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The sadistic dom vs the sensual dom - 4/26/2007 7:39:39 AM   
MellowSir


Posts: 260
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		Just wondering which type of dominant submissives prefer. In the vanilla world it appears there are many more women with cruel men than there are with caring ones. Does this carry over to bdsm circles as well? We all know the cliche' that women like bad boys, does that equate with mean?
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RE: The sadistic dom vs the sensual dom - 4/26/2007 7:44:47 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MellowSir

Just wondering which type of dominant submissives prefer. In the vanilla world it appears there are many more women with cruel men than there are with caring ones. Does this carry over to bdsm circles as well? We all know the cliche' that women like bad boys, does that equate with mean?


Personally, I believe myself to be both sadistic and sensual.  I can be one without the other or I can combine both.  It depends on my mood and what I perceive as being called for.   

(in reply to MellowSir)
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RE: The sadistic dom vs the sensual dom - 4/26/2007 7:50:57 AM   
xotictxthorn


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/3/2005
Status: offline 		Hello
 I agree with you on this topic. I consider myself a Sadistic Sensual Mistress. It works well with my natural Dominat personality. My sub/slaves seem to understand and love both.
 
                                                                                 MsLain

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
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RE: The sadistic dom vs the sensual dom - 4/26/2007 7:55:20 AM   
Asraii


Posts: 91
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MellowSir

Just wondering which type of dominant submissives prefer. In the vanilla world it appears there are many more women with cruel men than there are with caring ones. Does this carry over to bdsm circles as well? We all know the cliche' that women like bad boys, does that equate with mean?

What exactly are you meaning by 'cruel'? If you are referring to 'mean', then I would have to point out that most of the sadistic men and women that I know are in no way cruel or mean.
 
As for the rest of your question; does bad boy equate to mean; of course not.
 
 

_____________________________

Nothing prevents happiness like the memory of happiness
Andre Gide

(in reply to MellowSir)
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RE: The sadistic dom vs the sensual dom - 4/26/2007 7:56:15 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MellowSir
We all know the cliche' that women like bad boys, does that equate with mean?

Given all the threads we have with doms complaining that subs tell them they are "too nice" I'd say more than likely.

What most women want tends to be someone who will act mean and act nice depending on what will turn her on at that particular time :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MellowSir)
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RE: The sadistic dom vs the sensual dom - 4/26/2007 7:57:43 AM   
JSin


Posts: 40
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah I am going to wiegh in on the "Why does it have to be an either or proposition?"

I tend to vary my play based on what kinda stuff a sub is into. The other part of this is sensual play can be sadistic. Personally my interest is more in Mind Fuck, power and control. The tools I use to play this out are wide and varied from fairly sever pain play to something sensual prolonged play.

Most often I have found,and yes I tend to be placed in the "Bad Boy" catagory, is the bad boy will attract them but mean won't keep them... I am as mean as circumstances demand.

JSin

(in reply to MellowSir)
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RE: The sadistic dom vs the sensual dom - 4/26/2007 8:09:45 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Asraii
I would have to point out that most of the sadistic men and women that I know are in no way cruel or mean. 


Exactly. None of the sexual sadists I know are sadistic outside of scenes. They are generally quite empathic and considerate. Emotional sadism, aka being mean or cruel, on an ongoing basis just isn't in the nature of most sexual sadists.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to Asraii)
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RE: The sadistic dom vs the sensual dom - 4/26/2007 8:27:35 AM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		The fact that you are asking this question makes me wonder...do you know what kind of Dom you are?

Vanilla and BDSM people are just the same. In the context you use for woman wanting "cruel men," I am assuming you are taking about the pattern of picking men who don't treat them well emotionally. If one is looking for someone who will hurt them emotionally, it is because they have psychological issues to deal with. This has nothing to do with a kink. Abuse is abuse no matter what form.

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"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to BeachMystress)
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RE: The sadistic dom vs the sensual dom - 4/26/2007 8:49:34 AM   
Trampler


Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		Umm. I think he is just asking questions out of curiousity. Thats how we learn, we ask, observe and read.

(in reply to CrazyC)
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RE: The sadistic dom vs the sensual dom - 4/26/2007 8:50:08 AM   
MellowSir


Posts: 260
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, I was wondering just how prevalent the patterns are.  Any of us, with a bit of skill and elan' can assume the guise of being cruel while sceneing. I am more of a sensual nature, no less firm or controlling, just my particular path. Wouldn't mind a bit of advice on how to better recognize the signs of such in prospective subs. And of subs that prefer cruelty, is it by preference or the only love they've known?

(in reply to CrazyC)
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RE: The sadistic dom vs the sensual dom - 4/26/2007 8:51:39 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well there is that long guarded secret of just asking them what they like and prefer.

It's rare for a person to want only soft and sweet ALL the time.  Most prefer some mix- the trick is to have compatible mixes.



_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MellowSir)
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RE: The sadistic dom vs the sensual dom - 4/26/2007 8:55:12 AM   
MellowSir


Posts: 260
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		In answer to asraii, what I mean by "cruel" is emotionally inconsiderate and lack of respect

(in reply to MellowSir)
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RE: The sadistic dom vs the sensual dom - 4/26/2007 8:56:14 AM   
MellowSir


Posts: 260
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		that was a good statement lucky, I am such a mix lol, a veritable handful :)

(in reply to MellowSir)
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RE: The sadistic dom vs the sensual dom - 4/26/2007 8:56:27 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Lucky we can't bitch slap anyone in here because the back of my hand would be fucking raw.

Cruel and caring are matters of perspective.  Unruly children are often the result of too much loving.  Of course the reverse is true as well.

Balance is the key.  Constantly posting about why you are the only worthwhile dominate or that your style is better than anyone elses only makes those of us who have a clue think less and less of you.  Which is pretty significant considering the deficit you began your posting career here with.


(in reply to MellowSir)
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RE: The sadistic dom vs the sensual dom - 4/26/2007 9:11:35 AM   
TopinPa


Posts: 111
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		I'm not cruel nor have I ever been accused of being cruel

But when it comes to scening with a sub I prefer her to be a masochist....for her sake and mine. Edge play is just fun to me. But I wouldn't do if the sub wasn't enjoying it.

Also, I consider my sadism to be sensual

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: The sadistic dom vs the sensual dom - 4/26/2007 9:12:26 AM   
MellowSir


Posts: 260
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		Why the stone casting, oh that's right, comes from a master who is master of all but obvious hatred.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: The sadistic dom vs the sensual dom - 4/26/2007 9:19:34 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		I like a mixture of the two, but not within a sexual context.  I like sadistic during sex.  When he tells me to shut the fuck up and slaps my face during sex...well that just gets me hot and leads to tears.  If he were to tell me to shut the fuck up as he passed me in the kitchen, that would make me emotionally upset and lead to tears of a different kind.  Does that make any sense?? 

< Message edited by Aileen68 -- 4/26/2007 9:21:37 AM >

(in reply to MellowSir)
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RE: The sadistic dom vs the sensual dom - 4/26/2007 9:33:52 AM   
Asraii


Posts: 91
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MellowSir

In answer to asraii, what I mean by "cruel" is emotionally inconsiderate and lack of respect

If this is what you are referring to, then I would have to question why anyone would want to 'become' cruel.
 
All too often we forget that these words have such a diverse difference in meaning for us. Cruel, mean, sadistic, inconsiderate; not all will look at these with the same definitions in mind.
 
I have known men who were the typical bad boy image and yet, when it came right down to it, they had teddy bear hearts. And I have known men who from the outside seemed to be quiet, gentle and unassuming; only to let loose with an abusive 'meaness' behind closed doors.
 
Looks can and will be deceiving. What you think is mean or cruel in another, may not exactly be what you thought it was.

< Message edited by Asraii -- 4/26/2007 9:34:17 AM >

_____________________________

Nothing prevents happiness like the memory of happiness
Andre Gide

(in reply to MellowSir)
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RE: The sadistic dom vs the sensual dom - 4/26/2007 10:13:28 AM   
mythi


Posts: 257
Joined: 2/25/2007
From: Naples, FL
Status: offline 		In general I like a lil mean in my men, in the sense of having a bit of fight in my dog *g*  But I prefer my D-types sensual not sadistic.  I don't consider myself a masochist and cruelty of an emotional nature is off the table outside of a pre-negotiated emotional edge-play scene with someone with whome I'm very close and trusting.

And of course, this is just me.  Others definitely can vary widely from this in their tastes.

_____________________________

“The truth doesn’t change based on our ability to stomach it.”
Flannery O’Connor

(in reply to Asraii)
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RE: The sadistic dom vs the sensual dom - 4/26/2007 10:14:47 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		You mistake casual annoyance for hatred, you don't have the talent nor the power to get me to hate you.

I find it distasteful when some have to build themselves up by tearing others down.

If I come in a say "I will create a fantasy world around you and anyone who doesn't do as I do is big meanie" you are tearing others down in order to build yourself up.  I find you annoying because you get in the way of those of us who want to have genuine conversations filled with real expressions of ourselves, not overly inflated opinions designed to impress rather than educate.

The women here who come to me do not do so because I am perfect but because I am open and honest about both my strengths and my weaknesses. 

(in reply to MellowSir)
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