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RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 10:39:44 PM

MissOchistic

Posts: 315
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline

okay....clearly i should have explained more, i can totally see why some people would think i was lying, although i am greatly offended by domiguy comparing this to Nigerian scams....i have asked no one for money, would not ask anyone, and am not expecting financial help. I have recieved two wonderful offers of an emergency place to stay from two wonderful people, and for this i thank them. luckily, i believe i have a found a friend who can let me stay as long as i need and has a possible job opportunity for me.

as for not using the military systems....Family Advocacy here is known as a horror....although they offer services other than to victims, it's well known that ever walking in can hurt a career, at least around here...rumors start flying, and i have seen myself hiw fast someone i've never met who works with my husband can know things when gossip is passed around. maybe he deserves it and maybe he doesn't, but i really don't want this to become a problem for him in the military.

as for my Master....He is a wonderful man. I am not leaving my husband for Him. I am leaving for me, and what should continue after is unknown, but i am not flying into another marriage similar relationship or anything like that. i am only looking to go home, find a job, find a home, and start life from there. i know some of you have moral issues with such a setup, and i'm sorry if it really offended you, but it's the way things are for me now.

yes, i understand if i seem centered on money...that's because money is the biggest issue in me getting out. There really isn't much i can do without money from where i am. He controls all the finances. This is also why i am broke, and yet going to a concert in Germany. i have a lot of nice things, some of which i may well sell afterwards for cash. this is because i cannot control what he buys for himself or me. We have many luxurious things, but that does not mean he would help me leave him. He knows exactly what i'm going to germany for, and bought me plane tickets. I do not want them cancelled in part, of course, because I want to see Janus and have a break from all this doing something i love for a week, but also because there is a chance, should i be unable to leave from here easily, that i would be able to secure a flight back to san diego rather than back here.

i have not refused all the advice i have been given. Some things which seem so obvious are actually not right for me, such as using FA or military services...i wish to avoid that if I can for his sake. but i have taken note of all the other wonderful advice and connections others have provided, and i thank you all. and i really don't think i need a shelter or victim protection...maybe i'm wrong and he'll go nuts and follow me, but i truly believe he would not. if for no other reason than he would not go AWOL to do so.

and yes, i am avoiding asking much of my family. if i was not, this might be rather easy, but that's why i am seeking advice from others and friends in the States, because i am alone in this.

Anyways...i guess i understand all the criticism, I know i fucked up a lot here and really dug myself a hole by coming back to him and marrying him. and the insults...well, hopefull you'll never ever learn enough about this to regret saying them.

Thanks everyone who offered such good help, i'll remember it all, and i think i see a way out and can do this.

Well wishes,

Miss Ochistic

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"Submission is a potlatch."

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Post #: 81

RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 10:47:04 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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How about once you are in Germany you call your folks and have them wire you money for a plane ticket back to the States? Or get your master to loan you just that much. Bring some nice jewelry with you and pawn it once there. Remember that you have a lot more options then you think you do.

Edited to add: Try getting the airline to change the return ticket back so that you get to the States. Once you are away from him, you've got a very nice chance that you may not get again.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 5/9/2007 10:48:23 PM >

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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Post #: 82

RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 10:51:06 PM

MissOchistic

Posts: 315
Joined: 4/30/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

How about once you are in Germany you call your folks and have them wire you money for a plane ticket back to the States? Or get your master to loan you just that much. Bring some nice jewelry with you and pawn it once there. Remember that you have a lot more options then you think you do.

Edited to add: Try getting the airline to change the return ticket back so that you get to the States. Once you are away from him, you've got a very nice chance that you may not get again.

that's exactly what i'm considering. I have to connect in paris, and there's a chance that they'll let me trade tickets.

_____________________________

"The amount i care for Thee
is more than two, but less than three."

"Submission is a potlatch."

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Post #: 83

RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/9/2007 11:04:40 PM

DarkDreams123

Posts: 74
Joined: 1/25/2007
Status: offline

Greetings,

I didn't condemn her. I just found it suspicious that she was turning down all of the advice that she was being given and that she appeared much more concerned about getting alimony than her own safety.

Actually, after reading post #81, I think she is much more "on the level."

MissOchist, I wish you well.

-DarkDreams

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Post #: 84

RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/10/2007 6:56:29 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
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Good luck to you. Hope all works out well.

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Post #: 85

RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/10/2007 8:36:00 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
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Thanks for coming back and clarifying things for me.
I do understand the stuck with no money feeling.
I don't nor did I ever think you were lying or joking around and I realize the gravity of this situation and how it's affecting you.
I too often approach things as I'm going along batting down ideas cause they don't fit the way I think I want things resolved.
I find in processing these new thoughts (lol from an offended point of view sometimes even) that eventually the advice becomes more concrete in my mind.
I do indeed wish you well and hope you make it home.
I still think mainly you should not worry abut the alimony to the point you won't leave without it though.
Once you get back here you indeed can work and find organizations to get you up on your feet without his funding.
Make this about you having a full, complete, peaceful healthy mind, not about being able to get support.
You and your life and peace is more precious than money ever can be.
Save yourself, broke or not and you'll have peace.
suzanne

< Message edited by onestandingstill -- 5/10/2007 8:37:47 AM >

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Post #: 86

RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/10/2007 8:45:55 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Edited to add: Try getting the airline to change the return ticket back so that you get to the States. Once you are away from him, you've got a very nice chance that you may not get again.

The rules on a nonrefundable ticket are that you cannot change the routing on the ticket once you have started travel on that ticket. They may decide to waive that if she gets someone that has that power and she can convince them. But, it's unlikely.

Part two, depending on the airline, it may not be able to legally fly the route between Europe and the US.

It's more expensive to come one way from Europe than from Asia. Military fare is Frankfurt to San Diego is $791.

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Post #: 87

RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/10/2007 8:58:18 AM

HellsMichelle

Posts: 63
Joined: 2/24/2006
From: HOUSTON TEXAS
Status: offline

slavegirljoy
is fucking brilliant!!!

she just gave you all the information you need to take control of your life.

use what she has given you!!!!

best of luck with this...

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Post #: 88

RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/10/2007 9:07:36 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm sure someone has probably posted this.... I haven't read the thread.

The military has NO seperation between consentual and non consentual striking of the spouse. Doesn't matter if they are 'friends' with the superiors or not. Failure to accept a complaint of abuse from a spouse can be a career ender for them. It's no longer swept under the rug, as it used to be. Don't care if hubby is stationed in Asia, Europe, or the dark side of the moon for all that matters.

If your real concern is the funds to get back to the United States, that is simple enough. Go to his chain of command and report him exactly on the first of the month, when he's been paid. While he's being processed by the MP's, take his paycheck and buy a plane ticket home. You might even be able to get some help with this from the victim's advocate. Check with JAG.

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Post #: 89

RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/10/2007 9:14:14 AM

HellsMichelle

Posts: 63
Joined: 2/24/2006
From: HOUSTON TEXAS
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I looked at his profile, he's in Germany.

Airfares that originate outside the US but are purchased in the US tend to be expensive. I can understand being hesitant to ask someone for that much money. Also, she hasn't said if her relationship with her Master is an online one or not. Which would also influence the situation.

After reading this I wondered -- why not take her to Germany? Or has she chosen a man who is married and keeping her on the side and on the downlow? If that's the case -- TRY MEETING SOMEONE WHO IS AVAILABLE....

Screw the divorce. Relocate and don't tell him where. Let him file fuckin' paperwork!!

I still say slavegirljoy gave her the best help yet.

As for the money stuff -- OP, darlin' they NEVER leave you with any money!! My last hubby put us through bankruptacy before we divorced. I walked into that marriage owning two houses and a car. I sold one house to buy his business an RV [stupid] and we traded the 2nd house to my mom for her $200,000 home so she could sell mine to pay off her beachhouse.... he lost my big beautiful 4 bedroom two and half bath two car garage house by refinancing while struggling to avoid the unavoidable bankruptacy...now I rent a $700 a month two bedroom townhome where my kids each have a bedroom and I live in the livingroom...I had to sell the car just to move in here...along with all of my family antiques...was it worth it? FREEDOM IS NOTHING LEFT TO LOOSE....

You haven't been around long enough for spousal support. Use the resources slavegirljoy gave you and get your ass out of there. Get some counseling and find out what you need from life. If you get home and can't find a job, try to find someplace to live where they have a computer and a cam...niteflirt is always hiring and I make a minimum of $50 a day when I turn mine on,

M

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Post #: 90

RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/10/2007 10:29:29 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HellsMichelle

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I looked at his profile, he's in Germany.

Airfares that originate outside the US but are purchased in the US tend to be expensive. I can understand being hesitant to ask someone for that much money. Also, she hasn't said if her relationship with her Master is an online one or not. Which would also influence the situation.

After reading this I wondered -- why not take her to Germany? Or has she chosen a man who is married and keeping her on the side and on the downlow? If that's the case -- TRY MEETING SOMEONE WHO IS AVAILABLE....

No actually, he's in the military. Which means that he can't take her in. She said in a previous post that he's living in military barracks.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

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Post #: 91

RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/10/2007 1:24:13 PM

TopinPa

Posts: 111
Joined: 6/11/2006
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After reading most of the posts in reply to the OP I think everything has been covered here. The only thing I'll ad is; having been in the military myself I can tell you they don't look lightly on a man assaulting a woman.

It won't come down to your word against his. The law will be on your side in that case especially if any of the physical abuse is documented.

As already said; consentual BD/SM won't hold water when it comes down to it.

Having read what you wrote in your profile you seem to be well spoken and articulate; that will go a long way under these circumstances.

I've been to court under similar circumstances and the more you sound sincere and if you're able to convey what you wrote here to a judge I think you have a good chance of winning in a court room; military of not.

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Post #: 92

RE: Abuse = BDSM - 5/10/2007 3:15:24 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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Hello everyone, first post here.

I, like many others, find some of the things in this post a bit confusing. Initially, the OP states that she isn't "into it" (as in the lifestyle), but yet she is here and her profile is indicative of her being very into the lifestyle, so it would appear that she just isn't "into it" with him. Ok, fair enough. Lifestyle or not, we all choose who we will serve or have serve us.

Worries about ruining his military career seem to follow some of the typical behavior of someone suffering from abuse. But think about it this way....Is this someone who deserves a career in the military, an organization who takes honor, loyalty, etc. very seriously? The traits described are certainly not the traits the military seeks out in its officers. An important step in recovering from abuse is to stop protecting your abuser.

As for receiving alimony. Highly unlikely. You are 18 years old, could not have been married for very long to warrant receiving alimony. However, there is a division of marital property to consider. You say that you have many luxurious things. California may be a "no fault" state, but it is also a community property state which means that things get split more evenly in a divorce.

Good luck.

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Post #: 93