quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

The process of LEARNING a man's hot buttons through the act is far more empowering that just being told, hinted at or given a list. If a woman just has a list, that means her presence is secondary.
 
That's roughly what I thought.  Also, it could be a lot more fun for the sub if the domme finds out herself without being told.  When a woman hit upon my favourite kink recently without being told, it was like I was suddenly switched into fifth gear.  But I've heard that femdoms do often want such a list of 'hot buttons' in advance, regardless.  Perhaps this is simply because it gives them more of a sense of power and control. 

I'm beginning to think that this could very much cut both ways, depending on the femdom, in short . . .

quote:

ORIGINAL: XYisInferior

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

As for my experience - yes, I've had more than enough to know what may feel oppressive to at least some of them.  One of those sources of oppression - a main source, in fact - is the demand that such dommes feel to act cool, sophisticated, and poised.  So much so, in fact, that they're able to fit into subs' conceptions of how "Goddesses" should act. 

In what way is this 'preaching'?  I'd be a funny sort of preacher in any religion you care to mention if I, Priest Peon, were to suggest that my ''congregation' act just the way they want to act. 

And therein lies the gist of your misunderstanding of what you originally responded to and ran with to the soap box; you are viewing it as if I'm suggesting be "fake", when in fact, if you care to re-read what you were responding to in the first place, you'd see I accentuated being sure, consistent, clear, and real—of starting where you wish, of having original thought, of being bold enough to keep lies to a minimum. It's when a Woman is merely offering top service that affectations are needed to make a scene work, but even here, it's not bad advice to suggest being good in your craft.

Further, I just don't see the harm in speaking a little about class and standing out from the crowd. That is of course not the same as saying, "be a shake-and-bake Goddess!"

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
Excuse me?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Yes I do have a question. What do you mean by your statement?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Or just getting to know each other? Roleplay can be great for people who are very shy and need a "different role" to express what they want, ever thought about that?

quote:

ORIGINAL: XYisInferior

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Or just getting to know each other? Roleplay can be great for people who are very shy and need a "different role" to express what they want, ever thought about that?

Never argued that. Role play can be used for many things, but it's the concept of "topping" I'm addressing, more accurately.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Most the people I know who do top, know their craft and aren't role playing.  Topping can come in many forms with or without role play and those I know don't consider topping as merely anything.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoJenga1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoJenga1

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer



For the OP - be as common as you like.

Yeah some Bottoms would rather she be as common as possible so they can be the Princesses in the relationship. LMAO

LMAO too... I wouldn't call someone a bottom so easily. That was a pretty judgemental way of putting things. Because some do things differently doesn't mean they are less, only tops or bottoms or princess types.

Say what? Is there something wrong with being a Bottom in general? Bottom or not, your friend there with the displayed back seems to preach alot about dominant women but really I wonder about how much experience he does have under his belt in r/l to speak on the issue? We'll probably never know for sure.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

There is nothing wrong with being a bottom. There is however something wrong in deciding who is what and managing to sound insulting at the same time.. just as your last post does.  Gee... go figure...

And... my friend with the fabulous back... doesn't need me defending him, which I wasn't doing. I was commenting on your words.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

quote:

ORIGINAL: XYisInferior

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Or just getting to know each other? Roleplay can be great for people who are very shy and need a "different role" to express what they want, ever thought about that?

Never argued that. Role play can be used for many things, but it's the concept of "topping" I'm addressing, more accurately.

That's fine what you are addressing, I am more interested in what the person who started the thread wants, or how to help her out so she can get the most enjoyment out of it. No offense to you, but if you want to address topping, you might want to start your own thread.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Yes, but the way you put it sounded a bit like a soap box stand and a reprimand to Peon.

Whats that stuff about being bold enough to keep lies to a minimum?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I said I wasn't defending him in that one post. Not that I never did. I found the way the poster spoke as wrong.. simple as that.

In your post, I felt both that you were attacking and wrong in some things and did highlight what I thought you were doing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: XYisInferior

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

As for my experience - yes, I've had more than enough to know what may feel oppressive to at least some of them.  One of those sources of oppression - a main source, in fact - is the demand that such dommes feel to act cool, sophisticated, and poised.  So much so, in fact, that they're able to fit into subs' conceptions of how "Goddesses" should act. 

In what way is this 'preaching'?  I'd be a funny sort of preacher in any religion you care to mention if I, Priest Peon, were to suggest that my ''congregation' act just the way they want to act. 

And therein lies the gist of your misunderstanding of what you originally responded to and ran with to the soap box; you are viewing it as if I'm suggesting be "fake", when in fact, if you care to re-read what you were responding to in the first place, you'd see I accentuated being sure, consistent, clear, and real—of starting where you wish, of having original thought, of being bold enough to keep lies to a minimum. It's when a Woman is merely offering top service that affectations are needed to make a scene work, but even here, it's not bad advice to suggest being good in your craft.

Further, I just don't see the harm in speaking a little about class and standing out from the crowd. That is of course not the same as saying, "be a shake-and-bake Goddess!"

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

The process of LEARNING a man's hot buttons through the act is far more empowering that just being told, hinted at or given a list. If a woman just has a list, that means her presence is secondary.
 
That's roughly what I thought.  Also, it could be a lot more fun for the sub if the domme finds out herself without being told.  When a woman hit upon my favourite kink recently without being told, it was like I was suddenly switched into fifth gear.  But I've heard that femdoms do often want such a list of 'hot buttons' in advance, regardless.  Perhaps this is simply because it gives them more of a sense of power and control. 

I'm beginning to think that this could very much cut both ways, depending on the femdom, in short . . .

In case somebody starts out, like the thread started said she does, that list could be useful simply to check if it meshes with her list, if it doesn't she won't get any enjoyment out of it. Imagine being given a list and you go "No, oh, hell no, and I'm not into that, no really..." Why go through the trouble of finding out slowly that your kinks don't mesh?
Now imagine she gets the list, and she goes "Oh that sounds interesting, ohh and that, I thought about that myself...." different situation.

I compare it to food intolerances or preferences, the hard limits are more important.

It could be a lot of fun to find out without being told, but if you start out and you have nothing to go by, I would think fumbling around blindly could be much more frustrating than a few clear words before, 90% of all problems, no matter if kink related or not are miscommunications, if you can eliminate them, you stand a much higher chance to succeed and enjoy.