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too specific and unrealistic? - 2/11/2010 6:16:36 PM

sweetobedience1

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Joined: 9/24/2009
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I feel such a longing for this man I dream of in my head. I've gotten so specific because I daydream so much, and I am beginning to think that having that specific man in my dreams is hindering my chances of finding someone in reality. I, almost desperately sometimes, want a man who is a true leader who makes me become a better person, morally, spiritually, and mentally, etc. I dream of meeting a man who goes to church regularly and realizing while dating him that he wants to be in charge. Then, I want to slowly find that it's more than just being in charge but that he wants to discipline me, make decisions for me, have me respect him like a King or Papa, and that his sexual fantasies are very kinky.

I want him to be fairly new to this Dom/sub thing (I don't mean a virgin necessarily but someone who would never, ever have sex before loving someone and at least considering marriage). I want him to have always been afraid to express his desires, his want to dominate an owned but loved female conflicting with his upbringing and usual way he interacts with people as a gentlemen.

I don't think I could take being with someone who has had many sexual partners...(I've tried that, and I had a miserable time trying to put his past experiences out of my head). However, as wholesome as I want this man to be, I crave the D/s dynamic and, in time, would want him to be very dominant in bed, as well. I need to be in love with someone to be sexual and want to find someone who feels the same way. I think the best summary of what I want is an all-around 1950s man, meaning not only would he like that type of household but also would not want to rush or push the sexual aspect, a real gentlemen as you might picture in a movie from the 50s.

I'm in a rough spot, emotionally. Do you think what I'm asking for is unreasonable or unclear?

Does anyone else feel that they are simply too specific in their search and need to focus on meeting real people a bit more and giving them a chance?

A paraphrased quote from "Son of a Witch" also explains a little of what I want: "She will need a husband with a strong back-hand. Her fanny is begging for a spanking."...in private, of course.

Post #: 1

RE: too specific and unrealistic? - 2/11/2010 6:21:19 PM

RedMagic1

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Two questions.

1. Do you think it is realistic for a man to look for a woman who is phenomenal in bed, but has no previous sexual experience?

2. Let's say Captain Stupendous is out there. A lot of women are likely to want him. Why would he choose you?

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RE: too specific and unrealistic? - 2/11/2010 6:24:30 PM

LadyAngelika

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I have very high standards. I won't lower them for anyone. I've also been single for over a year.

The thing is, as high as my standards are on some very core things, I am a lot more relaxed about others. What is most important to me is for someone to be authentically who they are.

A while back, I made a list of what I would not compromise and what I would like but could negotiate on. I think that having that in mind keeps me on track in my search for the right man for me. I also have faith that I will find him, even though at times it feels like he is nowhere in sight.

Edited to add that Mr. Red wrote some very important points about having realistic expectations.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 2/11/2010 6:26:06 PM >

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RE: too specific and unrealistic? - 2/11/2010 6:27:26 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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Here you go... found your man...

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RE: too specific and unrealistic? - 2/11/2010 6:29:30 PM

dreamerdreaming

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetobedience1

I don't think I could take being with someone who has had many sexual partners...(I've tried that, and I had a miserable time trying to put his past experiences out of my head).

That's fucked up.

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RE: too specific and unrealistic? - 2/11/2010 6:29:41 PM

sweetobedience1

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Joined: 9/24/2009
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Those are good questions. For the first, it's not wanting phenomenal in bed but a passion for some kink. For the second, I don't believe that I earn the best but someone likewise who loves God, doesn't sleep around, and likes to grow as a person, which is how I am. As far as specifically what would make him fall in love with me versus another, it's, in my opinion, all about shared life goals, being comfortable enough to be as silly as you want without feeling weird, sharing the same thought patterns, and feeling love toward them.

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RE: too specific and unrealistic? - 2/11/2010 6:30:03 PM

Madame4a

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From: Washington, DC area
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clear, but most importantly, unrealistic and perhaps unreasonable... my take on partners is.. you find one the comes closest to meeting the majority of your needs.. you look at the ones that aren't met and figure out if they are important... and/or how you met get them met another way...

Honestly, I think you're asking a lot... but hell.. you might find him

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RE: too specific and unrealistic? - 2/11/2010 6:31:26 PM

juliaoceania

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Be careful or you may end up like this lady

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RE: too specific and unrealistic? - 2/11/2010 6:33:55 PM

LadyAngelika

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I prefer this one.

- LA

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RE: too specific and unrealistic? - 2/11/2010 6:34:47 PM

Scheherazade67

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Joined: 1/16/2010
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You can't present the universe with a laundry list of what you want. As the song says ..... sometimes you just get what you need.

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Post #: 10

RE: too specific and unrealistic? - 2/11/2010 6:34:48 PM

sweetobedience1

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Joined: 9/24/2009
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Which trait about the man I'm looking for is unreasonable?

This is why I'm posting this. I feel like it's unreasonable but I don't see exactly why or what I should ease up on.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 11

RE: too specific and unrealistic? - 2/11/2010 6:35:26 PM

Whiplashsmile4

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Fantasy + Realism = (Answer to 99.99% message board posts)

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RE: too specific and unrealistic? - 2/11/2010 6:40:45 PM

sweetobedience1

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Joined: 9/24/2009
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quote:

A while back, I made a list of what I would not compromise and what I would like but could negotiate on.

My list of non-negotiable traits that I can think of right this second is: love God, attempt to grow as a person, not have slept around, want to get married at some point.

I've dated people like this; they exist. But, I missed it when they had a, imo, submissive personality.

< Message edited by sweetobedience1 -- 2/11/2010 6:41:28 PM >

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Post #: 13

RE: too specific and unrealistic? - 2/11/2010 6:41:10 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetobedience1

Which trait about the man I'm looking for is unreasonable?

This is why I'm posting this. I feel like it's unreasonable but I don't see exactly why or what I should ease up on.

He has to be kinky, yet religious... I suppose that is not impossible to find, just makes it harder

He cannot have too much sexual experience, yet he needs to have enough to know he is kinky and want to dominate you... which usually take some sexual expertise to do...

I am thinking you would like him nearby? It is hard to find all these things on a kink related website...

Figure out what is most important...

going to church or having a satisfying kink life?

a man that has little sexual history or a man that is able to dominate you?

If it were me I would relax the sexual history aspect and concentrate on their moral compass today. If religion is more important than kink you might be looking for a long long time...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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Post #: 14

RE: too specific and unrealistic? - 2/11/2010 6:44:47 PM

Fitznicely

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Joined: 10/18/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetobedience1
I don't see exactly why or what I should ease up on.

You won't know that until you meet him. Just try not to push everyone away cos they don't match up exactly

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RE: too specific and unrealistic? - 2/11/2010 6:45:40 PM

CarrieO

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Joined: 1/27/2008
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OP... THIS might be more in line with what you're looking for.

quote:

Do you think what I'm asking for is unreasonable or unclear?

I'm not going to say either way if you're being unreasonable but I will offer your own words back to you.....

quote:

..... need to focus on meeting real people a bit more and giving them a chance

Plus, that picture juliaoceania posted is enough to scare the shit out of any single woman!

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Post #: 16

RE: too specific and unrealistic? - 2/11/2010 6:46:14 PM

Lucienne

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetobedience1

Which trait about the man I'm looking for is unreasonable?

This is why I'm posting this. I feel like it's unreasonable but I don't see exactly why or what I should ease up on.

Oh, my. Really? I'd probably start with no longer being someone who "lives for" CBT. Unless I've misunderstood your profile and you have a cock and balls.

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Post #: 17

RE: too specific and unrealistic? - 2/11/2010 6:48:01 PM

sweetobedience1

Posts: 25
Joined: 9/24/2009
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I'm religious and like kink. I don't have much experience at all, but the tiny taste I've had I've adored. I daydream about having a dominate partner every day.

The sexual kinky side isn't the number one thing for me; it's having a dominate personality with a desire to discipline. Perhaps discipline (spankings) and sexual kink are always the same thing. They can be for me but sometimes they aren't, like when you're really in trouble.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 18

RE: too specific and unrealistic? - 2/11/2010 6:48:52 PM

ricken

Posts: 261
Joined: 1/11/2010
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I don't think any one of those traits are unreasonable, But I think looking for them ALL will really limit you.

" I want him to be fairly new to this Dom/sub thing (I don't mean a virgin necessarily but someone who would never, ever have sex before loving someone and at least considering marriage). I want him to have always been afraid to express his desires, his want to dominate an owned but loved female conflicting with his upbringing and usual way he interacts with people as a gentlemen."

This statement doesn't sound well to me, it sounds like you want a confused and frustrated man...That might lead to your own frustartion of wanting to be controled in a specific way

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)

Post #: 19

RE: too specific and unrealistic? - 2/11/2010 6:51:22 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Thanks CarrieO, I meant to refer her to Taken In Hand!

It seems like just the thing, for her.

She might even find a noob there.

Hey, it could happen.

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Post #: 20

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