RE: Tributes

RE: Tributes (Full Version)

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littlesarbonn -> RE: Tributes (4/30/2007 9:52:19 PM)
I had one contact me today, saying that her "usual" price for service tribute is...(some price that I really didn't pay that much attention to). So, I deleted the email. Not a big deal. Not my thing. I'm not the person for someone like that. I've never understood why people go so nuts over this issue.

TheDiva -> RE: Tributes (4/30/2007 9:53:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Calandra I went through a period of time where I demanded "tribute". No, not cash... I wanted a handwritten note or a greeting card with their personal handwriting on it. It didn't have to include a picture, a name or even a return address - simply a message from them with their online nickname to show they were willing to follow My instructions in something nonsexual and nonkinky. I think I got three cards in a two year span. Kinda weeds out those "Oh Mistress I would do ANYTHING for you" types, huh? Good thing I'm not desperate for a slave, huh? That is a wonderful idea! Proves they're willing to put forth an effort for only the cost of a little bit of stationery and a stamp. quote: ORIGINAL: Elorin <some good stuff omitted for brevity> A tribute of any form - cash, a handwritten letter, a non-erotic task, a gift - is not necessary to prove devotion. It may, however, prove that you are willing to do more than talk about your fetish, which means the domme in question might be willing to talk with you. However, you could do the same by picking an item that is on her interests list and sending her something that shows you took time and thought about it. Look up boots and say "I saw you like boots and I found these great websites for buying boots online." and provide a link, or find a great site with a list of renn faires in her area. <a little more snipped> I feel the same. It's about showing that you have an interest in me as a person and not as a pattern of pixels or a vehicle for your fetish fulfillment or entertainment. My feelings are that if you want to send a tribute, go ahead and do so. It doesn't guarantee a bond with the Domme or any continued relationship. A rough vanilla equivalent is the girl who "puts out" and expects to get some type of leverage. If it's fun for both parties and done in a sensible manner, no harm done. But if you go in with unrealistic expectations, it's easy to get burned. Sorry the OP has had some bad experiences. I chatted with a sub who said basically the same thing about tributes. But when I asked him what criteria he used in searching for a Mistress, he replied that he looked for the ones with the pretty pictures. To the OP; Do a little research, don't rush, and go with your gut. After some time you may find what you are looking for. Good luck.

joyinslavery -> RE: Tributes (4/30/2007 9:59:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheDiva To the OP; Do a little research, don't rush, and go with your gut. After some time you may find what you are looking for. Good luck. That is some kick-ass advice regradless of you're male, female, dom or sub. Did I mention dom? Edited to add: Did I???

BeachMystress -> RE: Tributes (4/30/2007 10:01:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lopoka There seems to be many Dommes who ask for cash tributes in order to "weed out" fakes. Yet some of these people seem to be fakes to me, they are asking for money before even showing a picture or verifying by voice over the phone, who they are who they say they are. These are individuals whom claim to be lifestyle instead of professionally oriented. Is tribute a necessary way in order for people to prove devotion? I thought relationships between Mistresses and subs was about getting to know someone, not just plumping down a bunch of cash to a stranger with no guarantee of anything. Please share Y/your thoughts. quote: ORIGINAL: lopoka I apologize if this was brought up before in forums, I don't post often. Like some of You have joked though, if I wanted Nightflirt or a Professional session, I would seek that out. I liked the different ways of tribute that were mentioned. What I meant by no gurantee was that those wanting cash had no regard or interest in the sub. Yes, this topic is covered every few weeks. As soon as it scrolls out of the top two pages, someone posts it again in some form! And often it is posted by some guy who has less than 5 posts and isn't heard from again. I do hope you're not just here to complain about something with no plans to contribute to the board other than this. I think that a relationship between a Domme and a sub is whatever they negotiate. When you get into talking with "tribute domme" you implicitly agreeing to that dynamic. She brought up money and you didn't bolt. She may have brought it up, but any male who sticks around is consenting to being used for money. If you don't believe in a relationship of this type, don't bother to speak with women who demand it. So, tell us, since you don't feel that those women offer what you want in a relationship, why are you bothering to discuss them? Are you so narrow minded that you assume that yours are the only type of valid relationship goals? There are a lot of males who contact me ASKING to be used for tribute. Since that isn't my idea of how relationships work, I send them on their way. I don't come in here and complain that they wasted my time. When I read a profile by a male like that, I don't consider him a flake or a phony. I don't consider anything more than that he's not the partner for me, and move on. If you'd bothered to read the boards some before posting, you would know that there are many women on here who would never dream of taking monetary tribute from a submissive.

Najakcharmer -> RE: Tributes (4/30/2007 10:04:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheDiva I chatted with a sub who said basically the same thing about tributes. But when I asked him what criteria he used in searching for a Mistress, he replied that he looked for the ones with the pretty pictures. snrk If you email the lady advertising as "Total Dominant Bitch Goddess" with a hot sexy fetish photo and explicit kinky demands in the profile, what do you think the chances are of finding a pro on the other end? Ya think? My photo is deliberately fugly, with absolutely no makeup in beat up old work clothes, taken when I was about 40 lbs heavier. My profile says I'm mainly looking for friends. I STILL get shallow dreck and rude propositions in my inbox. I can't even imagine the amount of crap I'd get if I posted a nicer pic, or worse yet, a sexy or explicitly kinky pic and profile. There's generally a reason that women post pics that are appealing to horny male subs and accept the massive flood of propositions they will inevitably get. That reason isn't always that they're looking for a serious long term relationship. [:D][:D][:D]

Calandra -> RE: Tributes (4/30/2007 10:37:17 PM)
Tribute: 2 a : something given or contributed voluntarily as due or deserved; especially : a gift or service showing respect, gratitude, or affection <a floral tribute> b : something (as material evidence or a formal attestation) that indicates the worth, virtue, or effectiveness of the one in question. I receive many "propositions", applications, and unsolicited comments in email every day. Many of them are designed to elicit fantasy content for them to get their kink met. Most never intend to follow through on any of the exorbitant promises they make. I try to stay fresh and not get jaded or pessimistic. It takes less than a half dollar to mail a piece of paper. AND I'm willing to give My address! Definition b does apply in My frame of reference, simply because I am giving a person a way to rise above the rest and SHOW they are worthy of My time. No, Dominating someone isn't a chore for Me... but it is an investment, and I don't like to have My time wasted.

MissDiscipline -> RE: Tributes (4/30/2007 10:47:57 PM)
It really doesnt matter what anyone thinks who is real or fake for asking for tribute- it is between the Dom/me and the sub. As for Me I may or may not ask for tribute- meaning a gift or I may give a task for a sub to show sincerity.I always encourage creativity. But Yes I will demand not tribute ,but "compensation" for those who I sense are not looking to serve me but to "play"- I will provide for my slave- As he has given me all his attention and effort. All else will provide for any of my attention and effort.

subronnc -> RE: Tributes (5/1/2007 5:59:35 AM)
The tributes were small, $10 or so each time. i was not drawn in by looks -- one didn't have pictures and the other sent clothed, body pictures which were not "model like" which was/is fine with me.i think one was a weird amount like $12.48 or something to see if i could "follow instructions/pay attention to details". There was also purchasing of items like a journal, etc. i figured that was a small price to pay and a way to weed people out. i didn't think the payments would continue unless necessary. After a couple of emails were not replied to, I stopped bothering/smothering/stalking/whatever. Why did i try try again? I figure not Everyone is the same, and there might have been some external circumstances that kept Them from writing back. One dropped me because i didn't write back every day. i didn't write back because i had no electrictiy at home and did not want to log into this name on a public library terminal. The other wanted me to send Her an inexpensive necklace to wear during future communication, but i never got Her mailing address to send it to. i kept it for a couple of years but eventually gave it to Goodwill. If i have a bad experience at a taco bell, target, or whatever, i don't stop going to all locations of that store or restaurant. If i did that, i would never leave the house! lol. Do i get "fooled again"? Sometimes, but not always. i don't seek a Pro Domme relationship, as i know i want something more than that. i am quite shy, which makes going to the local groups difficult. i went to a couple of TMG meetings when they used to meet at FLEX, but it was 90% male dom oriented, and the other 10% seemed to be in a relationship. i was on the FAD email list and went to an orientation, but the email was changed and stopped coming, so i took that as a sign to move on. And they seemed Triad-centric, which wasn't a deal-killer, but combined with the email was why i stopped. i don't know who these people are that wouldn't buy Someone a cup of coffee or a meal on the first date. i would never "force" the issue, i.e. "i'm the man so i'm gonna pay" but i would offer every time. To me, a first meeting would be like a date, even if it was a service-only relationship.

DianeB269 -> RE: Tributes (5/1/2007 6:58:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lopoka There seems to be many Dommes who ask for cash tributes in order to "weed out" fakes. Yet some of these people seem to be fakes to me, they are asking for money before even showing a picture or verifying by voice over the phone, who they are who they say they are. These are individuals whom claim to be lifestyle instead of professionally oriented. Is tribute a necessary way in order for people to prove devotion? I thought relationships between Mistresses and subs was about getting to know someone, not just plumping down a bunch of cash to a stranger with no guarantee of anything. Please share Y/your thoughts. If I send you my PayPal account, will you send me $5000? Diane

Najakcharmer -> RE: Tributes (5/1/2007 9:08:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subronnc i went to a couple of TMG meetings when they used to meet at FLEX, but it was 90% male dom oriented, and the other 10% seemed to be in a relationship. TMG is pansexual, all are welcome. Single females are something of a commodity anywhere however, whether they are dom or sub. quote: i was on the FAD email list and went to an orientation, but the email was changed and stopped coming, so i took that as a sign to move on. And they seemed Triad-centric, which wasn't a deal-killer, but combined with the email was why i stopped. Yahoo screwed us over and disrupted the email list. I think FAD is a fantastic group, and it's VERY heavy on the femdoms, who actually outnumber male subs at some events since we come as much to socialize with other femdoms as for anything else.

caningexpert -> RE: Tributes (5/1/2007 3:40:42 PM)
Dommes dont neccesarily want to 'pick some guys wallet clean' (nice turn of phrase I dont think) but BDSM is an expensive hobby, clothes and toys alone and hire of dungeon if you dont have your own. I would not ask for a tribute to meet someone, but do expect certain expenses to be covered when having a session, thats not unreasonable. Personally I cant stand the holier than though attitude of some on here about never taking or paying money......etc etc, some of us just arent rich enough nor would we want to pay for everything.

asubmissiveheart -> RE: Tributes (5/1/2007 3:49:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: caningexpert Dommes dont neccesarily want to 'pick some guys wallet clean' (nice turn of phrase I dont think) but BDSM is an expensive hobby, clothes and toys alone and hire of dungeon if you dont have your own. I would not ask for a tribute to meet someone, but do expect certain expenses to be covered, thats not unreasonable, personally I cant stand the holier than though attitude of some on here about never taking money......etc etc, some of us just arent rich enough nor would we want to pay for everything. I agree, most women want something. You can give a direct tribute or you can pay indirectly in a relationship{paying for dinners, clothes, trips, toys, etc.} The choice is yours, pay for a session or pay during a relationship. Few attractive, decent women are going to play and engage strangers for NOTHING in return.

Najakcharmer -> RE: Tributes (5/1/2007 4:01:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: asubmissiveheart I agree, most women want something. You can give a direct tribute or you can pay indirectly in a relationship{paying for dinners, clothes, trips, toys, etc.} The choice is yours, pay for a session or pay during a relationship. Few attractive, decent women are going to play and engage strangers for NOTHING in return. Well, yeah. Most normal human beings want to get something positive out of an interaction or a relationship. Nobody wants to cater to a jerk who just uses you to get what he wants and is not willing to give anything in turn. That's true of any kind of relationship, even friendship. In order to get, you have to be willing to give. A relationship is a two-way energy flow, and if it only goes one way in either direction, it's going to stop flowing in very short order. What each person gives does not have to be money, but it has to be something. Time, energy, responsibility, consideration, work and money are all things that can be given and recieved. In a pinch, money can sometimes substitute for the rest, but since you get money by working, it's basically a concentrated and easily accessible form of your time and energy.

LadyPact -> RE: Tributes (5/2/2007 11:22:28 AM)
Has it occurred to anyone else that 'tribute' has been a bit distorted and is almost always now referred to as a monetary payment? That's not the whole ballgame. Tribute is also those things like the Domme saying.... "I like lilacs. I would like to see some in the house when I arrive." Guess what? That phrase right there is a demand for tribute. It didn't cost a thing, but it is a demand for tribute nonetheless. Now, of course, that's not the kind of tribute that is going to be required from a Pro Domme, because they are making a living at their skill, but if one isn't looking for that situation, why does it bother them so much that it's available to others? It's just as easy to say you're not willing to pay rather than you are, so why get bent out of shape for having to delete the monetary request?

igor2003 -> RE: Tributes (5/2/2007 11:46:34 AM)
If a woman is a pro domme and charges for service, that is one thing. But that is not the thing that i look for, so when i see "tribute" i move on. What i seek is a MUTUALLY satisfying and rewarding experience. If there are costs involved then they should be shared MUTUALLY since each party is gaining satisfaction. And if the satisfaction is not MUTUAL then it is up to the dissatisfied party to move on. I don't mind giving gifts. In fact i ENJOY giving gifts. But when they are "required" then they are no longer gifts. If i am dating a vanilla woman and she says, okay, i'll go out with you, but i just bought this new dress and i expect you to pay for it....well...THAT date is over before it starts. Same difference in D/s.

Najakcharmer -> RE: Tributes (5/2/2007 1:07:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: igor2003 If i am dating a vanilla woman and she says, okay, i'll go out with you, but i just bought this new dress and i expect you to pay for it....well...THAT date is over before it starts. Same difference in D/s. A dress, not so much. But let's say you were planning on a kite flying date, and neither of you owned a kite suitable for the occasion. Would it be fair to share the cost of the kite so you could both use it and have fun with it? What if you were a novice at kite flying and she was offering to take the time to teach you? Would it be reasonable for you to buy the kite in that situation, since she's already contributing something to the date? What if the kind of kite you wanted to fly was a disposable type that couldn't be flown again safely by anyone else after you'd used it? Like a lot of date activities, kink costs money and takes some work and energy to learn how to do right. If one partner expects the other partner to buy all the toys and do all the work so that they can kick back and enjoy the ride, that's not a fair deal. That goes for both dominants AND submissives. Unless both people are interested enough to actively contribute to the success of the date in some way, the energy ain't gonna work.

igor2003 -> RE: Tributes (5/2/2007 2:53:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer quote: ORIGINAL: igor2003 If i am dating a vanilla woman and she says, okay, i'll go out with you, but i just bought this new dress and i expect you to pay for it....well...THAT date is over before it starts. Same difference in D/s. A dress, not so much. But let's say you were planning on a kite flying date, and neither of you owned a kite suitable for the occasion. Would it be fair to share the cost of the kite so you could both use it and have fun with it? Why not a dress? Many women DO wear dresses. Many women here have also mentioned flowers and other items that are JUST for the woman's benefit. In figuring the cost of a the kite trip don't forget what the gentleman has already spent in gas to get to where the lady lives, then to get to the park or other kite flying area, and then to get home again. It's funny how many women forget to figure things like that into what the gentleman has already paid for. What if you were a novice at kite flying and she was offering to take the time to teach you? Would it be reasonable for you to buy the kite in that situation, since she's already contributing something to the date? And the reverse is also a good question. Suppose the gentleman has spent the cost of gas to get there and HE is the one with experinece at flying the kite? We can "suppose" all day long. Again i say, if the satisfaction is MUTUAL then why should not both share the expense? What if the kind of kite you wanted to fly was a disposable type that couldn't be flown again safely by anyone else after you'd used it? And yet again...if the satisfaction is MUTUAL why should one person have the burden of expense? Like a lot of date activities, kink costs money and takes some work and energy to learn how to do right. If one partner expects the other partner to buy all the toys and do all the work so that they can kick back and enjoy the ride, that's not a fair deal. That goes for both dominants AND submissives. Unless both people are interested enough to actively contribute to the success of the date in some way, the energy ain't gonna work. If learning it was a chore, then don't do it. And where have i said that one partner should buy all the toys or do all the work? I didn't. I said costs should be SHARED when BOTH are experiencing MUTUAL enjoyment and satisfaction. And i also said that if one person is NOT receiving satisfaction they should move on. You say that a lot of date activities take money time and effort to learn. Should a guy learn to sail a boat then invite a young lady to go sailing, THEN say, "Oh yeah...ya gotta pay because i took the time to learn this"? If both parties are enjoying the activity then both should share the cost. If one does not enjoy it then either become pro so you can legitimately charge for it, or stop doing it.

Najakcharmer -> RE: Tributes (5/2/2007 5:00:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: igor2003 In figuring the cost of a the kite trip don't forget what the gentleman has already spent in gas to get to where the lady lives, then to get to the park or other kite flying area, and then to get home again. It's funny how many women forget to figure things like that into what the gentleman has already paid for. Who says the gentleman will be automatically be doing the driving? And who says that doing the driving is not a legitimate contribution to the date, if there's significant driving involved? quote: Again i say, if the satisfaction is MUTUAL then why should not both share the expense? Read posts much before replying to them? That was exactly what I said - that whatever work or expense is necessary to achieve an end that both people will enjoy should be shared in some way, shape or form. A one way street always comes to a dead end. Exactly how it is shared and who does what can vary depending on the individuals involved. Money isn't sacred or special; it's just a concentrated form of time and energy. quote: If both parties are enjoying the activity then both should share the cost. If one does not enjoy it then either become pro so you can legitimately charge for it, or stop doing it. It's not as simple as that. Sometimes one person has more money and the other person has more skill. A contribution can be made in other than money. I'm a damn fine gourmet cook, and also I hunt and process my own meat. So I almost always have some really lovely custom cuts of wild game and exotic condiments in stock. I enjoy cooking a good dinner to treat my date, since I can produce better gourmet fare than the vast majority of restaurants anyhow. When it's his turn to pamper me, he can take me out to a restaurant. That's an example of how the energy flow of showing you appreciate each other and are willing to do things for each other can go both ways even if money isn't involved on one side of the equation. Keep in mind that giving is essentially a romantic gesture, and if you show that you are not willing to give, you're going to turn a lot of ladies off even if they are absolutely not the gold digging type.

MistressSassy66 -> RE: Tributes (5/2/2007 5:09:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Has it occurred to anyone else that 'tribute' has been a bit distorted and is almost always now referred to as a monetary payment? That's not the whole ballgame. Tribute is also those things like the Domme saying.... "I like lilacs. I would like to see some in the house when I arrive." Guess what? That phrase right there is a demand for tribute. It didn't cost a thing, but it is a demand for tribute nonetheless. Now, of course, that's not the kind of tribute that is going to be required from a Pro Domme, because they are making a living at their skill, but if one isn't looking for that situation, why does it bother them so much that it's available to others? It's just as easy to say you're not willing to pay rather than you are, so why get bent out of shape for having to delete the monetary request? Not all Pros do it to pay the rent. I dont need the money to pay rent,I need money for toys for the dungeon. Or they can buy the toys themselves for themselves or for the dungeon. My jail cell was built with donated materials that now everyone gets to enjoy. I personally like the barter system,Maybe its from living in the boondocks of Maine that the barter system works so well.

igor2003 -> RE: Tributes (5/2/2007 5:58:37 PM)
Who says the gentleman will be automatically be doing the driving? And who says that doing the driving is not a legitimate contribution to the date, if there's significant driving involved? Here you are arguing simply for the sake of arguing. No one "said" the gentleman would automatically be doing the driving, but in this society that is the norm, though there are certainly exceptions. I dated one lady that simply did not trust ANYONE'S driving. Any time someone else drove she was a nervous wreck. However....I ALWAYS drove to her place before we left to go somewhere else in her car. But the results are the same...whoever has done the driving already has an expense in fuel, time, and the frustration of fighting traffic and should be taken into consideration. As i have said all along...for mutual benefit the cost should be mutual as well. Oh...and just FYI...even though i would drive to and from her place, and we would take her car from there i almost always put gas in her car because we were using it. Read posts much before replying to them? That was exactly what I said - that whatever work or expense is necessary to achieve an end that both people will enjoy should be shared in some way, shape or form. A one way street always comes to a dead end. Exactly how it is shared and who does what can vary depending on the individuals involved. Money isn't sacred or special; it's just a concentrated form of time and energy. When you said that YOU were responding to MY post which said the same thing...so who is it that needs to read posts before replying to them? It's not as simple as that. Sometimes one person has more money and the other person has more skill. A contribution can be made in other than money. I'm a damn fine gourmet cook, and also I hunt and process my own meat. So I almost always have some really lovely custom cuts of wild game and exotic condiments in stock. I enjoy cooking a good dinner to treat my date, since I can produce better gourmet fare than the vast majority of restaurants anyhow. When it's his turn to pamper me, he can take me out to a restaurant. That's an example of how the energy flow of showing you appreciate each other and are willing to do things for each other can go both ways even if money isn't involved on one side of the equation. Again you are simply arguing for the sake of arguing. All along i have simply said that when the benefits are mutual the costs should be too. That doesn't necessarily mean splitting money dollar for dollar or "you whip me and I'll whip you". People can and do have different things to offer. It just should not be one person doing all the giving and the other doing all the getting. But when a person tries to say that they should be given a "gift" to compensate for the time it took for them to learn something that (supposedly) she enjoys....that is just ridiculous. I enjoy dancing. Ballroom, Latin, swing, country, and nightclub dancing. I spent a lot of money and a lot of time over about a ten year period learning to dance. Am i supposed to now charge every woman i dance with because of the time i took to learn? I have time invested. I have money invested in lessons. I have many hours of sweat invested in practice. Travel to and from dance lessons took time and money. I've bought dance shoes (not cheap!) Now, if i use your way of thinking i guess every woman i dance with should be SO grateful that she gives me "tributes". I don't think so. I learned to dance because i enjoyed it and i enjoy SHARING what i know with the ladies i dance with. When I'm dancing I'm wearing out more dance shoes. Should the women help me buy them? When I'm dancing I'm burning energy. Should i expect the woman to all chip in to buy me dinner? When i go dancing there is usually a cover charge. Should the women pay my way? Dancing is thirsty work. Should the women buy my drinks? NO to all of that. I go dancing because I enjoy it. I tend to chose to dance with women that i enjoy dancing with, so the enjoyment is MUTUAL. If i pick women i don't like to dance with then that is my problem and i should just stop dancing....NOT START CHARGING TRIBUTE FOR IT. Keep in mind that giving is essentially a romantic gesture, and if you show that you are not willing to give, you're going to turn a lot of ladies off even if they are absolutely not the gold digging type. Okay...exactly where did i say that i did not want to give? In fact, in my first post i said that i ENJOY giving gifts. What i DID say was that when "gifts" are required then they are no longer gifts...they are fees. And if the Domme is wanting fees and tributes then what exactly is her "gift"? Her time? The sub is also giving time. And if a woman is turned off simply because i look for a mutually beneficial relationship then i have no need of her to begin with.

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