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RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle... - 4/20/2007 6:51:58 AM

BitchGoddessD

Posts: 391
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From: Wisconsin
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I call it sexual slavery not kinky sex. It is a part of D/s in my opinion. I just wish when I am approached that they are upfront about it.

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RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle... - 4/20/2007 6:57:22 AM

Jasmyn

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quote:

Does that make it difficult, going to a parent teacher conference while your husband/master is flogging you, in those little desks that the teachers make you sit in? Does your wife/mistress untie you before you go to work or do you just hop, as much as the rope will let you, down to the bus stop?

D/s is how we live. BDSM is how some of us play.

Kia ora. Tene kotau, Jasmyn.

Tena koe Michael :) love the visuals from your post ... thanks for the chuckle

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RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle... - 4/20/2007 7:01:02 AM

Jasmyn

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quote:

Perhaps more would if lifestylers wouldn't call it "only kinky sex" so often. No matter how it's meant, it does sound like it's something less.

Guilty for President!

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RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle... - 4/20/2007 7:09:28 AM

spankmepink11

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I agree with those who've said theres nothing wrong with wanting only the sexual aspect, as long as one is honest about it.
The reason, in my opinion, that people get so up in arms at the idea, is because they need to feel that their relationship is exalted, deeper, (insert your grandiose adjective) than those merely looking for "kinky sex" as if someone else's preferences has a direct affect on the value placed on their own dynamic.
I prefer the whole package myself ( the kinky sex and the D/s dynamic).
Very interesting point about people who are physically unable to have sex turning to S&M as an alternative. I actually dated some one with whom that was the case. He considered himself a Dominant when he actually has much more of a submissive demeanor. He did however enjoy a very deep Sadistic streak which i enjoyed very much, but it was not enough to sustain the relationship. We do remain friends though.

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RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle... - 4/20/2007 7:20:38 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

i hear that a lot..."person x just uses the lifestyle to get laid".

first off, i dont think its accurate, because you must have some kink in you to go to all the trouble of learning enough to meet a real person in the LS to actually get laid, but beyond that i dont see whats wrong with that.

assuming the person has not lied, why is it a bad thing?

Well you got the ones who say that this should be about more than sex, who feel that somehow sex is lower on the rung of importance and connection- therefore if you have sex right away, or with someone you don't know- then you don't really value yourself or the relationship very much, OR understand what this all "really should be about."

Can't tell you how often I used to get (specially when I was younger) that I didn't value myself or was just "playing around with no real idea of the depth of the lifestyle" because of my sexual choices. In fact I'm sure people still say it, just not openly or to my face very much.

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RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle... - 4/20/2007 7:24:48 AM

crouchingtigress

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well said pink!

and that last part was very intersting to ponder.

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RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle... - 4/20/2007 7:29:25 AM

crouchingtigress

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dear LA ,
you know me, not the sharpest tool in the shed, can you explain what you are saying again....slowly?

i think you are saying that people assume sluts dont make deep connections, or have real relationships because they can easily jump in and out of bed...being a slut myself, i know that not to be the case...

and i think you are saying that folks assume that if you do sleep around, then you cant be really in the lifestyle

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RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle... - 4/20/2007 7:34:19 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
dear LA ,
you know me, not the sharpest tool in the shed, can you explain what you are saying again....slowly?

i think you are saying that people assume sluts dont make deep connections, or have real relationships because they can easily jump in and out of bed...being a slut myself, i know that not to be the case...

and i think you are saying that folks assume that if you do sleep around, then you cant be really in the lifestyle

How about it's like Christians who say if you have sex before marriage, you're not really a Christian at all.

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RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle... - 4/20/2007 7:37:23 AM

MrDiscipline44

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

dear LA ,
you know me, not the sharpest tool in the shed, can you explain what you are saying again....slowly?

i think you are saying that people assume sluts dont make deep connections, or have real relationships because they can easily jump in and out of bed...being a slut myself, i know that not to be the case...

and i think you are saying that folks assume that if you do sleep around, then you cant be really in the lifestyle

Yes, thats what she's saying.

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RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle... - 4/20/2007 7:40:29 AM

crouchingtigress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44do sleep around, then you cant be really in the lifestyle

Yes, thats what she's saying.

lol, fastest poster in the west beat you too it Mr. D....

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RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle... - 4/20/2007 7:51:54 AM

MrDiscipline44

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
lol, fastest poster in the west beat you too it Mr. D....

I wasn't ready!! I hadn't had my coffee yet!!! Best two outta three (or nine outta twelve). But not now..........later..........Need more coffee.

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RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle... - 4/20/2007 7:55:20 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44
I wasn't ready!! I hadn't had my coffee yet!!! Best two outta three (or nine outta twelve). But not now..........later..........Need more coffee.

WIMP!!

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RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle... - 4/20/2007 7:59:24 AM

spankmepink11

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

i think you are saying that people assume sluts dont make deep connections, or have real relationships because they can easily jump in and out of bed...being a slut myself, i know that not to be the case...

and i think you are saying that folks assume that if you do sleep around, then you cant be really in the lifestyle

Exactly, and i agree that it's a fallacy ( from a fellow slut)

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RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle... - 4/20/2007 8:02:55 AM

MasterFireMaam

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"Anger is just love dissappointed." - Eagles.

Many people go into a meeting hoping that a relationship will come of it, especially women. In a het relationship, it's not at all uncommon for a woman to trade sex for love...so when she doesn't get love in return for sex, she's unhappy with the bargain and feels cheated emotionally. So, even if the partner is CLEAR that there won't be a relationship, we still sometimes HOPE that they don't mean what they say.

Master Fire

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RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle... - 4/20/2007 8:09:36 AM

BBBTBW

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In regards to male subs/slaves, when they approach me with all the sexual talk, I abruptly stop them by saying, "If all I wanted was a sexual relationship, I can go around the corner and see (insert name here)" As stated in my profile sex is a part of all relationships, however it is not the most important part.

I agree there is nothing wrong with a sexual submissive/slave, its about the honesty in how they relate their desires.

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RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle... - 4/20/2007 8:32:54 AM

MstrStoney

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Let me say this,

The lifestyle has many different aspects to it . And for most people that venture in will find that out . There way to many things in this life to be judgmental about . As there are so many people with different interest . I would say if it is good for you then who's to say it is wrong ? .

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RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle... - 4/20/2007 8:34:49 AM

onestandingstill

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Generally it's the fact they hide their real core purpose under lots of other things that bothers me.
Next is lots of people in it just for sex continually harass people who've made it OBVIOUSLY clear they are not interested.

If they are right up front with this is just about kinky sex for them I can respect that approach even though I'm not interested.
Who's to decide which kinks are mainstream and who's are not any way?
suzanne

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RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle... - 4/20/2007 8:43:55 AM

MrDiscipline44

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44
I wasn't ready!! I hadn't had my coffee yet!!! Best two outta three (or nine outta twelve). But not now..........later..........Need more coffee.

WIMP!!

BULLY!!!

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Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

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RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle... - 4/21/2007 6:42:11 AM

littleonyx

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Personally, I don't think that there's anything wrong with people that are here just for sex. More power to 'em. But I have a problem with people that say they're not just in it for the sex, that it's about romance, and learning who you are...as a person, and how much they care about feelings and the like just to reel you in, and then BAM! You can't keep them away from you.

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RE: what is wrong with folks who just use the lifestyle... - 4/21/2007 7:32:00 AM

UR2Badored

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To the OP....are your refering to instances of someone having no sex in scenes ever or people who require/demand sex from others in a ASAP manner? I ask because I often encounter the latter.

I dont have a problem with any person who wants BDSM for sex. We all appear to pursue this lifestyle for valid reasons relating to our own individual needs and preferences. However, any "LTR" relationship that I'd pursue will hopefully have aspects of love, trust, and sex (among others). What other people do is all fine and dandy, but I do have a problem with someone who expects me to have sex or perform oral on initial contacts or scenes--that does not mean I will actually consider meeting them if they have no concern for me or has preconcieved notions of what is right for me and what they expect from me. I agree that a person has every right to desire or expect it. Of course, I have a personal right not to submit to him/her ever or not to give up my right ti make a choice to have sex on initial dates or scenes (Of course, it depends on the relationship and what has been established). The key for me is to communicate what each party wants to pursue in a relationship prior to any type of engagement. At the same time, I would probably eventually get somewhat frustrated if I were to develop feelings for someone topping me without the other having any emotional ties or desiring sex or sensual activites from me. However, prior to rushing into a relationship which includes sex, I often need a little more information than a few scenes can provide. For me establishing varying degrees of trust is a prequisite for kinky activities, love, or sex.

Self reflection: I suppose I get frustrated with the notion that someone wants sex and nothing else from me specifically. It may be a sign of weakness to others, but I want a relationship that offers more than sex or BDSM alone. It might be my age or my prior experiences that have me in this place. I believe, for me, that is vanilla relationship issue and not a BDSM

< Message edited by UR2Badored -- 4/21/2007 8:07:18 AM >

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