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RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 11:47:32 AM   
Valentyne


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		Having read the OP's journal entries, one must note that she has booked tickets to go to Germany to see her Master and go to a concert...  Is this the ticket you were talking about your husband paying for?  If so, does he know that you are doing this?  I am worried that if he is abusing you, and finds out somehow that you used him/his money to cheat on him the abuse could very well escalate...  And why is it that he will pay for you to go to Germany but not to come back to the U.S., even if you say it's for a visit...  Your story seems slightly suspicious to me, I agree with those who say you seem to be focused too much on money and not focused enough on your own safety and wellbeing.  While following the advice of the intelligent and caring people who are trying to help you here may not be the easy way out, it may well save your life and what dignity you may have left.  I wish you well.  If nothing else, while you are in Germany with your Master you need to tell him all this and even if you don't directly ask him to rescue you, he needs to be aware of what is going on with you... any man worth the title of master would go out of his way to do anything he can to help his slave. 

(in reply to MissOchistic)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 11:57:28 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		This is a post from the "Why all of the cheating" thread currently going on at a forum near you....And here is what our distraught little angel had to post there.....

quote:

MissOchistic
don't give a crap what my husband does as long as i don't find out. if he's doing something that keeps him happy, keeps him off the edge, and i don't ever have to be bothered about it, hell, works for me.


Now this is a recent post....After this thread was started.....You all might want to rethink how horrible things are for her.....Many of you have been duped.

Why would a woman who has been abused, wants a divorce make a comment like this one?

See a little stretch in Nigeria would do this one some good.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 5/9/2007 11:59:16 AM >

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(in reply to Valentyne)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 12:04:37 PM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: astarri

quote:

I ask that you try to understand the very real struggle with fear, confusion, hurt, anger and yes, misplaced guilt and shame among other emotions, that goes along with being abused.

I am sorry if i sounded cold in my statement that her guilt was misplaced. I do think that she needs to hear that she has no reason to feel guilty. Guilt can be a consumming emotion and one that must be dealt with immediately otherwise it will "guilt" her into staying in this relationship.
As i said, this will not be easy MissO, however you are worth it.



Hi astarri,

Just wanted to clarify that my previous post (from which you excerpted a quote) was a reaction to MrDiscipline's post and not yours. I used your term, "misplaced guilt," only b/c I agree with you that the guilt is misplaced. But also wanted to point out that that is part of what we go through when we have been abused...and tho the guilt is misplaced, it still feels very real and we often act out of the guilt accordingly. And for the record, I am not speaking out of experience with physical abuse, but verbal/emotional abuse and neglect stemming from childhood. And I am still recovering.

MNN

(in reply to astarri)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 12:12:00 PM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

This is a post from the "Why all of the cheating" thread currently going on at a forum near you....And here is what our distraught little angel had to post there.....

quote:

MissOchistic
don't give a crap what my husband does as long as i don't find out. if he's doing something that keeps him happy, keeps him off the edge, and i don't ever have to be bothered about it, hell, works for me.


Now this is a recent post....After this thread was started.....You all might want to rethink how horrible things are for her.....Many of you have been duped.

Why would a woman who has been abused, wants a divorce make a comment like this one?

See a little stretch in Nigeria would do this one some good.


Here's the thing, IF we have been duped, so be it. It happens all the time and we will all survive. Still, posters seeking assistance and support deserve the benefit of the doubt. Most of the advice given has been sound and it still holds true that NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED.

If we've been duped, that's okay. No doubt someone will benefit from this thread.

But thanks for your investigative reporting.

MNN

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 12:15:11 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Yes people deserve the benefit of the doubt ....If they seem sincere and honest and then capable of utilizing whatever advice is given....None of these qualities were ever evident to be within the op from the beginning.

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Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 12:23:23 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		i agree with you, MNN.  While it's true that some people do enjoy drama & are attention-seeking, none of us knows for certain what her situation is.  Maybe it's real, maybe it's not, maybe it's in her head, maybe she's in a heap of trouble right now and this is the only place she feels safe enough to turn for help.
 
i'm not going to judge her or guess at what is really going on.  The girl asked for help.  i offered her some advice on rescources available to help her & some encouragement to take action to seek help from those resources.  That's all i can do for her and if she's sitting in California right now, laughing her ass off, so what.
 
But, maybe someone else is reading this forum who needs help and they are getting some advice they can use.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David


(in reply to MistressNoName)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 12:23:49 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
This is a post from the "Why all of the cheating" thread currently going on at a forum near you....And here is what our distraught little angel had to post there.....
quote:

MissOchistic
don't give a crap what my husband does as long as i don't find out. if he's doing something that keeps him happy, keeps him off the edge, and i don't ever have to be bothered about it, hell, works for me.

Now this is a recent post....After this thread was started.....You all might want to rethink how horrible things are for her.....Many of you have been duped.
Why would a woman who has been abused, wants a divorce make a comment like this one?

See a little stretch in Nigeria would do this one some good.

DG -
What the hell are you doing bringing reality into an on-line thread? Don't you know as a 'community' it is incumbent on us all to understand and empathize with anyone and everyone's personal world they've created in the 'Matrix'? You risk losing your on-line "dom" status.

Besides - I saw a reference to this post on another internet site. The OP is really George Bush's daughter trying to distract us from her father's poor results in Iraq.
(Keeping up with the goal to turn every thread political.)

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 12:32:58 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
This is a post from the "Why all of the cheating" thread currently going on at a forum near you....And here is what our distraught little angel had to post there.....
quote:

MissOchistic
don't give a crap what my husband does as long as i don't find out. if he's doing something that keeps him happy, keeps him off the edge, and i don't ever have to be bothered about it, hell, works for me.

Now this is a recent post....After this thread was started.....You all might want to rethink how horrible things are for her.....Many of you have been duped.
Why would a woman who has been abused, wants a divorce make a comment like this one?

See a little stretch in Nigeria would do this one some good.

DG -
What the hell are you doing bringing reality into an on-line thread? Don't you know as a 'community' it is incumbent on us all to understand and empathize with anyone and everyone's personal world they've created in the 'Matrix'? You risk losing your on-line "dom" status.

Besides - I saw a reference to this post on another internet site. The OP is really George Bush's daughter trying to distract us from her father's poor results in Iraq.
(Keeping up with the goal to turn every thread political.)



Yes I was aware of the op being  the "first daughter"....And I am waiting for someone to post that the tornadoes in Kansas seemed to be just a little "too perfect"  almost like they were man made....Is this not an attempt to justify the invasion of Kansas....And to reap all of the benefits of those soy beans?

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Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 3:45:48 PM   
ICGsteve


Posts: 202
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline 		Considering that we don't know anyone here, it is all virtual, isn't there a rule in the community that we choose between believing the story or ignoring the story......

I don't find any problem with the concept of one being abused not caring what the abuser does, it is born out of lack of investment in the relationship as well as low self worth. Many abused don't care what the abuser does because they don't believe that they have a right to care.

However, I don't have a lot of sympathy for those who are abused either. They put themselves in the situation, and when they are ready to they can remove themselves. It is a classic "topping from the bottom" move for someone to either claim abuse or allow abuse so that they can use the story to gain sympathy or prove to themselves that they are worthless. Many of those who are abused get what they want. Since we can't never tell what the real power story is I would encourage a person who claims to be abused to leave, and be done with it.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 3:53:38 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

This is a post from the "Why all of the cheating" thread currently going on at a forum near you....And here is what our distraught little angel had to post there.....

quote:

MissOchistic
don't give a crap what my husband does as long as i don't find out. if he's doing something that keeps him happy, keeps him off the edge, and i don't ever have to be bothered about it, hell, works for me.


Now this is a recent post....After this thread was started.....You all might want to rethink how horrible things are for her.....Many of you have been duped.

Why would a woman who has been abused, wants a divorce make a comment like this one?

See a little stretch in Nigeria would do this one some good.


i don't see how this little snippet from another thread she posted in invalidates her claim here in this thread that she's being abused. If anything it supports it.  Obviously if her husband is abusing her and she wants to get away from him there's not a huge emotional attachment to him at this point - hence why she said "don't give a crap what my husband does as long as i don't find out." 

This supports the fact that he may be abusing her when she talks about not caring what he does as long as it keeps him off edge, " if he's doing something that keeps him happy, keeps him off the edge, and i don't ever have to be bothered about it, hell, works for me."
 
i don't know about anyone else but if an abuser is kept on edge he's probably more likely to be abusive. Abuse victims become very good at reading their abuser and trying to predict when the abuse is coming. Their whole lives revolve around - i wonder what mood he's going to be in tonight. Ugly way to live.

Not sure what you are trying to prove or support here domiguy, maybe she's not being truthful but maybe she is - at anyrate, if she is being truthful, posts like yours can only serve to push her deeper into a hole she already finds too difficult to crawl out of.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 4:31:19 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, I see that I am responsible for pushing her deeper into a hole...What shall I do?.....(Domiguy looks up to the heavens...Shakes his fist at God) "By God as I stand here today I promise you with all of my strength that I will persevere!!...I will persevere!!!

geez.....I hope that girl is gonna be ok...If not, she can at least take solace in the fact that I have moved on and will be ok.

_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 4:59:48 PM   
jadia


Posts: 13
Joined: 8/4/2004
Status: offline 		Hmmm...reading this thread all the way through.  First of all, in the military ACS offers assistance to military and family members.  If the marriage was for purely financial and security means ("i needed someplace to go"), well...you have that.  Now there is a "Master" located somewhere else...why does He not help?  If you do not want  your lifestyle to become a part of a divorce decree, why then perpetuate the lifestyle with another "Master?" 
As one who escaped from an abusive military spouse, it took time and guile to save change from the grocery money until i had enough to pay for the plane ticket and then left.  To post such contemptuous comments about your current spouse, are you sure he would not help you leave???  I think i would !
jadia

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 5:09:37 PM   
MissOchistic


Posts: 315
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onestandingstill

Sorry to say this but it seems you married this guy not knowing him at all as a meal ticket.
All the advice on how to get away from him you dismiss.
If you don't want to involve the Military, your Family, your supposed new Master (which if you're a slave you're the property of and if he's a Master it's HIS OBLIGATION to help you since you belong to him).
You're compounding impulsive poor choices on top of more impulsive bad choices over money and your greed of having your New husband and almost Ex's money.
Get over it, get YOUR OWN financial freedom by working instead of leaching, get your supposed Master, the military and your family involved if indeed you are worried about your physical wellbeing and not just in finding a way to get his money, and once state side look for people you love and connect to instead of him with the loosest pockets.
Sorry to be so blunt, but you're creating your own problems, and the only resolution you have in your mind is taking him for his money and leaving him high and dry.
Get your life toogether and then date.
suzanne



I was with him for three years before marrying him. i should have, and tried, to leave many times, but i always came back.
i didn't marry him as a "meal ticket", i love him. however I wouldn't have actually MARRIED him if it hadn't been either that or him leacing as. as i've said myself, i made it worse for myself by marrying and that was stupid.
i'm not leeching. i cannot work. I have no work visa. i worked under the tab;e for a few weeks, but when that was over i was not planning on leaving that money has been spent elsewhere.
Mater is helping me all He can. He lives in an Army barracks in Germany. He can't exactly offer a place to stay. He is doing what He can for me.
i'm not going greedily after his money....i was asking for advice/experience about alimony. i think he owes me at least enough to not be on the street after moving me to a foreign country and making sure i was alone and broke. sorry if you disagree and think that's greed.

it's been two days. two days i have beem coming to terms with this decision, FINALLY. i think i'm doing fine as far as moving my ass. i'm trying, even if you don't believe that.


_____________________________



"The amount i care for Thee
is more than two, but less than three."

"Submission is a potlatch."

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 5:14:21 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		I'm glad to hear that you are trying. Sometimes the hardest thing is deciding to make a change, actually working up the gumption to do what you deep-down know you need to do. I hope you stay safe and get done with it all.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to MissOchistic)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 5:24:24 PM   
Domin8tingUrDrmz


Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline 		Keep trying, keep doing everything you can possibly do.  Seek out the help that has been given to you.

Do not let the jaded comments of others affect you; it will not benefit you.  Instead, ignore those comments, and continue to seek out advice, assistance, and whatever else you need in order to get out of the situation you are in.

Good luck.

_____________________________

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(in reply to MissOchistic)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 5:32:26 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

Keep trying, keep doing everything you can possibly do.  Seek out the help that has been given to you.

Do not let the jaded comments of others affect you; it will not benefit you.  Instead, ignore those comments, and continue to seek out advice, assistance, and whatever else you need in order to get out of the situation you are in.

Good luck.


Ditto that.

Contact all the friends and family you have back in the States. You may be surprised as to who will rise to the occasion.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 6:01:51 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I think you should try harder.  And why start up with some dude in Germany until you have got your shit at least somewhat in order?

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Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 9:47:46 PM   
DarkDreams123


Posts: 74
Joined: 1/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissOchistic
i need to leave my husband.

He is emotionally neglectful and physically abusive.
...
Now he will fairly randomly beat the crap out of me and force me into sex, and even though i have made it clear it is neither safe nor consensual,
...

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissOchistic
i've been thinking about family advocay [sic] center here, but i guess somewhere in me i have some reservations about totally ruining his military career, i don't want that, and that's what happens with FA. i know this is at least partly my fault and i don't want him to get too hurt, i just want out...

i can't use the military system because that's just wrong of me, but i'm just needing more info about state courts and whether they'll get my situation with the lifestyle or whether i'll be dumped on my ass with nothing...

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissOchistic
i don't think i need victim protection...i'm not worried that he'll come after me. it's that i have nothing...and apparently he will only be required to help me at all financially if i find fault...

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissOchistic
...
i don't want my family to be in this....my mother....after that last thing, she said things to me like 'well, told you so' and "boys will be boys"...i just can't deal with her. the family i am really close to are my in laws, and i know i will lose them if i go through with this. and of course Master knows, and is a wonderful friend to me, but He is not in a position to help.
...he'll just grab me or my hair and last night he slammed my head into the counter a few times. mostly he bruises my scalp by pulling ut hair and he loves twisting my arms and hurting my hands, but it's never anything that lasts more than a day or leaves a mark, so i really have no proof.


I have to agree with onestandingstill in that this post does at least appear to have some inconsistencies and also appears to be rather evasive.

To sum up what the OP has said in her initial post and replies:
  1. She states that she needs to leave her husband.
  2. She states that he is emotionally neglectful and physically abusive.
  3. She states that he "beats the crap out of her."
  4. She states that he forces her to have sex, even though she clearly refuses.
  5. She states that he has slammed her head into a kitchen counter and loves twisting her arms and hurting her hands.

Now she was given some very good advice on what military resources are available to her, government resources, family and friends, etc.

To summarize her replies:
  1. She doesn't want to use the military resources because she doesn't want to ruin his military career.
  2. To use the military resources available would "just be wrong of me" (whatever that means).
  3. She wants information about the State courts and if she will be left without any money.
  4. She is concerned that the only way she can get any money out of him is if she accuses him of something.
  5. She doesn't want her family involved because she doesn't want her mother to say "I told you so."
  6. She doesn't want her in-laws involved because she doesn't want to lose her relationship with them.
  7. Her Master (not her husband) cannot help her either.

So, she has refused all of the resources that she has been advised to seek out.

This reminds me of an incident that I experienced when a total stranger flagged down my car and asked me for help. He told me that he was on his way to work and ran out of gas. Then he discovered that he had forgotten his wallet at home.

I decided to try something out: I offered to go to the gas station and get him enough gas to get his car to the nearest gas station. I then further offered to fill his gas tank for him.

You would think that this would be the answer to this man's prayers.

Nope. He refused me. He gave me a rather lame excuse that the car just ahead of me (which he had also flagged down) had offered to go home and get a can of gas for him. ???

I offered to fill up his tank, but that wasn't good enough. You can see from this that all he was really after was money.

Now, I'm not so jaded that I think that everyone who is in apparent need of help is a con artist, but I'm also not so gullible that I believe everything that a total stranger tells me.

Please don't think me lacking in compassion if I don't immediately buy into what the OP is saying. Especially since she recounts how abusive (her word) this man is, but refuses to seek out any of the resources mentioned.

Let's just say that something doesn't "smell" right.

-DarkDreams

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 9:51:39 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think that anyone is "buying" her story right away - several of us have expressed concerns as to why can't she do this or that, but simply that we don't want to condemn her as a whiner who refuses to do anything when she only asked for help and advice on this a little under 24 hours ago. Much abuse is mental, convincing the victim that there is nothing that she can do. She may need time to overcome this, or she may need a swift kick in the ass. However, it doesn't seem right to me that the swift kick in the ass should be given before even a month has passed.

It's my belief that only time can show us if someone is really trying to over the mental abuse that someone has put on them or if they just want the attention and 24 hours just isn't long enough.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DarkDreams123)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 10:38:34 PM   
astarri


Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline 		thank you for clarifying that MistressNoName ...often in text our tones can be mistaken and was worried mine had sounded cold. 

(in reply to MistressNoName)
Profile   Post #: 80
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