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RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/29/2007 9:50:24 AM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
I can't think of even one longtime collarme member (myself, absolutely and repeatedly included) who has not been well roasted.

i'm a member of a LOT of message boards for various subjects, and i've been rattling around the online BDSM community since the alt.sex newsgroups had more quality threads than spam. Every board i'm on with a significant amount of traffic and sense of community is like this. Most of them will also vigorously toast a vocal newbie who lacks etiquette, common sense, or seems ready to endanger someone. Once you hit a certain critical mass, unless you moderate the hell out of the site, there's always going to be someone with their flamethrower lit.

As far as seeing the same questions over and over... i agree with DiurnalVampire. Because BDSM is a very personal and free-form experience, IMO there are always things to learn... as opposed to more technically-oriented message boards i've been on where it does eventually seem as though there's nothing new to say on certain topics, and you get tired of people coming on to ask for one bit of information that's right there in the FAQs or stickies.

i can't say that i got toasted here, but i've got a pretty thick skin when it comes to on-line stuff, so who knows. i try to educate people when i can.

...dave

< Message edited by petdave -- 4/29/2007 9:58:57 AM >

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 41

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/29/2007 6:26:09 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

My opinion is...

If you cant handle whats on an Internet Message Board without your skin getting pierced, your not going to get very far in the competive real world.

I've been roasted a couple of times when I didnt properly think threw my opinions and I took my licks pretty gracefully.

I try to follow two rules. Think before posting and only post when I know what I am talking about (Hence why I have such a low post count after getting close to a year on the forums).

If I belittle someone, its because I feal they really had it coming. Even so, when my posts are sarcastic and dry, there is usually a greater point to them simply besides getting my rocks off flaming someone.

I have a pretty decent sense of humor, but unfortanely humor almost always comes at the expense of someone or something else. Its just a shame when people take themselves so seriously

I find people who get clearly annoyed and upset over the Internet baffling. Much in the same way I am baffled by people who try to get the Shock Jock DJ on the local radio station they dont like kicked off the air as opposed to simply changing the station and not listening to him.

If you dont like what someone has to say, dismiss it and most to the next post.

If a thread is getting too intense for you, leave it be and read something else.

If your getting annoyed, get away from the desk and go read a book/watch TV/play a game.

Its everyone's responsibility to take what they want from the boards and ignore the rest. Its not everyone's responsibility to post things everyone else will like.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 4/29/2007 6:27:03 PM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 42

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 5/1/2007 1:24:00 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

I keep coming back because I have learned the personalities of many of the posters and they have learned me. It is much like getting close to someone in instant messages and finding that you would rather chat with that person because you connect. Being able to know the likely response my words will cause on others makes my posts feel different to me than simply anonymous posting to a large message board. I am writing to known people and not the whole world even if the "whole world" is reading it.

I will often take one post on a thread that stands out in a good or bad way and think of that personality when I write something to post. Knowing the poster’s consistent style and ability to see things, makes it more than simply giving information in a plodding, pedantic way. CM is not inundated with many hit and run posters, so it is ideal for the type knowledge I have described.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 43

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 5/1/2007 5:13:51 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

my original date of joining is July 2006 (under my old collarme before deleting it for this one) because my former Master (also a member here) wanted me to used this site to find other female submissives to join his stable and/or sessions when i couldn't attend. sad to say - i failed at the task since i wasn't really interested in being and/or having sex with a woman despite him telling me i was. i left him and about 3 weeks later met Daddy on another site. the rest is history...

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 44

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 5/1/2007 8:29:50 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dastardly

Longtime collarme members - Remember back when you found collarme? Or remember when you first put a name to the way you lived, the way you sexed, the way you reacted in relationships? It was pretty damn mindblowing, yes? And I bet you wanted to talk, talk, talk about this stuff all the time.

umm not...actually it wasn't mindblowing to me... and I wasn't interested in talking and talking and talking about it.

quote:

Fast forward a few thousand posts, you must have seen all there is to see about BDSM, about D/s relationships, about all this stuff *waving her hand at the boards*

I have seen alot... but there is alot more to see and experience.

quote:

How do you keep your interest in the boards? When the same topics keep coming up time after time, what keeps you making interested responses when there are certain things that get asked again and again? What keeps you coming back?

There is always something new to learn about... an old issue that is presented from a different angle. There is always the possibility that I just might connect to someone of interest... For whatever relationship is appropriate with this new person. I can't catch any fish if I don't put my hook in the water.

quote:

Do you ever forget that for some people this is all new? Do you make an effort when a new person posts? Or do you think pah, they will be gone before they hit a 100 posts?

I am not concerned about how much a person knows or doesn't know... or how much they think they know or much they think they don't know. I am more concerned by the manner that they express themselves in given situations that I observe or participate in.

quote:

Everyone - how newbie friendly do you think collarme is? And how important is it to be newbie friendly?

I believe CM like anywhere else is going to be a friendly place for someone that approaches others in a well mannered way. If a person is going to be stupid... well they are not going to be well recieved.

Also... YES there are STUPID questions. And sometimes their are even worse answers. Be prepared... that you just might do both for time to time.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 45

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 5/1/2007 8:46:46 AM

cjenny

Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dastardly

Longtime collarme members - Remember back when you found collarme? Or remember when you first put a name to the way you lived, the way you sexed, the way you reacted in relationships? It was pretty damn mindblowing, yes? And I bet you wanted to talk, talk, talk about this stuff all the time.
It wasn't so much mindblowing for me it was more that "Oooooh lookie at all the kinky freaks JUST LIKE ME!" so I read, read and read more.

Fast forward a few thousand posts, you must have seen all there is to see about BDSM, about D/s relationships, about all this stuff *waving her hand at the boards*
Heh I will never assume that there is not something to be learned. Did I say that backwards? Feels it, but I mean that I look at this as a giant learning experience.

How do you keep your interest in the boards? When the same topics keep coming up time after time, what keeps you making interested responses when there are certain things that get asked again and again? What keeps you coming back?
They may be old topics but like I just said, I sure don't know everything about everything. One of the things I value most here is that 'you' can ask just about anything under the sun & someone will have a response/similiar experience etc.

Do you ever forget that for some people this is all new? Do you make an effort when a new person posts? Or do you think pah, they will be gone before they hit a 100 posts?
I never forget that. Without new blood ohboy this would be a stagnant and boring place. Some are gone after few posts and probably for a variety of reasons.

Newbies - are you scared about jumping in? Is it hard to find your bearings? Have you always received good advice or have you felt written off?
It took me literally months here before I made a post.

Everyone - how newbie friendly do you think collarme is? And how important is it to be newbie friendly?
Friendly? Um, not so much. Being behind a screen permits a certain amount of rudeness & cruelty for too many people. "Suck it up. Grow thicker skin. If you can't take it, you shouldn't be here."
That is bullshit to me. This is an adult forum, why should there be hazing??
Some newbies aren't aware that they will be spotlighted for misspelled or poorly constructed posts. Some ask 'older' topic questions and all they get in reply are folks posting old links. I find that to be dismissive and condescending. As if they cannot be bothered to formulate a new response, if it is a topic that has worn you out then simply skip it! Some questions are hard to ask and it feels cruddy to instead of getting a response, you get a list of old stuff to read.

I'm interested in the dynamics of online communities, how they develop an old guard, people who have seen everything and have very probably seen a dozen threads like this already LOL
Everything old, is new again to someone.

Thanks for your time and I hope I've posted this in the right forum

D x

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.

~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 46

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 5/1/2007 9:18:11 AM

vield

Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Hi Dastardly,
Thank you for beginning an interesting discussion.
I can not remember when I first started doing this stuff, but it was long before there was an internet and long before I reached puberty.
I certainly craved to learn and to meet compatible people to talk to as well as to play with, but in those days I had to try to find my own way. In the process I made most of the mistakes a person can make, I discovered people are not always what they seem, and I learned a lot of lessons. I have done my best to reach out and help new people learn as much as I can ever since, just because I know how much I wished I had that early on.
I tried number of places when the internet did become available, and was glad to find a great set of bulletin boards, forums, chat rooms, classes and dom, sub and switch discussion groups on the old classic Prodigy. A BD/SM community formed then, which was very awesome. We had a "Newbie Packet" and permanent forums for new folks to visit, which were staffed by volunteers known to be good and respectful. I met many great people (and some not so great) on line, at events held by folks from P* and in person. I finally was able to do quite a bit of mentoring and outreach. In about Oct 1999 Prodigy folded that network for economic reasons to try to sell things differently, and in the process they destroyed that community we had. People carried on with theior lives and communicated through AOL, Delphi, and other systems, and commercial BD/SM sites such as Alt, Bondage, Spank and many others set up sites which essentially one must be a paid member to use. I tried several of these but found they were not useful for me.
I had pretty much given up on web sites being useful by 2000, and since I had gotten involved in local BD/SM discussion and social groups in my area and in regional large BD/SM weekend events since the mid 90's I was busy enough in the scene in real time,
A dear Domme friend I had been helping to learn the scene turned me on to CM when it was very small. I found this free site to be very interesting. Over the years I have found friends here and have enjoyed talking to many, advising people about safety and consensuality, and as I learn at least as much from people who share their thoughts with me as they learn from me, life stays very interesting and the discussions continue to interest me. LOL not all discussions, of course. We each do have very individual interests!
I find CM to be a friendly and open place to be because that is the way "WE" make it. I believe it to be very important to be open to the new people, as I wish I had found when I was new.
There will always be predators, users and a few unbalanced types trying to find new victims to take advantage of on line and in person. Here one can find good folks too, but one must make one's own decisions as to who to listen to.
On any system many newbies will be nervous and shy. I like the way CM flashes current bulletin board posts across the screen, because this can help people decide to get involved!

_____________________________

As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 47

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 5/1/2007 9:24:05 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I keep coming around because I have a true desire to help....especially help someone develop spiritually and/or emotionally. I want to help people grow...because it's been such an amazing process for me. I want others to feel what I've felt...and learn to be HAPPY.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 48

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 5/1/2007 9:34:59 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

i come to the message forums because it is the closest thing i have to "community" at the moment and i have learned a thing or two! LOL!

i also get a good dose of laughter here as well, so it is also medicinal in a way!!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 49

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 5/1/2007 10:33:35 AM

Dastardly

Posts: 58
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline

Thanks so much for all the responses, they have made really interesting reading

One thing I wanted to bring up specifically - the flaming, hazing, whatever you call it - this is relatively new to me as I have usually been on very tightly moderated boards and I am interested in the opinion that it is ok to do this. Is this because you get more than your fair share of idiots on here? In the brief time I've been reading I have seen some already - for instance, I heartily enjoyed the thread about the guy who had the stable of slaves who were mute and he planted a lawn while someone got married and a lesbian was on the loose LOL - sorry, I got lost in that thread but enjoyed it. But I've seen quite a few 1 post characters asking to be owned/beaten/used in the middle of unrelated threads. Or people who seem to have joined because they have a specific question to ask, they ask and then are never seen again.

But I am interested in the fact that several of you say if you can't take a flaming in here then how will you cope with the big wide world. Don't some of us act better in real life than we do on a web board? Isn't there a degree of anonymity, of 'unrealness' almost, no consequences, that means we will say things on the web that we wouldn't necessarily say to someone's face? If you were at a munch or a club and a nervous newbie asked something that wasn't phrased very well or was a bit stupid would you react in the same way as you do on here? Is it ok to have two sets of behaviours for two different environments? Or are they the same?

Thanks once again, I'm loving working my way through all the postings on here

D

_____________________________

'Out of sorrow entire worlds have been built
Out of longing great wonders have been willed'
Nick Cave

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 50

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 5/1/2007 2:47:47 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dastardly
Longtime collarme members - Remember back when you found collarme? Or remember when you first put a name to the way you lived, the way you sexed, the way you reacted in relationships? It was pretty damn mindblowing, yes? And I bet you wanted to talk, talk, talk about this stuff all the time.
How do you keep your interest in the boards? When the same topics keep coming up time after time, what keeps you making interested responses when there are certain things that get asked again and again? What keeps you coming back?
Do you ever forget that for some people this is all new? Do you make an effort when a new person posts? Or do you think pah, they will be gone before they hit a 100 posts?

I found collarme when a good friend of mine said there was a new website out there. Never have put any name to where I've lived yet. For me the lifestyle has been a part since I was a child. That is "many" years ago.
The boards seldom keep my interest which is the reason why you've probably never seen me post before now.
Generally I allow real life to get in the way. I try to log in everyday...if I see something somewhat interesting to me I post. If not...I go for week's sometimes without posting.
What keeps me coming back? I live the lifestyle and it is good to see others responding on a semi regular basis who also happen to claim they live it.
Everyone is new sometimes. Never considered if they would be around forever or not. I assume nobody will be here the next time I sign on. So many truly wonderful people have found greener pastures. Everyone will eventually.

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 51

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 5/1/2007 6:02:49 PM

N4SDChastity

Posts: 327
Joined: 2/27/2006
Status: offline

Personally, I *like* online forums, because you get to make friends (or, not) without all the annoyances of actualy BEING friends...

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 52

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 5/1/2007 6:57:07 PM

sophia37

Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline

I think it takes a lot of reading in the various threads to get an idea of whats going on around here. Sometimes its more important to read and hear, than it is to open ones mouth and say nothing. I know Ive learned a lot. Ive never had anyone shoo me away, even when I was a vanilla cone.

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 53

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 5/1/2007 9:12:22 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dastardly
Don't some of us act better in real life than we do on a web board?

Yes, however, real life is much more like a tea party- social grace and comfort are priority. Forums are much more like a debate match- intelligent points and ability to reason are priority.

Sadly many people (sorry to say, mostly females) don't know how to separate "disagree" with "dislike" and think if someone challenges their ideas, they somehow are being flamed or disliked or being treated badly. When, in reality, they are merely being asked to back up their statements with solid stuff and encouraged to "be one of the party."

Actual flaming tends to be spotted and put down pretty quickly.

quote:

Isn't there a degree of anonymity, of 'unrealness' almost, no consequences, that means we will say things on the web that we wouldn't necessarily say to someone's face?

There is SOME, but not nearly as much as people like to think.

quote:

If you were at a munch or a club and a nervous newbie asked something that wasn't phrased very well or was a bit stupid would you react in the same way as you do on here?

No, but this is a different media, different context.

quote:

Is it ok to have two sets of behaviours for two different environments? Or are they the same?

I would absolutely hope we'd have different sets of expectations for different contexts.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 54

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 5/2/2007 2:19:09 AM

KMsAngel

Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline

A "top ten signs of a good Dom" would actually be a brilliant move for us newbies. We're scared of meeting up with some of the real baddies out there that tell us they're tops/Doms/Masters and really getting hurt. I've lurked for a little while here and have just started poking my head out every now and then as I've met with nothing but politeness when I've approached or been approached privately.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 55

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 5/2/2007 2:56:00 AM

m0rgan

Posts: 403
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KMsAngel

A "top ten signs of a good Dom" would actually be a brilliant move for us newbies. We're scared of meeting up with some of the real baddies out there that tell us they're tops/Doms/Masters and really getting hurt. I've lurked for a little while here and have just started poking my head out every now and then as I've met with nothing but politeness when I've approached or been approached privately.

my 2 cents; more a spot the faker! i haven't read the rest of the string yet, but red flags imho

instant lets chat (read the beware of scammers advice)
brief profile, made yesterday, wants fucking/flogging/no limits real bad
no pic (only possibly a red flag)
pic of magnetically desirable film star type in profile (larger red flag)
handle like wetcuntwantscumandwhipping or dickbiggerthankingkong
no interests filled out (takes too much time for serial fakers)
profile either badly done (gooduns take care) or ludicrous
too good to be true (it isn't)
no caution on their behalf (anyone with no caution is a careless dangerous moron)
bragging
urgency
anyone with no posts or opinions on the boards (they are too busy chasing new suckers to contribute)
anyone that gives their email/phone or asks for yours before sounding you out
anyone wanting to meet now or this afternoon in a secluded place

_____________________________

download this, the girls voice will make you damp--->

http://www.saab.com/main/GLOBAL/en/download_release_me.shtml

a loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou,
beside me, in the wilderness, were paradise enough!

(in reply to KMsAngel)

Post #: 56

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 5/2/2007 2:57:31 AM

m0rgan

Posts: 403
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline

there are others, but two red flags is a whoops,dodgy.

_____________________________

download this, the girls voice will make you damp--->

http://www.saab.com/main/GLOBAL/en/download_release_me.shtml

a loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou,
beside me, in the wilderness, were paradise enough!

(in reply to m0rgan)

Post #: 57

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 5/2/2007 3:08:10 AM

KMsAngel

Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline

Thanks for that! the last wouldn't happen, lol. I'm very very cautious and in fact make a point of saying I'm here for the education, not looking for a keeper.

The no posts was one I hadn't thought of....

Re filling out the profile, sometimes their profiles are sooo long! They're either experts on many things (at such a young age) or say they're a natural dominant. I'm kind of wary of those. Does that mean they're just naturally arrogant and think they have the right to dominate immediately? I actually read more of the journal entries if someone sounds interesting (read intelligent or humorous) than I do the profile.

(in reply to m0rgan)

Post #: 58

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 5/2/2007 3:28:26 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

quote:

How do you keep your interest in the boards? When the same topics keep coming up time after time, what keeps you making interested responses when there are certain things that get asked again and again? What keeps you coming back?

My interest in specific topic cycles. It takes some thinking on my part to develop my thoughts on any given topic, so the first couple times I see a topic go round, I usually just read. Then, at some point, I make a comment with the idea of putting my thoughts to words, but thats usually only a first go round, and it might take a couple more before I have something solid. Then, I have to pound that 'something solid' with a hammer, so I'll keep posting to see if it can withstand blows, my own or others. I'm usually a lot harder on myself than others, but once it's out there in cyber space, I can look at it more objectively because its not really mine anymore.

Its a process for me--one that's potentially infinite.

Do you ever forget that for some people this is all new? Do you make an effort when a new person posts? Or do you think pah, they will be gone before they hit a 100 posts?

No, I don't tend to forget that its all new stuff for some people. If I have something constructive to say, I say it but I try to stay focused on the matter at hand and not worry about how many posts they have.

Newbies - are you scared about jumping in? Is it hard to find your bearings? Have you always received good advice or have you felt written off?

I've never felt written off and have almost always received excellant advice. Generally, I look for re-frames, especially if I'm having something of a crisis. That everyone responds from their own perspective garuntees that I'm going to get a re-frame. (If my own frame was working, I wouldn't be having the crisis, or feeling the need to seek other's thoughts)

I've only been posting since the fall, and can remember the first couple times were a little destabilizing. Part of it was the fact that I over-identified with what I put out there and needed to train myself to let it go. Once something's in cyberspace, its not really 'mine' anymore.

Everyone - how newbie friendly do you think collarme is? And how important is it to be newbie friendly?

I guess it depends on the newbie and the individuals already here. I like seeing new people come in.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 59

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 5/2/2007 3:32:20 AM

m0rgan

Posts: 403
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline

yes generally! there are exceptions to every rule, i've not ben here long, but i've been elsewhere longer, i can spot some syptoms of rushed profiles, filled out briefly (because they will make another one this afternoon, in case they get rumbled) but i am not infallible, and nor is anyone else! i been suckered twice already, if some one makes a promise and don't keep it-one red flag, if behaviour is not logical, 2 red flags. i will look at your profile now, i will then look at who has viewed me, if you havent viewed me, i wonder why?? i approach people i might be interested in to view my profile, and see if they do. i've taken some care with mine, because i am seeking. some don't because they are not seeking (it usually says so) some dont because they are ignorant, and some because they have 5 id's!! 2 red flags on anybody, and i am out of any conversation with them until they try good and hard to mollify my concerns! paranoia is common sense if your desire is to be tied up and in someones power and the world is full of the kind of people that tortured and cut up, probably while alive, lucy blackwell, but got found not guilty, maybe. they may be looking for lower publicity in different countries now, and more victims! caution trumps horny!

_____________________________

download this, the girls voice will make you damp--->

http://www.saab.com/main/GLOBAL/en/download_release_me.shtml

a loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou,
beside me, in the wilderness, were paradise enough!

(in reply to KMsAngel)

Post #: 60

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