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SusanofO -> RE: Intellectual Appeal (4/18/2007 7:53:33 PM)
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I will say that one drawback to being halfway intelligent, that I've encountered personally (although rarely w/someone else I considered really intelligent) is that another person may seem to think that if I expand a conversation, by bringing up alternate points of view, or different ways of looking at something (and not in a defensive way, or because I don't want to do something their way) they almost always think I am being "obstinate" or "difficult" or "challenging". This really bugs me, because - even though I am a Switch, when I am in submissive mode, I am about truly as submissive as it is possible to be.
So actually, while degrees, and being near someone who can broaden one's horizons, etc. are all good reasons, IMO, for wanting an intelligent partner, I think one of the main reasons I consider it important, is simply because I don't want many things I may say, to be automatically construed as fodder for an argument, simply because I am expressing an alternate POV, or trying to just keep a conversation going. I don't want it seen as out-right disagreeing or arguing with them, when that simply isn't the case.
Now sometimes, what the other person says is truly the result of a misunderstanding, or because they have a concern, etc - but I almost always know when that is the case, so that's not what I refer to here. I know the difference, and I never begrudge anyone a chance to be heard under those circumstances, and expect the same treatment in return. I am truly fair-minded, IMO (really).
I used to think that maybe what I am referring to happened, because someone was maybe just not very diplomatic, but since it has happened even w/people I consider to have nice manners, I can say that isn't true, really. I also considered whether I was at fault, but since I usually (95% of the time anyway) have nice manners as well, I don't think that is/was the problem.
I think the problem is really that the other person -
**Jumps to a conclusion, about something I say, and their conclusion, for some reason, is never flattering when they do this. They don't bother to check out, when they do this, if whatever they've concluded I said is what I really meant, or even if there is another way to look at whatever the topic is (regardless of what my particular POV may be).
**It's more like they've decided there is one way, and only one way, to see things. And I consider this to be somewhat stupid (sorry, but I truly do). And I am not mean, or a snob.
I am not talking about instances where it's obvious a Dominant is in the right, such as a request for task to be done, or me questioning them asking something of me as far as that goes, etc. Like I said before, when I am submissive, I am pretty darned submissive.
It's more like it happens just when we're having a general, regular conversation thing. I see it as somewhat an obstacle, although I can work around it, and it isn't something to incredibly dislike someone for doing, IMO (unless they get really mean in response to me). But - it can be just generally really annoying to hear, and watch, people jump to conclusions (especially if they are unflattering ones) based on what is really their own lack of imagination, IMO.
Sorry if that sounds offensive, it isn't meant to be, at all. And sorry if it sounds whiny. It doesn't really happen that often, but when it does, it's annoying - and is the main reason I seek an intelligent partner.
- Susan
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