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RE: bad news in the journal - 5/1/2007 3:12:35 AM

puella

Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

Hmm....

Why do you give a shit? A journal is just that... a record of your observances, experences and thoughts. If you are looking for someone's 'for sale' ad, you probably should just stick to the profile... most people never even really read that, let alone someone's journal, but honestly, not eveyrone here is trying to sell themselves.

It is not as if someone is holding you down making you read anyone's journal... if you do not like what is in there, do not read it, I am surprised that anyone would whinge over the fact that some people used their journal to write what ever they were feeling in it.

Not everyone is always in a happy place. I certainly am not, an when I first started utilizing my journal, I was much darker. Having always been a proponant of journaling, I utilized this one, and it was cathartic to some degree. Perhaps Laura Bush is right.. the only thing wrong is no one is telling all the GOOD stories...

I find it curious that so many people are so vitriolic about other people's journal... again.. don't read it, there is no exam on required reading on collarme.

< Message edited by puella -- 5/1/2007 3:22:23 AM >

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(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 21

RE: bad news in the journal - 5/1/2007 3:26:17 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

To me, that speaks of serious boundary issues (the boundry between what should be private and what can be public, at the very least.)

So let's see, on a public forum, that'd mean there is ok venting: "Goddamn it! I sure as hell wish they'd stop all the damn road construction around here!!! It's taking an hour and a half to drive home from work when it used to take me 30 minutes - IN THE SNOW!!"

And then there's the not-ok venting: "My former Master is such a _________."

I believe it's important to know the difference.

Personally, when I see the not-ok venting, I don't sit there thinking "well, now, that's healthy. I'm glad they got THAT out of their system!" More often than not, it clues me into who not to get close to. If they trashed that person, the next one could be me.

juliet

This is exactly what sparked the question I have been asking myself Juliet.
Venting dirty laundry in a public Journal does show a certain tendency,
and it passes the accepted norm that most of us see as politicall correct.
But......... hard lessons are quicker teachers if the student listens.

I guess what I'm getting at is if all we choose to share is the highlights
or the bland we give an impression that lacks depth.

Many times when I reread what I have written I am able to view it through
the eyes of a stranger reading it for the first time. And I try to judge it from
their perspective, many times doing just as Whiplash does and I remove it.
But I dont remove it because I have trashed someone I remove it because
I have exposed myself in an emotional state that I feel a need to protect.
I believe there are many others who do the same. We write for many reasons,
to heal, to shed what is binding us when no one is listening and choose a public
forum in hopes that someone does hear. Yet that out pouring of emotion
is judged often as weakness or a failing if we have any sense of societys views
of what is correct to share and what isnt. Needless to say I Blog or Journal
often, yet my words I have not shared due to fear of judgement and I have
been considering if it would be wise to share. From what I've read here
I still do not have an answer.

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 22

RE: bad news in the journal - 5/1/2007 4:11:43 AM

mystiquenz

Posts: 330
Joined: 8/13/2004
Status: offline

Greetings A/all,

Lordandmaster, in your world, does your world continually shine?

In my world, there are bright and sunny days, there over cast days, and there are days that are persisting down with rain!

I cannot say that I have ever vented in my journal about a past relationship, but i have no hesitation for recording an observation or a response, to a particular situation. The Master that this girl speaks with has her keep two journals, one journal is being beta tested, which he wanted me to participate with, but with entries of a private nature, they are to be posted, under lock and key.

I have never kept a journal at the direction of a dominant before, but have used them regularly over the years that I have been exploring lifestyle choices, to personal decisions, that for myself, and myself alone, i have taken great pride in working out the issues that have caused some degree of upset or worry.

So therefore, each to their own. If I am asked about past relationships, once i know the person, I have no reservation about communicating, but I personally am of the opinion that hanging dirty laundry in public attracts flies.

I am not too sure if your post is just a wind up, or if you you are genuinely searching for that lady to share the dynamic flow with. Regardless, maybe if it is the latter, you should pay no attention to past entries, they do not concern you, so why are you allowing yourself to be so outraged by someone's past?

A new relationship builds on the now, but past experiences, mould the person that you are considering. Maybe you should be thankful that her past, is open, and she is not so closed and inwardly layered where you would need a concrete hammer to break through the layers to find the lady that is sheltering underneath. Quite frankly, I would prefer to see transparency rather than layers of armour.

_____________________________

blessings
~mystique~

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 23

RE: bad news in the journal - 5/1/2007 4:29:00 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

I do consider keeping a journal out here for public viewing to be a bit of an odd undertaking. I guess it is a fine way to keep people up to date on the goings on in your life but on the whole it seems a tad bit presumptuous to think that anyone really cares that much about you to begin with. Now as to why people would rant about an "ex" is quite another matter...It definitely shows a lack of character.

It's reminds me a little bit of receiving X-mas cards....Most of my friends send some card saying "Hallelujah!!! Jesus was Born!!!! Let's get together and have a few drinks or a fuck to celebrate!!!" But every now and again some cocksucker sends the card and form letter that informs you of every fucking thing that they and their family has been up to over the last 365 days.....If I haven't stayed in touch with them over the last year what in God's name would give them the slightest inclination that I care that, "Jamie is walking now" or that their "car was dented by that large hail storm" or that "Bill has been laid off and that his mom reired to Florida?"

Whatever happened to privacy? We are living our lives on a blue rock spinning around a sun that will eventually burn out....No one cares.....Except me. 'Cuz I'm a lover.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 5/1/2007 5:26:25 AM >

_____________________________

(in reply to mystiquenz)

Post #: 24

RE: bad news in the journal - 5/1/2007 4:48:34 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

I suppose for some, its the closest they'll likely ever come to being on the Jerry Springer show. That being another marvel of people who seem to have a desparate need to air their dirty laundry publicly. Mostly I chalk it up to another expression of the basic human need to be seen, to be recognized for something (and what a sad thing to be recognized for). And then I click on the next profile. I'm a fairly private person, there are aspects of my life you are never going to read about... anywhere. Someone who feels compelled to live their life that publicly is just never going to fit with me. Besides which, all those negative vibes really bring me down man! Woof! Woof!

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 25

RE: bad news in the journal - 5/1/2007 5:02:48 AM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline

I've never had...nor understood the desire to journal publicly.....and i'm not really interested in reading others journals.
Journals and diaries can be very helpful, to me...as a tool for introspection, and I would happily share that with a partner, it's just not something i feel is meant for public consumption.

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 26

RE: bad news in the journal - 5/1/2007 5:54:22 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I enjoy reading journals, and if they are full of drama, all the better. I think it's funny when people rant in their journals, at least we know to steer clear of them in real life. Another thing I find amusing is when Doms boast about how many subs they've had, as if advertising all of their failed relationships makes them look attractive.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 27

RE: bad news in the journal - 5/1/2007 5:57:25 AM

MasterGremlin

Posts: 230
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heydollface

I would think that a large part of writing in a journal, public or not, would be to vent or work through whatever feelings you might have that day. I know that I find writing about things, past or present, often helps me get a more accurate perspective on things. I don't see it as lack of maturity myself but that's from a general point of view and not from anything specific I've read.

I also find a journal helps me work out "issues" but I think there is a big difference between a "private" journal and one that is "open to the public".

Sincerely,
minxy

(in reply to heydollface)

Post #: 28

RE: bad news in the journal - 5/1/2007 6:17:06 AM

SirDominic

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

doll, you are absolutely right about the cathartic release of journaling. Similarly, if you are really angry with someone, instead of facing off with them, write them a letter in exquisite detail why you are upset. Then, and here's the critical part, destroy the letter. No go have that talk.

To the OP. Journaling about bad relationships can be very therapeutic, but I agree, it should be in a private journal. Putting it up with one's profile is not going to generate sympathy. Like you said, it is more likely going to turn off most people who might have been interested in you otherwise.

The reason it will almost always be viewed negatively is that it shows, quite clearly, that you have unresolved issues which could lead to more drama than most want. This is not to say you can't state that an experience went bad, and you are confused, unhappy about it, etc. It just shouldn't be a tirade, or blow by blow account of how you've been wronged.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to heydollface)

Post #: 29

RE: bad news in the journal - 5/1/2007 6:24:23 AM

Viridana

Posts: 754
Status: offline

fast reply

I've noticed about journal entries and blogs in general that people use them like they would use a diary. That is in many cases good.It's sometimes therapeutic to write things down and maybe gain a perspective. But sometimes people take the diary idea a little too seriously and forget to realize that other people are actually going to read it. Some things should be written in a private diary, not a public one. I once landed on a blog where the person made a large entry about her colon polyp problem and her feelings concerning that. I can see how maybe writing could be venting for her but seriously....... keep your rectal polyp informations to yourself! It's good to be open and let the readers gain insight in your life, but there can always bee too much of everything.

(in reply to SirDominic)

Post #: 30

RE: bad news in the journal - 5/1/2007 6:25:51 AM

StellaByStarlite

Posts: 790
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

Meh, I don't know. I'd write about my failing relationships, if I had them and they were important to me. Seems kinda petty to me to only put your best foot forward.

CuriousLord's Journal:
"Yeah, another six slaves applied today. I got back two 100's on exams, in ChemE and Physics, today. My family's doing well, mom says she loves me. Yet more people are sucking up to me to be in their groups. I'm particularly handsome today as this shirt goes quite well with these pants, giving me that rugged, sophisticated look."
Could say that. If you ask me, it'd be kinda silly to, since I'm not looking to attract shallow or vain people, plus it's kinda gay- particularly the part where I'm going on about my appearance.

Then, of course, I could go on..
"I'm so awesome. God did himself a favor when he made me, so that he may gaze upon my greatness. Opps, gotta run! I zoned out so much thinking about my tenth, even cooler theory of unification that my massive cock nearly crushed Mnt. Everest again. The damn local girls are going to be after me like I'm on an Axe comercial again."

But, meh. As you said, everyone has relationship problems. Personally, it's the people who don't let theirs out that give me the creeps.

Hahahaha!! That gave me a pretty damn good laugh, it did.

04/29/07
- So, yeah, I took another good look at my spectacular body today. I should put some photos of myself on E-Bay and pay off the mortgage. Hmmm...

04/30/07
- for the last time, ladies, NO, I'm not trying to take your man! God! I can't help it that they can't resist me!

05/01/07
- I'm a goddamn goddess

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 31

RE: bad news in the journal - 5/1/2007 6:27:19 AM

Aubre

Posts: 478
Joined: 12/9/2004
Status: offline

I think some people read journals and think:

"Wow! I can fix all of their problems! Especially because their pic is so hot!"
"Wow! After going through all of those issues, my baggage will seem like nothing! Plus, their pic is so hot!"
"Blah blah blah - sounds like a lot of whiny crap but I'll email them anyway because their pic is so hot!"
"Once they see a picture of my genitals, they will want to have sex with me right away!"

Ok, am I just too cynical?

(in reply to SirDominic)

Post #: 32

RE: bad news in the journal - 5/1/2007 6:29:13 AM

Viridana

Posts: 754
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aubre

I think some people read journals and think:

"Wow! I can fix all of their problems! Especially because their pic is so hot!"
"Wow! After going through all of those issues, my baggage will seem like nothing! Plus, their pic is so hot!"
"Blah blah blah - sounds like a lot of whiny crap but I'll email them anyway because their pic is so hot!"
"Once they see a picture of my genitals, they will want to have sex with me right away!"

Ok, am I just too cynical?

LOL! no I think you may be on to something

(in reply to Aubre)

Post #: 33

RE: bad news in the journal - 5/1/2007 6:49:51 AM

twistedkytten

Posts: 240
Joined: 9/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StellaByStarlite

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

Meh, I don't know. I'd write about my failing relationships, if I had them and they were important to me. Seems kinda petty to me to only put your best foot forward.

CuriousLord's Journal:
"Yeah, another six slaves applied today. I got back two 100's on exams, in ChemE and Physics, today. My family's doing well, mom says she loves me. Yet more people are sucking up to me to be in their groups. I'm particularly handsome today as this shirt goes quite well with these pants, giving me that rugged, sophisticated look."
Could say that. If you ask me, it'd be kinda silly to, since I'm not looking to attract shallow or vain people, plus it's kinda gay- particularly the part where I'm going on about my appearance.

Then, of course, I could go on..
"I'm so awesome. God did himself a favor when he made me, so that he may gaze upon my greatness. Opps, gotta run! I zoned out so much thinking about my tenth, even cooler theory of unification that my massive cock nearly crushed Mnt. Everest again. The damn local girls are going to be after me like I'm on an Axe comercial again."

But, meh. As you said, everyone has relationship problems. Personally, it's the people who don't let theirs out that give me the creeps.

Hahahaha!! That gave me a pretty damn good laugh, it did.

04/29/07
- So, yeah, I took another good look at my spectacular body today. I should put some photos of myself on E-Bay and pay off the mortgage. Hmmm...

04/30/07
- for the last time, ladies, NO, I'm not trying to take your man! God! I can't help it that they can't resist me!

05/01/07
- I'm a goddamn goddess
[/quote

-these are great! .. thanks for the laughs!

( i tried to do this right)...

< Message edited by twistedkytten -- 5/1/2007 6:55:33 AM >

(in reply to StellaByStarlite)

Post #: 34

RE: bad news in the journal - 5/1/2007 7:02:05 AM

Stranger1

Posts: 219
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline

They are red flags for me too.

It clearly points to someone being self serving and vindictive, not good.

I'd prefer matruity and the ability to forgive-and move on.............

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 35

RE: bad news in the journal - 5/1/2007 7:09:55 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

i rant and rave and do write all sorts of nasty stuff about people in my life, my problems, hurts, pain etc... BUT... i keep it private. i would never ever open up like that in a public venue. First of all i prefer to keep whats private just that, private, but i also don't want to burden other people with a bunch of stuff that doesn't mean much to anyone but myself.

i think people who do journal like this are seeking attention the only way they know how - they are basically dysfunctional in some sense. Perhaps they feel someone out there will write and give them sympathy or they are trying to attract the doms who are looking to "save them". Chances are with anyone that responds to them, they will just be adding another rant in their journal in a few months.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to twistedkytten)

Post #: 36

RE: bad news in the journal - 5/1/2007 7:17:48 AM

Stranger1

Posts: 219
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

i rant and rave and do write all sorts of nasty stuff about people in my life, my problems, hurts, pain etc... BUT... i keep it private. i would never ever open up like that in a public venue. First of all i prefer to keep whats private just that, private, but i also don't want to burden other people with a bunch of stuff that doesn't mean much to anyone but myself.

i think people who do journal like this are seeking attention the only way they know how - they are basically dysfunctional in some sense. Perhaps they feel someone out there will write and give them sympathy or they are trying to attract the doms who are looking to "save them". Chances are with anyone that responds to them, they will just be adding another rant in their journal in a few months.

Or they are another cinderalla looking for the white knight to save them.

And yup-the hapless knight will be yet another dragon in a month or so-it never seems to fail.

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 37

RE: bad news in the journal - 5/1/2007 8:22:49 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Maybe because some people write? Seriously, some people relate better by writing things down. And I think you are making an assumption that anyone on collarme is looking for a hookup. I know a lot of people here that don't come here to meet someone, myself included. Any kind of forum site like this is designed for venting. Sometimes that does carry over into a blog.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 38

RE: bad news in the journal - 5/1/2007 8:51:35 AM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

What's the big deal? It is my journal to do with as i see fit. Like so much of this life, if you do not like it, move on, close the profile, turn the channel, walk away, etc., or better yet, turn your pc off and do something else. If i choose to call my x Master a lying sack of shit in my journal, it is my choice. If i choose to put his real name out there (ok that one might get me policed), but regardless it is how i choose to use it. i do not have to conform to what your or anyone's idea of a proper journal should be.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 39

RE: bad news in the journal - 5/1/2007 9:01:40 AM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

Just be pleased that some people have decided to affix warning labels to their own foreheads and save us the trouble of stepping on those landmines.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 40

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