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ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

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ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
I can't help but see that the Domme would not really have the control - with no income, and only the allowance ... she has to keep the sub happy or she will be homeless.

Then the woman is not controlled by the sub or the money, but by her own laziness or fear of making her own way. She always has the option of walking away. Starting over can be hard, but it isn't impossible.

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

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ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir

i hand over all my earnings to my Master, but He owns me...He owns me & my money therefore i own nothing....perhaps if you handle the finances, eventhough he is the one producing you are still the one in charge, you are in charge of him and his finances...? hmmm, i don't know if that makes much sense or not, lol...it's an interesting scenario... i guess it all depends how you look at it and how it feels to both of you.

Oh my! I just don't like dealing with finances. Perhaps he could just hand it over to my accountant ;)

- LA

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ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

I find it an interesting paradox, and likely one tied to our moral and social values more than anything.

We go on and on about how we want strong, self-sufficient subs who know how to take care of things.

And then, the moment a dom LETS a sub take care of things, suddenly somehow the dominant isn't dominant, the sub is in control and things are all going to ruin!

Slaves are there to be used, if they have financial resources that you can put to use and it would benefit you all, do it! If you have a meeting to get to and the slave has an evening free, send them to the grocery store! They aren't in control just because they are the ones providing the resources.

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ORIGINAL: MadameDahlia

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

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ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir

i hand over all my earnings to my Master, but He owns me...He owns me & my money therefore i own nothing....perhaps if you handle the finances, eventhough he is the one producing you are still the one in charge, you are in charge of him and his finances...? hmmm, i don't know if that makes much sense or not, lol...it's an interesting scenario... i guess it all depends how you look at it and how it feels to both of you.

Oh my! I just don't like dealing with finances. Perhaps he could just hand it over to my accountant ;)

- LA

-laughs- Precisely what I'd do in that situation.

Then again I've always planned on having an accountant, a stock broker and lawyer on retainer at my beck and call.

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ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

I really have no problem with reasonable financial compromises (especially in the beginning). I want both of U/us to feel secure. But there is no compromise on the part of these boys. Not the ones who have contacted Me, anyway! They almost seemed puzzled, and invariabley ask "what difference does it make?"
Unfortunately, it makes a very big difference to Me.

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

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ORIGINAL: MadameDahlia

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

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ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir

i hand over all my earnings to my Master, but He owns me...He owns me & my money therefore i own nothing....perhaps if you handle the finances, eventhough he is the one producing you are still the one in charge, you are in charge of him and his finances...? hmmm, i don't know if that makes much sense or not, lol...it's an interesting scenario... i guess it all depends how you look at it and how it feels to both of you.

Oh my! I just don't like dealing with finances. Perhaps he could just hand it over to my accountant ;)

- LA

-laughs- Precisely what I'd do in that situation.

Then again I've always planned on having an accountant, a stock broker and lawyer on retainer at my beck and call.

How dommely of you, darling ;) Add to that list a masseuse, a personal trainer, a chauffeur, a chef, a coiffeur and aesthetician!

- LA

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ORIGINAL: MsSilvie
People stay in abusive relationships for a variety of reasons. It's easy to say, "you can walk away", but not nearly as easy to do.[/color]

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ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

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ORIGINAL: MsSilvie
People stay in abusive relationships for a variety of reasons. It's easy to say, "you can walk away", but not nearly as easy to do.[/color]

Am I confused/wrong to expect a woman who calls herself Dominant in her relationship to know better, and to do better than stay in abusive relationships?

Are we just talking about some lady playing whip holder to her man who is her sugar daddy? I find it absolutely necessary to be able to say phuck off to a man... You may never say it, but you need to be able to (if the dynamics of the relationship change, and he decides he controls you because of his money) or indeed you become his servant if he makes the money you "need" to survive. M

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It isn't that we don't want those that have approached us with this offer because they have so much money - it's because they want to control all of the money and aren't willing to compromise. And at this point in our lives, we still have far more debt than resources because of college loans and a car loan - so we would have pretty much nothing of our own but 2 cars and our jobs, should we accept something like this - and with them insisting on controlling all of the money, and not wanting us to work .... should things go wrong, we *might* still be able to keep the car and truck (but only because Holly borrowed the money from her Grandpa and he is REALLY good about us being short on money and the car is already paid off ... but not worth anything should we try to sell it). If we had decided to take someone up on this offer before our first boy, and suddenly he had decided that we weren't right for him, we would have been totally and completely screwed - because the ones who offered us this were quite insistant that while they were "slaves," they would control the money because it was theirs and that they wanted us to "live a life of leisure" and were rather offended when we both said that if things did work out with one of them, we would still want to work because we like our jobs. They would have it their way or no way at all - we would not work, we would live on the allowance that we were given, we would live in the home of the "submissive/slave" ...

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ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

I find it an interesting paradox, and likely one tied to our moral and social values more than anything.

We go on and on about how we want strong, self-sufficient subs who know how to take care of things.

And then, the moment a dom LETS a sub take care of things, suddenly somehow the dominant isn't dominant, the sub is in control and things are all going to ruin!

Slaves are there to be used, if they have financial resources that you can put to use and it would benefit you all, do it! If you have a meeting to get to and the slave has an evening free, send them to the grocery store! They aren't in control just because they are the ones providing the resources.

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha
So when the tired sub husband gets home after his ten hour work day and 1 hour at the grocery store, he settles in and realizes getting into sub headspace would do wonders for his stress level - he needs a good 1 hour scene, some pain, some humiliation.

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He sulks. He feels a resentment -- it's hard not to.

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So when she goes to bed that night and is next to him, realizing all he did for her all day and that now he's pouting, are you going to tell me there's not a strain there? Some sort of feeling of "oh shit. I better dominate him. Hell. Oh well, I'm not in the mood...but I'll fake it." And if she is able to NOT feel that kind of obligation, how long will it be before overworked, breadwinning sub-hubby who lets his femdom shop all day with his money finally says, "When are you going to start spending that money on some new toys to use on ME???"

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I am the Mistress and he is the submissive, to me that indicates that my "end of the bargain" is to *be* the Mistress -- and if I am not enough, or on his terms, I'm not holding up my end of the deal.

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I guess it's also hard for me to consider because I cannot dominate on command, I can't "fake" it and I don't really control my appetite and urges. I might want it 4 times a week, I might want an entire weekend of it followed by 7 days of downtime to recharge my batteries.
Akasha

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I guess it's also hard for me to consider because I cannot dominate on command, I can't "fake" it and I don't really control my appetite and urges. I might want it 4 times a week, I might want an entire weekend of it followed by 7 days of downtime to recharge my batteries. If I am expected to dominate a man when I don't have the mindset or energy, it makes me very unhappy.

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He sulks. He feels a resentment -- it's hard not to.

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That's the dynamic I'm afraid of. If a man is completely bringing in the income and working hard for it and I am doing nothing all day, simply because I am the Mistress and he is the submissive, to me that indicates that my "end of the bargain" is to *be* the Mistress -- and if I am not enough, or on his terms, I'm not holding up my end of the deal.

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

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He sulks. He feels a resentment -- it's hard not to.

Regardless of whether a submissive is contributing to 50%, 75% or 100% of the household income, s/he has a right to be in a relationship where her/his needs are met. If those needs are to serve, then be in a relationship to serve. If those needs are to be in constant chastity, then perfect. I think the issue with some is that they express a need to completely give up control in the begining when it's fun and exciting. However, it is my personal belief that someone cannot go on forever without "needing" or "wanting" and that over time, someone will say "my needs are no longer being met", be it because their needs have changed.

I think on this level, this has nothing to do with money.

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That's the dynamic I'm afraid of. If a man is completely bringing in the income and working hard for it and I am doing nothing all day, simply because I am the Mistress and he is the submissive, to me that indicates that my "end of the bargain" is to *be* the Mistress -- and if I am not enough, or on his terms, I'm not holding up my end of the deal.

I guess that's part of what I was trying to get at with my original post. I would feel obliged and I hate feeling obliged. Just the idea of feeling obliged would take the fun out of it for me.

To give you an example, I am acquainted with this man who is quite a wealthy and intelligent man who is curious about wiitwd and offered me a thousand dollar tribute for one hour of my time for domination, no sex required. He did however mention the kind of things he would like me to do (flogging, humiliation, etc). He just wants a one shot deal to see what it is about and would like to compensate me, like one would pay a tourguide he said. On the one hand, I figured that's a whole lot of money for one hour of work. I did consider it. On the other hand, I saw it as exactly that, work and catering to someone else's needs and therefore, no longer domination.

- LA

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha
A question for the femdoms here. You arranged for a meeting, and he insisted on flying you to see him. He paid for your flight, paid for a hotel for you (even though he insisted you could stay safely with him, no strings attached), and then when you got there took you to a fabulous dinner and to the theater. You had a nice time with him -- you genuinely thought he was sweet. But, the connection just was NOT there. All the things you talked about doing online, now you just can't think about it -- you are not attracted to him in that way. When he starts lightly dropping hints about playtime and if it's gonna happen -- do you in any way feel bad for saying, "You know what...I just don't think this would work for me."

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How would you feel? Uncomfortable at all? Obligated? Even if he said "oh, ok. Don't worry about it.." but you could tell he was very saddened.

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Now what if the same thing happened, but you paid your own way (and it was not a financial burden; either you had the money fine, or you had another trip for business or what not -- it did not strain you), and hotel. Would you feel any different?
Akasha