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RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/28/2007 10:09:52 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		OK...i have a confession to make....i TOTALLY did this...i had paper in hand, sitting in a booth across from this man....* he was a VERY nice guy too by the way*... ok so there i am..."interviewing" this man, (he knew he was my 1st ever meeting with ANYBODY) i had never done anything like this before in my life ...i was scared shitless. i remember thinking....*if this goes well this could be the 1st man besides my husband i have been with in 24 years* i was literally shaking...and when i did look up this man had the sweetest most amused look on his face and answered every question with a smile....i remember locking eyes with him....and i just sat the paper down without thinking. and stayed in his gaze for a moment...he said to me....(as he took both of my hands in his) "you are the most adorable thing i have ever seen ...and i will answer every question on that paper if thats what you need me to do."  i didnt need the paper anymore LOL.....(who says flattery gets you no where?LOL)  i  realized if i had taken a second to look up, i would have "seen" alot of the answers i was looking for.....we both talked for another 2 hours had a great time. laughed about "the list" on the way to our cars...so did the list help?....yes but not the way i thought it would.

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to blueeyesbear)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/28/2007 10:30:08 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

OK...i have a confession to make....i TOTALLY did this...i had paper in hand, sitting in a booth across from this man....* he was a VERY nice guy too by the way*... ok so there i am..."interviewing" this man, (he knew he was my 1st ever meeting with ANYBODY) i had never done anything like this before in my life ...i was scared shitless. i remember thinking....*if this goes well this could be the 1st man besides my husband i have been with in 24 years* i was literally shaking...and when i did look up this man had the sweetest most amused look on his face and answered every question with a smile....i remember locking eyes with him....and i just sat the paper down without thinking. and stayed in his gaze for a moment...he said to me....(as he took both of my hands in his) "you are the most adorable thing i have ever seen ...and i will answer every question on that paper if thats what you need me to do."  i didnt need the paper anymore LOL.....(who says flattery gets you no where?LOL)  i  realized if i had taken a second to look up, i would have "seen" alot of the answers i was looking for.....we both talked for another 2 hours had a great time. laughed about "the list" on the way to our cars...so did the list help?....yes but not the way i thought it would.

LOL that is just too cute. Isn't it wonderful when you can look in the eyes of a person and just know right away that this was meant to be?

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 5/1/2007 8:03:37 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

OK...i have a confession to make....i TOTALLY did this...i had paper in hand, sitting in a booth across from this man....* he was a VERY nice guy too by the way*... ok so there i am..."interviewing" this man, (he knew he was my 1st ever meeting with ANYBODY) i had never done anything like this before in my life ...i was scared shitless. i remember thinking....*if this goes well this could be the 1st man besides my husband i have been with in 24 years* i was literally shaking...and when i did look up this man had the sweetest most amused look on his face and answered every question with a smile....i remember locking eyes with him....and i just sat the paper down without thinking. and stayed in his gaze for a moment...he said to me....(as he took both of my hands in his) "you are the most adorable thing i have ever seen ...and i will answer every question on that paper if thats what you need me to do."  i didnt need the paper anymore LOL.....(who says flattery gets you no where?LOL)  i  realized if i had taken a second to look up, i would have "seen" alot of the answers i was looking for.....we both talked for another 2 hours had a great time. laughed about "the list" on the way to our cars...so did the list help?....yes but not the way i thought it would.

LOL that is just too cute. Isn't it wonderful when you can look in the eyes of a person and just know right away that this was meant to be?


That was a great story. Thanks, i'mthat.


So now that we have questions for potential dominants sorted out, who has a list of questions for kinetic dominants?

Besides Ron, I mean.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 5/1/2007 10:29:05 PM   
cutelinygurl84


Posts: 84
Joined: 3/29/2006
Status: offline 		They all sound like very good questions to ask.  This is a very good place to start.

Cutelinygurl84

(in reply to jauntyone)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 5/2/2007 11:30:34 AM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		Kinetic dominants... I like the concept.  Bouncing all over like a ferret on pixie stix.

  I have a list of questions.  I don't bring it out but check off when things get answered.  The terminal objective is to decide is this person is interesting enough to cultivate a friendship. Is this someone I would invite to my home.  Is this someone I would like waking up with for a decade or so.  Or, is this someone I will change my phone number and email address to avoid every being near again.

The enabling objectives deal with stability.  Ability to manage the routine tasks of life without micromangement.  The amount of high drama they find acceptable.  Does the person nurse and feed grudges as if they are rare blossoms to be cultivated.  Do we have any interests in common. 

Stefan

(in reply to cutelinygurl84)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 5/2/2007 12:16:09 PM   
jessk


Posts: 34
Status: offline 		I am not so concerned with the surface of a person; ( as these questions do not bother to find out about the real person ). I would perfer to know what kind of sports, books, food, hobbies, job; he has and likes. I would rather know what he thinks about sunsets and sunrises; how he feels about 'playing' in the rain; and what kind of music makes him want to get up and waltz to.
 
To me, those are the questions that one should be looking to have answered.

_____________________________

Jess

(in reply to blueeyesbear)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 5/2/2007 2:09:25 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		OK as a devil's advocate here. Here are the not so surface things you learn from these questions. Granted niether I not anyone else here said ask them in a format of an interview for a job, Much more have this list of Questions handy to review and address one or more of them when you meet each time.

Hidden things you might get answered with these Q's in Red


quote:

ORIGINAL: blueeyesbear

How long have you been in the lifestyle?

What type of experience do you have?  Did You have a mentor, teacher, how did You learn?
What does this person know after how long learning, what kind of environment does he/she choose to learn in
One to one mentorship?, Classes put on by groups, Large events, all of the above. How well rounded is their Lifestyle education.

How many submissives have you had?
Gives an indication of how successfull their relationships have been in the past. 4 years and 20 submissives tells you something entirely different than 4 years and 2 submissives

What happened to end your last relationship?
How do they deal with the end of a relationship, do they place all the fault on the other person, do they accept part of the responsibility for themselves
Are you still friends with your former submissives?
Again How they deal with break ups,
Granted their might be good reason not to remain freinds but that is something you have to consider.

What do you find is the most important aspect for you as a dominant?
Have they taken the time to look at themselves and evaluate themselves.
What is your philosophy on being a dominant, and/or what is your personal mission statement?
Again we may find out how well they have explored themselves thus far.
Do they already have some sort of expectations you might be required to fit into your own philosophy?

Do you ever own more than one submissive at a time or would you?

What is the biggest rush for you?
What sort of things turn them on the most and why, What kind of rush do they seek? What level of risk do they need to take to ge it?
What kind of control do you like to have over your submissive in their daily lives?

Are you looking for just a playmate, ownership, or a 24/7 real time relationship?

How much communication and time do you give to your submissive when you are not together and how?
So many folks talk about how important communication is yet when asked how they set up time and methods of communication they are at a loss.
What concrete efforts towards good open communication have you taken
What do you require and/or expect from your submissive?
Have you already thought about what is to be expected of me or are you going to make it all up as we go along, Are the things you require reasonable in my view?
What is your position on fulfilling the needs of your submissive?
Are my needs going to be met by you or am I to expect that some of my needs will go unfullfilled?
What do you feel is the most important aspect in a relationship with a submissive?What things in a D/s relationship are imporant to you? (do they match or compliment my own?

How do you make sure that those aspects are obtained?

What is a dominant's primary function?
What can I expect in return for my submission? guidance, discipline, ...
How do you create the desire to surrender without placing it on the level of your own needs?

What does subspace mean to you?

What do you seek in a submisssive? - or What do you look for in a submissive? How do they view the value of a submissive, what things are important and what things are not, are their likes and dislikes physical, mental, spiritual, emotional?

How often do you like to get together with your submissive real time?
What level of time together can one expect? once a month once a week Once a year
Would you consider yourself more a sadist, or more the opposite type of dominant?

What are your favorite types of play?

What are your likes and dislikes?

Describe one of your methods of discipline and an example of when you'd use it? Provides an idea of the scale of punishment fitting the crime.
Are they wildly out of proportion in your view?

What is your preferred method of punishment?
Are your ideas of punishment and discipline compatible, have they even been thought out beyond fantasies?
(I said before it is for safety reasons )


Left a few out that I wasn't so big on or that I felt that with the rest of the comments one could see the underside answers that the question might give a glimpse into.
Granted I'd never suggest that the list is the be all end all but it certainly doesnt hurt when it comes to making sure that important things to consider have been answered before one gets in too deep and only then finds that their views on some really important aspects don't match.

(in reply to blueeyesbear)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 5/2/2007 10:07:00 PM   
justinasamerk


Posts: 153
Joined: 8/1/2006
Status: offline 		wow,
umm if i was dominant and someone asked me these questions i would run far away, and think the person is crazy.
As a slave, asking these questions makes a girl wonder who is in charge. Meeting a dominant, talking, getting to know them, having a flow of conversation that leads into information being given out in a timely, honest, open, non threatening manner is probably the best way to develop a relationship.
These list of questions sounds cold, interrogating, it also shows in her opinion a lack of thought behind it, Rather then listening to what the dominant is saying and how they are saying it, and basing your questions and next thread of conversation development, you immediately go to the next interrogating question which can negate the information that was already given.

She also wonders are these questions merely for online use. Online, well hell yeah you can have a question game back and forth, because you lack the body language, the subtle movements, tone, diction, pronuncation, and the little things that make conversation face to face so complex. So if you are strictly talking to an online dominant, then a girl would assume that there is nothing more to it then interrogating questions.
Real life though, these questions at a first meeting or even in getting to know a perspective dominant would probably not be helpful, unless you are into some sort of interrogation/information fetish.

But that is just a lone girls opinion.
Good luck maybe these questions will help someone, in her case, would not help at all.
Take care,
sincerely
justina, a potato chip

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 5/3/2007 7:51:23 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		I'm not a fan of questionairres like that either, but I can think of one good question:

Have you ever been a "guest" in a penal or mental institution?


_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to justinasamerk)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 5/3/2007 7:53:22 AM   
jessk


Posts: 34
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

I'm not a fan of questionairres like that either, but I can think of one good question:

Have you ever been a "guest" in a penal or mental institution?


LOL now that is a question that I imagine many would run from if asked; yet at the same time, one that would in fact be pretty important.

_____________________________

Jess

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 5/3/2007 1:06:36 PM   
jaxbeachgirl


Posts: 12
Joined: 4/29/2007
Status: offline 		I think you gently start with the same types of questions you'd ask in a vanilla relationship.

For me, there are deal breakers, and I don't care if you are GOD beyond that point, vanilla or kink.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 5/3/2007 8:19:12 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

I'm not a fan of questionairres like that either, but I can think of one good question:

Have you ever been a "guest" in a penal or mental institution?



Well, two strikes against me there, I guess. Or were those actually qualifications to be met?

For my part I know and love some wonderful people who were once sick and then got better, or who made mistakes, paid the consequences, and moved on.




Moving away from particular questions, how about the idea of just spending quality time with some of his ex's? I'll bet a girl could learn a great deal without having to ask any questions at all.

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 5/4/2007 12:44:12 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

I'm not a fan of questionairres like that either, but I can think of one good question:

Have you ever been a "guest" in a penal or mental institution?


I know quite a few men and women who have been guests of our great states and cities , and some of them, once back on their own, were the best people in the world. Sometimes people make mistakes, learn from them, and go on to become better because of it.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 5/4/2007 4:05:17 PM   
Einzelganger


Posts: 221
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Orlando, FL
Status: offline 		I don't know if this will help anyone, or if anyone even cares, since this one's already been hashed out so long...but mostly, instead of asking questions, I usually keep a mental list of qualities I'm looking for.  If I think of something I need to add, I add it.  If something ends up being rather rediculous, or is something I can live without, I delete it or modify it.  If a woman I meet has these qualities, then it's just a matter of having fun, getting to know one another, etc., and who knows, something might come of it. *smiles*

-Einzelgänger

< Message edited by Einzelganger -- 5/4/2007 4:07:49 PM >

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 5/4/2007 7:20:32 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Throughout the thread, there have probably been between two and three dozen really good questions to ask.  Personally, I wouldn't mind answering any one of them.  I want any potential submissive to make inquiries.  I want them to know whether I am a good match for them or not.
 
As to the 'laundry list/interview type of idea as opposed to 'coversation' style, I can understand either way.  Like that beautiful story mentioned, some have more experience than others.  Some are frightened/thrilled/excited about the idea, which can make it difficult to remember what one might like to ask.  I see it as a compliment that they would invest so much time before meeting Me that they would make such an effort to come up with some many things they want to learn about Me.

(in reply to Einzelganger)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 5/5/2007 5:20:40 AM   
EvaLass


Posts: 83
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline 		However you go about it, I agree with those who say ask questions, be curious, learn as much as you can about the person. The list of questions posed at the start of this post is a great starting point that can be woven seamlessly into a series of coffee dates and dinners.  Make sure you understand what a potential Dom (and possibly life partner) is looking for in life as well as in a submissive. It should be a fun and enjoyable process to get to know someone. Chemistry is great, but some chemical reactions can blow up in your face. 

(in reply to jauntyone)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 5/5/2007 5:28:15 AM   
EvaLass


Posts: 83
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Have you ever been a "guest" in a penal or mental institution?
quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

I'm not a fan of questionairres like that either, but I can think of one good question:

Have you ever been a "guest" in a penal or mental institution?


This is actually a good question but it might help to do your research on this topic BEFORE you date someone. I went out for lunch with a man that I met online, not a Dom just a regular Joe. A friend of mine became very vehement that I check him out when I told her about our date. It sounds funny but she asked me what he was like, and I said, "He was nice." "He was NICE?" she said. She insisted that I look him up on Google, and I found a newspaper article about him. It turned out he was a registered sex offender. It is a good idea to do some research even if you feel the person is perfectly sane and nice. They might not be.

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 57
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