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What skills do you value in a sub? - 4/30/2007 5:59:45 AM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

So, a recurring theme i've seen here is "Don't tell Me what you want Me to do for you, tell Me what you can do for Me".

A related message is that one of the best ways a sub can differentiate himself (or herself) from the seething masses of potentials is with valuable and/or unique skills, talents, and abilities.

So, i Ask A Mistress: What skills or abilities do you think add the most value to a potential submissive? We'll assume for the sake of the question that "be able to support yourself financially" and "carry on a conversation like a normal human being" are minimum standards. What else would a single submissive be well-advised to learn? What talents may someone already have that they wouldn't necessarily think to mention in a post or profile, but would make them more interesting to You?

Cheers,

...dave

Post #: 1

RE: What skills do you value in a sub? - 4/30/2007 6:34:32 AM

MsBearlee

Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline

Well, I think this could be a personal thing, dave. Some may need a mechanic, others a secretary, still others may just want a masseuse.

I would imagine a submissive work on the kinds of things s/he is good at or interested in. One cannot be all things to all people.

This new little thread is a lot like the other one...where I just posted a more lengthly reply: http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=986543&key=

B

< Message edited by MsBearlee -- 4/30/2007 6:35:32 AM >

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 2

RE: What skills do you value in a sub? - 4/30/2007 6:56:50 AM

BBBTBW

Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline

Wow Lucidian...I think you set a record. Only 6 posts and already in trouble with the mods.

Ok now to the OP:

I find that a sub/slave that has the ability to be flexible and trainable is the one that will get my vote. He can be taught to do anything I want him to do if he has half a brain...but he has to be willing to be open to the training

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to MsBearlee)

Post #: 3

RE: What skills do you value in a sub? - 4/30/2007 7:06:52 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

Intelligence, open-mindedness, a willingness to learn how to please.

Other than that, we're flexible. Being able to do minor work on a car is a plus - giving decent massages is also a plus ... the ability to work on a computer is a definite plus (we've been having a lot of computer trouble lately ...). The only 'skill' required for a sub to already come with is housekeeping. rob does the cooking, but doesn't have time to cook and clean, so now we need someone to clean.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to BBBTBW)

Post #: 4

RE: What skills do you value in a sub? - 4/30/2007 7:32:24 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I think a great exercise to do when you want to answer a question like this for yourself is to make a list.

List all the things you can do and that you do do. Everything you can think of. Hopefully it will be a long list.

Now rank them according to how well you do them.

Now rank again according to why you do them -- necessity or pleasure.

What will this do? This will help you figure out what you'd like to be able to offer and what you could offer.

A good match then is someone who needs those skills you enjoy. A better match (for Ds purposes) is also someone who needs those skills you can do well enough if they aren't pleasureable for you -- you use those skills to help both of you feel the Ds dynamic more strongly.

Let me give you meatliffe examples.

Fox is really into web design so he redesigned my website.

Fox can drive well but he hates it so when he escorts me places he really is offering me his service and showing his obedience.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 5

RE: What skills do you value in a sub? - 4/30/2007 8:20:52 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

Dave,
I think you missed the whole point of the responses to the thread "Posts you'd love to see from male subs" by asking what skills Femdoms would like to see in a sub instead of asking other subs what skills they felt they had to offer their Mistress.

In my case, I feel I bring many things to my Mistress including massages, both therapeutic & erotic, foot rubs & reflexology, computer expertise, companionship, diverse interests, many kinds of other service than mentioned above. I love to help my Mistress get dressed in the mornings & undressed in the evenings. Grocery shopping is a breeze for me. I carry the bags when we're out shopping. I enjoy being a gentleman, opening doors, pulling out chairs, and seeing to her comforts. There are many other things I do, such as offering to get her drinks when she mentions that she's thirsty, driving her to doctor's appointments (including insisting that she make them when they're needed), and taking care of more intimate things.

As this is a new relationship for me, as it grows there will be much more that I expect I will do, but these things take time to develop and for two people to adjust to each other.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 6

RE: What skills do you value in a sub? - 4/30/2007 9:28:33 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

Dave,
I think you missed the whole point of the responses to the thread "Posts you'd love to see from male subs" by asking what skills Femdoms would like to see in a sub instead of asking other subs what skills they felt they had to offer their Mistress.

I am not sold on the idea that these discussions have to occur within male subs. I think the inner workings that can thus show can come from questions posed to dommes, or to responses given to threads in general.

While hearing what skills other subs has value, I find hearing directly from dommes what skills they appreciate to be more interesting.

My two cents.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 4/30/2007 9:29:24 AM >

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 7

RE: What skills do you value in a sub? - 4/30/2007 9:49:12 AM

Enyo

Posts: 35
Joined: 4/27/2007
Status: offline

Instead of expecting specific skills I prefer that subs have varied skills. I am looking for someone who invests enough time in himself to develop various skills and then it is our collective task to figure out how those skills could be best used to serve me and our relationship. I definitely prefer boys with diverse skill sets. I have found that it's often the more unusal skills that I find myself in appreciation of, for example, the ability to read a GPS is something I would LOVE to see in a subs skill set....I'll leave it to your imagination how I'd like to incorporate this both into daily life and play.

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 8

RE: What skills do you value in a sub? - 4/30/2007 10:10:17 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Currently I have mine learning how to give pedicures, manicures and massage. I also want him to learn lawn maintenance and some gardening. I love a beautiful yard but just do not have the time to do it myself. I have a service but my sub wants to do everything for Me. So he is learning so that he can be my gardener.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 9

RE: What skills do you value in a sub? - 4/30/2007 3:50:25 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave
Dave,
I think you missed the whole point of the responses to the thread "Posts you'd love to see from male subs" by asking what skills Femdoms would like to see in a sub instead of asking other subs what skills they felt they had to offer their Mistress.

Actually, while i was inspired by that thread and some of the responses therein, it's really a separate question... As i said, i see that sort of message a lot, and if i were "on the market", i personally wouldn't know what to say... the concept of valuing the abilities that someone has to bring to a relationship, rather than the personality and emotions they bring, is a hard for me to connect to.

Plus, like that post, my hope was to encourage more understanding and better communication in the often antagonistic Femdom/malesub community

Cheers,

...dave

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 10

RE: What skills do you value in a sub? - 4/30/2007 6:19:16 PM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

So, i Ask A Mistress: What skills or abilities do you think add the most value to a potential submissive? We'll assume for the sake of the question that "be able to support yourself financially" and "carry on a conversation like a normal human being" are minimum standards. What else would a single submissive be well-advised to learn? What talents may someone already have that they wouldn't necessarily think to mention in a post or profile, but would make them more interesting to You?

Cheers,

...dave

Photographer
Web master => priceless.

;P

_____________________________

m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

m y s p a c e

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 11

RE: What skills do you value in a sub? - 4/30/2007 8:27:51 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDolly
Photographer

When I was a kid, I once took this photo and my Mom said it was very nice!

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to MistressDolly)

Post #: 12

RE: What skills do you value in a sub? - 4/30/2007 9:19:05 PM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

What skills or abilities do you think add the most value to a potential submissive?
Intelligence. The ability to express himself in words.
The ability to follow directions.
The ability to rephrase directions so that misunderstanding can be corrected early.
Organization.
Massage.
How to use the internet to search for items.
How to care for leather.

For someone who will serve me, I would also add photography, how to do e-bay auctions, how to trim a cat's claws, how to trim a dog's claws, how to keep track of multiple "abandoned" conversations so that you know what I'm talking about when I come back to it minutes, hours, or days later, how to entertain children for approximately an hour so that I can catch a nap, and how to recognize the signs of a pending panic attack and/or deal with a full blown panic attack.

I like a sub who can do pedicures and manicures but I can teach a sub how to do those things. I like a sub who can do housework but I can teach a sub how to clean my toilet, bathtub, grout, dishes, etc. Web design is a handy task but I can do my own so it's just gravy.

~E

(this is far from a comprehensive list)

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 13

RE: What skills do you value in a sub? - 4/30/2007 9:25:08 PM

DragonChylde

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

So, i Ask A Mistress: What skills or abilities do you think add the most value to a potential submissive? We'll assume for the sake of the question that "be able to support yourself financially" and "carry on a conversation like a normal human being" are minimum standards. What else would a single submissive be well-advised to learn? What talents may someone already have that they wouldn't necessarily think to mention in a post or profile, but would make them more interesting to You?

I require anyone in my service to be intelligent and witty. The ability to amuse me and interest me on more than a kink level is required. Many times I am approached with a very generic introduction and will typically ask the prospective submissive to tell me about himself, both lifestyle and vanilla interests. I find what tends to result is another list of things that don't show any imagination or creativity. If the submissive cannot be bothered to gain my interest at the outset, I have little hope that they can continue to hold my interest. Those I communicate with to any extent are those who show some imagination. When a submissive is given an open-ended question, I generally don't care as much about the specific answer as I do how it is answered.

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 14

RE: What skills do you value in a sub? - 4/30/2007 9:27:55 PM

MissDiscipline

Posts: 117
Joined: 10/1/2006
From: Domme Beach Calif
Status: offline

I believe the skills I value ina sub are very, very simple- Do what the Hell you are told- Obey me at all times- Leave the sarcasm where ever the hell you please , but dont bring it here and laugh at all of my jokes-

(in reply to Elorin)

Post #: 15

RE: What skills do you value in a sub? - 4/30/2007 10:02:24 PM

TheDiva

Posts: 129
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL
Status: offline

In no particular order:

1. Lawn care. Ten extra points if you can remind me what the hell these bushes in front of my houses are called.
2. The ability to make me laugh.
3. Good listening skills.
4. Decent cooking skills.
5. Good spelling and grammar.
6. All-around handiness. These blinds aren't gonna put themselves up, and I'm not gonna try.
7. The ability to look kinda sexy while crawling across the floor naked with a crop between his cheeks.

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 16

RE: What skills do you value in a sub? - 4/30/2007 10:06:53 PM

pollux

Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheDiva

1. Lawn care. Ten extra points if you can remind me what the hell these bushes in front of my houses are called.

Boxwood.

(in reply to TheDiva)

Post #: 17

RE: What skills do you value in a sub? - 4/30/2007 10:08:14 PM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

You are my hero!!

Seriously.

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 18

RE: What skills do you value in a sub? - 4/30/2007 10:11:59 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

#1: conversational skills. If you cannot hold up your end of a conversation then you are not going to keep me interested very long.
#2: massage skills. I am on my feet 8-9 hours a day 5 or more days a week, a backrub and/or foot rub is a huge perk
#3: Cooking skills. Dinner waiting on me is another perk
#4: Cleaning skills. Not only should I like the job you do, I should like how you look doing it.

There are others, but those are my top. #1 is non negotiable, the others are taken with a grain of salt, they arent dealbreakers, just strong preferences
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to joyinslavery)

Post #: 19

RE: What skills do you value in a sub? - 4/30/2007 11:00:16 PM

MissDiscipline

Posts: 117
Joined: 10/1/2006
From: Domme Beach Calif
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheDiva

7. The ability to look kinda sexy while crawling across the floor naked with a crop between his cheeks.
I f he can do number 7 real well- I am less likely to beat him with it- I love to be intertained. You know like having him tap dancing wilth balls full of saline

(in reply to TheDiva)

Post #: 20

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