EmeraldSlave2
Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Emmmrld First let's review safe calls. Safe calls are used generally in the beginning. You have one or two (or more) who are expecting calls from you at designated times during the meeting. You are not to share those times with the person you are meeting. When setting up a meeting with someone you should always have at the minimum their name (first and last - REAL name NOT scene), telephone number, home address. Some would include driver's license number or license plate and make and model of car. I, personally recommend those things as well. ANY man worth having/serving would understand the need for such info sharing for a single woman. I wouldn't meet with someone who felt they needed all of that information personally. Not because I'm not worthy, and not because I don't understand their reasons, but because I just want to meet someone, someone not paranoid, someone independent reasonable adult. I'm fine if others feel it's necessary, but I don't, and if they insist on it, then we just either meet when we both happen to be at a public place by accident together or not at all. I've probably met about 2 dozen people from online/phone only contact in the past 6 months. Some were just for friendly meeting, some were to date, some were to just play. I don't use safe calls, I don't ask for much information beyond their name and number, but I will have at least a few cyber and phone exchanges before I make a date. This is pretty standard for what I've been doing the past few years. Not all of them turned out to be amazing, a few dorks, but no abuse, no violence, no bad feelings. Do bad things happen to good people? Absolutely. I don't consider myself lucky though. I've met about 2 dozen people in the past six months, but I've also NOT met about 3 dozen who I've talked to and who requested meeting. I use intuition, good sense, awareness of my environment and normal adult stuff. This is how I put it- if I don't feel safe enough with someone so that I NEED to do things like get highly personal information from them, I just will NOT meet. No middle ground. quote:
Your safe calls should know the time and location of your meeting and you should NOT deviate from that plan. Meaning: don't meet at the local coffee house and he goes "hey let's get a drink down the road" and you agree. NOO BAD. If he wants a drink, have coffee, set up a second meeting for drinks. Again, if I had to worry about all that, how could I just enjoy my date as a reasonable adult? Why can't I make an informed good decision to go somewhere with someone because I want to? The reality is that I can, and have. quote:
I wasn't looking for "she deserved it cause she knew" I was looking for your opinion on a general question - Background Checks. I NEVER said or implied that anyone "deserved" such treatment. I said that she knew it from the beginning that it was wrong. From your timeline it was probably at least a year. My point was that you shouldn't need a background check to tell you a guy is bad news if you've got that much going on already. If you WANT to do a check on someone to be sure, go for it. If you feel you NEED to do a background check, why even bother? Just end it. quote:
*Thinking to herself ... hmm major purchases? WTF ... yeah I see it now she's married to some guy and they go to buy a house and she goes "honey I need to do a background check on you first" ..... LOL ~shakes head~* Emerald Why not? First off, they don't have to be married to make large purchases like buying a house. Specially in poly relationships, marriage is not part of the issue. I would want to do that if I were going into business with someone, or making a large purchase with someone not only because it would effect my finances and credit, but I'd need to make sure we could go through with what we wanted to do.
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