can become less friendly, but still polite, generally, among a few people competing for the same playmate, as is true for people in any kind of rivalry. Some irritating posturing can take place, when people lack the skill to advertise themselves more gracefully, but it's no worse than what you might see in professional environments or in non-BDSM gatherings.

Essentially, just as "normal" good manners apply to BDSM gatherings, so do "normal" patterns of human behavior.

Monica

(in reply to phoenixinchains)

Post #: 4

RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/17/2007 7:12:04 AM

phoenixinchains

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hehe, i didn't think anyone would "duke it out" over a sub, i was just wondering if friendships happen readily ( as a common interest is present ) i wonder what do dom/mes sit arround and talk about over drinks. i know trouble-makers are everywhere, i've worked in night-clubs, just not these clubs : ) Phoenix

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

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RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/17/2007 7:16:27 AM

MsKatHouston

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From: Houston, TX
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Yes, friendships happen quite frequently. We talk about everything from work, kids, politics, weather and kink. One of the most fun things to do is to sit around and trade ideas...especially when the subs are aorund listening. It's amazing how a simple suggestion can then be expanded upon with the further ideas and imaginations of a group of doms...and the look on the subs' faces can be priceless ;)

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~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

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RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/17/2007 7:38:59 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Depends on the group- if it's elections time, it can get pretty ugly.

Really, it depends on the person. It goes back to the "can doms be nice guys?" Yes. Doms are just people- some know how to get along with others and some don't. The smart ones know that the goal is not to force submission of everyone on the planet and that to do so just shows they are a selfish megalomaniac who doesn't have a clue.

Groups of doms can get along just fine or can be totally awful for eachother- just like groups of subs. If you don't think subs have infighting and issues with eachother, you're wrong.

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Post #: 7

RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/17/2007 8:11:35 AM

phoenixinchains

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From: i live here
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fighting subs? that thought never occured to me, but you've got a point. i know polys that get jealous easy, i bet the two are a lot alike. throw in booze, a hard beat (music), and a big dark room, yeah, i see what you're saying. thanks- a phoenix deep in caffienated thought...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 8

RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/17/2007 9:02:42 AM

MstrssPassion

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From: West Palm Beach, FL
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pecking orders exist every time you group people together

being a room full of doms is no different

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RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/17/2007 9:12:00 AM

MstrssPassion

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From: West Palm Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixinchains

hehe, i didn't think anyone would "duke it out" over a sub, i was just wondering if friendships happen readily ( as a common interest is present ) i wonder what do dom/mes sit arround and talk about over drinks. i know trouble-makers are everywhere, i've worked in night-clubs, just not these clubs : ) Phoenix

I have attended large groups that were specifically set up to be dominant only. In fact, if the dom brought the sub... the subs were sent to a different room than where the doms held their meeting. We sat around & had drinks, nibbles or whatever... we talked about many things & not always was the topic restricted to "D/s, bdsm, lifestyle or community".

The point of it being a dominant only group was so that the perspective was maintained on that level. It also gave the dominants a chance to speak openly without apprehension. SOME, not all, but some dominants have a real issue with being seen as questioning/learning while submissives are present. Also, again some, not all don't ever want to be wrong about something they say when submissives are present. The group was set up so that this was removed... but that pecking order among the doms is very real. Age & experience really didn't determine where you would fall in... it was more about how one handled themselves & how they interacted with others in a group setting.

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RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/17/2007 9:20:29 AM

daddysprop247

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From: DC Metro area
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well i can't really speak on the social atmosphere of clubs as we don't attend those very often, and honestly with the loud music and lights so low that you can barely see who's in front of you, it's not the ideal atmosphere for socializing anyway imo.

but my Master and i do attend and host regular private lifestyle gatherings, just small groups of folks, more Dominants than submissives. being a slave, i'm not expected to do more than serve drinks and refreshments, and sit there quietly like a good girl, so sometimes i will listen in on the conversation between the Men. when a bunch of alpha types get together, even in a casual setting, i've noticed that someone will always step up and take the role of HDIC (head Dom in charge), and others will lay back somewhat and accept their secondary positions. although i wouldn't say that this is intentional posturing or anything that ridiculous, just more of a natural instinct. when this occurs i notice that things generally run smoothly and everyone gets along just fine. they talk about women, sports, politics, and the same things men the world over discuss when they get together and socialize. it's definitely far more interesting than the conversation between slaves at these things, which usually goes like this:

slave 1: this dip is wonderful
slave 2: oh thanks, it's my mother's recipe
slave 1: oh well it's very tasty
slave 2: *smiles*
slave 1: *smiles...looks at floor*
(crickets chirp for the next hour while we each wait for some Master to give us an order)

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 11

RE: so what happens in a room full of Dom's? - 4/17/2007 9:37:09 AM

BOUNTYHUNTER

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Joined: 2/5/2004
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WE attend a lot of fetish events and as always the conversation gets around to sub/slave but it start with sports, dirty jokes etc,AT our monthly poker game all Dom's with one vanilla Guy who catches hell because hes married and true blue..the talk is hound's sports and sooner or later sex whom is getting the most and who needs more.Like all of us guys we think we never get enough smiles.Mine say as soon as I get laid I am looking again but that not true,Most Dom's are avg Joe's,family's jobs a pillar of the community just with different kinks..as always just the views of this ol" master

< Message edited by BOUNTYHUNTER -- 4/17/2007 9:38:13 AM >

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RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/17/2007 10:02:46 AM

Najakcharmer

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Joined: 5/3/2004
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The dynamics are no different from any other social event as a rule. I'm Not Interested in playing politics or heirarchy games, so I'm strictly open and friendly and nice to everyone unless they try to push me or play dominance games with me, in which case I make it clear that I don't play and stop interacting with them. If a "player" tries to talk to me or engage me in a manner that I identify as manipulative, pushy or dominance game playing, I smile and nod vaguely and walk away immediately to talk to someone else. Someone who is annoying ceases to exist socially as far as I'm concerned. at least until they stop being annoying. It's actually pretty rare that I have to do that, and I've run into those types far more often in a professional setting than at BDSM social events.

I went to an event this weekend at The Cell Block in Fayetteville, and one of the owners is a male dom. He welcomed me and my subbie with open friendliness and checked in with us several times during the evening to make sure we had all we needed to enjoy ourselves. I heard from another femdom that this dungeon has the reputation of not being respectful to femdoms, but frankly if that was disrespect, we need a lot more of it in our community.

(in reply to phoenixinchains)

Post #: 13

RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/17/2007 10:12:29 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
slave 1: this dip is wonderful
slave 2: oh thanks, it's my mother's recipe
slave 1: oh well it's very tasty
slave 2: *smiles*
slave 1: *smiles...looks at floor*
(crickets chirp for the next hour while we each wait for some Master to give us an order)

Sigh I wish more slaves would be comfortable with silence and not trying to make conversation. I am happy for their motives in wanting to be my friend, but if the conversation doesn't flow, I'm happy to be on my own and not try to fake it. And very few people have things to say which I find interesting or want to discuss more of.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Post #: 14

RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/17/2007 10:13:56 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer
I went to an event this weekend at The Cell Block in Fayetteville, and one of the owners is a male dom. He welcomed me and my subbie with open friendliness and checked in with us several times during the evening to make sure we had all we needed to enjoy ourselves. I heard from another femdom that this dungeon has the reputation of not being respectful to femdoms, but frankly if that was disrespect, we need a lot more of it in our community.

Nice to know Fayetteville still has it going on. My first owner lives there and it's pretty much where I got most of my first exposure in the scene, back when they had parties at the Woodshed.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Post #: 15

RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/17/2007 10:22:55 AM

daddysprop247

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Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
slave 1: this dip is wonderful
slave 2: oh thanks, it's my mother's recipe
slave 1: oh well it's very tasty
slave 2: *smiles*
slave 1: *smiles...looks at floor*
(crickets chirp for the next hour while we each wait for some Master to give us an order)

Sigh I wish more slaves would be comfortable with silence and not trying to make conversation. I am happy for their motives in wanting to be my friend, but if the conversation doesn't flow, I'm happy to be on my own and not try to fake it. And very few people have things to say which I find interesting or want to discuss more of.

i hear ya. i'm the very quiet type myself, and generally don't have any desire to chat it up, especially with some chick i just met or barely know, and have nothing in common with beyond the fact that we are both slaves with vaginas. at the same time tho, being left alone in a room with these other slaves with dead silence all around isn't comfortable either. but eh what can ya do? i just chalk it up to me having zero social skills.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/17/2007 10:27:14 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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I guess you can't bring a book?

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/17/2007 10:42:27 AM

vield

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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I am fortunate to have many dear friends, including dominants, submissives and switches of many diverse interests. With kinky friends the conversations can be really bizarre and funny if we get into teasing/bragging/bs'ing about the scene. This is true of all types.
There are introvert doms of all genders and interest groups and extrovert subs too, as no one needs to play to stereotypes in groups of dear friends.
Discussion groups, social groups, play groups, swing groups and educational groups usually have rules of conduct people are expected or even required to follow.
I know a city near me with a long term submissive & switch dinner group and a long term Dom and switch similar group. These are fun social gatherings.
The energy one picks up from a room full of good friends of any persuasion is something I enjoy a lot.

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As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

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RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/17/2007 10:43:23 AM

daddysprop247

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From: DC Metro area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I guess you can't bring a book?

lol, no. i wish!

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RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/17/2007 10:45:54 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
lol, no. i wish!

Ah you wish. Is it forbidden for you to read or request to bring one?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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