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RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/18/2007 10:27:34 AM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

In the few times I have been in a group of mainly Dominants, I have always had friends there already. IT had been a large group of interconnected people, so aside from the fun bragging about our pets and how our training was going, it was fairy non-confrontational.  However, one incident I remember, one quieter Domme friend of mine was with us, and she had way more energy than the rest of us, becaue she had not wrked that day and al of us had (there were 6 of us that evening).  A male Dom we were aquainted with but didnt really know saw us sitting in our group and decided to join us. She had gone to collect our drinks, and he started giving her commands as if she were a sub shen she returned.


Wouldn't have mattered if she was a sub.  She wasn't HIS sub, and "dominants" who act like they own somebody they don't even know are assholes.  Unless you're at a specific type of in-role function where consent is given ahead of time for all subs to obey all doms, that is utterly inappropriate behavior. 

quote:

The assumpitons that ina  group, Dommes all have to act a certain way and getting a drink for a friend implies you are a sub, are what we dont like. He knew it was our girls night out, he just asssumed. He didnt like the backlash whe he was told she was a Domme, and he laughed and made a crack about her obviously being a switc if she served her friends. He never did join us again, we are far sharper tongued then he is, especially defending a friend.


What probably should have been said was more along the lines of "that's seriously inappropriate behavior towards anyone you don't know regardless of their sexual orientation".  Being courteous and thoughtful has nothing to do with kink, or with anything but basic consideration and good manners.  If I happen to be leaving a play party to hit the store, I'll ask if anybody else wants anything, especially the hosts.  If I'm already up and on my way over to the drink station, I don't mind hauling back a few for my buddies.  That's not being submissive, it's just normal courtesy.

I don't give a rat's ass what the assumptions are about what a Domme "has" to act like.  Mostly I think those assumptions silly, and the people I see acting out their D/s roles socially in an exaggerated manner come off as annoying and/or ridiculous.  Save the scening for consenting partners please.  It looks stupid when you try to pull it on people who don't want any and who are just going to laugh at you.  Keep your dick (or your strapon) in your pants and show a little common courtesy and control.  Me, I'm just going to relax sociably with my friends at BDSM events and ignore anyone who acts like an assclown. 

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/18/2007 11:24:33 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Suleiman,

I don't do a whole lot of following, that is what we call a shared experience.

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/18/2007 8:03:22 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		this will likely bore you and offend some, but it my truth so ill tell you, a room of male doms is no differnt then a room of males in any situation, kinda boring, when they get in to sports and politics, kinda fun when they are talking about former conquests and future conquests. and always dreadful when any one of them smokes,



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RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/18/2007 10:10:03 PM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		Uh, a lot of testosterone in the air?  Seriously, I have only known doms to be respectful of each other and sometimes there is a little BDSM play when they are close friends.  Some doms and subs will socialize with other couples outisde of the BDSM area. 

Yet, there are others who pretend to be doms.  I went to one party where I noticed one dom was playing with another's equipment without asking permission!  For me, that shows a lack of consideration and respect.

< Message edited by corsetgirl -- 4/18/2007 10:31:54 PM >

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/18/2007 10:24:16 PM   
leatherorlace


Posts: 215
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline 		HEXZACTLY!, and well put. his arrogance would have caused Me to comment on his lack of manners, but we must reliaxe that those that have haughty mannerism are often the most obvious of the poseurs that we encounter in social and cyber planes.
  his accosting anyone with his lame excuse for good breeding and an exposure to the well mannered might have been due to his parents not being able to endure his presence. lmao
Gentry

(in reply to Najakcharmer)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/19/2007 9:00:05 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		In my limited experience with the scene, it depends on the personalities. The assholes and bitches obsessed with their own egos and BDSM experience record and the pathologically insecure nerds obsessed with play ruin it for me (Both tend to treat me like a joke in the typical "stupid newbie" way).

Luckily, there is a handful of really exceptional people who have been willing to have conversations with me and take me and my ideas seriously. They treat me with the same respect that I treat them and as an equal. They have been wonderful teachers.




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(in reply to phoenixinchains)
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RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/19/2007 3:27:13 PM   
jaymckenas


Posts: 146
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I have no idea. I've never remained in a room full of dominae long enough to observe the behaviors. I wander off and look for the room full of subs. Lots more fun to be had there. -Suleiman

Lol!

---> To address the issue of a room full of doms (though I am a newbie by most standards), I have found that through attending meetings, at least in my case, the other Doms have been nothing but receptive to me. In fact, I have met many interesting like-minded individuals who have helped me develop and expand my array of skills in the practice of "Domming". So far as a group of men goes, sure there are some instances where it becomes a full-out testosteronefest, but it would be nice not to be automatically lumped into that company by gender alone. There are many of us who can have a nice civil gathering where we are productive and non-confrontational, without it becoming a matter of who can one-up the next guy.

Cheers,

Jayson

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/19/2007 6:10:54 PM   
Slavetrainer2007


Posts: 231
Joined: 12/2/2006
Status: offline 		Last time i was in a room full of doms we were all sitting around taking bets( and i lost) on two naked slaves jello wrestling blindfolded. Oh wait that was a bachlor party.....

Most of the time im around other doms i get along with them as long as they talk to me like they would any other person. If they act superior or thump their chest or act like are trying to dom me, i tell them  to shove it. Unless im talking to one of my own, i act the same around others, including doms, as i do everyone in the vanilla world. The only difference is the topic of conversations may be different.

< Message edited by Slavetrainer2007 -- 4/19/2007 6:13:16 PM >

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RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/19/2007 6:43:09 PM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		A roomful of Dom/mes...contemporaries sharing interest in a similar subject. We hang out, we talk. There are some who think that to be dominant is to dominate everyone, there are some with wicked wits and senses of humor, there are some who speak up and everyone silences to hear their words b/c we all respect them. Sharing evil ideas is one of my favorite parts of dominant gatherings. (Also one of my least favorite, because M is always there and there's always a chance he'll use said ideas on me.)

I ran a monthly dominant's discussion for about 2 years, and there were some who almost always tried to monopolize the conversation, no matter what the topic. There were others who simply acted like the people that they were.

There are sometimes, in mixed company, male doms who believe that all women are submissive, whether they've met their dominant yet or not...and that behavior tends to be irritating. I feel lucky that some men who had that reputation (or I was told they did when I came into the scene) have never treated me as anything other than a dominant woman...even when enjoying the privilege of spanking me! Maybe I behaved differently or their behavior was interpreted differently by the other femdoms, I dunno.

So we chat, giggle, make jokes, make evil plans, and sometimes ask for help w/ a problem involving a sub, or a scene plan, or training.

~E

(in reply to Slavetrainer2007)
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RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/19/2007 9:21:45 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		There one's male dom in a local group who seems to think he ALWAYS needs to interrupt a speaker or conversation trying to sound witty.  If you have to try that hard, it's not working.

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RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 4/20/2007 12:30:44 PM   
phoenixinchains


Posts: 2534
Joined: 4/5/2007
From: i live here
Status: offline 		damn, no One said "orgy!"... just kiddin'    Phoenix

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 5/2/2007 10:04:57 AM   
SireKane


Posts: 105
Joined: 1/22/2004
Status: offline 		I own a private bdsm club.  I've hosted hundress of bdsm parties and events. I've observed that "Alpha Dominant Men" are genrally too busy attending and enjoying  the bevy of submissive females they have in their charge to get entangled in pissing contests with each other.

Kane

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 5/2/2007 10:11:04 AM   
szobras


Posts: 435
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		so what happens in a room full of doms?
If it's a Munch, they probably all order subs.

(in reply to phoenixinchains)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 5/2/2007 10:25:11 AM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: szobras

so what happens in a room full of doms?
If it's a Munch, they probably all order subs.


Ok, I'll be groaning over that one for hours.

My one experience with a large group of dominae ended with the lot of us thrown out of the local bar.  We ended up argueing politics very vocally and upsetting the resident drunks.  I'll be interested to see the dymanics when I take up an invitation to a club in Seattle later this year.  I look forward to the experience.

Stefan

(in reply to szobras)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 5/2/2007 10:34:06 AM   
sunfleur


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/13/2005
Status: offline 		there's a full room of Doms?      WHERE???????

(in reply to phoenixinchains)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 5/3/2007 2:15:06 AM   
Copulo


Posts: 268
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixinchains

hehe, i didn't think anyone would "duke it out" over a sub, i was just wondering if friendships happen readily ( as a common interest is present ) i wonder what do dom/mes sit arround and talk about over drinks. i know trouble-makers are everywhere, i've worked in night-clubs, just not these clubs : ) Phoenix


Hi phoenix

You really do get very little trouble in BDSM/fet clubs because people tend not to drink much. In all the years I have been clubbing on the scene I have seen trouble only twice.

Danny

(in reply to phoenixinchains)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 5/3/2007 10:06:11 PM   
Shanghaid


Posts: 76
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

pecking orders exist every time you group people together

being a room full of doms is no different



Yep, what she said.

It's kinda funny sometimes with the real young eager novice 'doms'. Truly makes me think of the joke about bulls - The young bull says to old bull, "Let's run down the hill and fuck some of the cows." Old bull replies, "No, lets walk down the hill and fuck all of the cows."

Generally, the older the dom, the more confident and comfortable they'll be. In a new setting, I'll typically talk to a few people but watch and listen. Once I understand the dynamics, my personality will come out and I'll be more chatty. The older guys are truly the founts of wisdom and give great suggestions. Some can be cantankerous but generally they're the most helpful.

In my old munch, when I first went, one of the doms asked me if I was a top or bottom. His sub immediately answered "It's so obvious he's a dom!" and was so sincere, it made me laugh aloud. Note: I was wearing jeans & a plain shirt, no (visible) tattoos or whips hanging from my belt. Other, older doms didn't need to ask.

The younger guys do sometimes have a bit of a chip on their shoulder. They think they need to prove how dominant they are at all times and any weakness (perceived or actual) is a slur against them. At a munch, there was a new guy, a gigantic bodybuilder wanna-be dom. He drank more than he should and was inappropriate with another's sub. We had a chat and I convinced him to leave.

<shrug>

Most of the time a roomfull of doms is just fine. It's the unknowns/underconfident that occasionally cause problems. I've never seen where that every really disrupts any group.

SH'd

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: so what happens in a room full of doms? - 5/3/2007 10:37:18 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		~fast reply~
 
At our local munch...there are quite a few characters. I have a least favorite who is generally the most vocal of the Dominants. But, for the most part, even my least favorite acts with respect towards the other Dominants...aside from his I-know-everything-about-BDSM-there-is-to-know attitude. And, I think he and his submissive are the only ones who don't think he's a flake.
 
I also have some favorites, but they do visit CM quite a bit so I won't name names, but I will thank a certain slave that gave me a pen and a napkin to draw on when the flake was just too much to bare.  That, and we had both been told not to engage him directly by our respective Dominants.
 
Hopefully, he'll get the bad vibes and move along, or maybe not. But, it's all part of the fun. If he does move on, there'll be someone along to replace him, I'm sure.
 
I think the most suprising thing about this particular munch is that the submissives do most of the talking. This is the first organized activity with both Dominants and submissives that I have ever seen interact this way. It's actually kind of refreshing.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to Shanghaid)
Profile   Post #: 58
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