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What Do you Want? - 5/7/2007 12:08:13 AM   
JackHammer2000


Posts: 148
Joined: 3/29/2006
From: southern california
Status: offline 		What attracts you to a potential or prospective Dom/me?

What attributes/qualities would you want your Dom/me to have?

What qualities/attributes would turn you off or drive you away from a potential/prospective Dom/me?

_____________________________

"Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner."
-- James Bovard, Source: Lost Rights. The Destruction of American Liberty (St. Martin's Press: New York, 1994), p. 333
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What Do you Want? - 5/7/2007 12:26:22 AM   
katinkka


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/18/2007
Status: offline 		I'm really not visually driven when choosing partners.  A fun personality and intelligence are both essential. 

Solvency is good.

Turn-offs... Stroppiness and rudeness.  I once had a prospective Dom who I was really considering meeting until he started getting really mad if I didn't respond in a nano-second whilst on messenger.  Was a bit over the top for me. 

(in reply to JackHammer2000)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What Do you Want? - 5/7/2007 12:40:45 AM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		greetings jackhammer,

while bisexual, i tend to be more attracted to men in a dominant/submissive capacity than women. beyond that, i am not big on physical appearance, etc.

i mostly look for people who are stable, emotionally and financially, and want similar things out of life or if nothing else are supportive and understanding of what i want out of life. i have found in my current relationship that a shared religious/spiritual view is also important to me. i don't want to get involved with someone who wants lots of ums, as i don't plan on having any (although adoption is an option), although being good with ums is a plus. a sense of humor is a must...as well as the ability to deal with my silly, fun-loving, dorky, and occasionally add personality.

turn-offs...lacking a sense of direction in life, or the ability to take care of themselves. drug/alcohol/gambling addiction, while it is something i am totally sympathetic to, is also a turn off for me in terms of having a relationship. overbearing, clinginess, etc. is a turnoff, as is playing hard to get...i like a happy medium. if you like me, i want to know, but at the same time, i don't want to be fielding calls from you ten times a day.

annabelle.


_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to JackHammer2000)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What Do you Want? - 5/7/2007 1:17:58 AM   
phoenixinchains


Posts: 2534
Joined: 4/5/2007
From: i live here
Status: offline 		        well, i'm bi and married, so if a Domme were to try to take my Mate out of the equation, that has been a huge turn-off and a red flag of disrespect. beyond that, approuching as though Y/your intire world was sex and kink, that would also be icky.
      common interst are a great thing, that way if Y/you ever get the point where They're saying, "I'm gonna beat that ( insert noun ) like a ( insert discriptive noun )" E/everyone is understanding the analogy...
       okay, there is one "look" that i really like. i like it when women have a wild colored sreak in T/their hair.

(in reply to hisannabelle)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What Do you Want? - 5/7/2007 6:03:43 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JackHammer2000

What attracts you to a potential or prospective Dom/me?

similar interests within and out the D/s dynamic, not looking for a one-night stand, and having the same end goal for a relationship

quote:

What attributes/qualities would you want your Dom/me to have?

financially and mentally stable, has a job, intelligent, self-control, conversationalist, honesty, caring, seeks committment and (more importantly) monogamous, STD-free, enjoys sports, dining and museums, music (especially rock), a good command of the english language, non-alcoholic (a few drinks are ok) and non-smoker, absolutely drug-free, must appreciate my opinions (though he has the final word) and interests, respects my limits and that i'm  mother 24/7 to 2, understands trust must be earned as well as the title of "Dom"/"Sir", organized, friendly, like minded in religious thinking

quote:

What qualities/attributes would turn you off or drive you away from a potential/prospective Dom/me?

ego maniacs, arrogant, ignorant, uncaring, USES CAPS all the time, too hung up on our racial differences and worried about what others will think, noncommittal, lack of honesty, game players, into poly relationships, forcing me into being bi, no hip-hop/rap music, no slang/chat/text speak, abusive, drugs, alcohol, smoker, no watersports, demands to be called "Master" automatically




_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to JackHammer2000)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What Do you Want? - 5/7/2007 6:21:36 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

What attracts you to a potential or prospective Dom/me?

BEsides the obvious ( common interests ); Violence. I tend to gravitate towards those who have a sense of underlying violence about them.

quote:

  What attributes/qualities would you want your Dom/me to have?


the same that I would choose in any man; honor, integrity, compassion, humor, loyalty, etc, etc

quote:

  What qualities/attributes would turn you off or drive you away from a potential/prospective Dom/me?

the lack of the above mentioned qualities.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to JackHammer2000)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What Do you Want? - 5/7/2007 6:37:11 AM   
Eruditegirl


Posts: 53
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline
Their presence is a major factor for me....it's not what is said....or even what is done....more in the way they carry themselves....and are perceived by me or others....self assured....social grace....mannerisms...this is what attracts my attention from across the room.... There has to be a mind....creative....thought provoking conversation...I crave knowledge in all aspects of life...from D/s to Jung....so I need to be constantly stimulated mentally as well as sexually....this is what keeps my attention  Being treated like arm candy....lack of respect for my mind....and wanting to play with me before knowing who I am....this is what loses my attention 

additional attractions.... long haired Asian men with law degrees.....

< Message edited by Eruditegirl -- 5/7/2007 7:18:33 AM >

(in reply to JackHammer2000)
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RE: What Do you Want? - 5/7/2007 8:43:21 PM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JackHammer2000

What attracts you to a potential or prospective Dom/me?
A auro of wisdom, calm, confidence and respect for me. A personality that matches mine, same basic morality, and most importantly - chemistry between us.

What attributes/qualities would you want your Dom/me to have?
Employed, own car, independant, single, clear criminal record, no psyche history (and id check both!) life experience, maturity, good communicator, self awareness, empathy to others, kind, honest. All of which id want evidence of in some way if possible.

What qualities/attributes would turn you off or drive you away from a potential/prospective Dom/me?

Poor mannners
Lack of respect
Living with parents
Unemployed
Dishonesty
Presumptiousness
Somebody not willing to meet me in person within 4 wks even for a coffee
 
And some rather personal preferences, that are too impolictically correct to list here, but exist anyhow. Im not proud of this list, it just is. Overweight being one of them.
little1
 

(in reply to JackHammer2000)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What Do you Want? - 5/8/2007 12:14:34 AM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JackHammer2000

What attracts you to a potential or prospective Dom/me?

Intellect, well physically cared for, and big enough that when giving me a hug i can feel it.

What attributes/qualities would you want your Dom/me to have?
 
Self confident, listener, well rounded, and creative.


What qualities/attributes would turn you off or drive you away from a potential/prospective Dom/me?

smelling bad, looking trashy, foul language, and doesn't know thier manners. Those who are ego centered or too needy.



_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to JackHammer2000)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What Do you Want? - 5/9/2007 5:13:02 PM   
maledave7


Posts: 142
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		I desire for her to be honest, kind and enjoys life.  She wants a long-term relationship.  I desire for her to be strong and firm for me to submit to her.

(in reply to JackHammer2000)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What Do you Want? - 5/9/2007 5:51:09 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JackHammer2000

What attracts you to a potential or prospective Dom/me?
 

 
Tall, gamer, geeky, confident, very silly. Mountain folk, cowboys, and the enlisted get a +10 bonus.

quote:


What attributes/qualities would you want your Dom/me to have?

To be fair, compassionate, loving, good with kids, good with animals, doesn't mind hanging out with family, likes Star Wars and Mythbusters. must love Invader Zim and appreciate a good beer.

quote:


What qualities/attributes would turn you off or drive you away from a potential/prospective Dom/me?


Assholeness. Arrogance. Hitting in anger, crossing the line between BDSM and abuse. Extreme jealously, inability to understand that I'm still an intelliegent woman as well as being a submissive. Discredits my opinions because I'm a sub/woman/whatever.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to JackHammer2000)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What Do you Want? - 5/9/2007 6:08:13 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		what atracts me  Well physically broad shoulders and a great smile.

Bur what really attracts me is and air of total confidence i find that very sexy  also a bit of arrogance but just a bit.  if he has a good snce of humor thats a +.

Qualities well gentlenense it one for sure  again confendience (again), loving,gives great hugs.

Turns offs those who expect mre to submit to them just cause they call themselves a dom, game players (not gamers i like gamers), punishing me in anger or not tellinf me why i am being punished/displined, not respecting me as a person because i am a sub.

I am lucky Masterhas all my turn ons and none of my turn offs.

Matt's littleone


(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What Do you Want? - 5/9/2007 8:26:27 PM   
JackHammer2000


Posts: 148
Joined: 3/29/2006
From: southern california
Status: offline 		Thank you all very much for your kind and thorough responses!

I think that everyone agrees on certain common-sense attributes, and everyone is reasonable and realistic in their expectations.

Thank you again for posting!  :)

< Message edited by JackHammer2000 -- 5/9/2007 8:27:29 PM >

_____________________________

"Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner."
-- James Bovard, Source: Lost Rights. The Destruction of American Liberty (St. Martin's Press: New York, 1994), p. 333

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What Do you Want? - 5/9/2007 8:41:16 PM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		someone that really knows what they are doing, how to do it and when to stop. someone that is real and not into playing games.

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to JackHammer2000)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What Do you Want? - 5/9/2007 8:49:18 PM   
JackHammer2000


Posts: 148
Joined: 3/29/2006
From: southern california
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: katinkka
I'm really not visually driven when choosing partners.  A fun personality and intelligence are both essential. 


Someone once asked me: "What attracts you -- looks or personality?"
 
I replied, "Looks attract me, personality keeps me."


quote:

ORIGINAL: katinkka
Solvency is good.


I love that statement.  It's succinct, articulate and possibly summarizes what most people will agree upon on this topic.


quote:

ORIGINAL: katinkka
Turn-offs... Stroppiness and rudeness.  I once had a prospective Dom who I was really considering meeting until he started getting really mad if I didn't respond in a nano-second whilst on messenger.  Was a bit over the top for me. 


He sounds like a bully.  Perhaps it might as well that he came across that way on MSN, so that you don't have to waste any of your time with him, only to find this out later?

_____________________________

"Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner."
-- James Bovard, Source: Lost Rights. The Destruction of American Liberty (St. Martin's Press: New York, 1994), p. 333

(in reply to katinkka)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What Do you Want? - 5/9/2007 8:58:32 PM   
gentlewhispers


Posts: 6
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline 		patience, humor, considerate, loving and yet firm....someOne who is wants to get to know me..not just the physical me.. and someone who realizes that above and beyond the most important person in my life is my son..
 
disrespect to my son, the inability to accept that He is not perfect and can be wrong..and definately anyone who tries to tell me what to do within the first 10 minutes of meeting..
 
 
 

(in reply to JackHammer2000)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What Do you Want? - 5/9/2007 9:03:19 PM   
JackHammer2000


Posts: 148
Joined: 3/29/2006
From: southern california
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle

greetings jackhammer,


And greetings to you, annabelle!

quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle
while bisexual, i tend to be more attracted to men in a dominant/submissive capacity than women. beyond that, i am not big on physical appearance, etc.


I'm not sure I understand what you mean here.  Do you mean that you are only attracted to men within the context of a D/s relationship?

quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle
i mostly look for people who are stable, emotionally and financially, and want similar things out of life or if nothing else are supportive and understanding of what i want out of life. i have found in my current relationship that a shared religious/spiritual view is also important to me. i don't want to get involved with someone who wants lots of ums, as i don't plan on having any (although adoption is an option), although being good with ums is a plus. a sense of humor is a must...as well as the ability to deal with my silly, fun-loving, dorky, and occasionally add personality.


I agree that stability is good; I'd have to say that it should be a primary prerequisite, but I guess I'm just demanding that way... ;)

I must agree with you about having similar religious backgrounds/preferences.  For many people, their religion dictates a large part of their self-identity.

I think that women who have the sense of humour and sense of self to call themselves "silly, fun-loving, dorky and occasionally odd" MUST be the most fun people to go out on dates with.  Your Master/Owner is a very lucky and/or special person!


quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle
turn-offs...lacking a sense of direction in life, or the ability to take care of themselves. drug/alcohol/gambling addiction, while it is something i am totally sympathetic to, is also a turn off for me in terms of having a relationship. overbearing, clinginess, etc. is a turnoff, as is playing hard to get...i like a happy medium. if you like me, i want to know, but at the same time, i don't want to be fielding calls from you ten times a day.

annabelle. 


So, basically, you don't do LOSERS, and you prefer to stay away from the psycho-freaks.

Good call.  Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, kiddo.

_____________________________

"Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner."
-- James Bovard, Source: Lost Rights. The Destruction of American Liberty (St. Martin's Press: New York, 1994), p. 333

(in reply to hisannabelle)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What Do you Want? - 5/9/2007 9:07:06 PM   
behindmirrors


Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JackHammer2000

What attracts you to a potential or prospective Dom/me?

What attracts me can vary. With my Master, I began my attraction to him by seeing the way he moves. Intelligence and creativity are also big attractors for me.

quote:


What attributes/qualities would you want your Dom/me to have?

I am picky, I admit- but, I'm also taken by someone who meets my attribute and qualities list, so I don't have to worry about being picky anymore.
I would want someone who either identifies as an Objectivist or Individualist in their personal philosophy. That would mean that we are morally compatible, and adhere to similar life principles.
I would want them to above all have a sense of life, and be passionate about what they do with their life, about living it.
I would want someone interested in similar things to me, and that has other interests to share as well, someone for whom learning is a daily joy, not a burden that ended with school for them. Someone responsible for themselves, who is stable in their life, who carries their own baggage. Creative, intelligent, loves music and art. Analytical, respectful, low-key and somewhat reserved, but willing to open up to me. Selfish, in a rational way. Proud, perhaps even to the point of arrogance, but in a way that is quiet, understated- yet still knows what they need to work on, and does so.
Someone who is an aspiring hero is good.

quote:


What qualities/attributes would turn you off or drive you away from a potential/prospective Dom/me?

Someone who didn't match the qualities listed above, simply put.

behindmirrors.

(in reply to JackHammer2000)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What Do you Want? - 5/9/2007 9:11:36 PM   
ready4srvce4all


Posts: 767
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline 		The attraction isn't a physical one, it's seeing something written in their profile that that shows something of their personality, and let their personality provide the attraction.

Attributes I want are the same level of honesty and self disclosure asked of me.  It can't be onesided.

What is a turn off?  Perseveration on something that happened in the past that can't be changed.  If it bothersome, say so, end the contact.  Lecturing on something that can't be changed serves no purpose, other than waste time.  You can either live with the knowledge, or you can't.

_____________________________



(in reply to JackHammer2000)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What Do you Want? - 5/9/2007 9:13:46 PM   
JackHammer2000


Posts: 148
Joined: 3/29/2006
From: southern california
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixinchains

       well, i'm bi and married, so if a Domme were to try to take my Mate out of the equation, that has been a huge turn-off and a red flag of disrespect.


Yeah, especially with BDSM, respect is very important.  Someone that disrespectful could never be considerate, empathic or caring enough to make an ideal partner -- kinky relationship or otherwise.

quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixinchains
beyond that, approuching as though Y/your intire world was sex and kink, that would also be icky.


Yeah, I can see where people who are shallow and single-minded -- especially about sex/kink -- can be a turn off.  I'd say that those kinds of people would end up being quite boring -- or worse, embarassingly inappropriate -- in a long-term relationship... 

quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixinchains
     common interst are a great thing, that way if Y/you ever get the point where They're saying, "I'm gonna beat that ( insert noun ) like a ( insert discriptive noun )" E/everyone is understanding the analogy...


I think it's reasonable to presume that common interests are usually symptomatic of similar world views, and that such commonalities would help with communication, and therefore, the relationship as a whole.

Or, did I misunderstand what you said?

quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixinchains
      okay, there is one "look" that i really like. i like it when women have a wild colored sreak in T/their hair.


Yeah, I agree with you on that, also.  However, it has to "look right" (whatever that means).

_____________________________

"Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner."
-- James Bovard, Source: Lost Rights. The Destruction of American Liberty (St. Martin's Press: New York, 1994), p. 333

(in reply to phoenixinchains)
Profile   Post #: 20
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