RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (Full Version)

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TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/28/2007 9:59:30 AM)

Daddysprop...you are different!..I am different..Mistoferin is different..LA is different et al: Sometimes a saying of my mothers resonates within me..of course it is more of a humanistic thought as opposed to a D/s thought..anyway..she says.."No matter how hard something is or how bad you feel, always know that there will always be someone who has it worse and someone who has it better"..I took that as meaning ,be glad of who you are and what you have,and to quit bemoaning my fate. So to you I say,you are no more so a "freak" or less a one than any others upon this board,of course you belong. You, many times have given me things to think upon and many views I had not thought of. You have expanded my mind,made me realize a broader spectrum so to speak.And I personally never feel that the learning is ever a waste, wether it applies to my situation and choices or not..So daddysprop, Welcome to the "freak" show!!..Tempting



jaunty1 -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/28/2007 4:52:28 PM)

Hello
 
Without reading any other responses:
 
In regards to whether or not my girl has an orgasm during sex; I could care less. She's there for my pleasure; if she enjoys it by having an orgasm, more power to her. If she does not have one; so be it. I don't try and control them though. She does not need to ask permission; if she wants one, she will make it part of the priority of pleasing me. If she doesn't; then it's her loss.
 
Live well
 
Alex



Aswad -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/28/2007 6:15:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

The effect may be short lasting, but so is any depression treatment.


That depends entirely on the treatment, and whether by "treatment" you are referring to a single session (therapy) / single dose (drugs), or a complete course of treatments. I'll assume the latter, based on what you said. The popular ones? Sure. But they're not the whole story, and fail to take into account a number of things that aren't the topic of this thread.

Ketamine infusions can last for months, at least (that's how far the study went).

quote:

A good round of sex with several releases can last me a few days. A pill only lasts me one. Plus, the orgasms are much cheaper then pills or therapy and comes with mutiple side benfits.


Yeah, there's a definite improvement in cost and side-effects. ~lol~

I'm glad to hear it helps for you, although I think that depends on the specific subtype and etiology.

quote:

Is she alone her non-desire for orgasms? Definately not. Do I think she should be pushed to have orgasms? Definately not. But I do think she should realize that dominants who want their subs to have orgasms are not making sex all about the submissive.


Seems we're in agreement. [:D]

quote:

Valyraen takes his pleasure when he feels like it. If it were all about me, I'd be getting a lot more sex. [:D]


Obviously. Wouldn't we all? If it weren't for my ED, I'd be getting a lot more of it too. [:'(]

As for taking his pleasure when he feels like it, that's pretty much what I do, too. And I certainly don't mind if the sub is aroused and/or reaches orgasm; it just isn't a priority for us, so it isn't something I pay attention to.



Aswad -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/28/2007 6:18:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

after some time it can have one feeling like a freak among freaks, not accepted, understood, or even really wanted. [...] maybe...just maybe i belong here after all.


I know how you feel, from several contexts. You're the only one who can tell where you belong, however. And I'm pretty certain I'm not alone in saying that I appreciate having you here.



ownedgirlie -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/28/2007 6:26:03 PM)

What an interesting thread to read on a Saturday afternoon.

Naturally, it boils down to finding the right partners, doesn't it?  Having read props posts over time, it is apparent to me that her Master cares for her very much, and that their M/s relationship is contrary to what many others would prefer to have.  No harm, no foul.  For all the posts we read from girls who complain that orgasm seems to be such a high focus for Doms, I was kind of surprised to then read that orgasms NOT being the focus meant he didn't give a damn.  But that's irony for ya.

I just wanted to comment that wanting a submissve/slave to orgasm doesn't necessarily mean it's about the submissive.  If the orgasm is wanted simply because it entertains the Master to enjoy it in the girl, then it's about the Master and about what he wants.  In my case, Master uses my orgasms to feed me his energy, which generates an even stronger orgasm, and so on.  He delights in this, and the more he puts me through via orgasm, the more delighted he is.  I can be lying in a heap afterward, drenched in sweat, drool, gushings, cum, urine and even at times defecation from what he does to me, and let me tell you, that's all about him and his enjoyment.  My enjoyment from all that comes from his delight in it all; from the look of pride and pleasure on his face and the amazing things he says to me when it's all over.  I've also journeyed into some rather deep places within myself during those times as well.

My intent here isn't to post about strong orgasms, but what a Master's intent behind wanting an orgasm might be.  My guess is if he didn't get a lot of satisfaction out of it, he wouldn't make it much of a priority.




minnetar -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/28/2007 6:54:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

after some time it can have one feeling like a freak among freaks, not accepted, understood, or even really wanted. [...] maybe...just maybe i belong here after all.


I know how you feel, from several contexts. You're the only one who can tell where you belong, however. And I'm pretty certain I'm not alone in saying that I appreciate having you here.



Sir i agree completely.

minnetar



juliaoceania -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/28/2007 11:29:32 PM)

quote:

so my questions are basically this....why do so many Dominants care so much about submissive orgasm and arousal? are they not aware that submissives will find pleasure and fulfillment in pleasing them, but that doesn't necessarily translate to a wet, throbbing pussy? or is it an ego thing? and most importantly...where are the Dominants who simply don't care?


My Daddy uses me for his own pleasure, does not pressure me into a response that might be hard to obtain (in other words if I know it will take a long while to orgasm I will tell him this information and he can do about that what he wants). I do not see him as being selfish or uncaring that he takes his pleasure and release without my release. I get pleasure from this, very deep satisfying pleasure from this.

I do not think that it is an ego thing for all men, I think it is an exchange of energy when orgasms happen. I have a very tantric bent on orgasms, they can be a spiritual experience, and I would never deny my partner that experience if he desired it and I could provide it. I do not mean to degrade people who are nonorgasmic by suggesting that without orgasms energy is not exchanged, because it is. It is a different feeling though.

I know I have yielded my orgasmic response in ways with Daddy that I have never done with other men. I feel like my orgasms are a form of my submission to his pleasuring me. He truly enjoys taking his time to do this, and it would seem unsubmissive of me to deny him when I am capable of it.

If neither of you enjoy your orgasms, that is fine, but I am wondering why you care what other dominants desire this from their submissive.... especially since orgasms are an intense bonding experience (at least for me they are)



daddysprop247 -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/30/2007 8:42:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Daddysprop...you are different!..I am different..Mistoferin is different..LA is different et al: Sometimes a saying of my mothers resonates within me..of course it is more of a humanistic thought as opposed to a D/s thought..anyway..she says.."No matter how hard something is or how bad you feel, always know that there will always be someone who has it worse and someone who has it better"..I took that as meaning ,be glad of who you are and what you have,and to quit bemoaning my fate. So to you I say,you are no more so a "freak" or less a one than any others upon this board,of course you belong. You, many times have given me things to think upon and many views I had not thought of. You have expanded my mind,made me realize a broader spectrum so to speak.And I personally never feel that the learning is ever a waste, wether it applies to my situation and choices or not..So daddysprop, Welcome to the "freak" show!!..Tempting


lol thank you Tempting, for the kind words, and also for welcoming me into the "freak club." ;) now..where do i get the t-shirt??



Stranger1 -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/30/2007 8:53:52 AM)

One thing I learned about connections in D/s was to prioritize.

It came down to two extremes, to my way of thought.

One could see it as a sex role play....................in which case, orgasms would be a top priority.

Or I could view it as an Ownership dynamic-where the Top's desires took priority. Women who will submit to this, beyond lip service, are quite rare. Many years in the scene have proved this to me. There is no such thing as a true way-there are only paths to be traveled.

The most NEEDFUL thing, is that one has a clear vision of that path-lest one stray.



daddysprop247 -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/30/2007 8:58:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stranger1


The most NEEDFUL thing, is that one has a clear vision of that path-lest one stray.


agreed. however i would add that imho, submissives who can understand, accept, and appreciate a Dominant/Master's desires being top priority are not as rare as you think.



Stranger1 -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/30/2007 9:03:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stranger1


The most NEEDFUL thing, is that one has a clear vision of that path-lest one stray.


agreed. however i would add that imho, submissives who can understand, accept, and appreciate a Dominant/Master's desires being top priority are not as rare as you think.


Rare enough to be somewhat frustrating. There has to be a strong need/desire inherent to make that happen.
In a  depressingly "me" world-it can be refreshing to still find folks who see "we" as the top priotity.[;)]



daddysprop247 -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/30/2007 9:06:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


My Daddy uses me for his own pleasure, does not pressure me into a response that might be hard to obtain (in other words if I know it will take a long while to orgasm I will tell him this information and he can do about that what he wants). I do not see him as being selfish or uncaring that he takes his pleasure and release without my release. I get pleasure from this, very deep satisfying pleasure from this.

I do not think that it is an ego thing for all men, I think it is an exchange of energy when orgasms happen. I have a very tantric bent on orgasms, they can be a spiritual experience, and I would never deny my partner that experience if he desired it and I could provide it. I do not mean to degrade people who are nonorgasmic by suggesting that without orgasms energy is not exchanged, because it is. It is a different feeling though.

I know I have yielded my orgasmic response in ways with Daddy that I have never done with other men. I feel like my orgasms are a form of my submission to his pleasuring me. He truly enjoys taking his time to do this, and it would seem unsubmissive of me to deny him when I am capable of it.

If neither of you enjoy your orgasms, that is fine, but I am wondering why you care what other dominants desire this from their submissive.... especially since orgasms are an intense bonding experience (at least for me they are)


well honestly i have never understood the idea of orgasms, or anything sexual for that matter, being a bonding experience. for me sex is using or being used, serving or being served. well with the exception of what i call "vanilla" sex, which i view as sex with the desire/goal being mutual pleasure and excitement (as opposed to mutual fulfillment...something different).

it's a curious thing to me that sooo many Dominants seem to be so focused on a submissive's orgasms and sexual arousal in general because as Dominants i would think that 1, their top (not necessarily only) priority would be their own pleasure, and 2, they would understand that a submissive's main (again, not necessarily only) priority and focus would be on pleasing them.

i understand what owned was saying, in that just because a particular Dominant wishes for his submissive to experience sexual arousal does not mean that is making sex "all about the submissive." as i told Aquatic, i can't imagine any Dominant going there. however the intense focus on the subject, especially from so many Dominants, is what i have a difficult time understanding.



Stranger1 -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/30/2007 9:15:37 AM)

I think they see it as thier main power to keep a sub, daddy's. Problem being, sex will get stale after a while. I see it happen like clockwork-people get into a new relationship-burn through the thrills-it fades with time. And then your grip starts *slipping*-not a very good strategy.

So something else needs to be there to keep it going...what else DO you have to offer each other? I find the dynamics and enjoyment of shared day to day living are all there REALLY is for *bonding*. Most D/s things I have seen in the past go phhttt...in 6 months to a year, max. Pople start looking for excuses to bail-to get the thrill back.(with someone else,*new*)  Lots of hard feelings, and heartbreak.

Definitely not worth it to me-I think the dynamic would have to take priority over the sex to work.



MasterNdorei -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/30/2007 1:34:18 PM)

i have been studying sexual services for years, and yet i have not received an orgasim from the One who i serve in more than 6 months. You do not have to look very far into my profile, my pictures, nor my journal entries to understand how caring and wise Master is, and that there is no shortage of His concern for me. i do not appreciate the mindset that my lack of orgasims insinuates Master is thoughtless. Who is to determine what is mental health, if both parties are content? Intolerance of one kink easily grows into intolerance of all. If you're in the lifestyle, you are in a glass house... watch what you throw. To those who would have us believe they earned the right to have sex, or receive orgasims, i would like to ask, "Would you be willing to serve a man who did not allow you sex and orgasims?"  If the answer is yes, you agree with the OP. If the answer is no, you did not earn any priveledge of having sex, you executed a madatory requirement for you to stay interested. All your partner controlled was "when". How much of a priveldge is that? And more importantly, who's privledge was it?  If it is only the O that makes sex interesting for you, it is no wonder you fight so passionately for your partner to provide this for you, but i wouldn't be too quick to judge the ones who forego their own pleasure as being "a boring bed partner". There is a huge difference between the ho-hum house wife who no longer cares about sex, and endures what she thinks to be her wifely "duty", and a slave who intensely craves the pleasure of her Master. If a pleasure slave is so inclined, there are some mind blowing techniques to be learned. Sensations you can cause that simply will not happen if the girl is conflicted about needing her own pleasure... one of which is learning how to suck His cock with one's cunt just as surely as one would use her mouth...  Before you are too quick to judge, let me tell you there is a realm beyond your own pleasure that you will not grasp until you have been there... i wouldn't be too quick to assume it is boring. Master's dorei



mistoferin -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/30/2007 8:10:21 PM)

I would like to say that my response to this post doesn't have a thing to do with the topic of this thread but is a direct response to this post in particular.

You say this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNdorei
Intolerance of one kink easily grows into intolerance of all. If you're in the lifestyle, you are in a glass house... watch what you throw


And then follow it with the rest of your post????? Wow.

That's ok though really. I'm not sure where exactly the notion came from that "your kink is ok, my kink is ok" translates into "I have to accept anything you say or do". There is some shit that people try to justify with this lifestyle that is just plain wrong....and I don't care how they try to justify it. Just because some sick, twisted, fuck wants to use the umbrella provided by this lifestyle, that does NOT mean that everyone has to just turn the other way because "your kink is ok, my kink is ok". It doesn't mean that I can't be offended by it, it doesn't mean that I can't make a judgement about it and it doesn't mean that I have to just blanketly accept it. We all make judgements about things every single day. There are things that we each have where we draw the line as to what we will and will not tolerate. Intolerance and judgement are NOT bad words.

quote:

If a pleasure slave is so inclined, there are some mind blowing techniques to be learned. Sensations you can cause that simply will not happen if the girl is conflicted about needing her own pleasure... one of which is learning how to suck His cock with one's cunt just as surely as one would use her mouth... 
 
Before you are too quick to judge, let me tell you there is a realm beyond your own pleasure that you will not grasp until you have been there... i wouldn't be too quick to assume it is boring.


So, are you saying that submissives or slaves who enjoy orgasms are not as sexually skilled and we just don't know it? Puh-lease! Wtf does having an orgasm or not have to do with knowing how to use your cunt?



MasterNdorei -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/30/2007 9:07:28 PM)

There are entire centuries of tantic sex, sex magick, and kama sutra that are focused on non orgasmic sex. It does not have to be your thing, but it doesn't make one unhealthy emotionally, or uncared for by one's Dom/Master to not orgasim.

Maybe we should start another thread asking men if a woman remains as toned after having an orgasim. From what i have heard the answer is no, but i am sure anything is possible. That is "wtf having an orgasim has to do with knowing how to use your cunt."

Master's dorei





mistoferin -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/30/2007 9:26:58 PM)

Maybe you could host your own show and call it "Talk Sex with Master's Dorei". You could tell everyone that women who orgasm suck (or should I say don't know how to suck) in bed. I'm sure it will be a big hit.



juliaoceania -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/30/2007 9:53:34 PM)

quote:

i can't imagine any Dominant going there. however the intense focus on the subject, especially from so many Dominants, is what i have a difficult time understanding.


Because incredible bonding can happen through orgasming by the efforts of another, it can be a deep experience, an experience that puts me completely under his control. It is about control, energy exchange, and bonding.  I crave not only his dominance, but I crave him for pleasure too, and that definitely gives him control over me... he is the gate keeper of that.

You say "vanilla sex" like it is a poisonous thing. Sometimes he desires a more vanilla experience, am I to deny him that? His choice, and as a result of it being his choice, it by definition isn't vanilla.

Your master seems to be affectionate to you at times, do you enjoy his affections? Does it give you pleasure when he touches you? Does he do this just for you, or because he enjoys it to, or for both of you? I see orgasms as a deep form of affection and appreciation for the pleasure he gives me.... it is no different than cuddling in that regard... and he likes to cuddle sometimes too...



ownedgirlie -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/30/2007 9:55:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Because incredible bonding can happen through orgasming by the efforts of another, it can be a deep experience, an experience that puts me completely under his control. It is about control, energy exchange, and bonding.  I crave not only his dominance, but I crave him for pleasure too, and that definitely gives him control over me... he is the gate keeper of that.


This was an excellent way of putting that.  Nicely done.



Sweetbluerose -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/30/2007 10:09:26 PM)

Dorei,
I am surprised, do you think having an orgasm actually loosens a woman up? I didn't have intercourse until I was over 50, but I had millions of self induced orgasms, and I can tell you I am tighter than tight. I used to hope to find an average sized man. I know they are out there but maybe not in the bdsm world, smiles.



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