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Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and ... - 4/26/2007 12:45:12 PM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

Within the BDSM community, it is often extremely difficult to find a person who you can connect with, and who has most or all of the qualities that you have been looking for. (Said with all due respect to those of you who have accepted who you are and have made a serious choice about being in this lifestyle.).

I am wondering if anyone here has ever decided, for whatever rhyme or reason, to try to go back to being vanilla -- simply because there are more choices and opportunities to meet others there. And if you have tried, but were unsuccessful, what brought you back to BDSM?

-addicted2it

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

Post #: 1

RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 12:52:49 PM

MasterGremlin

Posts: 230
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

I've always been very aware of the power dynamic in a relationship (not necessarily BDSM, but just the power structure as I come a family filled with Alpha personality types) and decided early on that I would have relationships where the power was clearly defined with me in charge. (side note: I then found out you get cool leather toys when you do this as an added bonus) so I don't think I was ever "vanilla" in my style of relationships. I also decided I would rather do without a relationship than go through the power struggles my parents had with each other. So I had no problem waiting around for the right people to have a relationship that I had pictured in my mind.

MG

< Message edited by MasterGremlin -- 4/26/2007 1:00:21 PM >

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 2

RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 12:53:04 PM

CrazyC

Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline

Since just this weekend I made a man change from being vanilla to BDSM, I doubt i have a choice of ever going back. I'll just be converting them.

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 3

RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 12:53:41 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Oh you'll constantly see people saying "I'm taking a break fromthe lifestyle" or even "I'm leaving the lifestyle forever"

Usually it's because they are frustrated, heartbroken, or got a lot of their illusions shattered by reality. A lot of times they were running TO bdsm as an escape from life issues, discovered being kinky doesn't really solve anything, and then run BACK to vanilla in another attempt to escape. Some people do this pattern multiple times.

Sometimes people really do "grow out" of being kinky or in the scene. Some of them stay with it, but in a mild or private way. Some rush back into the life with renewed vigor like any good born-again type.

The reality is, the pool out there for everyone is very small once you get down to what really matters. You have the same issues here as you do there. Staying in or out of something to "better your odds" is a poor bet all around.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 4

RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 12:57:09 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

If felt the frustration a few times, but I've nowhere to run to. I can't DO vanilla and I ain't cut out for the priesthood LOL

I got over those feelings and kept looking.... it paid off

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 5

RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 12:59:36 PM

PONYSEEKER

Posts: 364
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

I cant imagine going back to vanilla ... once I tried this it fit like a glove and solved so many issues I have had in the past... I dont think there is any kind of turning back.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 6

RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 1:04:38 PM

sunfleur

Posts: 75
Joined: 11/13/2005
Status: offline

i have not tried to go back to vanilla, however i have taken a break from time to time from the lifestyle for various reasons, a couple of times. when i've 'returned' it's been as a better submissive, i feel.

sunfleur

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 7

RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 1:06:03 PM

WilliamWizer

Posts: 223
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline

I don't even want to try. I will fail for sure so why to waste the time? being vanilla simply is not made for me.

_____________________________

There's only two rules for a sub:
- she can do anything her Master didn't forbid her.
- she only needs to do what her Master told her to do.

(in reply to PONYSEEKER)

Post #: 8

RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 1:06:59 PM

curiouslyseeking

Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PONYSEEKER
I dont think there is any kind of turning back.

Greetings Ponyseeker, and Everyone..

I tend to agree....

I truly don't understand how some can keep one foot in and one foot out..the life has enveloped my being.

I just recently learned I don't even know how to flirt "vanilla" much less have a vanilla-based relationship. It would be extremely unsatisfying for me.

always,
~curious~

_____________________________

"The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose to have no choice"

(in reply to PONYSEEKER)

Post #: 9

RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 1:08:04 PM

justplainjava

Posts: 173
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline

Greetings
i have to admit i have tried, but there a part of me that keep being drawing back, my slave side is very much a part of me, that does not like to stayed burry
take care and be safe
java

(in reply to WilliamWizer)

Post #: 10

RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 1:10:36 PM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterGremlin
...so I don't think I was ever "vanilla" in my style of relationships.

You bring up a good point. I also do not think that any of my relationships were "vanilla" in the strict sense of the word, because either I projected elements of BDSM and/or D/s into those relationships, or they took on a power exchange by themselves. It was only they did not contain the overt and obvious elements of BDSM and D/s.

-addicted2it

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to MasterGremlin)

Post #: 11

RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 1:15:35 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

When I first started out in the lifestyle I thought there was a clear line between vanilla and kink, but I've discovered that there are huge grey areas that get written off because they don't have the correct label.

No, I am not vanilla...but, I don't think I ever have been, so there's nothing to go back to, really. I get tired of the drama, just like most people and will take a break from the kinky social set, but I can't take a break from being me.

So, in answer...no.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 12

RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 1:15:49 PM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC

Since just this weekend I made a man change from being vanilla to BDSM, I doubt i have a choice of ever going back. I'll just be converting them.

Please excuse. How can anyone change or convert someone from being vanilla into someone who is kinky? If you did, they must have had a propensity for it lying dormant within their psychological makeup, and perhaps you consciously or unconsciously picked up on this, and then pushed the right buttons.

-addicted2it

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to CrazyC)

Post #: 13

RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 1:17:01 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Yes, I did go back to vanilla for a period of time. At least what would be considered vanilla from a BDSM standpoint. The reason for it is rather personal, and I'm not especially sure it is a good idea for Me to post the particulars in the general forum. While I tend to be an exhibitionist Myself, I'm not sure that I'm ready to be that kind of naked for all of the world to see.

Suffice to say, I left the lifestyle for a while. Did the vanilla thing. Married a vanilla man. Put that part of Myself "away" and went along quite content for a while.

Through some non vanilla/non BDSM exploration We decided to do as a couple, We met up with a submissive last year that brought Me right back in. When that part of Me was woke back up, it wasn't exactly easy to hide it. There were just too many things that I "knew" that an ametuer wouldn't and it showed pretty quickly. It's kind of comical looking back at it now, since I hid that part for so long, but was such a bad actress at hiding who I was once it started coming back out.

Anyway, after My husband and I got through the "Why didn't you tell me" phase, he accepted it as who I am. He knows I'm happier in the lifestyle rather than not, which makes a lot of sense. After all, isn't anybody happier being who they really are?

Present date, since My husband isn't submissive, he still wants that part of Me to thrive. He's very interested in My activities with My "boys" and learns what he can. He finds the whole subject fascinating. We've even discussed becoming a poly household at some point in the future, if We find what We are looking for.

There are quite a few holes in the story, since I don't want to bore everyone to death with My personal bio, but I hope it answered your question.

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 14

RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 1:18:43 PM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Oh you'll constantly see people saying "I'm taking a break fromthe lifestyle" or even "I'm leaving the lifestyle forever"

Usually it's because they are frustrated, heartbroken, or got a lot of their illusions shattered by reality. A lot of times they were running TO bdsm as an escape from life issues, discovered being kinky doesn't really solve anything, and then run BACK to vanilla in another attempt to escape. Some people do this pattern multiple times.

Sometimes people really do "grow out" of being kinky or in the scene. Some of them stay with it, but in a mild or private way. Some rush back into the life with renewed vigor like any good born-again type.

The reality is, the pool out there for everyone is very small once you get down to what really matters. You have the same issues here as you do there. Staying in or out of something to "better your odds" is a poor bet all around.

I agree completely with you. You seem to have covered it all.

-addicted2it

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 1:19:18 PM

CrazyC

Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC

Since just this weekend I made a man change from being vanilla to BDSM, I doubt i have a choice of ever going back. I'll just be converting them.

Please excuse. How can anyone change or convert someone from being vanilla into someone who is kinky? If you did, they must have had a propensity for it lying dormant within their psychological makeup, and perhaps you consciously or unconsciously picked up on this, and then pushed the right buttons.

-addicted2it

That would be correct, and brought to light many of his misconceptions of what BDSM was.

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 16

RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 1:20:56 PM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

If felt the frustration a few times, but I've nowhere to run to. I can't DO vanilla and I ain't cut out for the priesthood LOL

I got over those feelings and kept looking.... it paid off

Yes, you cannot deny who you are, and am happy to hear that there was an eventual payoff for you.

-addicted2it

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 17

RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 1:22:37 PM

ArgoGeorgia

Posts: 256
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Atlanta, Georgia
Status: offline

I have tried - well, kind of - in the past, but always found myself coming back to one degree or another. And usually my attempts at going vanilla were full of frustration and unmet needs. Personally, I blame the internet. Damn you Al Gore!

_____________________________

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. No, seriously. They have t-shirts for everything nowadays.

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 18

RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 1:29:53 PM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

[Some good stuff snipped for brevity}

Suffice to say, I left the lifestyle for a while. Did the vanilla thing. Married a vanilla man. Put that part of Myself "away" and went along quite content for a while.

Through some non vanilla/non BDSM exploration We decided to do as a couple, We met up with a submissive last year that brought Me right back in. When that part of Me was woke back up, it wasn't exactly easy to hide it.

Anyway, after My husband and I got through the "Why didn't you tell me" phase, he accepted it as who I am. He knows I'm happier in the lifestyle rather than not, which makes a lot of sense. After all, isn't anybody happier being who they really are?

It is always reassuring to hear that there are success stories, and that everthing does work itself out in time. You are very lucky to have a husband who understands your needs and is supportive. I wish all stories could turn out as well as yours did.

-addicted2it

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 19

RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 1:32:16 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

It would depend on the guy. I can live without D/s, I think I need to have some kink though. If you are talking a completely vanilla with no kink at all existence, I couldn't do it.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 20

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