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RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 4:33:27 PM   
KurtKaboom


Posts: 203
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline 		         Ok.  You want someone to fulfill your needs in the bedroom, make your everyday life easier and less stressful, and in return, you will grudgingly give them what they want (sometimes and within your preferences).

     How is that not dominant?  I'm confuzzled.

< Message edited by KurtKaboom -- 4/28/2007 4:34:54 PM >

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RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 4:43:01 PM   
mp072004


Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		It's odd (and likely not very effective) to seek submissive-identified people to behave as dominants.

It's sensible to identify as a submissive (or as a dominant) meet someone of the appropriately complementary role, and then determine that that that person doesn't inspire submissive (or dominant) feelings in you, but indeed, inspires the opposite mindset. It's not what I'd call common, but I've seen it happen--although I'd argue that people who do this often should think about identifying as switches, and should think more carefully about the people they approach, perhaps.

And, of course, it's perfectly fine for submissives to have friendships and intimate relationships with other submissives. I don't think people go out and actively seek these situations--it's more of a personal attraction thing.

On the other hand, we might be overthinking this, and you may just be facing typical internet dysfunctionality.

Monica

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RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 4:53:50 PM   
GeekyGirl


Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtKaboom

       Ok.  You want someone to fulfill your needs in the bedroom, make your everyday life easier and less stressful, and in return, you will grudgingly give them what they want (sometimes and within your preferences).

   How is that not dominant?  I'm confuzzled.


Because I am giving control to him. I may not always ENJOY his control, but I accept it.Again, for me it is more of a Daddy/girl dynamic as opposed to a Master/slave dynamic. A "girl" does as Daddy says because he's daddy and she trusts him to make the right choices, even when that choice seems harsh. A "slave" does what she's told because she enjoys serving for the sake of service. *at least that is my personal view*

 I may sometimes resent his control, but I know that he knows better than me and that my life will be better if I trust him.Therefore I obey him completely and place my life into his hands..how is that not submissive?

The grudgingly thing comes in with regards to say, housework. C'mon, most people don't ENJOY housework. You do it because it's expected of you. I don't gripe about it, I do as I'm told (that's submissive.) Being submissive is doing as your told even IF you don't enjoy it. You do it because he says so.If you ENJOYED everything he told you to do, it wouldn't truly be submission. Heck, it's easy to obey an order that you LIKE. Submission comes when you trust him to make a decision, even if that decision doesn't immediately appeal to you or make sense to you.

He is the one ultimately in control and making decisions. He gets out of this having a girl who does whatever he says and lets him do whatever he wants in the bedroom (and 9 times out of 10 what he wants in the bedroom is something I genuinely enjoy doing for him.) Afterall, sexual service makes me happy. I ENJOY spending hours a day on my knees giving him oral pleasure. It fulfills me and it fulfills him...we both get what we want.

He also gets the joy of raising and nurturing his girl  and seeing her grow under his guidance. He gets the satisfaction that he has made her a better and more emotionally healthy human being. His dominance is actually altruistic in nature, as loves her and he always has her well being at heart.

Different doms have different needs. My submissive persona is such that I obey because I trust him..not because I enjoy service for it's own end. I don't enjoy taking care of others as a general rule. That's why I work in a job where I am in control as opposed to customer service. It is why I have few close friends. It is why I had my tubes tied at an early age.

I like to be the perpetual "girl", leaning upong her "daddy" for growth and nurturing, and at the same time truly worshipping the ground he walks on because I know I would not be the person I am if not for his love. I would walk to the ends of the earth for him because of what he has done for me. That's the dynamic that I enjoy and there are plenty of doms who enjoy the dynamic as well.

He fulfills my needs by having sex with me, abusing me in the bedroom, and guiding my life. I fulfill his needs by being obedient, providing him whatever he wants sexually, and doing things for him such as the afore mentioned housework. Life is about compromise. I may not enjoying doing his laundry but I understand that if he is kind enough to take care of me, I should be kind enough to take care of him in whatever way I can. I don't complain when given a chore I dislike. I don't do a poor job of the chore. But I don't ENJOY the chore either. That's why it's called a "chore" you see.

I do not" sometimes" give them what they want. I ALWAYS give them what they want within the confines of the pre-defined limits. Always. I obey immediately and completely. And it's not "within my preferences". It's "within my hard limits."

My PREFERENCE is handcuffs and a nice flogger on satan sheets....but if he wants spreader bars and a wooden paddle on the kitchen floor, I will take what he dishes out and do my best to make him happy because he is still operating within the confines of our contract and because I OWE my happiness and spiritual fulfillment to him.

Let's face it ALLL relationships are reciprocal. We are in them to GET something and in exchange we GIVE something. That's life. No one of any self respect stays in a relationship that does not fulfill them.

*just to clarify* the "he" I speak of does not refer to a specific person in my life but more in regards to the kind of person I have been attracted to in the past,the experiences of my past relationships, and what I seek in the future. However, I do base the model on my first Master.


< Message edited by GeekyGirl -- 4/28/2007 4:58:52 PM >

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

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Desperately Seeking Mistress Susan - 5/6/2007 12:36:52 AM   
MasterMischief


Posts: 98
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline 		I am leaning to “They've been rejected by all of the Dommes in their area” but I am inclined to be sympathetic despite their ignorance and/or inconsideration.

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RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 5/6/2007 2:15:22 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Geeky Girl, I appreciate the way you got your feelings down. It was interesting reading. Don’t worry why it doesn’t turn you on out of the bedroom. Being intensely submissive in any area is something to be proud of.
 
As to the original question of why subs email other subs, I think it is trying to get into a switch thing with them. You know that probably works well for many subs of both sexes who are anxiously seeking someone to Dom them.

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RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 5/6/2007 3:32:00 AM   
GeekyGirl


Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

Geeky Girl, I appreciate the way you got your feelings down. It was interesting reading. Don’t worry why it doesn’t turn you on out of the bedroom. Being intensely submissive in any area is something to be proud of.

As to the original question of why subs email other subs, I think it is trying to get into a switch thing with them. You know that probably works well for many subs of both sexes who are anxiously seeking someone to Dom them.


Thank you :)Although I do want to clarify that I DO want to be controlled outside of the bedroom . It is only that the control has to fall within certain parameters, ie doing things that are in my best interest. "Cut your hair cause I don't like it" has nothing to do with my best interest. "Get rid of your dog cause he annoys me" has nothing to do with my best interest. "Stop hanging out with your best friend cause I'm jealous of him" has nothing to do with my best interest.

If he gives me orders which are obviously for purely selfish motivations AND which would bring emotional detriment to me are orders that I won't respect or obey. I don't mind "get me a glass of water" or "do my laundry" because although those are selfish things, they aren't HURTING me in any way. I don't ENJOY doing those things, but I am willing to do them to earn his praise and make him happy and show him how much I appreciate him. I would do those things if I were in a vanilla relationship with someone who was good to me.

Helping me manage my diet, my housework, my daily schedule, my money, etc are things which are in my best interest, and I appreciate being submissive in those things because I feel like his orders are coming from a place of love.

Basically, although I don't ENJOY being controlled outside the bedroom, I APPRECIATE it when it is obviously enriching my life and leading me to better decision making...much as I appreciate all the times I got grounded as a kid for acting stupid. I am aware that the punishments I was given then have made me a better and more productive member of society in my adult years.

I guess you could say that I want raw, brutal, sometimes violent dominance inside the bedroom...and loving guidance outside of it.


< Message edited by GeekyGirl -- 5/6/2007 3:34:11 AM >

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

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RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 5/6/2007 3:43:55 AM   
ElektraUkM


Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

Just wondering if anyone else has noticed this...I've recieved SEVERAL emails in the last week from men who are claim they are "male subs seeking female subs to dominate them". I'm having a hard time wrapping my blonde mind around this one.


I have received similar requests, especially from those men more interested in sex than in 'serious' power exchange. As long as you're female and interested in sex, they'll try any approach. Just my experience, ymmv.

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RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 5/6/2007 3:52:13 AM   
ElektraUkM


Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

Geeky Girl, I appreciate the way you got your feelings down. It was interesting reading. Don’t worry why it doesn’t turn you on out of the bedroom. Being intensely submissive in any area is something to be proud of.

As to the original question of why subs email other subs, I think it is trying to get into a switch thing with them. You know that probably works well for many subs of both sexes who are anxiously seeking someone to Dom them.


Thank you :)Although I do want to clarify that I DO want to be controlled outside of the bedroom . It is only that the control has to fall within certain parameters, ie doing things that are in my best interest. "Cut your hair cause I don't like it" has nothing to do with my best interest. "Get rid of your dog cause he annoys me" has nothing to do with my best interest. "Stop hanging out with your best friend cause I'm jealous of him" has nothing to do with my best interest.

If he gives me orders which are obviously for purely selfish motivations AND which would bring emotional detriment to me are orders that I won't respect or obey. I don't mind "get me a glass of water" or "do my laundry" because although those are selfish things, they aren't HURTING me in any way. I don't ENJOY doing those things, but I am willing to do them to earn his praise and make him happy and show him how much I appreciate him. I would do those things if I were in a vanilla relationship with someone who was good to me.

Helping me manage my diet, my housework, my daily schedule, my money, etc are things which are in my best interest, and I appreciate being submissive in those things because I feel like his orders are coming from a place of love.

Basically, although I don't ENJOY being controlled outside the bedroom, I APPRECIATE it when it is obviously enriching my life and leading me to better decision making...much as I appreciate all the times I got grounded as a kid for acting stupid. I am aware that the punishments I was given then have made me a better and more productive member of society in my adult years.

I guess you could say that I want raw, brutal, sometimes violent dominance inside the bedroom...and loving guidance outside of it.



I can understand this, and feel/have felt the same way myself. I'm not 'naturally submissive' whatever that is... I like to be in control of my life, I find it easy to give out orders, and if no one else is making a good job of being in charge, I'll step in and organise everyone no problem!

On the other hand, I have longed to find someone who as you say, had my best interests at heart, and loved me and cared for me... so that I could put aside all need for control, and be certain that he would act for the best (in the best way he could) in all situations. Always allowing for human fallibility of course! THAT is the man I can be submissive to totally (rather than just for bedroom fun).

Though I should add that having found him now, it's still a learning and continuing experience to submit wholly... not because I'm a brat or don't want to, but because I want to do it fully (in the best way I can), allowing for human fallibility :)

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RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 5/6/2007 7:31:16 AM   
LondonGodFather


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline 		perhaps it's the case that if they get a female sub to dominate them they think they'll be able to top for the bottom?   or, as others have suggested it's because they just sent out a mass mailshot to any and every woman they can find!


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RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 5/6/2007 7:37:56 AM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: petal7

As for the Dom that said he felt submissive toward you - I would suspect that was a submissive just trying to get an in with you first.  Maybe he thought you'd be flattered at having 'switched' him.


LOL, well it backfired on him! Though I have sub male friends, nothing is a bigger sexual turn off to me. Kind of  makes me feel squicky to think of men in sexually submissive situations! He might as well have told me he had some horrible disease or something...I was like "ewwww! not interested!"



I have to agree with this, sorry guys got sub friends and have no issue with male subs as people but it doesnt sit right with my nautral order of things for my personal dynamic, I just couldn't do it.

And KurtKaboom - is EVERY post you write designed to cause people irritation? So far every one of your posts I have read has been either needling or making some inane comment just for the sake of it....

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RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 5/6/2007 7:54:37 AM   
KurtKaboom


Posts: 203
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amaidiamond

And KurtKaboom - is EVERY post you write designed to cause people irritation? So far every one of your posts I have read has been either needling or making some inane comment just for the sake of it....



       Well, quite a few have been deleted.  That might make it hard to see the whole picture.  In this thread, I think the OP protests too much.

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RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 5/6/2007 9:03:41 AM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		I receive emails from Male Dom's wanting to top Me, and from Male Dom's wanting Me to top Them, too.

Players.  Just players.

TM

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RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 5/6/2007 10:33:33 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtKaboom

quote:

ORIGINAL: amaidiamond

And KurtKaboom - is EVERY post you write designed to cause people irritation? So far every one of your posts I have read has been either needling or making some inane comment just for the sake of it....



      Well, quite a few have been deleted.  That might make it hard to see the whole picture.  In this thread, I think the OP protests too much.


Actually, you telling us that they have been deleted paints the picture in brighter and easier to understand color.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 5/6/2007 10:40:40 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		This is right up there with a Dom that wants to OWN a Domme!


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Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 5/6/2007 1:19:21 PM   
MistressDoMe


Posts: 295
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		I agree TexasMaam I think I need to start a thread about all the Male Doms on this site,
that want to explore their submissive side with me.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 5/6/2007 5:29:36 PM   
sugarcoatedscamp


Posts: 120
Joined: 5/5/2006
From: Fort Wayne, IN
Status: offline 		I haven't read the thread in its entirety yet, so pardon if I repeat something.

It's possible that these "sub males" are in reality bottoms who are looking to call the shots on someone else playing to their kink.  The logical type to turn to, if they're heterosexual, is submissive females.  Find a girl who wants to do as she's told and then tell her, "beat me senseless, fuck me in the ass with a strap-on and call me dirty names."

To a certain extent, I can understand this.  I'm a dominant who enjoys bottoming on occasion, and if I want my slave to swing the flogger for me, she'll be pleasing me by doing as I ask.  I think it's possible that this all centers around submissive vs. bottom confusion.

_____________________________

Consent means never having to say, "I'm sorry."
If beating you is wrong, I don't wanna be right.
I got an A+ in online bdsm.
You can call me Master now!

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RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 5/6/2007 6:15:56 PM   
dogthing


Posts: 98
Joined: 9/30/2005
Status: offline 		I guess this could be called "bottoming from the top". :)

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 5/6/2007 6:21:30 PM   
soulfulkitten


Posts: 27
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline 		Hiya,

I've had the same issue, male submissives emailing me, and then stating they are actually switches.  This in itself makes me nervous, I don't switch.

I dont' mind chatting but it goes no further, I know that I am always submissive, and having been with men who are not very Dominant, this would not work very well.

soulful_kitten

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RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 5/6/2007 6:48:29 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtKaboom

Service topping is a beautiful expression of true submission.


You're probably getting a lot of flack for having such a view here.

What is in your interest in being dominant, yet in a submissive role?  It's a strange concept and one I would appreciate an explanation of.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 5/6/2007 7:02:16 PM   
KurtKaboom


Posts: 203
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtKaboom

Service topping is a beautiful expression of true submission.


You're probably getting a lot of flack for having such a view here.

What is in your interest in being dominant, yet in a submissive role?  It's a strange concept and one I would appreciate an explanation of.



     Life dynamic v. scene dynamic.  Think it through.


     edit to add:  I get a lot of flack for breathing around here. 

< Message edited by KurtKaboom -- 5/6/2007 7:04:17 PM >

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