MemphisDsCouple
Posts: 146
Joined: 11/1/2004 From: Memphis, TN, USA Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MsIce I have been reading the boards lately. Sometimes you read something almongst all the jumble of words and it quietly works away at you. The post I am referring to was about someone who was under punishment. They were put into what they felt to be extreme pain. This situation was portrayed to be most stressful and unpleasant for the submissive. Which brings me to my question. What do you think about Safewording during a punishment session. Ice, you seem sincere in your question so I'll share with you a conclusion I reached after a great deal of reading, discussing, experiencing, living, thinking and philosophizing d/s and s&m. Safe words are not just ridiculous, they are downright dangerous. Your logic, though you state no conclusion, is irrefutable. The reader of your question is compelled to conclude, as I believe you did in your own mind, that possession of a safe word actually puts the submissive in control of the submissive's own punishment. Which is, obviously upon reflection, a ridiculous state of affairs. quote:
ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily This is really interesting actually. Clearly punishment by nature is supposed to be unpleasant. However, it is still part of BDSM and should be done in an SSC manner. If the punishment is extream to the point of physical harm, I would say, given consensuality, the submissive has a right to safe out. But this would have to be an extream case, not like a normal punishment. I would consider it ok to safe out if it was extream in the nature of physical damage or psychological/mental abuse. (I'm not talking normal spankings or humiliation play here. I'm talking extream stuff) But for normal punishment, I'd say no. One would hope that if there is a relationship between the offender and the punisher, extreams wouldn't come into play that often. But I think any party has the right to safe out if something becomes abusive and therefore non-consensual. Obviously, Lily is just as correct. One would need a safe word if one was in physical danger. However! This begs the question: Why in the world would a submissive be involved with a dominant who did not recognize physical danger? If the dominant can not recognize when the submissive is in physical danger..... why would the submissive submit to that dominant? If the dominant is so extremely lacking in empathy and understanding of the submissive that the dominant can not recognize literal psychological or emotional trauma.... why would the submissive submit to that dominant? Playing devil's advocate here (because I don't have another writer to quote this time): What if the dominant just doesn't *see* what is wrong? Well... Can't the submissive just as easily say to the dominant, "I have no feeling in my left arm" versus saying, "red!"? hmmmmm? And if he steps on her toe, is she really going to say "red!"? My girl always just yells AIEEEEE!!!! When something like that happens, it is obvious the scream wasn't caused by a stroke of the whip. Sooooo I know to look around for what is wrong. Then, rather than her taking command of the whole situation by safe wording, I at least have the option of trying to cover up my blunder. Hell, I can step on her toe again - and act like I meant to do it the first time. Or, if I'm whipping her ass and she shouts, "my arm! my arm!" Well, what does any reasonable person do then? Like I said above, if the submissive is with a dominant who doesn't have the sense to keep watch, to keep an eye on everything that is happening and be in tune with the reactions of the submissive, and to look around and be wary of what might be going wrong..... why in the world is the submissive submitting to that dominant? Now: If the dominant and submissive are not in a relationship, if they're just "playing", then it is likely the case that the goal is to create the *illusion* of submission. That would fit with the word "play" just fine. That's what happens in a "scene". Like in a play, it is often the case that a temporary illusion is created by the participants. And that is a wonderful, fun thing to do. In the case of casual play, a safe word is entirely appropriate, even advisable. If there is not really a power exchange involved then obviously the submissive needs to retain the power over herself. She needs a safe word. However, the scenario Ice presented is not one of casual play. Ice poses a question related to punishment which, at least to me, definitively indicates a relationship, not casual play. quote:
ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily But I think any party has the right to safe out if something becomes abusive No one could argue with that. Of course that is true. But that also begs the question. Why in the world would a submissive be with a dominant who would abuse the submissive? And if with such a dominant, why in the world would a submissive, upon experiencing abuse, upon finding out that the dominant will abuse the submissive, why in the world would the submissive stay with that dominant? If the submissive is with a dominant who will abuse the submissive, all the safe words in the world will not fix that problem. To expect an abusive person to stop being abusive just because the submissive shouts a safe word is ludicrous. You know the real problem I have with safe words? It's not that safe words make a mockery of d/s relationship "power exchange", which they surely do. The real problem I have with safe words is that they are a house of straw and some poor, trusting, idealistic submissive is going to wake up the next morning after being with an abusive dominant saying to herself, "but I had a safe word". Safe words, as they are defined and presented in the online and bdsm-group teachings are a very serious danger. Yep, "safe word" = a very dangerous concept. But perhaps (at least) one submissive will read this and save her/himself from relying on the false sense of security of the "safe word". Postscript: You are welcome to print or save this post for your own use. Please do not copy it to any public or semi-public forum (including email groups/lists) without my express permission. Thanks. All rights reserved. (I write this postscript because after-the-fact someone wrote to me to inform me that they had copied a prior post I wrote to another list. So, I thought I'd better clarify what my preference/policy is regarding use of what I write.) B. (the male half of MemphisDsCouple)
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