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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Love and BDSM has been a difficult combination for me but for ME it has been difficult not because of anything innate to the two but to my own personal issues.

At first I felt that one needed to be able to end the relationship in order to control and that if I was in love I couldn't do that.  I felt that way because I was immature.  The ones I was able to dominate were not the ones I wanted.  If I "wanted" them I became weak, I needed them and would play it safe rather than risk losing them.  Various shades of this as I matured, this is all in my mid to late '30s and even into my last relationship.

I have long known I do not choose women who I most want, I cull one off from the herd, some sort of emotional straggler.  Then a part of me looks down on her/wants to fix her up.  My best relationships were ones where I didn't exactly pick the woman, a blind date here, a response to an ad, and a woman at work who chased me are probably my better relationships.

My last partner while a mixed bag, was a woman who I think was the break for me of my prior patterns.  A woman I had become friends with, actual friends as she was a Domme and I respect that.  Long story but we began a long and wonderful relationship, one where I grew a great deal.

So I have slowly grown to where I now at least pick out the leader of the pack so to speak rather than culling someone from the herd.  So now I date women I want which makes being in love FAR more risky and since one doesn't want to lose such an amazing woman, this is where the whole "must be able to end it" rational comes in.  To do so you need to have the emotional security to know that if you end it with this amazing woman, that you can find and attract another.

However, for me I still feel that is an immature response.  Where I WANT to be, my GOAL is to know I can attract and keep an amazing woman because I am worthy of her.  Pretty much there, perhaps one never looses a bit of that insecurity and perhaps that isn't a bad thing.  Now I need to take another step and know myself well enough as well as what I want in a woman to find and attract the sort of woman who while strong and powerful, craves what I want to give, that when we struggle for power, that when I push her boundaries, that despite the immediate resistance that ultimately that is where she wants to go.  This way I do not have to choose between expressing my dominance fully and having the romantic love in my life that feeds my soul.  I have yet to do this although I think I am about to find out if I have.

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I long for little else.

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ORIGINAL: puella

If you can be controlled by your submissive because of your love for her, you can be controlled by that submissive even if you didn't love her.  The issue is your own self control, not what 'love' makes you do.

Love does not make you lose control... it does not make you rob a bank, or drive a hybrid vs a standard car, it does not make you buy a home it does not make you live a healthier lifestyle...  those are your own choices, blaming love is just a way of not having to take full responsibility for your choices.

Actually...to take it a bit further... if you have to deny yourself  something as natural to the human condition as love to remain in control... I think that there is an underlying issue which needs to be addressed within yourself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

If you can be controlled by your submissive because of your love for her, you can be controlled by that submissive even if you didn't love her.  The issue is your own self control, not what 'love' makes you do.

Love does not make you lose control... it does not make you rob a bank, or drive a hybrid vs a standard car, it does not make you buy a home it does not make you live a healthier lifestyle...  those are your own choices, blaming love is just a way of not having to take full responsibility for your choices.

Actually...to take it a bit further... if you have to deny yourself  something as natural to the human condition as love to remain in control... I think that there is an underlying issue which needs to be addressed within yourself.

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

If I can't roll over on my back and expose my soft underbelly to a woman and have her love me for it, then that is just sex/play to me.  Like snacks, it has its place but what I want is a full rich meal, one that nourishes my soul not just my cock.