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ORIGINAL: MistressDoMe

I agree with what you are saying BeachMistress.
Most of the men that approach most Domina's are of the Do Me Variety.
I prefer making the selection, rather than being the one selected.

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ORIGINAL: MistressLorelei

I can agree with some of BeachMystress's comments, but I also have a different way of thinking...

At a group function, if there are many males and time is limited, the ones who have the ability to politely approach, engage me in conversation, offer to fetch a drink, etc. are likely to get my attention as it would show a willingness to serve and would give me the chance to see if I wish to know him any further. 

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ORIGINAL: Eldritchdancer

I would point out that, when there is a passive Dom/me surrounded by the braying of asses, it is hard to hear the servile voice at the back of the pack.

Many of those quiet, servile types that lurk at the edge are doing so out of politeness. If the Dom/me looks to be enjoying the attention of the people clustered about them, many will think, "He/She is busy. I don't want to interrupt. That would be rude".

While they miss out on the chance to possibly meet the right Dominant, those quiet subs are still doing what they think is a service. Because, really, how many of Us would appreciate someone quiet who interrupts the fawning of the pack?

Master Darkmoon

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha


Interesting thread.  Question to the OP:  Do your femdom friends give a reason for not wanting to be the aggressor?  Is it that they don't want to do the work? Is it a fear of rejection? Is it that they like the attention from men, even if they don't like the men? Is it that they feel the men they select will be too meek if these men are unable to muster the courage to make any kind of move?

I'm a bit of a mixed bag on this one.  I'm predatory - I like to pursue, I like to be the aggressive one, I like to make the first move.  I agree with your point that a femdom should be taking more control of her selection and not waiting for it to happen, and that the best catches are sometimes the quiet, reserved one.

The problem is that with the quiet, shy side, many submissives are all the way at the other end of the scale and their inability to make any kind of move is part of their personality and a trait I don't like at all. I like a man to submit to me, but I don't like men that can't work a room, can't make people laugh, can't hold his own, and most importantly -- has some self confidence and pride.  A man can have that and still be silent and standing in a corner though --  that foundation must exist as the first layer.

Once I make a move or show interest, I want a man to be able to reciprocate in some way, but knows to stay out of the way because I am in control (and I have no problem making that clear).  A submissive man still has to find a way to stand out.

I think the bigger problem comes with him being on the same level in the initial stages, when it comes to socializing. Shy is one thing; expecting a woman to do all the talking is a big red flag for me.  Not being able to ask conversation-starter questions that are NOT relate to kink is another red flag.  A third red flag is the inability to listen, and listen with interest (not staring at boobs, not acting sheepish or meek and thinking that's "cute").  A fourth red flag is the inability to "be submissive" (if that's where his comfort is) and STILL BE on the ball -- ie, does she need her glass refilled?  Should you suggest a seat to be more comfortable? Being able to say things like "Would you like to sit down, would that be more comfortable?" or "Can I get you anything?" etc.    That's a big no brainer for me.

So much of it for me is the same common-sense dating/flirting skills that I think vanilla men work hard to hone. Just because the woman is being the aggressive one doesn't mean you get to sit back and do nothing....

Akasha

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ORIGINAL: MistressLorelei

What isn't impressive are the submissives who latch on to every woman who passes by.... and certainly no one likes to be approached by those who behave like an ass.  Politeness, sensitivity, manners, and many submissive qualities can be showcased in an attentive submissive, often moreso than in a dormant one.

Not that there isn't anything to be said for those waiting in the wings....   I am sure that if someone caught my eye, it wouldn't matter if he was introducing himself or sitting shyly in the corner.

What I would expect more than anything is that most women would want a submissive who is interesting, self-confident in what he brings to a potential Mistress and engaging enough to keep her interest.  How can he be that from the sidelines?  What is his submission worth to a woman if he hasn't sufficient self-confidence to approach you or even make the right kind of eye contact to indicate his interest in getting to know you and potentially becoming yours?  He doesn't have to be an overconfident ass to approach a woman with confidence; only a gentleman using proper manners along with a bit of humor and charm.  Knowing he's not desperate for your company has to make him more attractive to you.

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ORIGINAL: addicted2it



While I am not the OP, this subject is very pertinent to how we socialize with each other.  Who defines the parameters?  If a dominant woman does not take the initiative to at least give the submissive a que as to how to behave during the intitial stages of courtship, then who's responsibility is it?  If there are no specific guidelines, then the submissive is left to his or her own methods.  Can both dominant and submissive arrive at some sort of meeting of the minds?  And if so, is this "meeting of the minds" simply based upon a case-by-case basis?  Where are the rules if, in fact, there are rules?  And who decides what and where?

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ORIGINAL: pixelslave

What I would expect more than anything is that most women would want a submissive who is interesting, self-confident in what he brings to a potential Mistress and engaging enough to keep her interest.  How can he be that from the sidelines?  What is his submission worth to a woman if he hasn't sufficient self-confidence to approach you or even make the right kind of eye contact to indicate his interest in getting to know you and potentially becoming yours?  He doesn't have to be an overconfident ass to approach a woman with confidence; only a gentleman using proper manners along with a bit of humor and charm.  Knowing he's not desperate for your company has to make him more attractive to you.
 
 - pixel