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Najakcharmer -> RE: Tributes (5/3/2007 9:21:09 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: igor2003
Obviously you only want to argue for the sake of arguement. I talk about SOCIAL dancing as a vanilla example of a SOCIAL D/s encounter....not a professional/student encounter of any type. But you simply want to twist things around as though i have said something that i did not. There is NOTHING wrong with charging for your services if you are a TEACHER or a PROFESSIONAL. But trying to charge for things on a SOCIAL level is wrong.
And who, exactly, certifies a teacher or a professional instructor in BDSM?
Any exchange is a two-way street. In many cases, it is indeed the domme who is generally acknowledged to be giving much more and getting much less if she sessions with a demanding subbie-dude who wants his fetish done his way and can't be bothered to do much else for her that she really wants. Cash help even that particular equation and makes the exchange a fair two-way street, in a way that is palatable for both the "I want instant gratification" male subbie and the annoyed, exasperated femdom who is bloody tired of men who think that their "submissiveness" (eg, their "willingness" to be forced to do the sexual kinky things they fantasize about by a woman dressed in a certain way) means that they're contributing something to the exchange.
Nine times out of ten, so-called "submissiveness" simply isn't - it's just another kinky sex fetish for the man, and he wants some lady to dress up and play the part without really giving a damn whether she's having any fun or not. The genuine submissive who wants to please and who doesn't make fetish-y demands is a pretty rare bird. When I find one, I take good care of him. He is genuinely giving of himself, of his time and energy and real submissiveness, and I will give everything in return.
But mostly us dommes don't get so lucky. "Submissive" men honestly don't give a damn what we want, and they don't usually care much about us as people. They don't even tend to treat us as human; as far as they're concerned, we're just fetish wank objects they want to interact with on a strictly one-dimensional basis. All I have ever asked for when a sub approaches me is that he should take the time to read my profile and be able to entertain a good conversation on subjects that I actually care about, eg, make an intellectual contribution of the sort that pleases me - and treat me like a human being and a potential friend. Of the really miniscule number of people who have actually done this over the years I've been on CM, every one of them (that was local anyhow) has become a welcome part of my life, either as a friend, a submissive or a partner. The remaining 99% of men emailing me, I'm sorry to say, have treated me like jackoff material. They don't care who I am or what I want or what I'm interested in. They don't take two minutes to read my profile. They just want what they want, and they approach with an unwelcome, intrusive and selfish demand to be "submissive" to me. That is not submission in any way, shape or form, though apparently it's what most men believe to be submission.
This type of "submission", which is honestly all that is being offered by the majority of subs who approach dommes, is not a positive contribution of energy towards a relationship but a selfish demand that his needs be met. It is not at all surprising that such demands are most commonly met with either a "no, go away" or "first you must give to me in order to get what you want."
Me, I just ignore and block these guys. They don't understand yet that this type of "submission" is not a gift but a selfish demand, and I don't have time to teach them. But there are dommes who are willing to accept the subbie's share of the two-way giving in the form of cash, and I think that's a good thing since it allows this type of "submissive" a fair and honorable outlet where he can give what he's comfortable giving and hold back what he obviously is not willing or able to give.
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