RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm?

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (Full Version)

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SoftKajira -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/30/2007 10:46:44 PM)
wow i've been reading this post for days on end.. lol. It all comes down to finding the person that is right for you. if you cant orgasm, then it's great that you found a man that doesn't care. shrugs I love orgasms w00t lol. But there are times when it is only mental and not physical.. i must admit when i reach that place in my mind the orgasm is WAY better even if i don't have the actual physical response.

WillowRain -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (5/1/2007 4:13:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysprop247 quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania My Daddy uses me for his own pleasure, does not pressure me into a response that might be hard to obtain (in other words if I know it will take a long while to orgasm I will tell him this information and he can do about that what he wants). I do not see him as being selfish or uncaring that he takes his pleasure and release without my release. I get pleasure from this, very deep satisfying pleasure from this. I do not think that it is an ego thing for all men, I think it is an exchange of energy when orgasms happen. I have a very tantric bent on orgasms, they can be a spiritual experience, and I would never deny my partner that experience if he desired it and I could provide it. I do not mean to degrade people who are nonorgasmic by suggesting that without orgasms energy is not exchanged, because it is. It is a different feeling though. I know I have yielded my orgasmic response in ways with Daddy that I have never done with other men. I feel like my orgasms are a form of my submission to his pleasuring me. He truly enjoys taking his time to do this, and it would seem unsubmissive of me to deny him when I am capable of it. If neither of you enjoy your orgasms, that is fine, but I am wondering why you care what other dominants desire this from their submissive.... especially since orgasms are an intense bonding experience (at least for me they are) well honestly i have never understood the idea of orgasms, or anything sexual for that matter, being a bonding experience. for me sex is using or being used, serving or being served. well with the exception of what i call "vanilla" sex, which i view as sex with the desire/goal being mutual pleasure and excitement (as opposed to mutual fulfillment...something different). it's a curious thing to me that sooo many Dominants seem to be so focused on a submissive's orgasms and sexual arousal in general because as Dominants i would think that 1, their top (not necessarily only) priority would be their own pleasure, and 2, they would understand that a submissive's main (again, not necessarily only) priority and focus would be on pleasing them. i understand what owned was saying, in that just because a particular Dominant wishes for his submissive to experience sexual arousal does not mean that is making sex "all about the submissive." as i told Aquatic, i can't imagine any Dominant going there. however the intense focus on the subject, especially from so many Dominants, is what i have a difficult time understanding. Dear daddysprop, I do find your posts so interesting. You and I experience the world in such a differant way. Sometimes I totally get and relate to how you experience things and sometimes I feel like we are two very different exotic flowers in lifes hot house. Maybe part of the difference flowing through this thread break along the line of slave and submissive? I'm not sure. Part of what makes D/s so alluring for me is the depth of knowledge of another. My knowing someone else very deeply, and them knowing me. That disclosure, is very emotionally important for me. Knowing how I work sexually, is part of that for me. Having a girl that likes and needs orgasm for personal balance, (not even considering that making other people come is flat out fun) and not finding it interesting to play with that would strike me as odd. It would be like having a really nice race car and never driving it over 55. Why own one? Your case is very differant, you describe your relationship in a way that makes me think that you handle beautifully. Like it would be a pitty if your Daddy didn't take you, and drive you sometimes in a way that utalized your ability to handle so easily, like when he takes you all three ways by the door. I bet you take hair pin curves like nobodies business. Orgasm for some people is a chore, for some people it is a treat, and for some people it is a necesarry bodily function. And that range really changes I think how they individually should be cared for. Think in the animal world, like owning pets. If you have a fat lazy little weiner dog, maybe it needs walks, mostly it adores cuddles. You can train it to do anything with food. That's one kind of animal. But say you decide to own a little work dog, an australian shepard. That dog needs a job or it will go bonkers. It needs tons of activity and something to herd, You need to work with that type of dog and train it (in general). It needs a daily job to be it's happiest. So in the slave/submissive world, maybe we are just in a sideways fashion talking about types of animals and the people that like to own them. Maybe in saying, "Why do some Dominantas care so much about their toys orgasms?" Well, maybe you are just kinda recognizing a certain kind of owner... like... "OH, yeah.... Jerry over there, he really likes Pomeranians." "OH her, yeah, she's got four Rotties." or "Ted? Yeah Ted has a whole team of sled dogs, he sleeps with them out in the snow when they are training." Apples, oranges, and pears. So when you meet a dominant that is wired to like to focus on that, maybe it's just a heads up that he isn't the type to match a girl like yourself. He's made for a differant kind of animal. :)

AquaticSub -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (5/1/2007 4:29:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aswad quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub The effect may be short lasting, but so is any depression treatment. That depends entirely on the treatment, and whether by "treatment" you are referring to a single session (therapy) / single dose (drugs), or a complete course of treatments. I'll assume the latter, based on what you said. The popular ones? Sure. But they're not the whole story, and fail to take into account a number of things that aren't the topic of this thread. Ketamine infusions can last for months, at least (that's how far the study went). But there is still an end to it. There isn't a cure for depression and all treatments cost time and money. All orgasms cost us is time we would already spending have sex and the occasional half hour when I have to come to him and say, "Sir, I'm sorry but could you please give me a release?" Which doesn't happen very often. Plus all other treatment introduce chemicals into the body that come from the outside. When possible, I prefer natural treatments.

juliaoceania -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (5/1/2007 6:52:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: Aswad quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub The effect may be short lasting, but so is any depression treatment. That depends entirely on the treatment, and whether by "treatment" you are referring to a single session (therapy) / single dose (drugs), or a complete course of treatments. I'll assume the latter, based on what you said. The popular ones? Sure. But they're not the whole story, and fail to take into account a number of things that aren't the topic of this thread. Ketamine infusions can last for months, at least (that's how far the study went). But there is still an end to it. There isn't a cure for depression and all treatments cost time and money. All orgasms cost us is time we would already spending have sex and the occasional half hour when I have to come to him and say, "Sir, I'm sorry but could you please give me a release?" Which doesn't happen very often. Plus all other treatment introduce chemicals into the body that come from the outside. When possible, I prefer natural treatments. I did not want to hijack the thread, but depression is not an incurable illness. It sometimes goes away on its own never to return. Sometimes it is situational and should not be treated at all (someone you love dies it tends to bum you out). Sometimes depression is caused by diet and lack of exercise. So while some people have untreatable depression, I would say the vast majority of them clear up and go away on their own without any help and the people that experienced them never received treatment at all..

Stranger1 -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (5/1/2007 6:55:43 AM)
From the Top side, I just have one further thing to venture. My comfort zone with a woman gets much broader with performance pressure being reduced-things can happen natually-not on an agenda. I tend not to get on well with women who "demand".

AquaticSub -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (5/1/2007 9:06:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I did not want to hijack the thread, but depression is not an incurable illness. It sometimes goes away on its own never to return. Sometimes it is situational and should not be treated at all (someone you love dies it tends to bum you out). Sometimes depression is caused by diet and lack of exercise. So while some people have untreatable depression, I would say the vast majority of them clear up and go away on their own without any help and the people that experienced them never received treatment at all.. Going away on it's own is not a cure. Excerise is not a cure. It's a treatment. It causes endorphines to be released in the brain, but if you stop excerising, the depression will come back. Being depressed because a relative died is not clinical depression that you treated for for long periods of time. I am talking about those who are clinically depressed. One can conquer their depression just like one can conquer an eating disorder, but it's always there if they ever lose control

juliaoceania -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (5/1/2007 1:21:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I did not want to hijack the thread, but depression is not an incurable illness. It sometimes goes away on its own never to return. Sometimes it is situational and should not be treated at all (someone you love dies it tends to bum you out). Sometimes depression is caused by diet and lack of exercise. So while some people have untreatable depression, I would say the vast majority of them clear up and go away on their own without any help and the people that experienced them never received treatment at all.. Going away on it's own is not a cure. Excerise is not a cure. It's a treatment. It causes endorphines to be released in the brain, but if you stop excerising, the depression will come back. Being depressed because a relative died is not clinical depression that you treated for for long periods of time. I am talking about those who are clinically depressed. One can conquer their depression just like one can conquer an eating disorder, but it's always there if they ever lose control I think that you misunderstand the biology of depression, of course many people do relapse back into a depression, others do not. Some people heal on their own, some do not. I think of maintaining a balanced healthy lifestyle as a preventative of all sorts of diseases. I do not think you would blame a car for breaking down if you fed it the wrong oil and gas for a certain period of time and did not maintain its fluids properly, the same with the human body My story, my hormones changed, I ate like crap, I smoked, and I did not get exercise. Once I began doing the things to maintain good health my depression vanished. Of course I may or may not have gotten depressed no matter what I did, but I am convinced that it is a preventative lifestyle that can really help. Now there are other forms of depression that are different from mine, but I would state emphatically, that maintaining a healthy lifestyle can and will prevent all sorts of diseases and conditions. The body wants to be healthy, if one treats their body badly it will not work. So I do not view living in a sensible way as a "treatment" for anything. I think of it as a preventative measure and common sense. What the modern medical system offers is "treatments" which invariably do not end up curing anything in too many cases. Maintaining healthy living is a way of aiding your own body to heal, which all cures came from your own body's miraculous ability to repair itself. Tap into that, and you can be very healthy... not always, but much of the time. Most illnesses are a combination genetic predisposition and environmental factors. All we can do is control the environment. Technically I suffered an eating disorder in my teens and early 20s. When I had my son it went away on its own. I was never treated for it and I have never feared a relapse... so how do you explain me all these years later? (and btw, I took speed, starved myself, and all sorts of things to be "perfect" and control my life). I think there is much that is not known about these things, and that healing is possible. Just a different view, and since they cannot explain the many people that were never treated for addictions (had a few of those too once upon a time) and overcame them I have concluded that there is too much not known and that has never been documented about people who spontaneously healed themselves... why is it not documented? These people never sought "treatment".

unsung -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (5/1/2007 6:39:37 PM)
In general response aka fast reply. It actually would be nice to talk to a dtype that did not place sexual innuendo at the beginning to get to know you stage. I was to be involved with a Top with no sex preference, however such timing did not work out unfortunately. However and I do know that this is somewhat a highjack (*stickum up lol) I really dislike the pressure on having to perform sexually. To me it is just one of those things that is given or taken in its natural course of events and not something that is demanded. In perspective the act of sex itself aka intercourse terminates the physical intimacy being shared, I have the preference for the dance and the exchange that gets one close to the boundry but not over the edge. But on another note, my sight right now is presently tainted as the over exposure to cock shots have made the idea to cock worship somewhat unappealing. There must a a study going on somewhere to find out if over exposure causes boredom, hint hint to you men posting your genitals - it does wear thin and does get boring. Ah sorry for the highjack here.

Aswad -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (5/3/2007 1:28:31 PM)
The posts about depression should be a seperate thread, so I'll be brief-ish. Anyone care to move it? With regard to "there is an end to it", as AquaticSub said, that isn't necessarily the case. Yes, there is a highish relapse rate, although a decent treatment will offer about 3 years without relapse. For the ketamine trials, 3 infusions (about 1 week of treatment) had an effect that lasted the duration of the study (some months), which is a fairly good ratio in terms of time/money invested and payback on that investment. Unless there is a continous input of stimuli that continually causes new depressive episodes, and one is unwilling or unable to change these stimuli, it is possible for about 85% of so-called "treatment resistant" patients to achieve permanent and complete recovery, even by purely pharmacological means. Even in the presence of such stimuli, a similar percentage can avoid relapse by appropriate prophylactic treatment when remission has occured. Most cases where people don't get long-term relief are due to not being able to afford proper treatment, lack of adequate skill in the people treating it, or legislation preventing the use of diagnostic tools and/or treatments that work for a given patient. Curing depression isn't particularly profitable, though, compared to treating it, and isn't a concern for society, compared to getting a significant percentage back to work. That doesn't mean it isn't perfectly doable in most cases. And, yes, most depression remits completely on its own in a certain amount of time, which is part of the reason why SSRIs sell as well as they do: the placebo response replicates most of the effect, and most of the depressions resolve on their own, so a treating physician will not see how comparatively ineffective they are in many cases. Exercise and proper nutrition do help, and can be a cure, although that's too extensive to go into here. Many drugs are also useful as a long-term prophylactic, some of which are genuinely positive for your physical health as well. I won't even get into "natural" here, unless we move this to a different thread, save to say the term has no useful meaning at all, and that I don't consider depression to be a "natural" state of being.

Aswad -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (5/3/2007 1:39:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stranger1 I think they see it as thier main power to keep a sub, daddy's. Problem being, sex will get stale after a while. I see it happen like clockwork-people get into a new relationship-burn through the thrills-it fades with time. And then your grip starts slipping-not a very good strategy. Yeah, I wonder how much of the "role drift" problem some experience is related to just this issue. Strong stimuli tend to cause desensitization, and the "thrill" of a relationship is little more than a PEA-induced amphetamine-like rush that will be over once the PEA settles back to normal. Just like with vanilla relationships. At least in the local communities, I've seen a tendency for things to split into three distinct subpopulations in the communities: the session-oriented crowd, the short-term relationship crowd and the long-term relationship crowd. These intermingle somewhat, but there appears to be a bit of incompatibility in their preferences, approaches and priorities. quote: So something else needs to be there to keep it going...what else DO you have to offer each other? I find the dynamics and enjoyment of shared day to day living are all there REALLY is for bonding. This has been my experience as well. quote: Most D/s things I have seen in the past go phhttt...in 6 months to a year, max. Pople start looking for excuses to bail-to get the thrill back.(with someone else,new) Lots of hard feelings, and heartbreak. The grass is always greener elsewhere, until you've gorged on that too. Again, same mistakes as the vanilla people. People aren't that different. quote: Definitely not worth it to me-I think the dynamic would have to take priority over the sex to work. ~nod~ The sex, for me, is a plus, something that often, but not always, goes with the rest, but not worth pursuing by itself. It's the rest of it that really holds my interest.

Aswad -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (5/3/2007 1:50:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin That's ok though really. I'm not sure where exactly the notion came from that "your kink is ok, my kink is ok" translates into "I have to accept anything you say or do". Well, actually, yes it does. If you don't accept all kinks between consenting adults, the term is YKINOK, instead... quote: There is some shit that people try to justify with this lifestyle that is just plain wrong....and I don't care how they try to justify it. ... which is translated into the above. quote: It doesn't mean that I can't be offended by it, it doesn't mean that I can't make a judgement about it and it doesn't mean that I have to just blanketly accept it. Of course not. You can take offense at anything you like, make any judgements you like, and accept/reject stuff as you please. I think she was just making the point that this is exactly the same thing the vanillas do when they take offense at all kinks, judge all kinks/kinksters, and reject our choices as invalid. quote: Intolerance and judgement are NOT bad words. There are no words that are "bad" in and of themselves. People often assign such connotations to words, but if you don't attach negative connotations to them, why do you give the impression of a need to defend them? quote: So, are you saying that submissives or slaves who enjoy orgasms are not as sexually skilled and we just don't know it? Puh-lease! Wtf does having an orgasm or not have to do with knowing how to use your cunt? Well, no, she was saying that there are skills that are hard (or perhaps impossible) for a sub to practice while orgasming or while being concerned with herself. I couldn't comment on the latter, though the former is definitely the case (basically, you can't have sustained control over the PC musculature while orgasming, for instance).

Aubre -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (5/3/2007 1:52:39 PM)
Wow some of yall sound like Tom Cruise and the Scientologists.

Aswad -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (5/3/2007 1:53:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterNdorei Maybe we should start another thread asking men if a woman remains as toned after having an orgasim. From what i have heard the answer is no, but i am sure anything is possible. Would you care to elaborate on this? I can certainly see that many women might experience sufficient post-orgasmic fatigue that exerting full strength with the PC muscles might be difficult or perhaps even impossible, but I don't think it's impossible for one to learn to continue doing so, although it would probably require a lot of practice.

Aswad -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (5/3/2007 1:55:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin Maybe you could host your own show and call it "Talk Sex with Master's Dorei". You could tell everyone that women who orgasm suck (or should I say don't know how to suck) in bed. I'm sure it will be a big hit. That's not very on-topic, or constructive. I'm actually interested in hearing what she has to say, and I doubt I'm the only one. Besides, the popularity of an opinion or idea does not necessarily bear any relation to its correctness and/or usefulness. Having a talkshow about BDSM would probably be just as unpopular...

Aswad -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (5/3/2007 2:00:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sweetbluerose I am surprised, do you think having an orgasm actually loosens a woman up? She probably did not mean it in the sense of a lasting reduction in tightness. I don't think there's any viable explanation for that. But an orgasm does put a lot of temporary stress on the PC muscles, which could conceivably lead to a temporary reduction in contractile power, along with a bit of fatigue that could make it harder to consciously controll the tension in that muscle.

Aswad -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (5/3/2007 2:03:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aubre Wow some of yall sound like Tom Cruise and the Scientologists. Hmm? I'm sorry, but I'm not familiar with Tom Cruise, beyond having seen him in a few movies, and I haven't a clue what the Scientologists are like, so I'm afraid I didn't "get" this post. Care to explain it?

Lordandmaster -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (5/3/2007 2:10:36 PM)
Well, it's kind of a paradox: I can make her come on command BECAUSE I don't care whether she comes or not. And she gets aroused because she knows that I use her for my pleasure, not hers. BDSM is full of paradoxes. quote: ORIGINAL: daddysprop247 greetings Sirs...with all the endless threads on orgasm control, cum on command, etc., and all the Dominants i've personally encountered online and in lifestyle gatherings who are obsessed with getting a submissive off or being "in control" of her physical pleasure....where are the Dominants who simply have no interest in such things, who don't particularly care about submissive orgasm or even arousal?

velvetears -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (5/3/2007 2:59:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysprop247 what i don't understand, and what boggles my mind, is that sooo many Dominants don't simply "care" about a submissive's sexual response, but place such a huge significance on it, to the point where they can't/won't tolerate a submissive who is nonresponsive. i also don't understand why more Dominants don't understand that a submissive's sexual fulfillment doesn't have to equate to an orgasm. Why would you question other dominants motivations? Maybe bringing their subs to orgasm IS there sexual fulfilment as well, maybe they get off on that just like you get off on knowing you are sexually fulfillling your Master. It seems from the tone in your posts that this quality in doms somehow threaten you in some way. i would say if a sub doesn't care about orgasms, or is non orgasmic and is with a dom who doesn't care or want to give her any - great, match made in heaven. The problems begin when a dom takes on a submissive who he/she knows desires orgasms and they don't care one way or another about it. In this instance i will then agree with slaveluci and imthatacheyouhav and say hes a selfish and uncaring dom. Also wanted to say i think you are really stretching it when you say that doms who don't care about a subs orgasm have to be very confident doms, i don't think this stems from confidence at all, i think they are simply just doing what they want to do and have found someone they can do it to.

mistoferin -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (5/3/2007 3:21:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aswad That's not very on-topic, or constructive. That's probably because it wasn't meant to be.

velvetears -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (5/3/2007 4:08:02 PM)
i have a question for you daddysprop, what if your master decided that he wanted you to have orgasms, for whatever reason, would you comply and find a way to have them or would you just tell him it wasn't possible. Would you be unhappy in your service if it included mandatory orgasms? If you are truly service oriented you serve people what they want, true? Now flip that around and imagine a woman who is very sexually oriented and needs orgasms like you need food - and her dom tells her no more for you... it would be just as hard.

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