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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 7:22:14 AM   
CreativeDominant


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quote:

ORIGINAL: alivingdoll

I've had nonsexual exchange's within the d/s dynamics ,Having Turners I'm not a sexually driven partner so alot of doms /masters want the sexual control aspect and in my case it's just a no go issue . Mr turners el chromosomes control me ,so what you want to look for is a service /domestic d/s relationship it's like a maid you get to torture i've found (can i say older doms with ed ?)who love the fact they can still be a dom/master and beat my arse and no expectations of sexual gymnastics in the end .I get a cookie and go take a nap instead . non sexual dom's are out there you just need to turn over a few rocks and they'll appear .
                              good luck  ~~~~Doll


Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....a submissive that wants to be flogged and spanked and have other wicked things done to her and in exchange, will do some cleaning and maybe even light paperwork?  Just no sex? 
Hey...if you can find one besides yourself...close to me...have her drop me a line. 
Oddly enough, I have never met these kinds of submissives until I got on this site and saw posts such as this one on previous threads from other submissives.
I wonder though...how many of the submissives that a dominant might meet who are interested in a long-term D/s, sexual, BDSM relationship with him would be all that happy to find that he has another submissive doing this stuff for him in exchange for beating her ass.
Don't want to hijack the thread but I am curious...

(in reply to alivingdoll)
Profile   Post #: 121
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 7:28:09 AM   
Leigha23


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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo


There is absolutely no reason why you should compromise your sexuality especially when what is vanilla sex runs risks of pregnancies and disease. If someone isn't wiling to just play or to do everything but sex, he isn't the right match for you. Someone who understands that you would want to wait for any sexual activities or that it might never get to that point is a far better match for you.



Thank you, thetammyjo.  While is seems alot of doms wont play if they dont get sex, there have been ample of responses here from members who have had power exchanges of m/s and d/s where there were no sexual relations. 

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 122
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 7:29:41 AM   
Leigha23


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mp072004

I think the man you were talking with was mistaken.

While many--possibly most--dominant men I know enjoy incorporating sex into BDSM scenes, many of them play without sex.


Monica, you give me hope to  continue my search.

(in reply to mp072004)
Profile   Post #: 123
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 7:31:46 AM   
Leigha23


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quote:

ORIGINAL: vield

...However there are many reasons why someone may not wish this (and personal safety in the age of sexually transmitted diseases is a big one). Also some people with life partners will do BD/SM play but not sexuality in general with people other than their partners.

Some folks seek BD/SM training and experience from skilled friends who do not like sex with folks of that gender, and have respect for each other's limits.

If anyone does NOT respect your limits you need to stay away from playing with them.

It IS possible to find a power exchange connection with someone who wants what you do, but you may need to spend a lot of time searching.


This is all good to know, thank you.

(in reply to vield)
Profile   Post #: 124
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 7:33:15 AM   
Leigha23


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TigressFL

I have alot of male dominant friends that "play" with people and do not expect sex at all. If they are in a relationship with that person it is a totally different ball game though.



I am glad you can attest to a non=sexual power exchange relationship.

(in reply to TigressFL)
Profile   Post #: 125
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 7:34:34 AM   
Leigha23


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quote:

ORIGINAL: HouseofBear

I have run into both male and female dominants who have service relationships with their slave, however sex is not part of the service. 


good news for sure.

(in reply to HouseofBear)
Profile   Post #: 126
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 7:36:32 AM   
Leigha23


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quote:

ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

I was chatting with a master who I told I was looking for a master for bdsm play at first then maybe a relationship and I told him Im not looking for a mistress.  He tells me most masters expect sex and wont play unless you have sex with them and if I play with a mistress she wont play unless you pay her.  I dont care about the mistresses but do masters usually expect sex from the girl subs?  Thank you all in advance.


My Dom knows about my past, so no the sex part will not come and be a part of my training unless i want it to happen.



(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
Profile   Post #: 127
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 7:36:38 AM   
CreativeDominant


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissDiscipline

If one of my subs were to bring up sex with ME- they would find themselves overwhelmed with the repeated loves taps of my riding crop to the tip of their undeserving submale cock.  


Soooooooooooo...in other words, as the dominant you do NOT allow your submissive to control this aspect or even to bring it up.  You see it as your right as the dominant to control that aspect of your D/s relationship.

Is that a comment then against the submissive for her wanting to control the sexual relationship?  Is it recognition of another female and her problems in finding a male who does not want sex ,,,but of course, once the fact that she is submissive is brought into the equation, your support of her then contradicts your own statement about who should be making decisions in this arena...unless you are just stating how it works in your own personal D/s BDSM relationship and not how it should be in others.

(in reply to MissDiscipline)
Profile   Post #: 128
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 7:37:35 AM   
Leigha23


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: alivingdoll

I've had nonsexual exchange's within the d/s dynamics ,Having Turners I'm not a sexually driven partner so alot of doms /masters want the sexual control aspect and in my case it's just a no go issue . Mr turners el chromosomes control me ,so what you want to look for is a service /domestic d/s relationship it's like a maid you get to torture i've found (can i say older doms with ed ?)who love the fact they can still be a dom/master and beat my arse and no expectations of sexual gymnastics in the end .I get a cookie and go take a nap instead . non sexual dom's are out there you just need to turn over a few rocks and they'll appear .
                              good luck  ~~~~Doll


it keeps getting better

(in reply to alivingdoll)
Profile   Post #: 129
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 7:40:06 AM   
Leigha23


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissDiscipline

If one of my subs were to bring up sex with ME- they would find themselves overwhelmed with the repeated loves taps of my riding crop to the tip of their undeserving submale cock.  


I will continue my search and assume although most will only play if sex is involved, there will be some who dont expect to be paid with sex in return or in exchange.

(in reply to MissDiscipline)
Profile   Post #: 130
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 7:41:09 AM   
Leigha23


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quote:

ORIGINAL: justplainjava

Greetings and good luck in your search,
for i have been asking the same question.
take care and be safe
java


greetings java thank you and good luck to you to

(in reply to justplainjava)
Profile   Post #: 131
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 7:44:29 AM   
Leigha23


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quote:

ORIGINAL: rascallymisty

Leigha I wish you luck in that in which you seek, it is possible to find a Master who does not wish sex, but they are hard to find.
 
~  Just respond to those who's advice has helped.
 
~ misty ~


Thank you Misty

(in reply to rascallymisty)
Profile   Post #: 132
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 7:48:23 AM   
Leigha23


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterTaino

 I know Het Masters with gay slaves, gay Masters with female het slaves, Females Doms with bi female slaves, Gay Masters with lesbian slaves, etc., etc.  In most of these relationships, sex does not play a role or it is a minimal role.
 
Currently I have a het married slave who has petitioned to serve me, a Gay Master.  His reason for doing so is that he respect me for my experience and my authenticity, and is willing to surrender into my service.
 
So, our M/s relationships are not about sex, but surrendering to the owner and taking responsibility for your slave.
 
Master Taino
www.mastertaino.com


Thank you for telling me about Your household experience and what works well in  your life.  It's good to know that for You, as with many others here the power exchange dynanic does not mandate sexual relations be part of it.

(in reply to MasterTaino)
Profile   Post #: 133
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 7:49:21 AM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline
Leigha23
More than one person on this thread has tried to answer you with the suggestion that sex may not be necessary at the beginning of the relationship, but would be inevitable if the relationship became long term, and you have ignored that. So I am asking directly:

Are you unwilling to EVER have sex with your potential Master?
Is your concern simply that the relationship of power exchange not be based on sexual interaction, and you would have no problem with becoming sexually intimate once the relationship became a committed, long term relationship?

~E

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 134
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 7:53:58 AM   
velvetears


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Joined: 6/19/2006
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Leigha, i have read this thread and would like to ask you a question - since i am still not sure... do you never want sex with a dom ever in your life - or do you want to find a dom who will play with no sex involved to see if they are the one for you, THEN if it's a match sex will be an option? 

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 135
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 8:31:41 AM   
Sekhemet


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Joined: 7/10/2004
From: Canada
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I popped a note in the thread before ... and wanted to elaborate for you.
I am a Dame, and My long standing slave of 10 years, came to Me a virgin and remains a virgin to this day, so as it has been said - it IS possible, can be found and does happen.  When I met slave it was very clearly put to Me that it had NO INTEREST IN SEX, or being "male" ever and apparently this was THE sticking point for saris to find a suitable Owner, and it was an issue for many would be Ladies ... slave HAD to be slave, not human, not male.

I didn't have a problem with this then, and apparently I still don't now, and no saris has never been "used" by anyone else either, it is still a full virgin.  I will say however as the Dominant in question it can get a little frustrating and annoying on occassion, but as Tops We're supposed to have some self-control ... so ... Life goes on - At the same time and on the other hand I would not even THINK of having a significant other with whom I was not sexually involved, so this single aspect manages to remind, show and keep the slave in line, in place, on track, it is NOT a boyfriend, it is My slave.
Also; There have been large stables in My home, on more than one occassion and even then the sex wasn't a big part of it for Me - I have this theory ... you see; it's easy to fuck one, or two, or even 3 ... but when One houses and runs a stable of 30 slaves it is simply illogical and impossible to be screwing them all - So don't get in the habit!  It's a sleazy control to use anyway, and it's highly unreliable due to emotional and social conflicts of interest. 

Personally I'm just not up for the reputation, the issues, the dramas, the health concerns, the effort, the amount of time, the finanical costs, or the energy doing something like that would result in, never mind the emotional strain!
  Now, the Master I mentioned earlier ... oddly ... is My Mate.  He too is of this "it's just not worth it" mentallity.  For Him initially it will be a matter of comfort, of class, and of delineation as well.  In time it will become and issue of morality, of continued delineation and of position.  NOW ... in the past when the large stables were doing, My answer to those who were sexually inclined was to open the stable doors, take off the chastity belts and allow for a free for all when and where it was called for.  My job?  Someone has to oversee the proceedings and make sure whatever rules may be in place are adhered to.
We do allow for body worship, for scenes and types of play where sexual stimulation might be involved; but those are not the first or foremost ones in the bag of tricks.
One of the things you might consider in your searching is people's creativity levels and reading ability.  MOST exposure comes from someone, or somewhere else.  VERY few people are creative and inventive enough to think of something on their own.  Instead we tend to read it, see it, hear about it - from someone or somewhere else, and take it in.  Thus people with a narrow band of influence will also have a very narrow spectrum of scenes at their disposal.  Those who opt to explore more, will be able to come up with far more possibilties than simple percussion and orgasm oriented sessions.
It is out there, it can be found, it is possible for both genders - But as with all things if you want it you have to find it, you have to stick to your guns about it, and when you find it - you have to chase it down and make sure ... you get it.  Top or bottom, makes no difference; stick to your guns, chase it down, and get it.

 XxoxX
Sorry it's so long, but ... I wanted to share that with you anyway.  Hope there's some insight gained.

_____________________________

http://www.sinpages.com
Where fetish and desire are explored

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 136
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 8:33:06 AM   
velvetears


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Joined: 6/19/2006
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btw - if the question is too personal, just say so - just don't leave us all hanging - having read through the whole thread we deserve some kind of "closure"

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 137
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 8:33:29 AM   
Leigha23


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Joined: 4/20/2007
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hi Elorin and velvetears,  at this point in time i am interested in power exchange relationship not based on sex and this is all I care about at this moment in time.  THE GOOD thing is I have learned from the people above that that is possible to experience things in this lifestyle and not be expected to have sex if I dont want, am not ready or am not interested.  that is a wonderful thing to know.

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 138
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 8:35:44 AM   
Leigha23


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Joined: 4/20/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

btw - if the question is too personal, just say so - just don't leave us all hanging - having read through the whole thread we deserve some kind of "closure"


im not sure what you mean by some closure?  its all pretty clear especially from reading my "thank you" posts to those that answered my question and gave me hope that no, sex is not mandatory. <laughs>  Hope you still dont feel like your hanging.

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 139
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 8:37:23 AM   
Leigha23


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sekhemet


It is out there, it can be found, it is possible for both genders - But as with all things if you want it you have to find it, you have to stick to your guns about it, and when you find it - you have to chase it down and make sure ... you get it.  Top or bottom, makes no difference; stick to your guns, chase it down, and get it.

XxoxX
Sorry it's so long, but ... I wanted to share that with you anyway.  Hope there's some insight gained.


 thank you sincerely!

(in reply to Sekhemet)
Profile   Post #: 140
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