RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex?

Page: << < prev 5 6 7 [8] 9 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 8:39:10 AM

NYMaster101

Posts: 107
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline

BDSM is not always about sex.

(in reply to Leigha23)

Profile

Post #: 141

RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 8:48:29 AM

MellowSir

Posts: 260
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

Hmmm, maybe the question should be where can I find a man who doesn't like sex, or just wants to whip me and bang someone else lol

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Profile

Post #: 142

RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 8:56:49 AM

GrizzlyBear

Posts: 278
Joined: 3/26/2004
From: Missoula Montana
Status: offline

To the OP:
Do you want a relationship that will NEVER involve sex, or just one where it is not required at the start?

Do you just want to try some things out, to play, without being pressured for sex? Or do you want some more formal sort of relationship?

What, to you, constitutes sex? Oral sex? Any genital stimulation or touching? Or just penetration by a penis?

Answer these questions thoroughly and put the answers on your profile, and you will be well on the way to finding what you seek.

I have had extended play and service relationships with subs who were near enough to me to come by and clean my house, or weed my garden, in exchange for various non-sexual sorts of play. Since I am a sadist, this works best if said sub is a pretty serious pain slut. It could also work for one who is exceptionally talented as a rope bottom.

Since your profile doesn't say where you live, or much of anything else, and you don't answer questions sent to you by email, it is impossible to say if this could work.

I would not, at this point, take on a 24/7 slave, or anyone for consideration as same, that had sex as a hard limit or to whom I was not sexually attracted. It would limit me too much in my search for a slave that is willing to do it all. Perhaps, once I find such a slave, I would take on a second that was only for service.

If what you want is a Master who will take you on as slave, you might have better luck if you are willing to be second or third girl in a household. You will have a very difficult time finding a relationship where you are the primary focus of interest for a Master, as his slave, if you are going to refuse to ever include sex in your service, unless you manage to find one who is completely uninterested in sex due to age or other health issues. Total lack of interest in sex is fairly rare in healthy males, but not unheard of.

I wish you well, and luck in your search.

< Message edited by GrizzlyBear -- 4/21/2007 9:02:59 AM >

_____________________________

GrizzlyBear

"Come to the edge," he said.
They said, "We are afraid."
"Come to the edge," he said.
They came. He pushed them. And they flew.
~Guillaume Apollinaire

(in reply to velvetears)

Profile

Post #: 143

RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 9:09:45 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

hi Elorin and velvetears, at this point in time i am interested in power exchange relationship not based on sex and this is all I care about at this moment in time. THE GOOD thing is I have learned from the people above that that is possible to experience things in this lifestyle and not be expected to have sex if I dont want, am not ready or am not interested. that is a wonderful thing to know.

So, is that a "definately no sex right now, and probably not in the future"? The thing is that you spoke of a relationship. Are you looking for a long-term relationship where your dominant will either not desire sexual pleasure or just get it elsewhere? It's question that you might want to consider getting the answer to. Plenty of men will wait for sex, and while it is possible to find a relationship that will not involve sex ever, it will be harder to find. Also, in that relationship, if you change your mind and decide you want to have sex, your dominant may not indulge you.

We understand very well that you don't want sex right now. Perhaps you might be better off seeking play partners until you know if you will ever want to have sex again? Good luck, good wishes.

Also - Just because a person doesn't want a relationship based on sex, they may not want to exclude it, so you'll probably want to be upfront with that.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 4/21/2007 9:11:46 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Leigha23)

Profile

Post #: 144

RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 10:43:57 AM

Leigha23

Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MellowSir

Hmmm, maybe the question should be where can I find a man who doesn't like sex, or just wants to whip me and bang someone else lol

I think your taking it to far and being a little sarcastic or patronizing. If a dom owns non-sexual slaves, that means he doesnt like sex according to you?

i think if you made it past second grade level reading you will read thru prior posts supporting the fact that there are uses for submissives other than for sex and that bdsm is not all about sex.

perhaps for YOU you will dominate only if you get sex but clearly thats not the case for other dominant men who use their minds to dominant and not just their penises.

(in reply to MellowSir)

Profile

Post #: 145

RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 10:47:34 AM

Leigha23

Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline

Pls. excuse not answering all e-mails timely. Theres alot of pages go sort through. You asked some questions of me which you will see were answered in post 137. you should gather enough from that small post to get a clear picture.

Thank you to everyone again.

(in reply to GrizzlyBear)

Profile

Post #: 146

RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 10:59:16 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

You mean post 138 - the arrow points up

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to Leigha23)

Profile

Post #: 147

RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 11:48:32 AM

unsung

Posts: 183
Joined: 12/23/2006
Status: offline

I never read all the replies, but there are d-types that are not interested in the engagement of sexual intercourse as part of play. They do exist out there although they might be rare, but I have a top and that is our arrangement, play without sex. This I have no problem with, as I do not believe that sexual servitude is the fundamental ingredient to submission.

(in reply to velvetears)

Profile

Post #: 148

RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/21/2007 10:48:34 PM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

Well, one of the more upsetting threads I have read - and at the same time, educational. I read Leigha's original post and took it to mean that right now she is wanting to find a het male Master without an expectation of sex. As I and many others answered, it may be a difficult search (as they all can be, btw) but certainly not impossible and as some lifestyle doms/dommes have said - some already have these kinds of relationships going on with their subs.

Now, whether or not anyone agrees with Leigha's way of doing things, is neither here nor there. Her reasons for wanting this kind of relationship at this time, are her own. I am posting this to simply state it bothers me all the back and forth I see not only on this thread, but many threads, that are writhe with misunderstanding, rudeness, judgmentalism, misquotes and statements pulled out of context, unnecessary meanness and various and sundry angry attitudes.

I think we can all do a lot better in communicating our ideas and feelings. I think we can do a lot better in trying to understand each other's points of view, even when we disagree. So, with that...flame on, if you must...but I think we can all recognize the hint of truth in this statement.

MNN

(in reply to unsung)

Profile

Post #: 149

RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/22/2007 10:13:48 PM

somethndif

Posts: 136
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NYMaster101

BDSM is not always about sex.

It is for me. *grin*

But I think I have made my position clear.

Dan

(in reply to NYMaster101)

Profile

Post #: 150

RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/22/2007 10:30:24 PM

somethndif

Posts: 136
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

perhaps for YOU you will dominate only if you get sex but clearly thats not the case for other dominant men who use their minds to dominant and not just their penises.

I think you have a very unusual, but perhaps traditional view of sex. The man "gets" sex?? In my world, sex is a shared mutually desired and enjoyed activity. The women I have had the good fortune to be with desire sex as much as I do -- Thank God!! -- and get as much out of it as I do, maybe more, since many of them are multi-orgasmic, and I sadly am not.

I also think your apparent belief that if I am fucking my submissive, I am not using my mind is rather bizarre. It is a common, but true aphorism that the most sexual organ is the brain. Speaking generally, women do not respond sexually, unless you engage their mind. And in my experience, that has been very true.

Dan

(in reply to Leigha23)

Profile

Post #: 151

RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/22/2007 11:12:55 PM

Leigha23

Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: somethndif

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

perhaps for YOU you will dominate only if you get sex but clearly thats not the case for other dominant men who use their minds to dominant and not just their penises.

I think you have a very unusual, but perhaps traditional view of sex. The man "gets" sex?? In my world, sex is a shared mutually desired and enjoyed activity.

I also think your apparent belief that if I am fucking my submissive, I am not using my mind is rather bizarre.
Dan

i agree its shared and didnt say its only for him to get. each of us knows he gets sex/she gets sex, yet that still doesnt take away the fact the many doms wont play with a sub unless they get or are going to enage in sexual relations. dont hang on the word "get" which is irrelvant in my point which is that many, including you, wont be bothered of going thru any trouble of dominating or in your example "flogging" if theres no sex involved. thats your choice and your right and its also a fact of this lifestyle to which was my point.
;
where did i say "doms who fuck dont use their minds?" look at the words "and not just". in other words for the doms that only dominante for sex //////////that takes up less thinking than the doms that dominate in areas both related and unrelated to sex. If he doms as a means to get sex /////that doesnt take much of a brain, but if he doms in other areas outside of sexual areas, that is using more brains i would imagine and using more than just a penis.

but again i didnt say doms who have sex dont use their minds and i didnt say the dom "gets" sex and she doenst because of course she 'gets' sex too.

< Message edited by Leigha23 -- 4/22/2007 11:14:17 PM >

(in reply to somethndif)

Profile

Post #: 152

RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/23/2007 6:08:30 AM

Aubre

Posts: 478
Joined: 12/9/2004
Status: offline

I have a few questions:
-Would the Dom stimulating your clitoris manually be off limits in your eyes?
-Are you into being teased and being made very horny but no orgasm is allowed for you?
-Would you consider wearing a chastity belt if your Dom so desires?
-Would you be interested in service as a "cuckquean", the female version of a cuckold, where you don't have sex but you watch (or if blindfolded or hidden from view, listen) to him having sex with someone else?
-Have you checked out tantalism.org or chastitybelt.tk?
-Would you be open to a Dom attempting to train you to be able to have orgasms without manual stimulation?

I wouldn't have a problem with a sub not wanting sex, but she'd be wearing a chastity belt.

(in reply to Leigha23)

Profile

Post #: 153

RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/23/2007 4:31:00 PM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline

(Fast Reply)

OMG!!!

What is wrong with someone not wanting sex involved with their scene. Arousal and sexual gratification do not have to be part of a scene for that scene to have validity - LMAO!!!

Leigha23

You have the right and the obligation to yourself to seek out a relationship that reflects your needs and wants. If you do not go for what you want and settle for what someone else wants then you will be doing both yourself and the other person a great disservice.

Wickad

(in reply to Aubre)

Profile

Post #: 154

RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 5/12/2007 5:17:23 AM

jimbo747

Posts: 109
Joined: 10/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: somethndif

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

I was chatting with a master who I told I was looking for a master for bdsm play at first then maybe a relationship and I told him Im not looking for a mistress. He tells me most masters expect sex and wont play unless you have sex with them and if I play with a mistress she wont play unless you pay her. I dont care about the mistresses but do masters usually expect sex from the girl subs? Thank you all in advance.

Yes, I expect every scene that I do to be sexual. If I am going to go to the trouble to whip her ass, then I want to fuck her when I'm finished. *grin* On some rare occasions, I have not cum during or at the end of a scene.

But I make my interest in sex very clear, and have been fortunate to find submissives who are, like me, very sexual and very interested in sex. And with the submissives I have been with, sex/fucking/whatever-you-want-to-call-it usually happens on the first, or second "date." If it doesn't, there will not likely be a third date!

Dan

whats in it for a Dom if there's no sexual action?

The Dom gets what if theres no sexual action? nothing. why should He bother to top a f sub for the sake of controlling her. Control is fun but not without at least some sex. Not going to happen.

She has to be willing to be sexual in one fashion or another period.

< Message edited by jimbo747 -- 5/12/2007 5:25:38 AM >

(in reply to somethndif)

Profile

Post #: 155

RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 5/12/2007 5:27:34 AM

jimbo747

Posts: 109
Joined: 10/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wickad

(Fast Reply)

OMG!!!

What is wrong with someone not wanting sex involved with their scene. Arousal and sexual gratification do not have to be part of a scene for that scene to have validity - LMAO!!!

Leigha23

You have the right and the obligation to yourself to seek out a relationship that reflects your needs and wants. If you do not go for what you want and settle for what someone else wants then you will be doing both yourself and the other person a great disservice.

Wickad

she will have a hard time finding a Dom to top her for the sake of her enjoyment only. what does it get out of it? most Doms want some form of sexual "pay back" or "thank you for your time and energy".

If not, why would they bother?

(in reply to Wickad)

Profile

Post #: 156

RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 5/12/2007 5:31:22 AM

cjenny

Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline

A lot of folks have a D/s relationship that does not involve sexual endings. What would a dom get out of it?
Often the simple enjoyment of control. Some people work out a dynamic that doesn't require nor expect sex.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.

~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to jimbo747)

Profile

Post #: 157

RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 5/12/2007 5:49:27 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jimbo747

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wickad

(Fast Reply)

OMG!!!

What is wrong with someone not wanting sex involved with their scene. Arousal and sexual gratification do not have to be part of a scene for that scene to have validity - LMAO!!!

Leigha23

You have the right and the obligation to yourself to seek out a relationship that reflects your needs and wants. If you do not go for what you want and settle for what someone else wants then you will be doing both yourself and the other person a great disservice.

Wickad

she will have a hard time finding a Dom to top her for the sake of her enjoyment only. what does it get out of it? most Doms want some form of sexual "pay back" or "thank you for your time and energy".

If not, why would they bother?

i have a Friend who has relationships with a couple (maybe more) of different pain-sluts and He does not have sex with them. At first i didn't believe this. i thought the way You do. But after getting to really, really know this guy i can easily see how it happens. There are times when He just wants to feel the energy of inflicting pain and torture. It's a rush for Him, a high, a feeling of power and of accomplishment. Takes a great deal of talent to play a woman's body like an instrument. To watch the pain transform into pleasure to find the exact right moment to send her flying to bring her up and down and all around. This i can easily see. Not all BDSM is about sex, there are people who can be on mixed bowling leagues too.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to jimbo747)

Profile

Post #: 158

RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 5/12/2007 6:08:53 AM

stacysearching

Posts: 10
Joined: 7/21/2006
Status: offline

Well said cjenny. Thankfully sex is only one aspect of BDSM for many. Though, being in a committed relationship can make a difference for some people, and none for others. And it just depends on the casualness of the relationship, or the couple involved. There are play partners that don't have sex, and some that do.

Of course there are Dominants that understand that, and get off on the control within a relationship casual or not. Sex is not always a mandatory part of every scene. Not every Dominant is a bedroom Dom, or hunting for easy blow jobs, or a "pussy predator" as my former Mentor says.

Since I am not into casual sex with strangers, no way would I ever again be invovled with someone who wanted that from me right away. Am not that gullible anymore.

(in reply to cjenny)

Profile

Post #: 159

RE: Can I find a master who doesn't expect sex? - 5/12/2007 12:24:58 PM

dogobedience

Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline

For me sex and BDSM are separate and together. Think of it like vanilla dating, sex can happen but sometimes not.
In this lifestyle the dom belives he has the right to make you do anything including sex.
I have often bound, whipped, controlled girls and NO SEX. BUT that does not mean that I did not have sex with them ever. Sex is but one form of domination, it is however the one most people know how to do!

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to Leigha23)

Profile

Post #: 160