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You don't know if she is gone? How could you not be sure, it seems that if she is gone then she wouldn't be there any more and if she isn't gone then she still would be. I am confused.......

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ORIGINAL: dprsub

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ORIGINAL: kc692

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Case in point: the last Dominant I spoke to was never referred to as a Dominant, but rather a Domme. She didn't seem to like to be called Mistress, and even before I met her she did not think that chores/"services" were a necessary part of BDSM. I wish I still had her as my D, but like everyone else she has a life outside of D/s, including her family. Her family (unmarried, but adopted kids) has always come first, as it rightly should, and it seems that she has disappeared permanently in order to better take care of them.

Is this the same Domme you wish you still had? As the thread progresses further, the statements seem to contadict themselves. Again, please explain.

Am I merely hyper-sensitive, or are you trying to antagonize?

It is the same Domme, yes. And as I've tried to explain, she seems to be gone now, and has been for a long time. Hence, I am searching, and hence, I am having trouble finding a D, just as I did before I was fortunate enough to meet her. Previously, I had several people who claimed to want to be my D, but they replaced me with boyfriends, remember?

Did I say, "Hi, I have trouble finding a D. By the way, I never ever did have one in my whole life before"? No, I did not.

As for your second comment, I'm not even sure what you think is contradictory, despite your claims that "As the thread progresses further, the statements seem to contadict themselves."

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I guess I don't really have anything to offer that anyone would be interested in. As I kept trying to say, I was kind of hoping that there'd be someone whose needs were to top just as my needs were to bottom. I do like to help people; I can do work. But for me, it's work and not play. It makes me feel drained and ready to rest; not excited for D/S stuff. I feel it would be dishonest to talk about my knack for repairing things (from sinks to computer monitors) in a BDSM context because, for me, it's outside of the BDSM context. I was always worried that I had nothing to offer in return for my own "unusual" needs, but one day I realized that wanting to be subjected to the things that I wanted to sounds like something no one would want to do, but I do. And I started hoping that there was someone who wanted to subject someone to that kind of thing, even though it doesn't sound like something anyone would want to do. And thus, both of our needs would be getting met at the same time, as we give and take unto each other in one continuous positive feedback loop. I don't mean to over-romanticize; I know that every rose has thorns and everything takes work and sacrifice. I was just hoping that somewhere, out there, there was a yang to my yin, and I could give what he or she was looking for. But, I guess not. I'm really sorry for wasting everyone's time.

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If someone suddenly stopped coming around chat rooms, and stopped replying to emails, what would you call that? There's a bit of a catch 22 in that you don't know if they're gone-gone or just delayed. At first, you just assume that they're busy. But eventually, be it a matter of weeks or months or years, the question shifts from WHEN you'll hear from them again to IF. I've been hoping she's just delayed, and in all honesty, a part of me is still hoping. Few things would make me happier than if, tomorrow, she were to spring back into my life.

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ORIGINAL: kc692

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ORIGINAL: dprsub

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ORIGINAL: kc692

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Case in point: the last Dominant I spoke to was never referred to as a Dominant, but rather a Domme. She didn't seem to like to be called Mistress, and even before I met her she did not think that chores/"services" were a necessary part of BDSM. I wish I still had her as my D, but like everyone else she has a life outside of D/s, including her family. Her family (unmarried, but adopted kids) has always come first, as it rightly should, and it seems that she has disappeared permanently in order to better take care of them.

Is this the same Domme you wish you still had? As the thread progresses further, the statements seem to contadict themselves. Again, please explain.

Am I merely hyper-sensitive, or are you trying to antagonize?

It is the same Domme, yes. And as I've tried to explain, she seems to be gone now, and has been for a long time. Hence, I am searching, and hence, I am having trouble finding a D, just as I did before I was fortunate enough to meet her. Previously, I had several people who claimed to want to be my D, but they replaced me with boyfriends, remember?

Did I say, "Hi, I have trouble finding a D. By the way, I never ever did have one in my whole life before"? No, I did not.

As for your second comment, I'm not even sure what you think is contradictory, despite your claims that "As the thread progresses further, the statements seem to contadict themselves."

I am not trying to antagonize, I am tryng to clarify. No, you did not say exactly "Hi, I have trouble finding a D, BTW I never ever did have one in my whole life before" b ut you did say " I don't have one yet" not "I don't have one at the moment" or something along those lines. Everyone at the beginning of a thread was trying to give advice on how to find a Domme, sounding like you were a newbie at the search.

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I guess I don't really have anything to offer that anyone would be interested in. As I kept trying to say, I was kind of hoping that there'd be someone whose needs were to top just as my needs were to bottom. I do like to help people; I can do work. But for me, it's work and not play. It makes me feel drained and ready to rest; not excited for D/S stuff. I feel it would be dishonest to talk about my knack for repairing things (from sinks to computer monitors) in a BDSM context because, for me, it's outside of the BDSM context. I was always worried that I had nothing to offer in return for my own "unusual" needs, but one day I realized that wanting to be subjected to the things that I wanted to sounds like something no one would want to do, but I do. And I started hoping that there was someone who wanted to subject someone to that kind of thing, even though it doesn't sound like something anyone would want to do. And thus, both of our needs would be getting met at the same time, as we give and take unto each other in one continuous positive feedback loop. I don't mean to over-romanticize; I know that every rose has thorns and everything takes work and sacrifice. I was just hoping that somewhere, out there, there was a yang to my yin, and I could give what he or she was looking for. But, I guess not. I'm really sorry for wasting everyone's time.

Again, not trying to antagonize, but that definitely leaves the impression you have never been with a dominant, (not in real life time anyway) and definitely not one in the past that you still yearn for. Then you would have something along the lines of " I had it once, will I ever have it again" instead of "I was just hoping that somewhere, out there, there was a yang to my yin, and I could give what he or she was looking for. But, I guess not. " And in one post, you talk about her being depressed , as if that might be the reason she dropped out, and then in another, it was to take care of family.and she "seems " to be gone...Did she tell you goodbye?Or did she just dissappear? Was she strictly an online Domme for you? Usually, if responsibilities in life take over, as they are want to do, then we take care of them, but we don't have to "disappear", especially permanently. In one thread you talk about when you met her, but then you talk about her going offline. I have discontinued relationships with subs before, as I'm sure many dominants have, but they KNOW it's over, and they know why, I don't just dissappear. Although some may or mayu not have hoped for my return, they knew I was not planning to, and this does not sound like she has told you anything, just dissappeared. Not trying to antagonize, but I'm still confused, and I don't seem to be the only one on this board that is confused.....

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ORIGINAL: siamsa24

I was confused because I thought she was in real life, my mistake I guess

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ORIGINAL: kc692

Were the shortlived Dominants real life or on line?

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ORIGINAL: kc692

How long has she been unavailable? Did she say goodbye, or did she just disappear??

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ORIGINAL: kc692

Were the shortlived Dominants real life or on line?

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As for the previous Dominants, well, our relations seemed rather short-lived --less than a half a year each --which, combined with how I seemed to be forgotten about once a boyfriend entered into things, makes me think they weren't serious with me to start with. Now that I've come out and said that, I must confess I don't know what might've been going through their minds at all. Were they just being polite to the pathetic guy? I don't know.

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ORIGINAL: dprsub

It was as much real life as we could get. Neither one of us are exactly rich, and while I had lots of time, she did not (once again, being a single mom). We did one vanilla real life meeting, with every intention of meeting again and being more adventerous (as in, non-vanilla), but the opportunity never arose.

I'm sure she's doing fine in real life. But online was how we communicated and coordinated. Thus, we are cut off from each other online and in real life.

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You don't know if she is gone? How could you not be sure, it seems that if she is gone then she wouldn't be there any more and if she isn't gone then she still would be. I am confused.......

If someone suddenly stopped coming around chat rooms, and stopped replying to emails, what would you call that? There's a bit of a catch 22 in that you don't know if they're gone-gone or just delayed. At first, you just assume that they're busy. But eventually, be it a matter of weeks or months or years, the question shifts from WHEN you'll hear from them again to IF. I've been hoping she's just delayed, and in all honesty, a part of me is still hoping. Few things would make me happier than if, tomorrow, she were to spring back into my life.

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ORIGINAL: dprsub

I can't believe this.

To answer the time question: I'm not good with time; I can generally arrange things chronologically but lengthwise, things seem to blend into the event horizon.

I believe we knew each other for about 6 years, and I think her depressive episode started 3 years ago. She "came back" for a while, though wasn't quite her old self, and I can't blame her. Then she disappeared off my radar again and would take roughly a month from me sending a message for her to reply to it. I'm trying to work this stuff out in my head, as I don't keep logs around or anything.

And here, now, sitting in my lap... is another message from her. She didn't reply to the one before it, and I sent another kind of desperately asking if she was still ok. This message says she is, that she's having another rough time, and that she'll pull through it. And that she promises we'll meet again, though there's not really any indication of when.

Right now, I don't know what to feel. I feel like crying. I waited for her before, and I can do it again... but I feel like I didn't wait long enough. I've been waiting years to see her again. I checked for her every day, hoping to hear from her. She didn't even reply to second to last one; I had to send out another, I guess it's understandable since she's under duress. I feel like I didn't give her enough patience. I've let her down. Here I was talking about how much patience and understanding I gave, and it appears I've fallen short on that, too....

But, does she even want me as a bottom/sub/whatever? I'm not sure. What do I do now?

Holy crap, this is turning into such a bizzare soap opera.

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha


I got the impression from the long, detailed explanation of your devotion to this woman that you were rl partners for quite some time. Now you say you were online and had one vanilla meeting? Then she just went away -- and you shrug your shoulders, and say oh well? That's devotion?

Akasha

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ORIGINAL: GentleLady


you have already stated that the other Dominants were on-line but I have another question. The boyfriends that entered the picture....were they real time? I can certainly understand someone walking away from an on-line relationship to pursue a real time one.

Gentle Lady

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ORIGINAL: dprsub

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha


I got the impression from the long, detailed explanation of your devotion to this woman that you were rl partners for quite some time. Now you say you were online and had one vanilla meeting? Then she just went away -- and you shrug your shoulders, and say oh well? That's devotion?

Akasha

I hardly have shrugged my shoulders and said 'oh well'. She has herself and her kids to support, as well as look after. Only meeting once is my fault just as much as hers; neither one of us had much money to travel with, she had the kids to watch over, etc, etc.

What would you prefer I do? Be mad at her for being responsible? For not having enough time between cooking, cleaning, work, and her kids to come meet me? Personally, I'd prefer to try to see things from her standpoint and respect the fact that she wasn't letting something interfere with being responsible and providing for her family.