|
behindmirrors -> RE: What has happened? (8/16/2006 3:14:29 PM)
|
I found this topic to be quite engaging and felt I should weigh in my experiences as well.
I agree that much of today's culture seems to have slipped downhill in formality- and also that some things are romanticized about the past of any culture- even this one. I find it interesting how strange my life has been in comparison to those of my friends, however, simply for how I was raised, as I had an upbringing quite different than the time I lived. I was born in 1984.
I am the first of my generation on both sides of my family. Being female, and having "socially elite" grandparents and living great-grandparents, quite a bit was expected of my upbringing. My parents were more or less low-key types, and did not like the strictness of their parent's homes, but since we lived in the same city as all of these relatives, they had fundamental roles in how I was raised from the get-go, especially when both of my parents were working or finishing master's degrees and I was under their care.
As a child, and a girl, I was not permitted to wear any form of pants unless I was horseback riding for most of my early childhood. Still to this day, my grandparents will take it as a sign of disrespect for them if I wear jeans in their home. Although when my family moved when I was ten to a different city a thousand miles away they no longer enforced this, I spent that first decade of my life with the expectation that I was to be a "little lady".
I was sent to charm school from the ages of four through ten as well. This was in addition to countless hours of ballet, being a runway model for children's clothing, and to regular schooling typical for children. In charm school, I learned to gracefully accept a waltz, prepare and serve or be served at a high tea, to arrange a formal dinner table, and many other seemingly archaic graces. It was expected that I knew these things in my family, and that I was able to do them well. Many hours were spent making sure I had perfect posture, that I was able to hold still when in the company of others, that I was polite at all times, and that when attending church I always had perfectly clean white gloves and a hat on. My stillness and quiet "children are seen and not heard" demeanor were greatly appreciated by the artists who I would sit for when they needed a fill in for a portrait of a girl or wished to have a subject. As a result of my upbringing in a time unlike the one my family was having me live, I was often misunderstood by my peers and ridiculed for my strange ways, increasing my naturally shy nature. We moved just before my sister was to start a similar education, and I was at least spared the debutante "coming out" ball, which my grandparents were planning eight years in advance of my eighteenth birthday.
When we moved, I had much more freedom. Jeans were no longer the ultimate symbol of disrespect, and pants were allowed for their practicality. It took me years to feel comfortable in a pair of jeans, but I liked being able to wear pants and allowed to have a somewhat "normal" life outside of the reach of my grandparents. When they would come for visits or vice versa, though, all things were different. I remember their appalled faces when I was walking out the door to school one day with a pair of combat boots on. I was rebelling, and they never recovered, I think.
I was awkward and a tomboy in many ways. I'm quite athletic, but have the refinement of a ballet dancer as well (never gave up that training, haha). I am a living dichotomy- balanced between my own love of loud music, piercings, tattoos, subcultures, and the fact that I have an appreciation for social graces and never forgot my upbringing- I am still a refined person, but I am a refined person with her tongue pierced, amongst other body modifications. I can swear like a sailor, have a great time in a mosh pit, and still maintain a sense of dignity.
As a submissive, my Dom has taken great pleasure in my archaic social graces. It is natural to me to do these things, to know them and understand them after so many years. I can entertain guests well, serve dinners and teas to exacting standards, and dance well. My posture is quite good, and I know how to show respect to those around me. Be it a barbecue or a black tie dinner, I can make those there comfortable and serve him well. I am obviously also very modest *laughs*. This is important to him as I am a reflection of him, and he is glad to not have to do much in that aspect of my training.
So, does refinement still exist in the lifestyle? Yes and no. To some, I am sure it is of considerable value, and to others, it is seen as a hinderance to their style. Neither way may be entirely wrong, but each must decide for themselves what works for them and what doesn't.
I apologize for the extreme length- I was not expecting to ramble like that.
behindmirrors.
|
|
|
|
