AAkasha
Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: hardbodysub
I don't mean to hijack the thread, but some attempted disagreements here seem predicated on a misunderstanding of the phrase "hot button".
By definition, a hot button is "an issue or concern (sometimes emotionally charged) that motivates a person to act". Nothing more, nothing less. It doesn't mean a demand, a "do me list", or anything of the sort. It's generic and pretty simple: if someone influences you to do something, they pushed a hot button. You might not even be conscious of it, and sometimes they didn't do it intentionally either.
The phrase has been commonly used in sales and marketing for many years, and eventually made its way into use by the general public.
Regardless, the idea that a sub should present his ideas/hot buttons or ANYTHING like that to a new femdom, rather than let her *uncover them* is the problem. Why the rush? Why the paranoia that his needs won't be met? Isn't he willing to just step back and at least give her the chance to find her inner femdom in her own way, and THEN move on to his "hot buttons?"
Here is what most sub guys don't get. The process of LEARNING a man's hot buttons through the act is far more empowering that just being told, hinted at or given a list. If a woman just has a list, that means her presence is secondary. It's a list ANY woman can fulfill. It means she has to wonder if she is doing it right when she does it. On the other hand, if she uncovers his hot buttons in the process of domination, she OWNS them. They are hot button that are connected to HER dominating him, not just things that get him off that she figures she may as well do to have power. One makes a woman feel sexy and confident, the other makes her feel like a prop.
If by the third, fourth, tenth time she is dominating him and having a BLAST doing it he realizes she's totally missing on his hot buttons, I have a couple of predictions. One is that I bet he forgot them himself, because seeing her get off and enjoy herself is better than any hot buttons he had in the past. Two, they have developed enough power exchange vibe/chemistry that he can clue her in without ever even verbally telling her. Three, he may realize it's better to just have her find it, because every time she finds something new that controls him, she is like a kid in a candy store, because SHE figured it out.
And four, if she is ready and confident, she will peel him like an onion to uncover these hot buttons in HER way. This depends on her style of dominance. She will have a burning, growing desire to manipulate him sexually and sensually, because she has learned to love the mindspace and emotional feelings that go with dominance. No longer will she feel pressured to just perform these acts, she'll feel driven to do it.
To me this all seems very simple, and I don't understand the resistance from some men to just let it go, let her try at her own pace, and realize that the payoff is having a woman who feels comfortable, confident and excited about her dominance.
Akasha
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