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How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? - 4/28/2005 7:00:17 AM   
Spankme3


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		Hi,

I would like to know how to tell my play partner (we are both switches) that I would like him to spank me harder, longer, or use more implements. He isn't into the pain himself, but seems to enjoy it when he is spanking me. I don't want him to think I'm weird or a total pain slut (but I am). Any advice?
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RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? - 4/28/2005 7:02:26 AM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		Just tell him. There is no easier way to do it. If you try to drop hints or tell him without really telling him you will just end up frustrated because chances are he won't get it (nothing against him, that's just the way humans in general are)

(in reply to Spankme3)
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RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? - 4/28/2005 7:09:20 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		THIS is the problem. Why don't you want him to know what you are? You'll never have a complete relationship if you keep yourself hidden like that. In effect, you're lying to him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spankme3

I don't want him to think I'm weird or a total pain slut (but I am).


(in reply to Spankme3)
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RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? - 4/28/2005 7:42:54 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Maybe he needs a safe pillow.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
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RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? - 4/28/2005 9:57:08 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		Is that the best you can do you sissy? LOL...
If he/she has a sense of humor, you'll come out of it with bruises, if not, scene stops. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Spankme3)
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RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? - 4/28/2005 3:24:53 PM   
Spankme3


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		Well, he has seen me play hard with others. I think he's just afraid of hurting me. It's hard for some guys to get over that. This is a new relationship and we are just in the process of discovering what each other likes...don't appreciate the lying to him remark. I was looking for honest advice. Thanks to those who responded.

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RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? - 4/28/2005 3:34:10 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

This is a new relationship and we are just in the process of discovering what each other likes


This makes it all the more important to communicate. If you can't just say it (I have trouble with that at times) then write him a letter.

(in reply to Spankme3)
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RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? - 4/28/2005 4:14:18 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Is that the best you can do you sissy? LOL...
If he/she has a sense of humor, you'll come out of it with bruises, if not, scene stops. M


As cute as this sounds, I think I'd opt for another option. Who really wants to risk "Sam" behavior in the middle of the scene given that the option might be that the scene goes south?

If I were you, I'd try to discuss this with the Top. I wouldn't do it in scene. Some people, especially newer folks, are reluctant to go to town on a bottom. If you communicate your desires, at least you can find out if getting the Top to hit harder is an option.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

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RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? - 4/28/2005 6:39:43 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		It was honest advice. If you don't want to hear other people's opinions, don't ask for advice.

Besides, what siamsa said was right. It's even more important to be open and honest if this is a new relationship. If you don't tell him now what you really want, you may never have another chance. Are you worried about what he'll think? If he's turned off by the fact that you're a painslut, he's not the guy for you anyway.

Lam

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spankme3

don't appreciate the lying to him remark. I was looking for honest advice.


(in reply to Spankme3)
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RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? - 4/28/2005 10:57:02 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily
As cute as this sounds, I think I'd opt for another option. Who really wants to risk "Sam" behavior in the middle of the scene
If I were you, I'd try to discuss this with the Top. I wouldn't do it in scene. Some people, especially newer folks, are reluctant to go to town on a bottom.
Lily

I know you are right Lily, because it is this very behavior (being a smart ass topper) which eventually ended my 1st relationship with one who called himself a slave, but it's also the one that got me to lose the fear and hurt him as he needed/wanted, so it was good for both of us at that time; not a good option for continuing communication.

He didn't say exactly that, but he pretty much challenged me.
I agree that talking to him after the fact or at a non-threatening time is best (my serious answer). M


< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 4/28/2005 11:00:33 PM >

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
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RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? - 4/28/2005 11:52:14 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
You need to sit down and talk with your friend and let him know that you not only can take harder, but you'd find it erotic to take harder. I'd ask him to try out swats outside of a scene so he can get an idea of what is proper with you. Do keep in mind that outside of scene, you might not be able to take as much as you can when you have endorphins flowing.

Another way you can try is a little on the toppy from below line.. beg for more in scene. Beg.. "Make me take more for you Sir.. Please make me take more." He doesn't have to do it if he doesn't want, so it isn't THAT much topping from below.

Remember, you want a relationship based upon communication. Now is the time to start establishing that. If you don't do it in the beginning, it won't miraculously start somewhere down the line. You do have to work at a relationship, and sometimes bringing up things that are a bit embarrassing or that are practical has to happen. Good luck!

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to Spankme3)
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RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? - 4/29/2005 5:42:51 AM   
diaperedbaby


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/13/2005
Status: offline 		I would do the above (great advise) and use a safe word . He will then know exactly were your limit is.
If not, he would just be quessing.

(in reply to BeachMystress)
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RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? - 4/29/2005 10:20:34 PM   
APhacetoSit


Posts: 87
Joined: 11/23/2004
Status: offline 		try telling your Master or Mistress that He/She hits like a girl. it has generally worked for me. one small warning, if you say this to a Mistress, She may burst into laughter.

(in reply to Spankme3)
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RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? - 4/29/2005 10:48:42 PM   
Spike1777


Posts: 85
Joined: 3/19/2005
From: Hollywod, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: APhacetoSit

try telling your Master or Mistress that He/She hits like a girl. it has generally worked for me. one small warning, if you say this to a Mistress, She may burst into laughter.


Ya know it always amazes me to hear a maschoist say something like that. All the sadist has to do is hit harder. But i guess that was the original question.

Perhaps a heart to heart talk. Ya know, something like explaining the needs that come into play. Someone once told me that relationships are all about fulfilling each other's needs. i am sure that if the Top cares then there would be a little extra wood on the next spank....

little spike

_____________________________

You talk of duties where there should be only a question of pleasure....Venus in Furs, by L. Masoch.......
A Slave, someone who lives in voluntary servitude consents once and then is bound to obey.

(in reply to APhacetoSit)
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RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? - 4/30/2005 1:00:45 AM   
MsSimone


Posts: 119
Joined: 7/15/2004
From: Chicago,Illinois
Status: offline 		One of the best suggestions on this issue I ever heard was to pick the implement you desire him to use on you, get on your knees, present it to him/her and say: Please."
Simple, respectful and gets to the heart of you.


Mistress Simone

_____________________________

www.chicago-mistress.com

(in reply to Spankme3)
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RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? - 5/1/2005 2:21:18 AM   
APhacetoSit


Posts: 87
Joined: 11/23/2004
Status: offline 		Not so much a masochist as a pragmatist. it reaches the same goal, and makes it Master's choice, rather than topping from the bottom.

(in reply to Spike1777)
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RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? - 5/1/2005 5:41:51 AM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Very carefully.

OK obvious joke done.

I can tell you how to not do it. Don't say it during a scene. I assume hearing "You hit like wet spagetti" probably is not a turn on. (And yes, that is what "Harder, harder" gets translated as in the male mind. [I can only assume in the female mind, but I have a penis.)

A good time would be if you kept a journal that he read. You could not tell him directly, but he'd know.

Other than that I really can't think of a good time

"Please pull up to the next window and thank you for eating at McDonalds."

"You know dear, you can spank me harder." That may not be the best time.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to Spankme3)
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RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? - 5/2/2005 8:53:25 PM   
glassdoll


Posts: 131
Joined: 4/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Spankme3

Hi,

I would like to know how to tell my play partner (we are both switches) that I would like him to spank me harder, longer, or use more implements. He isn't into the pain himself, but seems to enjoy it when he is spanking me. I don't want him to think I'm weird or a total pain slut (but I am). Any advice?



write it on his forehead in marker when he's sleeping.make sure he has no where to go for a day or two after that. or just buy rubbing alcohol to remove it.

(in reply to Spankme3)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? - 5/3/2005 6:11:03 AM   
BobcatsLilMinx


Posts: 201
Joined: 4/8/2005
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

I can tell you how to not do it. Don't say it during a scene. I assume hearing "You hit like wet spagetti" probably is not a turn on. (And yes, that is what "Harder, harder" gets translated as in the male mind. [I can only assume in the female mind, but I have a penis. )


Is that right?? I've often begged "Harder, oh please, more!!" (or something similar) and I've never met a man who took it as anything so insulting... In fact, that seems to me a good way to let them know, moan and let them know how much you love it, and beg for more!

Minx

(in reply to glassdoll)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How do you tell your play partner to spank harder? - 5/3/2005 7:10:48 AM   
Spankme3


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you for all the good advice. I have decided to talk to him before our next scene. We usually talk for a good while first, anyway. I just didn't quite know how to ask him. Asked one of his friends and she insisted that he won't go running...so that's a relief. I'll let you know how it went. Thanks again.

(in reply to Spankme3)
Profile   Post #: 20
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