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Knowing what a submissive enjoys helps me determine whether or not they are a good match for me.  I don't want a submissive to come across as though his desires are more important than mine; but I do want to know what his desires are.

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ORIGINAL: Araven

On my journey exploring my submission, I've began to struggle with how to express sexual desires and how to remain submissive and not feel so guilty for letting these things desires arouse me. In many ways I'm also sexually inexperianced. In my mind, BDSM and sexuality go hand in hand. BDSM is an arousing thing for me and I'm a bit shy to admit that it turns me on. Even moreso, if I was to play, I think one of my bigger fears is to be vunerable, turned on, and sort of "exposed". Perhaps its my upbringing, but I'm always a little bit embarassed to be turned on from such things. How can one get past the feelings of shame, guilt, and embarassement at such acts? How do you other submissives with a similar problem handle it?

I understand the embarassment and shame that you might feel.  I also can fully relate to the sense of vulnerability as well as the associated fear that goes along with sharing those thoughts with another person about the desires you have within you that others might take advantage of if they were known to the general public.  Those sexual desires are indeed a strong motivator, at least they are for me when serving a woman that I desire.  You can rest assured that you are definitely not alone in feeling this way. 

For centuries, women have played upon men's vulnerabilities to their sexual desires.  In a D/s relationship, it is a clear exchange that is happening where these vulnerabilities of yours are acknowledged and accepted.  Remember, these desires of yours are also what are drawing you into the lifestyle.  Whether you realize it or not, sharing them with a woman is exactly the freedom that you ultimately seek.  What more could a man ask for than to be loved and accepted after all his secret desires have been shared and are known by the woman he calls Mistress?

As you find a woman that you think will be right for you, you will want to begin to share those desires at some point with her for many of the reasons the others have listed above.  In my opinion, the mind is clearly the largest sex organ in the body.  If your Mistress wants to turn you on and manipulate your submission, she needs to get inside your mind and access the thoughts you have that really push your buttons.  The only way she can do that, is by you opening up, making yourself vulnerable and sharing the most inimate desires and fantasies that you have.  

That said, you'll want to do it in a way that is respectful of your Mistress; one that isn't demanding, applying pressure, or asking her to perform acts to fulfil your fantasies but more a case of sharing what you know pushes your buttons so that she can choose what interests her and where she might want to take you that she'll know you're receptive to.  It also provides her with material to embarass or humiliate you when in private or during your play.  She can choose to do that in a way that also pushes your buttons, allowing her to enjoy your response so that both of you gain from the sharing and opening up that you've done.  You'll find that when this is done with an experienced Mistress, it creates very much of a "win-win" situation that you will likely never regret.

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ORIGINAL: canupleaseme

I would be so upset if I didnt know what turned my boy on.  I pride myself in my knowledge of him in that way, by taking the time to find out whats in his head.  He knows he must tell me of the things that he thinks about.  I love nothing more than to tease him then with that and if he is really lucky he might get it.
Bdsm and sexuality are very linked for me too.  I think I would find it hard to be aroused myself if I didnt know how what we were doing was affecting him.
I also get a lot of contol over him by playing with his sexual needs so our dynamic wouldnt work very well if he suppressed his own sexual feelings.  He will be the first to tell you though that while I encourage him telling me it all he doesnt always get to play.  He certainly isnt topping frm the bottom by revealing these things to me he just has great ideas too

I would find it very special if he was to tell me something that would make him so embarresed sexually to do

Some Dommes though will be the complete opposite.  There are a lot of people who practise domination without any sexual contact at all and will not want to know anything about your sexual feelings.  And thats fine for them too   Just make sure when your looking for your domme find one that goes which way you need.