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RE: Just joined and - 5/11/2005 2:09:06 AM   
McWhips


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline 		Yes but if this site is a reflection of the general BDSM community (which I hope its not) then wont that mean there will be lots of money people there too that Im not interested in?

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Just joined and - 5/11/2005 2:28:24 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Well, if you go with a closed mind and eyes wide shut - all you will see is darkness.

You won't know until you go - basing your expectations on one website (and believe me, this is one of the better ones) would be both dangerous and naive. There is an awful lot of knowledge you can obtain if you are prepared to be open to it. I know it is really easy to base all your ideas by using just a handful of experiences - but its up to you how the positions you place yourself in, that will determine how your future plans out and how many different things you can learn and find out.

I have no idea on the extenet of you knowledge so far. It may be a few days - it might be longer. But you have only been on this site a few days - and it takes a hell of a lot of patience and sometimes, time, to find what you are specifically searching for. In the past few days alone I have had 'on your knees bitch' mails - 'hi' - mails and 'want to submit?, your husband doesn't have to know - I am discreet' mails.... I just laugh and ignore them. It happens - it sux - but for every 100 fake notes theres a gem just waiting to shine.

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to McWhips)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Just joined and - 5/11/2005 2:35:47 AM   
Moleculor


Posts: 189
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline 		You know, despite the fact that this guy (or one much like him) posted exactly the same thing on B.com, and the fact that everyone seems to be taking his post for a whine, he has a point.

How many men do you see asking for financial tributes?

Why do monetary payments have to be part of a romantic relationship?

Why is there such a disparity between the way dommes treat subs, and doms treat subs?

_____________________________

</sarcasm>

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Just joined and - 5/11/2005 2:55:37 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

How many men do you see asking for financial tributes?


They do - maybe only the subs/slave get their mails? Lol... I even knew(omgosh - years ago, I am so decrepid) who took tributes when He scened.

quote:

Why do monetary payments have to be part of a romantic relationship?


They don't have to be, but they can exist - just depends on the people involved.

quote:

Why is there such a disparity between the way dommes treat subs, and doms treat subs?


All Doms are different - all Dominia are different - I have yet to find two people who dominate the same, let alone the sexes difference. I have known some cruel and uptightly abrupt males dominants and some demure and slight females ones - par the course - you just have to go out looking and be open to all experiences. On this site alone you cn find some of the most exquiste dominias (tempted to name them, but I would look like a suck-up... lol)... but they know who they are and they really do not need any defending.

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Moleculor)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Just joined and - 5/11/2005 3:36:45 AM   
McWhips


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Moleculor

You know, despite the fact that this guy (or one much like him) posted exactly the same thing on B.com, and the fact that everyone seems to be taking his post for a whine, he has a point.

How many men do you see asking for financial tributes?

Why do monetary payments have to be part of a romantic relationship?

Why is there such a disparity between the way dommes treat subs, and doms treat subs?



Not many men seeking finincail tributes and if they are the women a lot of the time see them as fake or time wasters.

Monetery payments ARE NOT part of a romantic relationship its a fee and a business arrangment.

(in reply to Moleculor)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Just joined and - 5/11/2005 3:42:47 AM   
McWhips


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline 		I think the BEST a male sub could get from this site thats the farthest away from paying someone is doing some plumbing in xchange for a session. This is still pointless as it just gives me the impression that my submission is worthless, infact pretty much all the Dommes here give me the impression my submission is worthless seeing as they all want material compensation for it. Its almost like no-one enjoys it at all!

(in reply to McWhips)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Just joined and - 5/11/2005 4:04:19 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Then leave the site to its unworthiness, and go out to some groups and find what your looking for.

Or give up and wallow in your self pity.

The choice, is ulitmately, yours.

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to McWhips)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Just joined and - 5/11/2005 4:17:46 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: McWhips

I think the BEST a male sub could get from this site thats the farthest away from paying someone is doing some plumbing in xchange for a session. This is still pointless as it just gives me the impression that my submission is worthless, infact pretty much all the Dommes here give me the impression my submission is worthless seeing as they all want material compensation for it. Its almost like no-one enjoys it at all!



Aww come on, you'd look very cute dressed in a frilly pink tool belt bent under the sink with a pretty pink ribbon adorning the plug in ya butt? A whole new take on "plumber's crack" ...

I don't see any difference in asking a submissive to do something for me, in scene or out...the fact that you do, says more about your desire for control than it does submission.

Jasmyn

Christopher Reeves said of debating with the religious ... you can't.

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


Visit My Website


(in reply to McWhips)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Just joined and - 5/11/2005 4:24:47 AM   
SecretDomme


Posts: 152
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: McWhips

I think the BEST a male sub could get from this site thats the farthest away from paying someone is doing some plumbing in xchange for a session. This is still pointless as it just gives me the impression that my submission is worthless, infact pretty much all the Dommes here give me the impression my submission is worthless seeing as they all want material compensation for it. Its almost like no-one enjoys it at all!


Many of us enjoy it and many of us are capable of supporting ourselves financially. I see a lot of male subs complaining about "money Dommes" when they can't get the instant gratification of having someone to serve (or rather, having someone fulfill their fantasies). I personally don't agree with the concept of "financial domination", but it wouldn't exist if there weren't subs interested in being controlled in that way.

Perhaps try www.informedconsent.co.uk

I would encourage you to do a little more work searching profiles to find someone who wants a loving relationship. Or better yet, get involved in your local BDSM scene and stop wasting time online, if you are not finding what you need.

I wish you luck,
Julie

(in reply to McWhips)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Just joined and - 5/11/2005 5:05:31 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Moleculor

You know, despite the fact that this guy (or one much like him) posted exactly the same thing on B.com, and the fact that everyone seems to be taking his post for a whine, he has a point.

How many men do you see asking for financial tributes?

Why do monetary payments have to be part of a romantic relationship?

Why is there such a disparity between the way dommes treat subs, and doms treat subs?



Just curious....

What percentage of females that contact males are looking just for kink play and no other interaction or connection?

Therein lies the disparity.

~Sonnet~



_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to Moleculor)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Just joined and - 5/11/2005 6:06:04 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		It's true, most males want blow jobs and sexual service.

And that's the difference IMO. A pro-dom is just like a laywer. They provide a specific service for a specific fee.

A dominant who controls finances however, is just a dominant who controls finances. Many doms want authority over their subs life. No one bats an eye if the dom tells the sub to go buy stuff for dinner and make it. But if the dom says instead to just give him 40 dollars somehow everyone is up in arms.


(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Just joined and - 5/11/2005 6:07:50 AM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

A dominant who controls finances however, is just a dominant who controls finances.


And in some cases it's the submissive that controls the finances. But that's a whole different thread I think.....

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Just joined and - 5/11/2005 7:04:09 AM   
McWhips


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jasmyn


quote:

ORIGINAL: McWhips

I think the BEST a male sub could get from this site thats the farthest away from paying someone is doing some plumbing in xchange for a session. This is still pointless as it just gives me the impression that my submission is worthless, infact pretty much all the Dommes here give me the impression my submission is worthless seeing as they all want material compensation for it. Its almost like no-one enjoys it at all!



Aww come on, you'd look very cute dressed in a frilly pink tool belt bent under the sink with a pretty pink ribbon adorning the plug in ya butt? A whole new take on "plumber's crack" ...

I don't see any difference in asking a submissive to do something for me, in scene or out...the fact that you do, says more about your desire for control than it does submission.

Jasmyn

Christopher Reeves said of debating with the religious ... you can't.



I would enjoy this very much, while it would have to be as long as the Dominant was getting her thrills from it.

I dont think Im one of those men that just want to be served either Im a submissive, expect to be treated as a human and am open to a Dommes desires as I would want her to be open to mine as part of an equal reltionship.

(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Just joined and - 5/11/2005 7:06:14 AM   
McWhips


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline 		As for taking control of finances theres a difference bewteen that and simply just taking as much of someones money as you can.

PLease dont call me a do me sub. I am into equality and like to serve a Domme so long as its not a rip-off.

(in reply to McWhips)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Just joined and - 5/11/2005 7:08:32 AM   
McWhips


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline 		However I dont find that doing someone plumbing in Exchange for some whipping is really a BDSM relationship...sorry!

(in reply to McWhips)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Just joined and - 5/11/2005 7:12:38 AM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		What about cooking? Cleaning? Doing laundry? Washing the car? The various other tasks that keep a houshold running? What about working on the cars? Painting the house? Perhaps I am seeing things differently, but a relationship requires that other tasks be done, not just playing.

Those tasks that I outlined above are just a few of the things that have been done in my relationship over the past few weeks. Maybe we do things a little different, but you have to remember that a household does not run itself, someone (or someones) has to do it.

(in reply to McWhips)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Just joined and - 5/11/2005 7:23:34 AM   
suko


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: Texas, originally
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: McWhips

I think the BEST a male sub could get from this site thats the farthest away from paying someone is doing some plumbing in xchange for a session. This is still pointless as it just gives me the impression that my submission is worthless, infact pretty much all the Dommes here give me the impression my submission is worthless seeing as they all want material compensation for it. Its almost like no-one enjoys it at all!



It depends on who sets the "worth" of your submission. All dominance and submission is an exchange, and the parties themselves determine the worth and value of that exchange. If my friend says, "You can come over for dinner if you bring some wine," I don't think to myself, "Jeez, I'm not her real friend if I have to pay for a bottle of wine to bring over." I think it's worth it to spend time with my friend and eat her yummy cooking. Doesn't make my friend a prostitute or a money-grubber....just makes things fair in both our minds.

You yourself expect to be compensated for your submission--albeit in the form of love, respect, etc. That's how you measure the worth of your submission. But you still want something for it. I am certainly not saying that's bad (I want some love, too!)--just that everyone expects some compensation for d/s; otherwise no one would do it. I don't know any altruistic dommes or subs who bravely soldier on for the good of humanity--they do it because it makes them feel good.

That's the crux, and what it seems many others are saying as well--you just need to find someone who puts the same value on your submission as you do and leave the rest alone. If I can't drive and I don't want to ride in a car, I have two choices. I can go out and yell at all the stupid drivers because they don't value my pedestrian status (no pun intended). Or, I can devote my energies to finding someone to go on long happy walks with........





_____________________________

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. -- Lily Tomlin

(in reply to McWhips)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Just joined and - 5/11/2005 7:35:53 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: McWhips

Fuk it! I want tributes from Dommes for me to serve them! that fair isnt it? its the same treatment isnt it ?


It's a free world, you may ask for whatever you want...whether you get it or not is another story. I must say also, as a new member, your profile says submissive, yet your "walk and talk" bespeaks belligerence not generally tolerated in a sub.

Another point I feel I must make is this: if you are so against any kind of tributes, why do you make sure you prominently display income and net worth on your profile, as if you are asking for someone to consider you on your financial basis.

Sir Kenin, I agree with you on every point including what he is......TROLL......

(in reply to McWhips)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Just joined and - 5/11/2005 7:48:44 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Yes, I understand all that, but the fact is no one is complaining about toilet slaves. Or people who overdo caps. Or any of the things people have mentioned on the thread. People are complaining about money dommes. Oh, and they're complaining about con schemes, too. I read the boards every day.

I agree that this isn't an easy issue. When I first raised it (in a thread that was pulled by the moderators because--so I'm told--people started insulting each other), my concern was that Collarme is a FREE site, and there are obviously many people who are just using it to further their cash business. I have nothing against prostitution (as I've said, I think it should be legalized), don't have any moral objections to paying for sex, and so on. And of course I realized that singling out money dommes could put Collarme on a slippery slope. But I'm sorry, when new users get unsolicited e-mails asking for tribute, that's not about kink or free expression of sexuality anymore. That's about commerce.

Anyway, after my thread was pulled, I was prepared to let the whole issue die. But every day I read someone new complaining about it--literally every day. And I don't like the responses such users get from the veterans. This thread is a perfect example. Just because people are new doesn't mean they don't have a right express an opinion on the boards like anyone else.

Lam


We don't complain about toilet slaves, because as everyone has said, we just hit the delete button and move on(as those that receive emails requesting tribute are capable of doing also). It is useless and a waste of time to complain. These boards were set up for discussion, not whining, IMHO.

As far as collarme being a free site, I am part of other vanilla and BDSM paid sites, and on the message boards there, you see complaints about the fake PAYING profiles designed to get them to respond and then the matter of money comes up in the first email.

Possibly the reason the SOME of the new users get the response they do is because of the attitude and obnoxious manner with which they give their views. I take the attitude(as do alot of the veterans IMHO) that we can respectfully agree to disagree. however, when you get attitude in a post, you tend to give attitude in a reply.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Just joined and - 5/11/2005 7:52:38 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dark~angel

quote:

Sorry but I think this whole site is a waste of anyones time.


quote:

Just to explain the point behind what someone said about the influx of too many money people, My search in the UK for Dommes reveal about 4-5 genuine ones the other 25 where looking for a financial arrangment. To be honest this doest bother me Im used to it, I know that there a lot of money to be taken and a lot of love not to be given for male subs in places like these!


Then if you don't find the site useful - don't use it.
If you don't like the money dommes - just ignore their mails and block them.
Maybe mentioning your income in your profile isn't helping and just encouraging? Just a thought.

And you are 'NrLondon' - maybe stop focusing your efforts on a website and go out to some munches and groups and clubs - meet people and enjoy the Ls around you - theres plenty there, especially in London which is one of the most kink friendly places in the UK you can visit other than Manchester and Brighton.

Peace and Love

~Angel~


Sorry, Angel, did not read far enough in thread before replying to see I wasn't the only one that caught the income information....

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 60
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