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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 2:17:02 PM

mnottertail

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If you could be any kind of tree in the world, what kind would you be?

NaturalDominanation

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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 2:23:07 PM

Stranger1

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Joined: 4/13/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jauntyone

Greetings

I would have to agree with Justheather and say what ever happened to good old fashioned just getting to know someone. It seems awful cold and impersonal to be making out lists of questions that a person needs to ask someone who they are contemplating a relationship with.

I wish you well

melissa

The use of generic lists and kinks as relationship priorities are one reason so many "D/s relationships" fizzle out so quickly. Shopping lists are better used for taking home groceries, than human beings.

I simply cannot imagine letting pure hedonism rule my decisions in such ways-it's not just selfish-it makes no sense.

But I guess my priorites differ-

The question I always ask is ,"Who ARE you, and what are your dreams?"

Rather than "What can you do for me?, and you better be quick about it!!!!!!!"

(in reply to jauntyone)

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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 2:23:48 PM

amiciaN

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using fast reply

I think the real value of these questions is not to use them to 'interview' a potential Dominant. For me, the real value lies in a submissive asking them of his/herself before they accept a collar. If you can't answer all these questions about the one you seek to serve, then is your relationship really ready for that level of committment?

As always, just my opinion, ymmv.

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I have never been lifted so high as when I kneel at His feet.

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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 2:26:04 PM

jauntyone

Posts: 543
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From: Anchorage Alaska
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quote:

ORIGINAL: amiciaN

using fast reply

I think the real value of these questions is not to use them to 'interview' a potential Dominant. For me, the real value lies in a submissive asking them of his/herself before they accept a collar. If you can't answer all these questions about the one you seek to serve, then is your relationship really ready for that level of committment?

As always, just my opinion, ymmv.

Greetings amiciaN

nicely stated

I wish you well

melissa

(in reply to amiciaN)

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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 2:31:14 PM

amiciaN

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

If you could be any kind of tree in the world, what kind would you be?

NaturalDominanation

I'm not sure what kind of tree I am, but I would imagine that a place like collarme would have a lot of knotty pine....

(sorry, couldn't resist the obvious)

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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 2:39:37 PM

SimplyMichael

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I think these sort of lists as well as trainers and other online concepts are fabulous. They allow me to effortlessly see if someone is my sort or not. If they use any of this sort of cookie cutter stuff, they aren't for me.

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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 3:22:04 PM

AquaticSub

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Other good questions:

Do you intend to be a part of my family or do you intend to isolate me from them?

Will I still be allowed to have friends?

Will I have to sign everything over to you?

Will anything be put away for me in case shit hits the fan?

Will you want to have kids?

Will I be allowed to have an equal role in raising them?

Am I allowed to respectfully disagree with you?

Will we spend an equal amount of time with our families?

Am I allowed to still have hobbies of mine?

Will you respect that will engaging in those hobbies I may not be able to drop what I'm doing right that second but I will be with as soon as possible?

Will I be allowed to continue to work?

Will I be allowed to continue my education?

Will I be allowed to keep my pets?

Will I be allowed to keep a certain amount of the money I make?

Will I be allowed to keep my family property in my name to ensure it passes onto my family, not yours in case of divorce or other events?

So on and so forth... Can you tell I'm big on family?

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 4/27/2007 3:23:27 PM >

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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 3:45:16 PM

Stranger1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I think these sort of lists as well as trainers and other online concepts are fabulous. They allow me to effortlessly see if someone is my sort or not. If they use any of this sort of cookie cutter stuff, they aren't for me.

Touche-me either.

I truly despise that sort of laziness.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 3:47:22 PM

Archer

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Well it is a matter of perspective Interview style is perfectly valid, for many of us we're not looking for a girlfreind/wife we are looking for a submissive/ slave. Romace is all well and good, but it isn't the be all end all for all of us.
I am a practicle man, and looked at practical matters first when Elegant and I started to talk.
Love happened inspite of the fact that both of us were not looking for a "Love Connection".

As for blamming an impersonal approach for short lived relationships, I don't buy that for a second as anything but personal opinion based in values judgements as opposed to any facts.

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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 4:15:28 PM

justheather

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

i think you're assuming too much in the questions i posted in response to the original author. i never approached Daddy like He was interviewing for a job in fact it was Daddy who found me. we had long get acquainted chats about life to our jobs before there was any discussion about us becoming Daddy-daughter type of D/s.

My response was a fast reply to the OP. Sorry if you thought it was to your post...I should have been more clear.

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And paste me in that book you always carry.
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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 5:56:30 PM

Suleiman

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quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather

Yeah these are all great questions if you want to approach your potential life partner in the same manner you would a candidate for a receptionist's position.
No thanks.
How about good old-fashioned get to know you conversation and (here's a shocker) spending time getting to know one another? When someone is a good match for you, the conversation naturally flows toward revealing all of these things and more. If you have to set up a job interview to get this information from someone, chances are you are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole anyway. And unless that's your kink (nothing wrong with it, just sayin), you're setting yourself up for disappointment regardless.
I don't routinely hand all my inner thoughts, feelings, values, hopes, dreams, fears and secret desires over to someone in an interoffice envelope over coffee. And I wouldnt dream of expecting that from another person.

Actually, pre-scene negotiation like this was so much part and parcel of how things were done in the community I was a part of, it still sounds like ordinary conversation to me. There's nothing wrong with being up front about your questions, nor having a mental checklist of bases you want covered.

The problem with polite society is that people politely gloss over things, or hesitate to bring up certain subjects. Polite has it's place, but there comes a time when it behooves all parties involved to lay their cards on the table and come clean. It saves a lot of heartache and a lot of headaches later on.

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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/28/2007 5:29:09 AM

daddysliloneds

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do you have a vasectomy?

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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/28/2007 5:59:56 AM

Llyren

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I suppose I agree with both side of this discussion. I don't think you should rattle off a laundry list of questions to a potential Dom, or to anyone from whom you're not making a purchase. On the other hand, these are things that people should know. Ideally, this information would be acquired during interesting discussions where your minds and interestes mesh effortlessly. If anyone has an ideal life, will they please share with me? Didn't think so. Which means that at some point you might need to sit down and get your questions answered. However, you left out the two most important ones.

1. What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
2. Can you juggle goslings?

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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/28/2007 6:24:21 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Llyren

I suppose I agree with both side of this discussion. I don't think you should rattle off a laundry list of questions to a potential Dom, or to anyone from whom you're not making a purchase. On the other hand, these are things that people should know. Ideally, this information would be acquired during interesting discussions where your minds and interestes mesh effortlessly. If anyone has an ideal life, will they please share with me? Didn't think so. Which means that at some point you might need to sit down and get your questions answered. However, you left out the two most important ones.

1. What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
2. Can you juggle goslings?

"Some people juggle geese!"

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/28/2007 6:38:09 AM

mnottertail

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quote:

ORIGINAL: amiciaN

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

If you could be any kind of tree in the world, what kind would you be?

NaturalDominanation

I'm not sure what kind of tree I am, but I would imagine that a place like collarme would have a lot of knotty pine....

(sorry, couldn't resist the obvious)

Oh, sorry----the correct response: what is I am a beautiful ash?----please remember to form your response as a question-----

you lose, take off your pants.

AlexTrebeck

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/28/2007 6:56:18 AM

amiciaN

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

quote:

ORIGINAL: amiciaN

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

If you could be any kind of tree in the world, what kind would you be?

NaturalDominanation

I'm not sure what kind of tree I am, but I would imagine that a place like collarme would have a lot of knotty pine....

(sorry, couldn't resist the obvious)

Oh, sorry----the correct response: what is I am a beautiful ash?----please remember to form your response as a question-----

you lose, take off your pants.

AlexTrebeck

To Alex--
Sorry Alex, you don't have the authority to request that let alone demand it.

To mnottertail--
I'm glad Alex said that because I would hate to think that you are either a son of a beech or a son of a birch. (And the job of being CM's troll is already taken.)

In leather laughter--

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NChaka's amicia

I have never been lifted so high as when I kneel at His feet.

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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/28/2007 4:05:34 PM

jaunty1

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Hello

I will be quite honest here. If melissa had asked me those kinds of questions; I would have walked away without a second glance.

Live well

Alex

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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/28/2007 4:16:42 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather

How about good old-fashioned get to know you conversation and (here's a shocker) spending time getting to know one another? When someone is a good match for you, the conversation naturally flows toward revealing all of these things and more.

I'm going to wholly agree with this. Through the course of conversation between my Master and I, I learned all those things and more. I don't know if the OP intended to interview the person or to hand over the list of questions to be answered, but such an approach would not have elicited a favorable response in my case. He probably would have laughed and then corrected my logic. :)

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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/28/2007 5:50:04 PM

myobedience

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quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

Actually, I disagree with the idea that he would be setting himself up for disappointment by asking these or other questions like them.

Actually, I said that if you need to formulate an interview in order to get this information (as opposed to feeling the "click" that makes conversation flow naturally), you most likely are not compatible with the person you are interviewing and therefore would be setting yourself up for disappointment anyway.
But feel free to disagree, that's what makes the world interesting. What works for me obviously doesnt work for everyone. I can not, for example, imagine a life without conversation and have never, to my knowledge, capitalized the word "lifestyle". I think we are talking about very different types of relationships.

Different ways to ask the same questions.... different strokes different folks

Actually...we covered all of this and more in emails before we even met.

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A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/28/2007 8:02:03 PM

Celeste43

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It would never have occurred to me to ask him any of those questions. I knew he was into bondage and not s & m. What I wanted to know wasn't how many times he had taken workshops on shibari but instead what his moral values were, where he stood on issues. His experience as a 'dominant' paled in comparison to his experiences as a human being. If all he had to talk about was how many women he had tied up, I wouldn't possibly had considered being the next in line.

I needed to know if this was an intelligent person who shared my values, a person I could be friends with, respect and like.

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