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RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 11:21:00 AM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

i haven't been here long at all in the life style or on collarme....yes i was VERY nervous about posting/replying. i came here to learn...honestly LEARN from folks that have had more experience and have more knowledge. and i have learned alot.
i also know that not everyone agrees with me....and i do not agree with others all the time either, but thats ok....its better then ok ...its what i need. You can grow and learn when you hear other points of view. i just try not to get sad or hurt when any of my posts become target practise LOL........ over all there are alot of great people on this site....and i am glad i am here.

(in reply to Asraii)

Post #: 21

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 11:24:06 AM

razarkay

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline

hi i really like thay way u bring's out your word's....i wnt to hallar me ok

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)

Post #: 22

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 11:24:09 AM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dastardly
Newbies - are you scared about jumping in? Is it hard to find your bearings? Have you always received good advice or have you felt written off?

It was hard at first to find my bearings but I have been posting to message boards for about 6 years. So I've learned to sit back for awhile to get the feel of the board. To learn the etiquette of the board. I have actually felt very welcomed. Then again some days I just don't have anything to offer on all subjects.

quote:

Everyone - how newbie friendly do you think collarme is? And how important is it to be newbie friendly?

I think collarme is as friendly as most message boards. As long as you act in a respectful manner people seem to treat you likewise.

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 23

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 11:38:07 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dastardly

Newbies - are you scared about jumping in? Is it hard to find your bearings? Have you always received good advice or have you felt written off?

Everyone - how newbie friendly do you think collarme is? And how important is it to be newbie friendly?

I'm not really long-time because I didn't start posting here until a year or so ago. I read the forums for a couple of years before I screwed up the courage to post. And it took courage. I moderate/own a number of boards/lists on the 'Net and none are as scathing towards newcomers as this one. By the time I got here I had gone through my starry-eyed sub-frenzies so I didn't get roasted for them, but I remember what they were like. I was lucky enough to have a mentor (no he was not and still is not my Dom) who helped guide me through those frenzies. I will try to help the frenzied newbies if they haven't already been roasted by those who love to attack them. How will they ever learn if no one helps them through that stage? It doesn't matter if you are an older, wiser adult in every other part of your life. When you discover there are others who are sexually like you, it's like being 13 again and you react with those 13 year old emotions. Being roasted, as so many of them are here, only drives them away and into more dangerous situations. That's sad.

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 24

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 11:39:11 AM

Satyr6406

Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone
sighs. I have deleted the bit where I ask Michael aka Satyr6406 to be my dominant till I find someone else...why oh why did he have to add this sentence(and I don't mean: "I'll be your dominant until you find someone else")?

And here, I was going to make an exception, in your case!

Peace and comfort (and part-time domliness),

Michael

_____________________________

Peace and comfort,

Michael

Former Vice-President Gore didn't invent the internet but, he DID make up global warming!

(in reply to wandersalone)

Post #: 25

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 11:40:15 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Being roasted, as so many of them are here, only drives them away and into more dangerous situations. That's sad.

It may be cruel, but I think that if a person can not get through an online interrogation ( a roasting ), then they have no business dabbling in something that is REAL life.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 26

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 11:40:36 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I took my licks and kept going- I was a seasoned bdsm forum vet at that time so I knew what sort of behavior and rhythms to expect.

Sadly, I rarely make an effort to KNOW someone until they post regularly over a period of a few months. Too many posts of newbies who burst into a shower of sparklers for a week and then never heard from again.

I love it in party BECAUSE we constantly get new blood, we're never allowed to rest on our laurels, we constantly have to readjust and be forced to look at how we feel and say and do to see if they really add up in the world.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 27

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 11:48:42 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
It may be cruel, but I think that if a person can not get through an online interrogation ( a roasting ), then they have no business dabbling in something that is REAL life.

So you toss them to the wolves to be torn apart on other sites or even on the other side? Thank God I had a mentor who protected me from the majority of that. I can handle myself quite well on boards, but not everyone has the vocabulary to do so. When I see a frenzied newbie I think "what would I do to a 12-13 year old doing that?" I'd never send someone that age, chronologically or emotionally, into the wolf pack that loves to prey on newbies. That's me and my opinion. Obviously yours is different and you have every right to be/do whatever you feel is best for you.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 28

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 11:49:50 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

i lurked for a bit and read the forums before i started to post. I prefer to fit myself in rather then throw myself in. It's good not to have to many pre concieved ideas about how others "should" respond to a post. i think this is where a lot of tension starts. Some people just have a sarcastic and rude demeanor. They are better left ignored for the most part - you're never going to change them, why bother.

If a newbie comes and as another poster used the term "gets roasted" and then decides to leave, it's better off they do. As the saying goes - if you cannot stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. While i prefer intelligent, polite, rational dialogue i don't necessarily expect it.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 29

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 4:55:09 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

I guess after 2 + years on here I might be a newbie when it comes to posting.
I dont post everyday,but when I do its from personal experiences/life lessons.
As a newbie I wouldnt say I was welcomed with open arms.I can see others that are not welcomed aswell.
But oh well...I have met loads of cool people from here in real life and thats what really counts in the long run.
I keep coming back because there are always new people new questions or new answers to old questions.I dont think your ever too old to learn something new.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 30

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 6:30:15 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I have been off and on collarme for 3 or so years. I leave because I get bored then I come back. I now only answer forum posts that seem interesting to me for whatever reason. I don't respond to every one of them. I try to be nice to everyone but some are just rude so I move on. There are a few people on here I know in real life and I value their opinion. The rest are people online that don't live my life or know it. So I don't get into it with them. It's not worth it.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 31

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 6:34:05 PM

subtravels

Posts: 89
Joined: 4/23/2007
Status: offline

Being very new here, my opinions are only those as a recent observer. I find that the wisdom shared amongst the various threads is helpful to one such as me, new and curious.
As for being 'roasted' for writing something...I've had plenty of that from a person in my life. Nothing has hurt more, and nothing has taught me more. Without this person I know I would never have been introduced into the magical world that I am stepping into. It is only with the chastisement and demand for better, deeper thinking that I can even begin to express myself in the written word...even in my limited capacity.
I'll keep coming back here in the future, as I know there is so much to learn and glean, and perhaps once in a while I might even be helpful to someone else here when I've grown more.

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

Post #: 32

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 7:21:26 PM

N4SDChastity

Posts: 327
Joined: 2/27/2006
Status: offline

Well, still a newb, here, despite my "ranking." Although Ihave been on CM twice before, I din't rilly hit the boards, those times. More or less just lurked. Of course, I belong to 5 other forums, I'm only really active on two of them, mostly because I'm a MOD on those two, with close to 8000 posts between them.. Haven't gotten to the point, yet, where I'm bored, here, and I don't forsee that as becoming a problem, either, because, just like my other foums, the people here ARE intereting.

Thanks for tolerating me

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 33

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 7:32:57 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dastardly

i first joined collarme on 3/24/2006, took a couple months' break last fall and came back with a different account, so i've been around all told about a year or so. i don't quite feel like a newbie, but i don't quite feel like a longtime member either.

Longtime collarme members - Remember back when you found collarme? Or remember when you first put a name to the way you lived, the way you sexed, the way you reacted in relationships? It was pretty damn mindblowing, yes? And I bet you wanted to talk, talk, talk about this stuff all the time.

for me, those two things didn't coincide...i had already been in one serious d/s relationship and was a few months into my second by the time i found cm; i'd put a name to this stuff in my early teens. but yeah, i still love talking about it all the time.

Fast forward a few thousand posts, you must have seen all there is to see about BDSM, about D/s relationships, about all this stuff *waving her hand at the boards*

no, not really. i see new and interesting topics, or at least old ideas put into new topics with different viewpoints, all the time. and i still don't know the half of what there is to know about bdsm and d/s.

How do you keep your interest in the boards? When the same topics keep coming up time after time, what keeps you making interested responses when there are certain things that get asked again and again? What keeps you coming back?

i love the group of people here. i always find cool topics to respond to, whether i'm learning something, sharing an experience or viewpoint, or giving advice.

Do you ever forget that for some people this is all new? Do you make an effort when a new person posts? Or do you think pah, they will be gone before they hit a 100 posts?

no, i don't forget. i make an effort to respond to topics i find interesting or topics i think my responses will help, regardless of who the op is and how long i think they'll be around.

Everyone - how newbie friendly do you think collarme is? And how important is it to be newbie friendly?

collarme is the most newbie friendly of all the boards i have ever posted on, and i do think it's important on a board like this to be newbie friendly. on my other boards it's not so important because of the topics and dynamic, but i like it about cm that we're newbie friendly.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 34

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 7:42:43 PM

Stazia

Posts: 49
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

as a newbie yes i am a bit scared to voice what i think. i probably only respond to about 5% of what i read. i also consider myself lucky that i havent been flamed from the few responces that i have posted... mostly i have been ignored but so far that is okay by me. i hope i can get to know more ppl on here and i do have every intension of staying here longer than just a couple hundred posts. i think that the boards have answered many questions i have had about the lifestyle. it is really informative. it is also comforting to know that you arent the only "freak" out there that enjoys these types of activities!

(in reply to hisannabelle)

Post #: 35

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 8:08:33 PM

jaunty1

Posts: 102
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline

Hello

I do not go out of my way to 'stay' interested in message boards. We belong to several along with some local real life groups. If something of interest is being discussed, and I feel that I have something to say in regards to it, I jump right in.

I would say that CM is one of the more friendly forums that are out there in regards to new posters; and those just starting out.

Live well

Alex

_____________________________

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 36

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/29/2007 7:17:55 AM

mathiasdomm

Posts: 71
Joined: 1/29/2006
Status: offline

It's been a strange year for me. I've moved a lot and haven't been able to keep up on the boards in the manner I became accustomed to. But I still lurk and the boards, combined with people I talk to in the profile section, keep me tied in, in a sense to the larger community even though I don't have a local group. I'm still able to access the thought. But I hardly post at all anymore. This is probably the first one in four or five months.

I started posting almost daily about a month after I first joined. I came in through RT and this is my only online access to the lifestyle. I asked some pretty common open ended questions that I'd been playing with in my mind, like " is the element of d/s ever not present during sex?" I didn''t get flamed and got some interesting responses that helped me sort through the situation that inspired the thought.

My position is unique. I've had more time in D/s relationships than in groups or spent studying through the forums. I've reached a point as a technician that I'm comfortable with. I don't feel like I'm a risk to anybody I play with and I've got enough tools in the box that I can be creative. The internet is great for those questions. "how to shibari" is an easy search. What I get out of the forums that I can't get anywhere else is the emotional component. It's what I'm interested in now. In the forums you get a snapshot of what's going through someone's mind as they progress/digress through their relationship. You see how the other things, the way you kiss, the number of times you talk during the day affect the trajectory of the humanity. All of that is to say that my interest in the boards is still high a year later, even if it is mostly academic.

I think we, as the collarme online community, do a crappy job of helping people get started out. I'd like to see a newbie section. Something that has a guide book for basic play and safety rules. A document that says "Beeswax melts at a termperature that far exceeds anything that can be considered pleasurable and can cause severe burns. Use paraffin." and " you should have an emergency kit. It should contain a pair of bolt cutters." There ought to be a "top 10 signs that he's a good dom". Because ultimately, I think people are here to learn how to do this in real life. Consider the # of people with photo profiles who have never posted on the forum as evidence. I know that this is a forum for folks of a similar worldview and that comraderie more than education is our purpose. That doesn't change the fact that there is a vast warehouse of knowledge among the folks who post that could be freely given to those who would like to be counted among us but who might be in physical and emotional danger.

For those who are smart, mature, responsible, and blessed with good judgement this is a fantastic place to learn. There are some folks here (ravenmuse comes to mind) that are great at this, given the content of their posts. They're good partners, good local members, and good teachers when they've responded to my questions about technical/logistical issues. But the idea of someone who's emotionally 13 and drinking from a heady well has come up a couple of times in this post. It's those folks I worry about.

-m

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 37

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/29/2007 7:27:14 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie
Being roasted, as so many of them are here, only drives them away and into more dangerous situations. That's sad.

I can't think of even one longtime collarme member (myself, absolutely and repeatedly included) who has not been well roasted.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 38

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/29/2007 8:06:33 AM

SirDominic

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

How do you keep your interest in the boards? When the same topics keep coming up time after time, what keeps you making interested responses when there are certain things that get asked again and again? What keeps you coming back?
Do you ever forget that for some people this is all new? Do you make an effort when a new person posts? Or do you think pah, they will be gone before they hit a 100 posts?
Everyone - how newbie friendly do you think collarme is? And how important is it to be newbie friendly?

I do make a real effort to be newbie friendly, no matter if they post 10 times and are gone or not. Their questions are still put up here for a reason. So many newbies feel so completely lost as they are trying to learn about a fetish lifestyle. I believe that Collar is more newbie friendly than not, and I think one of main functions of this forum is, and should remain, newbie friendly.

My interest remains because, you just never know what someone is going to come up with. LOL. It's why I don't even mind people asking the same things over and over. Because the responses can be very different. I am also endlessly fascinated by the interplay between people in a setting like this. Who is polite, who is less so. Who are the jokers, those who take themselves soooo seriously. Who is full of false bravado because they know they can hide behind a screen name. And those who almost always have profound wisdom to offer, even if I don't necessarily agree with them.

Plus, let's face it, for many this is a valuable social outlet.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 39

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/29/2007 8:55:31 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
I can't think of even one longtime collarme member (myself, absolutely and repeatedly included) who has not been well roasted.

In a lot of cases it ends up being mutual as well :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 40

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